Pieces of My Heart
Tony shouldered his bookbag and scanned the cars lined up in front of the school. He spotted Maria about a dozen cars down and plodded toward her. Several classmates yelled out goodbyes but rather than expend energy with a verbal response, he waved half-heartedly.
Maria greeted him warmly and Tony threw his bag into the backseat and climbed into the front, automatically reaching to engage his seat belt.
"So, Bambino, how did the school day go for you?" She questioned. Though technically the family's housekeeper, Maria's role had evolved into one of surrogate grandparent over the years. Her love for Tony and his for her had intensified as he matured from baby, to toddler, to preschooler, and then to little boy.
Tony had begun fifth grade two months earlier, and thus far appeared successful academically. No bad grades had made their way to the house, and his behavior at school evidently pleased the teacher since no calls or notes concerning conduct had been communicated.
When Tony failed to respond Maria pivoted to scrutinize the child. Something was wrong with her baby. No sign of Tony's usual happy demeanor livened the atmosphere.
Maria pulled the car out of the queue and drove slowly to the exit of the school's grounds. She turned onto the street before speaking again. "Did something happen to you at school today?"
Tony turned to gaze out the window. "No, nothing happened."
"Well, why do you sit so quietly?" Maria prodded.
"I don't know," Tony responded. "I suppose I just feel quiet today."
Maria pulled the car to a stop at a busy intersection not far from Tony's school. "Are you upset because you can't ride the bus?"
Tony scanned the cars in the lane beside them also waiting for the stoplight to change. He shifted in his seat. "Yes, but no. I want to ride the bus and you and Dad know that. But I remember I got into trouble and now you will take me to school and pick me up until you can trust me again."
The light changed to green and Maria continued to drive. Tony referred to the several days he had withheld a bad conduct note from his teacher the year before. Part of the consequence for that misdeed had been not riding the school bus with his friends.
Maria pursed her lips. Something, or someone, had upset her baby. She glanced at him and noted his frown. Even though he was evidently unhappy his good looks remained. Bright green eyes framed with long lashes made her Bambino a head turner. Besides his handsome looks and despite Tony's petite frame he was all boy and excelled at any sport at which he participated. Sociable and intelligent, he would always rank as one of the most popular students at school.
So what had occurred at school to upset him this way?
She searched for a cause as they neared their neighborhood but could not think of a plausible reason for his reticence. As they pulled into the driveway, however, Tony surprised her by questioning, "Abuela, did anyone ever break your heart when you were a kid?"
The question threw Maria. She hadn't anticipated romance as the culprit when puzzling over Tony's unhappy demeanor.
When she failed to respond at once, Tony clarified the query. "Not like physically break your heart. Ducky told me a person's heart will never just snap into a bunch of flesh pieces. But a heart can get damaged all over or in some parts." Tony sucked in a breath and then exhaled slowly. "So did you ever love someone and then that someone hurt you so much and left and you got the other kind of heart break?"
Maria motioned toward the house. "Let us head inside, Antonio, and we will discuss this heartbreak while you eat your snack. I need to start cooking our supper."
Once Tony settled at the table with his milk and cookies Maria slipped on an apron and began preparations for supper. As per the family's routine, she would oversee Tony's homework at the table as she created the supper time meats and vegetables they all enjoyed.
Maria leaned against the edge of the stove and smiled at Tony's obvious appreciation of his oatmeal raisin cookies. No matter what went on in the child's world, his appetite never suffered, and despite his small frame he ate voraciously.
"To answer your question, yes, my heart has been broken. Unfortunately, everybody experiences heartbreak en algun momento, at some time or another."
"How?"
"How what?"
Tony wiped his mouth with his napkin. "Your heart, Abuela. How did you break it?"
Maria turned away from him and began to chop carrots and onions for a hearty stew.
Tony suddenly appeared beside her and slipped his arms around her waist. "Never mind, Abuela. If it makes you too sad you don't have to tell me about your heart."
Maria brushed back Tony's bangs where streaks of blond hair from their Campeche summer threaded into the normal light brown shade. "Thank you, and yes, sometimes heartbreak stays very raw and new no matter how many years pass."
Tony relaxed his embrace and returned to the table. He placed his glass and saucer into the dishwasher before pulling his homework from his bookbag.
Maria adjusted the dials on the stove and began stirring the ingredients of two pots. "My first real heartbreak from a young man , a novio in my school, resulted because I decided I liked another boy more. So I told my steady boyfriend I no longer wanted to be his girlfriend. Then guess what happened?"
Tony scrunched up his nose. "I don't know."
"Within a couple of days I realized I had made the wrong choice. The new young man just wanted to make my acquaintance to get close to my sister- not to me."
"To Tia?"
Maria laughed. "Si, to Tia! But guess what again?" She didn't wait for his reply before she continued. "Tia didn't want anything to do with him!"
Tony laughed at the irony of the situation. "Well that ended muy mezclado Abuela, really mixed up."
"True, but of course the worst part was I still lost the boy I really liked. That was my first heartbreak and it felt just as if my heart broke into a million little pieces."
Tony leaned his arms on the table. "Did you have more after that?"
"Si," Maria confirmed. "Life brings some twists and turns for all of us. I fell in love a couple of times more before I discovered the real man of my dreams. And then once I did find him, I gave my whole heart to him."
"Then he died?" Tony asked softly, not unkindly.
Maria's expression grew wistful. "Yes, and even today my heart will never be whole again- a part of me went with him."
"I understand," Tony nodded thoughtfully. "And I'm sorry you lost him, Abuela."
Maria added the carrots and onions to a large stewpot and watched as steam billowed into the air. She reduced the heat and began peeling potatoes. "Antonio, now talk to me about what troubles you today."
Tony didn't wait too long to share his thoughts. "Ok." Tony leaned back in his chair and bit the side of his bottom lip as he replied, "Remember I told you about that girl named Rachel in my class?"
Maria paused with the cooking spoon positioned mid-air and clarified, "The one who sent you the love note the first day of fifth grade? That Rachel?"
"Right, that girl. Rachel."
Maria thoughtfully studied his expression. Since babyhood Tony's good looks had drawn females to him in droves. Usually their attention annoyed the little boy and he would complain loudly to Maria and Jethro about the unsolicited attention.
His grandmother did indeed recall that particular note because Tony had expressed his annoyance with Rachel's love letter by indignantly wadding it into a ball at the supper table.
Privately, however, she and Jethro shared their amusement at Tony's outraged response and debated the number of years it would take before Tony appreciated romantic gestures.
"Abuela, you are not even listening to me," Tony complained with a scowl.
Maria refocused her concentration on him. Wiping her hands on her apron she crossed to the table and kissed Tony softly on the cheek. "My attention belongs to you, Bambino. Talk away."
Mollified, Tony resumed his narration. "So remember I didn't like Rachel then at the beginning of school?"
Maria replied with a nod and returned to the stove.
"But that was a really long time ago."
"I'm still listening," Maria assured him as she checked the progress of the stew. "It irritated you to receive her love note. Go ahead now with the rest. Sigues adelante."
"Estoy pensando, Abuela, I'm thinking," he confirmed with a lopsided smile. "So after that note she moved beside me during Reading."
"She moved or the teacher moved her?"
"I think she asked because she could see better near the board."
"Hmmm…" Maria restrained a smile.
Tony expanded on the account, "And so we started talking sometimes and she asked if I wanted her to be my girlfriend and then I said yes, ok, I would let her."
Maria couldn't resist laughing at his sincere background explanation. "My bambino, you told her you would let her? No one will accuse you of being a smooth talker to females!"
Tony puffed his lips into a pout. "I don't care about that talking stuff. Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not, Abuela?"
"I do, yes, please continue." Maria wiped at her eyes and adopted a serious expression. "Lo siento, I am sorry to take you off track."
"All right," Tony agreed begrudgingly. "So then after we got to be girlfriend and boyfriend a couple of weeks ago I got used to Rachel. I liked seeing her and sitting with her. And she said she loved me and I told her I loved her, too."
Tony glanced up to ascertain whether he still had Maria's focus. She nodded in encouragement and he resumed his story. "Then last week she didn't come to school for three days and she told me at recess that she had to move 'cause her parents decided to get a divorce."
"Uh oh." Maria shook her head sympathetically. "Poor little girl."
Tony pushed his chair back from the table. "Now she and her mom will move to Boston where her grandparents live. Tomorrow after school."
"So she will leave your school altogether?"
Tony nodded in confirmation.
Maria moved to the table and tilted his chin so that they gained eye contact. "You will miss her a great deal, right? You made her your friend and your girlfriend and now she is leaving." She kissed his cheek softly.
"That upsets me, Abuela. My heart hurts when I think about not seeing Rachel anymore."
"Absolutely, Bambino, I understand that pain."
Tony stood up and wrapped his arms around Maria's waist. "Abuela, when Rachel leaves me my heart will break and I don't want that to happen."
Maria brushed her hand over Tony's hair. "Yes, your heart will break to tell her goodbye."
Tony pulled back and regarded her. "Abuela, will my heart feel better ever?"
"Si," she smiled. "Believe it or not, the pain will dull a bit each day and eventually you will be able to think about your Rachel without your heart hurting so badly. Do you know why?"
"No, why?"
"When she leaves, she will carry pieces of your heart with her."
"My heart?"
"Yes, so always she will remember you as her first love and you will remember her as your first love."
Tony frowned thoughtfully. "How many pieces of my heart will go with her to Boston?"
Maria shrugged. "Only you can answer that."
Tony moved his hands away from each other to indicate an expanse of around a meter. "This much. She'll take this much to Boston." He turned his palms over and clarified, "Ninety percent. I will give her all of that."
Maria leaned down and kissed the top of his head. "Why not a hundred?"
"I can't allow a hundred because Rachel can't have all the pieces of my heart," Tony explained thoughtfully. "I need to save back at least ten percent of my pieces for you, and my dad, and the Mallards, and everybody else I love." He bestowed a slight smile upon Maria and concluded, "Because real life expects me to share my love as much as I can, even if I only end up sharing just a few pieces of my heart each time."