PROLOGUE

It was Saturday, the 4th of June 2016 in the small town of Springfield, God knows where. At 742 Evergreen Terrace, the home of the Simpson family, lived a young girl named Lisa. Lisa was an eight-year-old who was very smart for her age, a talented musician, an aspired to become a writer. So, on that fine summer's morning, Lisa started working on an original story, entitled Yolanda Marie Schäfer: Tween Music Wiz. The story centred around a girl named Yolanda, who wanted to become a professional jazz musician, and the various methods she tried to get known in her local town. Lisa spent half the morning writing the first paragraph of her story on her laptop, taking breaks to browse the Internet for fun.

Meanwhile, Lisa's older brother, Bart, a mischievous, underachieving ten-year-old boy, walked in to Lisa's room to see what she was doing. He saw her typing away on her laptop, and struck up a conversation with her.

Bart: "Hey, Lise. How's it goin'?"

Lisa: "Nothing, just writing a story,"

Bart: "What's it about?"

Lisa: "Does it really matter?"

Bart: "Tell me!"

Lisa: "Okay, all right! It's about a girl with Asperger's Syndrome, who wants to become a-"

Bart: "She has WHAT?!"

Lisa: "No, Bart. Asperger's is a neurological condition that consists of delayed social skills and limited interests, which has been known about for decades, but only now is it becoming regularly diagnosed. A lot of people think I have it, but I'm pretty sociable – everyone just thinks I'm weird, so they choose not to be around me."

Bart: "Whoa, man. That sounds pretty autistic."

Lisa: "Actually, it is currently classified under the autism spectrum, so—"

Bart: "Ha! You just admitted it's autistic!"

Bart then left the room chuckling to himself.

Lisa: "I really wish people would stop using autism as an insult."

Lisa continued writing her story about Yolanda, and didn't take Bart's words to heart.

CHAPTER 1: Dawn of the Crap Getting Real

So Bart went downstairs to the sitting room to watch television, as his favourite programme, Gravity Falls, happened to be on (in re-runs) at that moment – it was about a boy nicknamed Dipper (after a birthmark on his forehead in the shape of the Big Dipper constellation) and his sister named Mabel, who stayed at their great uncle's shack during the summer, and discovered all sorts of weird mythical creatures there. Unfortunately, Bart's father, Homer, was already watching a programme he then-recently got into, Rick and Morty, about a mad scientist and his neurotic grandson going on adventures through the time-space continnum. Uninterested in watching this drivel, Bart decided to complain about this to Homer.

Bart: "Hey, Homer. Do you mind? My show's on."

Homer: "Now, Bart. I'm watching Rick and Morty, so you can watch your show some other time."

Bart: "It's not fair! I never get to watch anything because Lisa's always watching Steven Gay-niverse! But whatever – have fun watching your sci-fi nerd fest."

Homer: "Why, you little!" He then strangled Bart. "I'll teach you to respect people's opinions!" Bart pushed Homer's hands away from himself, so as to stop the strangling.

Bart: "Alright! Enjoy your dumb little show!"

Bart walked out of the room, but stopped and realised he'd probably like Rick and Morty if he sat down and watched it. After all, Homer wasn't much of a sci-fi buff himself, so it must be enjoyable for most people, right? He then returned to the sitting room to watch the show with his dad.

Bart: "Sorry for the harsh words, Homer. Mind if I join?"

Homer: "Sure thing, boy. Anything for a little father-son ti—"

Bart: "So who's the drooling white-haired weirdo?"

Homer: "Rick, a mad scientist who does, you know, time travel stuff."

Bart: "And who's the scaredy-looking guy?"

Homer: "His grandson, Morty. I think he's funny. Hehehe."

Bart: "You know; I think I might come to like this show. It seems pretty cool."

At that time, the commercials come on.

Bart: "Aw, come on! This is like that SpongeBob episode where he's waiting for the bus; it's like a cruel joke!"

Announcer: "Coming this summer, it's the most epic retelling of a story you've always wanted…"

Bart: "Ay, caramba!"

Homer: "Oh please, everything's always a reboot these days. Alice in Wonderland, Cinderella, The Jungle Book, and now this?! When will we have new stories again?"

Announcer: "It's big, it's fantasmic, and watching it will make you feel good."

Homer: "It's like a movie version of donuts! Mmmmmm, donuts…" (drools)

Annoucer: "Starring: Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, and Leslie Jones."

Bart: "Oh great, another chick flick! I don't wanna watch cooties!"

Announcer: "In an all new feature: …"

Meanwhile, Lisa, still in her bedroom typing away at her laptop, heard the noise of Bart and Homer screaming in anguish.

Lisa: "Oh, it's probably nothing. Must've found out about that Moana film that's coming out soon. Another chance to empower girls in today's society. And for some reason, guys take issue with that."

She then logged onto YouTube to see if there were any funny videos to ease her mind. However, she stumbled on a trailer for a new Ghostbusters movie, and gave it a watch. The catch with this one? All the lead actors were replaced with women. Lisa could feel her stomach churn as she reviled in horror at how this is how Hollywood was treating women now – as a mere joke, and forcing them to rely on men for ideas, stifling their creativity, depicting them as the second sex, and going against all her feminist beliefs. All in all, she was disgusted in how sexism was still alive in Hollywood, and she took the sweet time to write a complaint about it online.

Hello. My name is Lisa Simpson, and I am here to dicuss a topic which may not sit well with everyone, particularly with anti-feminists. And that topic is the upcoming Ghostbusters reboot, a film that spits in the face of women's creativity and intelligence, and is holding them back for several decades. I bet all you antifeminists out there are happy that this is what's in store for women this year, and are probably giggling to yourselves every time you see someone complaining about the movie. But as for us feminists who just want girls to be themselves and fulfill their hopes and dreams, without being reduced to their gender, all we're asking for is for women to be treated as equals in film. Why is that so hard? With movies like Inside Out, Coraline, and that upcoming Moana film, proving that girls can be just as awesome and original as boys, why are you still resorting to the "Ms. Male Character" trope that makes women look like carbon copies of men?

Anyway, that is all I have to say on the matter. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

She submitted it to her online blog, and tried spreading word of it via social media and chatting websites. Later, she went downstairs to get a drink, but Bart confronted her furiously.

Bart: "Okay, Lisa. That's it; I've had it with your and your feminist mumbo jumbo."

Lisa: "What are you talking about?"

Bart: "You know, that Ghostbusters reboot with women. You're trying to steal everything from men, aren't you?"

Lisa: "What?! You're pinning this on feminists? But this is the most antifeminist thing that's been made in recent years."

Bart: "Oh yeah? Then how come every time you talk about it with a feminist, she calls you a misogynist for not liking it?"

Lisa: "Wait, what?! How? That doesn't even make sense. Most feminists I've spoken with don't like it when male characters are turned into females. Didn't you see Anita Sarkeesian's Ms. Male Character video?"

Bart: "Lise, everyone is saying that this is "promoting diversity" and helping women in Hollywood. Just have a look at these comments online!"

Bart showed Lisa the comments section of a YouTube video regarding the Ghostbusters reboot online. As she read through the comments, Lisa felt a discomforting combination of dismay and bewilderment, as she felt that everyone was blaming feminism for something they never advocated for.

great, more left-wing PC propaganda for feminists and sjws

Now feminists are ruining Ghostbusters? Are you kidding me? Fuck feminism.

feminism = cancer :{

ugh, I hate how SJWs are demanding more diversity in film, more women and minorities, all that shit

leave ghostbusters alone, such a great classic

women always whining about not enough women in film so they steal ideas from men, lol

Lisa: "But… Why? How in any way is this feminist? It's the most insulting film to women in decades, and that's saying a lot. Have these guys seriously never heard of Inside Out, which came out just last year?!"

Bart: "What, that movie about a girl getting emotional? Pfft, no feminist is gonna watch that!"

Lisa: "But it has a well-developed female lead that people can actually relate to! That's what feminists want to see!"

Bart: "More like they wanna see Rey from Star Wars being all goody two-shoes and perfect!"

Lisa: "Ugh, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! THIS IS COMPLETELY BACKWARDS AND ILLOGICAL!"

Bart: "And now most feminists think you're a sexist stereotype."

Lisa: "You know what? Forget it. I'm gonna try and get this film banned so that women will be taken seriously!"

Bart: "Oh… Well, good luck with that!"

They both stormed off, angry at each other's views in regards to the controversy surrounding the film.

CHAPTER 2: Seriously, how is this even a thing?

Completely distraught by this complete anomaly in logic, Lisa went back upstairs, to her room, to get some answers. She opened her laptop, and went onto the site Omegle (using the text option, mind you), where one chats to another selected at random. She entered the word "feminism" into the list of interests and hit "start a chat". After going through several people who just clicked off, the site then randomly chose a stranger for her to chat with, and the conversation went as follows:

(NOTE: "you" = Lisa)

You: hi

Stranger: hi

You: Are you a feminist?

Stranger: yes

Stranger: wbu

You: Yes, I sure am!

You: I have a question for you.

Stranger: sure what is it

You: You don't actually support the Ghostbusters reboot, do you?

Stranger: Oh, absolutely! It's a way to get more gender diversity in film.

You: But why not create ORIGINAL films with female leads? Haven't you heard of Inside Out?

Stranger: Well, I'm fine with that too. But what's wrong with seeing women kick ass and actually be funny?

You: Then actually create something ORIGINAL!

You: Let me ask you something. How come it's fine when Ghostbusters is gender-flipped, but not when Pac-Man is?

Stranger: Oh, because with Pac-Man, all they did was put a bow on him.

You: But is that it? Not the fact that they're implying women are the second sex?

Stranger: But Ghostbusters is actually empowering women.

You: But it's not. Women are actually being taken LESS seriously because of this reboot. Everyone's making fun of women and feminists for ruining Ghostbusters.

Stranger: You mean those misogynist trolls on YouTube? Yeah, I know, they can get off somewhere else.

You: Hold on. Misogynist?

Stranger: Well, yeah. They're hating on a film with female leads.

You: Would that make Anita Sarkeesian a misogynist for not liking Ms. Pac-Man?

Stranger: But that's different – Ms. Pac-Man is a spinoff, not a reboot.

You: But they're doing the exact same thing – they're replacing the main characters with women. So shouldn't the "feminist" thing to do be to make more films replacing the female leads with men?

Stranger: No, because there's too many movies about men already

You: Then create ORIGINAL films with female leads!

You: I'm actually writing a story about a girl with Asperger's, who wants to become a professional musician.

Stranger: Then that's good! I'd love to see how it turns out.

You: Well, it probably won't be published for a while, since my personal life keeps getting in the way.

Stranger: Well, keep up the good work, then!

You: So why do you support Ghostbusters, then?

Stranger: Because I'm not a misogynist who thinks women can't do jack.

You: You realise that a lot of the people who hate the reboot like Inside Out, right? So would that mean anyone who likes Inside Out is a misogynist?

Stranger: Good heavens, no! It's nice to see more female and ethnic characters in Pixar for a change.

You: So you're still treating women as a minority, even when they're given equal rights? How condescending can you be?

Stranger: How are women being treated as a minority, exactly?

You: Because you're putting them on the same level as ethnic groups.

Stranger: See, now I know you're not a feminist, since you're being racist.

You: No, I'm not being racist! I just don't want to be put in the same ballpark as them just because I'm a girl.

Stranger: I highly doubt you're really a girl

You: I protested against the talking Malibu Stacy doll. How am I not a feminist?

Stranger: Wait… Are you that little girl who created the Lisa Lionheart doll?

You: … Yeah, that's me. :)

Stranger: Why are you wasting your time on Omegle, trolling feminists?

You: I'm not trolling! I'm actually expressing my honest opinions!

Stranger: Go out and actually do something to help women.

You: Alright, I will!

You have disconnected.

So after that conversation, Lisa decided to head off to a feminist group to see if the feminists there would agree with her, or this supposed "feminist" who supported the very thing they should hate. Meanwhile, downstairs, Bart paced around angrily, having his own issues with the reboot. Homer confronted him about this.

Homer: "Now, Bart. I know you're upset about the new Ghostbusters movie, but pacing around never solved anything."

Bart: "But running away from them did?"

Homer: "D'oh!"

Bart: "Look, Dad. Those whining women keep stealing our ideas! We need to fight back! We need to go straight to Hollywood and tell them to continue making great classics, instead of catering to those "minority" groups!"

Lisa happened to be walking by, just before leaving the house.

Lisa: "At least men are encouraged to create ideas!"

Bart: "Ugh… Here we go again…"

Lisa: "A lot of girls actually aspire to become writers, and there's been plenty of female writers out there: Jane Austen, the Brontë Sisters, J.K. Rowling, P.L. Travers, Harper Lee-"

Bart: "Did any of them create Steven Gay-niverse by any chance?"

Lisa: "No, Bart. That's Rebecca Sugar. But I guess she counts too, I mean, she writes for TV, am I right? But, in all seriousness, women are capable of creating original ideas and content. The idea of recycling male characters as females only sends the message that women are the "second sex" that exists in subordination to men, and has to rely on them for ideas. That's not how I want to be treated, so stop saying it's a feminist thing!"

Bart: "That's right, keep calling me a misogynist for not liking the Ghostbusters reboot."

Lisa: "But I don't like it either! Oh, and another thing, will you stop calling women a minority? That is one of the most misogynistic things you can say – it's basically telling women they're inferior, useless beings who will never succeed in life."

Bart: "Lise, it's the feminists who call women a minority to make you feel sympathy for them."

Lisa: "What? Where are you getting this information?"

Bart: "It's pretty much common knowledge, Lise – if you're a feminist, you always stick up for women and minorities, and bash on straight white males."

Lisa: "No, no, no! The point of feminism is for women to be treated as equals. In other words, we don't want to be put in the same ballpark as racial minorities. We don't want to be marginalised the same way they are. I'm not saying I'm racist, but—"

Bart: "Whatever, just shut up!"

Lisa: "Now, if you excuse me, I'm off to make a difference in the world."

Lisa left the house – because, you know, free-range children are a thing in cartoons – to attend the nearest feminist group. And after that, there was an awkward silence.

Homer: "What the hell was that about?"

Bart: "Oh, it's probably just her ovaries acting up again. So… Where were we again?"

Homer: "You were complaining about women… Something to do with Hollywood…"

Bart: "Oh yeah! We need to fight back against Hollywood constantly pandering to those groups!"

Homer: "I'm way ahead of ya, boy! We'll just take the next coach leaving for… What's that place again?"

Bart: "LA?"

Homer: "Yeah, that's the one!"

And so they did – after 20 minutes of Homer trying to convince his wife, Marge, to allow it.

CHAPTER 3: Just… why?

Once Lisa arrived at the nearest feminist group, she tried to speak up about the Ghostbusters reboot and the damage it was causing to women in Hollywood, if not society. Unfortunately, the responses she got… Just didn't make any sense to her. Most of the feminists responded by saying, "Well, it helps to promote gender diversity!" and "It'll help give women a little push!"

To this, Lisa replied, "But this is the exact wrong way to do it! Why not create original films with female leads, to empower girls to actually be themselves and express their creativity? Have you seriously never heard of Alien, Coraline, Frozen or Inside Out in your entire lives?"

One feminist, named Vinh, replied, "Well, obviously, you can do that as well! Why not do both?"

Lisa: "Because it's not fair that girls have to rely on boys for ideas, and not vice versa! Why can't there be more female characters recycled as males!"

Vinh: "Because that would imply that women are already equal to men, but we're actually not. We need to give women a boost in the film industry, and this is the best way to do it."

Lisa: "So how come when Pac-Man was made into a girl, Anita Sarkeesian heavily criticised it? Would you say she's a misogynistic man-splainer?"

Vinh: "But that's different – Pac-Man originally had no gender, and they just slapped on a bow to indicate that it's a girl. It's the gender signifyers that are the problem."

Lisa: "So that's it? You're only concerned with the bow? What about the fact that it implies that men are default sex?"

Vinh: "Well, obvious there's that too, but—"

Lisa: "Yeah, and the same can be said about Ghostbusters! All they're doing is making male characters female!"

Vinh: "They're not the same characters though."

Lisa: "But it's still the same franchise. Haven't you heard of Inside Out? That film does a much better job at depicting females as individuals, and doesn't constantly harp on their gender."

Vinh: "Oh, you mean that dumb kiddie movie about emotions? Right, because that's not degrading to women at all, is it? Depicting them as emotional."

Lisa: "But it actually portrays Riley as complex and relatable. Isn't that what girls want to see?"

Vinh: "Yeah, and I'm sure most girls want to watch Snow White as well."

Lisa: "SHE'S NOTHING LIKE SNOW WHITE, YOU FUCKING RETARD!"

Suddenly, everyone went silent, and Lisa realised she mistakenly said the "F" word as she finally snapped.

Vinh: "Seriously, why are you such a misogynist?"

Lisa: "I'm not! I'm the one who created the Lisa Lionheart doll."

Vinh: "Lisa Simpson? The Lisa Simpson, who helped inspire girls with Lisa Lionheart?"

Lisa: "Yep, that's me. Hehe."

Vinh: "So why do you hate a movie that's trying to empower women?"

Lisa: "It's not empowering, though! It's teaching girls to stifle their creativity and rely on men for ideas! It's the talking Malibu Stacy doll all over again."

Vinh: "How is it stifling creativity, though? It's showing that women can be just as funny as men!"

Lisa: "You've clearly never seen Inside Out, have you?"

Vinh: "Oh my God, shut up about that damn kiddie movie already!"

Lisa: "I'm just saying, you're acting as though female characters have never been well-written before. And the reason this Ghostbusters reboot is teaching girls to stifle their creativity is because it's using a franchise that was already done by men. Have you seriously never heard of Rebecca Sugar?"

Vinh: "Yes I have! She's the one empowering women to show that they can get into the animation industry if they want to!"

Lisa: "And she also created an original idea! Steven Universe! You know, the show that every feminist nowadays – myself included – loves to gush over? So why is it misogynist for women to express their creativity now?"

Vinh: "But how is Ghostbusters forcing women not to be creative? It's encouraging women and minorities to get into the film industry!"

Lisa: "And see, this is another thing! Why are you putting women in the same ballpark as minorities? I thought we were supposed to empower women, to encourage girls to be the best they can possibly be, and not sideline them as a minority."

Vinh: "Oh, so you're racist now? Putting women above minorities?"

Lisa: "No, I'm not racist! I love exploring other cultures! But I wouldn't say they're on the same level as us."

Vinh: "You realise I'm Asian, right?"

Lisa: "Yeah, and…?"

Vinh: "And I'm also non-binary. My pronouns are—."

Lisa: "You know what? I'm outta here. As soon as you said 'non-binary', I was like, "Yep, she's totally bonkers." Good day, Madame!"

And Lisa left the building.