Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to this stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love
3 Robert Palmer - Addicted to love
You want to know my problem? I LOVE being in love. I can't help it. I love the affection, I love the presents, and I love the feeling of being completely secure with someone. Although, I'll admit I have never really had that kind of security with anyone. My relationships are often tempestuous, short lived and painful. I get hurt a lot. I'm pretty much a complete mess. Guys can take advantage of the control they have over me, because they know what I am like. When I fall in love, I fall quick and I fall hard. And always with the wrong type of guy.
I wish I could say that I am the strong, independent type, and in many ways I am. I don't take shit from people and I'm certainly not afraid to get into a scrap with anyone. I work hard and I get good grades. And, I'm not a complete loser. When I have a boyfriend, I like spending time with my friends and by myself a lot. I don't follow them around like some stray lap dog. This is why guys like me. I'm not clingy, and I know my own mind. But something happens to me when it comes to relationships. I change, and not in a good way. I'm fine up until the first fight… until the first time I catch them with another girl, or lying to me about where they have been, or, in some cases, forgetting my birthday. I literally let them walk all over me, to the point where my friends have had to intervene.
I have a great group of friends, and we are all very close. I'm friends mostly with people in the year above me. Angelina Johnsson is one of my best friends in the whole world, although most people wouldn't believe it. We fight constantly, and sometimes even physically. One time I accidentally pushed her into a ditch and she broke her arm. I felt awful, but out of sheer stubbornness I still haven't apologised to this day. That sounds terrible, I know, but it really isn't that bad. We fight, but it is only because we both have such strong personalities. We are both stubborn and headstrong, and extremely opinionated. I guess it can be summed up like this; when we get on, we get on famously. But when we don't, oh boy, we really don't. But we have been through so much together and we never fall out for very long. We miss each other too much. It's silly, but that's how it is.
Alicia is another of my close girl friends. She is sort of the mediator between Ange and I. She is quiet, sweet and so pretty she puts all those around her to shame. She is one of the prettiest girls I know, made even prettier by her sweet nature. She could never do enough for a single person. She told me once that the sorting hat was going to put her in Hufflepuff because of how unbelievably kind she is, but it changed its mind when she had a hissy fit about it. Alicia is not prone to being dramatic, but she gets emotional easily. She is probably the only one of my friends that I have never fallen out with. I just can't get angry at her, I don't think anyone can. It is often this which brings myself and Angelina together. We are both so protective of the girl, and would never allow anyone to bad mouth her. Once, I heard a slytherin refer to her as an insufferable goody-too-shoes and I threatened to slap her into next week. It wasn't until Lee Jordan stepped in that I realised that it was probably a bad idea.
Lee is another one of my good friends, and he constantly saves me from getting in more trouble than a situation is worth. He is Zen and cool headed, but quite protective of his friends. He likes to look out for everyone, sometimes at his own expense. He's has taken the rap for Fred and George on more than one occasion. I'm convinced him and Angelina will get married one day, but Ange denies this bitterly. It is no secret that Lee has held a torch for Angelina since he first met her in first year. But she is the opposite of me. Not interested in boys, more focused on her future. I respect Angelina for that, and I wish I was more like her.
Rounding up my group of friends are the Weasley Twins. They really are the glue that keeps us together. It is safe to say that I would never have been friends with Lee, or even Alicia, if it hadn't been for these two. They are the life and soul of the group, and the people I can always count on to cheer me up if I'm feeling though. My only problem with them is this: I can feel so close to them, while at the same time feeling like they don't know me at all. Fred and I spend huge amounts of time with each other, but I never confide in him. If I was to confide in either of them it would be George. I can tell it bothers Fred, especially since I am much closer to him than I am George. He always tries to ask me how my love life is. Naturally, Angelina and Alicia fill him in on my goings on, and it drives him insane. He constantly tries to get me to open up to him, especially if I am feeling down or if yet another boy has messed me around or bitten the dust, and he is always telling me I could do better. But I prefer to keep Fred separate from that kind of stuff. He cheers me up, and that is easier to do if he doesn't know why I am upset. I like it that way. I can cry on his shoulder or snuggle into him without having to explain it. In many respects, he's my go to guy. He just doesn't know it. My friendship with Fred is always an issue with my boyfriends. They think we are too close to be friends, and Fred loves to wind them up by kissing my cheek or playing with my hair. But to me, Fred is perfect. On the rare occasions that I'm single, he gives me all the things a good boyfriend would without any of the agro. He even tells me he loves me, in a purely platonic way of course.
My best friend out of all of them, however, and the only one in my year, is Leanne Grahame. It's funny because I don't actually spend that much time with her, and she isn't in this close nit group of friends I have just described. But she is always there for me, and sometimes, when Ange is winding me up or I'm not in the mood for the twins antics, I like nothing better than to sneek off to Hogsmeade with Leanne, steal a bottle of fire whisky from the cellar of the three broomsticks and get drunk outside the shrieking shack. We know everything about each other, absolutely everything. And I'm grateful that I will still have someone to mess around with when the gang leave after their seventh year, and I have to stick out another year without them.
As different as my friends are, they all have one fundamental thing in common: they are sick and tired of seeing me get hurt. I can't even count the times that Angelina has had to peel me off of the floor and tucked me into bed, or the amount of times Alicia has had to stay up all night hugging me while I sob into her arms. Fred has thrown punches, Angelina has thrown drinks, and Lee and George have thrown tantrums over my torrid love life. Being the youngest, I think they all feel slightly obliged to protect me. I'm not as emotionally mature as them by any stretch of the imagination, and so out of all of us its always me getting hurt. It's not my fault though, really it isn't. I guess I'm just addicted. Not to the pain, like Angelina seems to think, but to the love. All I really want is someone who will love me back. Sure, they all say they love me, but they never really do. It's just lust. I want someone who fits in with my friends, who doesn't mess me around, and who loves me for me. Hell, I just want to be loved.