Watching You - She watched him from the very beginning to the bitter end...
Written in 13 – 01 – 2009
She watched him silently, as she always did.
Quietly.
Adoringly.
Lovingly.
Hopefully.
She watched as he grew and changed and improved.
She watched as he fought all his battles, so real.
She watched as he wept for his lost comrades and friends.
She watched as he laughed and smiled brightly at the hope for the future as he played with her teacher's son.
She watched as he kissed HER for the first time, oh so tenderly, and her heart shattered because she wasn't HER.
She watched as he became a man and a leader and a husband and a father.
She watched as he grew older and wiser and fairer.
She watched as he fought another battle, the first he could not win.
She watched as he was lowered into the soft, brown earth.
She watched him for the last time in her life and wept.
To watch him was all she did and now her life was filled with nothing but bitter regret.
If only she had helped him grow.
If only she had fought his battles.
If only she had cried and laughed and smiled alongside him.
If only she had done more than watching then maybe it could have happened. She could have been the one he shared his life with. Then maybe she could have LIVED.
She looked at the sky and let the pouring rain wash away her sorrow. Even the Heavens were mourning for him, for them.
She watched as a ray of light shone through the storm and cried.
If only…
If only…
If only he had more time.
If only she had more courage.
If only the water in the river wasn't so cold. No, if only the water in the river was colder, to make her number.
If only…
If only…
She smiled through the tears and closed her eyes as she let the water engulf her.
There were no more chances, no more 'if only's.
There would be no more watching, no more waiting.
She would finally take things into her own hands and follow him.
This time she would reach him first.
This time she would tell him.
This time she would fight and laugh and smile and cry.
And maybe this time things would be different.
And maybe in death, she could finally begin to live.