Title: Find Your Way Home
Author: a graceless heart
Rating: T
Summary: One-shot. Cade and Chris LaSalle have a conversation that's long overdue. TW: Mental Illness
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: NOLA.
Author's Note: Sigh. I actively tried to avoid writing this for the past two weeks. But after the last episode, I had to. I suffer from bipolar disorder and sometimes the things Cade says and does hit so close to home, it hurts. Anyway, tell me what you think. Thanks for reading.

Chris LaSalle walked into the hospital room. His brother was much more still than he'd seen him during the past week. The room was painted a garish shade of green, its contents sparse yet colorful. Cade didn't seem to have noticed his entrance, so he spoke. "Hey Cade."

"Hey Chris," Cade said, finally noticing his brother standing at the door. "Come on in." Cade was feeling much more subdued than he had during his last episode of mania. He could feel the depression seeping into his very soul. The transitions were abrupt and cycled frequently. He'd been normal for nearly six months and then, boom, the mania had hit. Hard.

Staying awake for days on end. Painting Chris's house. "How much damage did I do this time," he asked, recalling the way it had looked prior to Savannah taking him to the psych ward.

"Nothin' a little paint won't cover," Chris said, shrugging one shoulder. "What happened? Ya said you were doin' fine. Takin' your meds, goin' to therapy. Ya do this every time Cade." Chris began to get worked up. "Ya stop takin' your meds and then ya bottom out. They give you those pills for a reason, Cade. They ain't doin' you any good in a bottle."

"They ain't doin' me any good when I take 'em," Cade said, trying to keep his emotions under control. "Do you know what it's like to take this stuff? I don't even feel like me." Cade took a deep breath. "Do ya think I want to keep doin' this, Chris? I don't wanna keep losin' jobs. I don't wanna keep makin you and Mama worry."

"Then why do you keep leavin'," Chris asked, incredulously. "Why don't ya stick around. Let me help you."

"'Cause every time I mess up, ya get that look. Like I ain't tryin' hard enough. Like I'm useless. Like I ain't never gonna be worth anything." Tears streamed down the older man's face. "You don't know what it's like. Wakin' up and not knowin' how your mind's gonna work that day. Ya made somethin' of yourself and I'm proud of ya baby brother. But I'm ashamed of me. 'Cause no matter how hard I try, I can't make nothin' of myself."

Chris swallowed the lump in his throat. Seeing his brother crying so openly tore at his heart. He'd never realized how dark it was in Cade's mind. No wonder he can't get better, Chris thought. He sighed. "Cade, ya ain't worthless. You're my brother. Ya just need some help."

"How much longer though? What if I never get better. What if-"

"Then, ya can stay with me. We're family and I'll help you. But ya gotta let me."

Cade wiped his eyes and looked up at his little brother. "I don't say this enough, Chris. But I love ya, little brother."

A voice came over the intercomm and announced lights out in five minutes.

"I love you too, Cade," Chris said, crossing the room to his brother's bed. He embraced his big brother for a minute and then let go. "Light's out in a few. I'm gonna go get some sleep. You should do the same. See ya tomorrow."

"See ya tomorrow," Cade replied, feeling a bit lighter than he had in the past two days since Savannah had dropped him off. He'd try his best to hold onto it, hoping that this time it wouldn't slip away.