Pain

SVU Season 12, last episode recap : Elliot Stabler shoots Jenna Fox, who was armed and dangerous. After he shot her, his character was never seen on TV again. Here is my version of what happens next.

It had been three weeks since Elliot had shot Jenna, and it was still haunting him every minute of every day. He couldn't sleep, eat, think…hell, he could barely even breathe. And, what was even words, Internal Affairs was investigating him – again. Afterall, this was his fifth shooting. Things just weren't going well for Elliot. His gun had been taken away, and he had not been at the SVU precinct since he shot the girl – Captain Cragen had ordered him to stay home until he completed some therapy with Dr. Huang.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and the Stabler house was bursting with laughter and smiles from the five children – Kathleen, Maureen, Elizabeth, Dickie, and little baby EJ. Saturday's were always happy in the Stabler house – normally both parents were off of work, and the kids didn't have to go to school. As noontime neared, the oldest three children left, busy thinking about their social lifes. Baby EJ was napping, and Lizzie and Dickie were playing together outside. All was quiet in the Stabler house.

"El, you're not talking much today. You okay sweetie?" Kathy said, noticing Elliot was in the bed. She crawled in the bed with him and asked him the same question that she'd been asking everyday for three weeks now.

"No..but I'll be okay." Elliot said quietly, closing his eyes, wishing the pain would just dissapear.

Kathy kissed him lovingly on the lips and smoothed his hair. "Aw, El. I so wish you would talk to me baby. I know you're hurt. If you don't want to talk to the doctor, talk to me." She smiled weakly at him.

Elliot looked lovingly into her eyes and kissed her softly. Even when he was at his worst, Kathy knew how to bring out the best in him. His wife was his very best friend, and sometimes Elliot didn't see how she could stand him. But she always did. Kathy was Elliot's rock, and it was during times like these that his love grew for her tremendously.

"It's just….I'm so…" he started to say, not even knowing where to begin.

Kathy put her head on his chest, and he put his arms around her, squeezing her tightly, like he didn't want to let her go.

"Oh El.." she said softly, knowing how hurt her husband was.

"I…I didn't want to do it..K-Kathy." He choked. Damn it. He thought to himself. He knew he was going to start getting emotional, and he hated that. He hung his head down in embarrassment and kissed his wife on her forehead.

"El. You have to talk to me..you can't keep hiding your emotions, baby." She said softly, snuggling closer to him, kissing him on the neck.

Elliot sighed. "She was just a kid Kathy. An innocent child. She had her whole life ahead of her, and I – I took it away from her."

Kathy's heart was in pieces listening to her husband. "Sweetie, she killed a man in cold blood. Just shot him. Yes, she was angry. But she had no right to take someones life. Had you not stepped in, you all could have been dead. You saved more lives then you took, baby."

"Why me though? Why? I've shot people before..and it's not easy. But, I had to shoot a child. A little girl."

"El, she's not a 'little girl.' Okay. She was a young adult, fully aware of her consequences." Kathy tried to sooth him.

Elliot was silent for a moment, horrible thoughts entering his mind. "That would be like shooting Maureen, or Kathleen." He said finally. THAT was what was eating him up. Jenna Fox had to be younger than his two oldest daughters, but older than his youngest daughter…Jenna Fox in a lot of ways reminded him of his daughters, and that's why this case stung at his heart. He felt terrible, absolutely terrible.

Kathy was speechless. She just didn't know what to say. She began to cry, not knowing what else to do, and Elliot wrapped his arms around her tighter, starting to cry himself.

"I'm such a terrible person.." he spoke softly, tears falling into her hair.

"Oh El…" she whispered, turning around to look into his eyes.

"You did your job Elliot. You did your job.." she repeated, hoping the words would sink into his head.

"I just feel so bad Kathy.." he sniffed.

"I know Elliot. But you're a damn good cop, and you shouldn't let this get to you."

"I know baby. It'll take time."

"El?"

"Yes?"

"I love you.."

"I love you too baby. Come on, let's do something today."

It was that night over dinner that Elliot had told Kathy that he was taking some time off of work; how long? He didn't know…but he did know that he would not set foot in the SVU precinct for at least a few months. He needed to clear his head, and focus on family, and healing.

Days later, a sad detective Olivia Benson was cleaning up her special partners desk. Tears were streaming down her face as she was doing so. All the memories between her and Detective Stabler were playing in her mind. She just couldn't believe that after 12 years, it was over. She was truly heartbroken. God works in mysterious ways, however, because at that very moment, a post office worker walked into the SVU precinct.

"Is there a Miss Olivia Benson here, today?" the man asked.

"That's me.." Liv said.

"This is for you, ma'm." the man nodded, handing her the package, and then walked out of the room.

Olivia gasped at who the box was from, Elliot Stabler. There were two very valuable things inside that package – one was Elliot's police badge, which Olivia clutched in her hands tightly, as if she was holding on to Elliot himself. And the other was a note, which had not much written on it – but was very powerful in meaning.

To Olivia,

Semper Fidelis.

Love, El

*****NOTE: "Semper Fidelis" is a term the Marines used (as you know, Elliot was in the Marines!) This term means "Always Faithful."