AN: This is just a thought I had a long time ago, I never thought I'd actually try to write this ; I'm not sure how it's going to turn out. Everything but Alexis and the plot is NOT MINE! Obviously ;P
The song is ; The Monster You Made Me
'take a good look at me now, do you still recgonize me? am i so different inside? this world is trying to change me, and i admit i don't wanna change with it and i admit i cant go on like this anymore..'
Alexis sat next to her two friends' grave, talking to them as if they would actually be hearing the words she was saying. She forced herself to make a trip here at least once every three months. She had to. She had to remember them, and this was one of the ways to do so, no matter how hard it was. Sometimes the reality of the horrible event seemed unreal, I mean honestly, who would've believed Sirius Black would betray James and Lily Potter? Even if Lily hadn't been one of Sirius's best friends at Hogwarts, James was pretty much his brother. Sirius, Merlin... Sirius, he was the last person she would've expected to cause this. He had been her best friend (after she had gotten over his arrogant annoying personality, of course), and also her love interest at Hogwarts (again, after she had gotten over the fact that Sirius seemed to be on a mission to sleep with every girl at the school), though she had never informed her so... He was too ... girl crazy, she would've made an idiot of herself. She smiled as she remembered Lily and James telling he she would make an honest one out of Sirius one day. She had laughed and it would be a cold day in hell before Sirius settled down with one girl, let alone her. She had been more then happy to remain friends with Sirius, she had been too scared to ruin their friendship. She often pictured their future if James and Lily were still alive, and Sirius hadn't betrayed them. She had wanted to speak to Harry horribly, and at least make him realize how much his parents adored him, and how proud they would be of who he had become... Dumbledore hadn't thought it to be a good idea because of how 'close her and Sirius were in school', she hadn't exactly taken that lightly, asking the Professor if he thought she might 'pull a Sirius' and betray Harry or something ridiciulous. Dumbledore had finally allowed one of their close friends to be around Harry this year... Remus Lupin was a Professor at Hogwart's this year, and it warmed Alexis's heart to think of Remus having a teaching job at Hogwarts. She hadn't spoken to him in years except for a short 'hello, how are you?', things were entirely too awkward and forced between the old friends now. If anyone could be around Harry, if not her, she was happy it would be Remus. Remus had 'been dealt a bad hand' moreso then most, in her opinion. He was one of the most kindhearted boys in school, and she knew it had carried over to his adult years.
' erase this monster i've become, forgive me for all the damage done... it's not over ; say it's not over.. i'm beggin for mercy i'm only the monster you made me...'
Sirius' dog eyes darted around as he entered the village of Godric's Hollow. He knew that it was dangerous to come here, but he had to see them before he started his journey. He had to let them know that it was not him that betrayed them at all. He was weak, very skinny and hadn't eaten in days, but it was not as important as seeing his best friends; talking to them... even if only for a moment. He was about to change back into a human, when he spotted a figure in front of Lily and James' graves. His paw twitched a little as he noticed that there was something very familar about the back of that head. He approached the figure slowly, wanting to make sure that it was no one he wanted to run into. He knew it had been over a decade since he had last seen the girl, but there was no doubt in his mind (dog mind?) that it was his old best friend, er one of them. Well, the only girl besides Lily he had ever considered a close friend, and not a conquest in school.
'i'm better alone now, see im torn from my mistakes, and i stopped believing that i can could ever make things change, how much can i take when i know that it hurts you?, how long can i wait when i cant go on like this anymore...'
Alexis spun around as she heard a noise behind her, and stared in disbelief. She had seen both the muggle news, and the wizard Daily Prophet, let alone she would know that dog anywhere... Her hand involuntarily went for her wand in her robe pocket. No way in hell would that .. that.. She couldn't even think of a word to describe her thoughts on that man. She had seen him multiple times in his 'form'. She had been shocked at that point in time that him James and Peter had managed such serious magic still being in school. She had known James and Sirius were talented, but that was something she considered unheard of. She hadn't even known /why/ they had attempted such magic at the time, Remus had finally confided in her a few months after. "You bastard." She spoke, hoping in fact she was just talking to a dog regardless of how stupid it would be. She'd rather look crazy talking to a dog then have it truely be /him/. She had dreamed many nights of being able to confront him, ending many times with his death, though immediatly after she had often dreamt of his innocence. She snorted slightly at the memory ; she had been blinded by 'her love' for him. HAH!
'erase this monster i've become, forgive me for all the damage done.. its not over ; say its not over...im begging for mercy im only the monster you made me...'
Sirius' mind worked furiously. How was he going to get out of this? He wasn't about to reveal himself to someone who thought he was a murderer. He stepped back and barked, hoping she would believe that he was a stray. He sniffed the air in a curious manner and edged closer to her, acting as though he wanted to be petted. 'Please buy it. Please think I'm just an animal.' He thought hopefully. Alexis had seen him transform too many times in school, he didn't know wether he should just run and risk a curse being thrown at him, or if he should wait and see if she fell for the dog act. He let out a relieved whine as he watched Alexis bend down and put her hand out for him to come and sniff. Padfoot edged closer to her, allowing her to pet him. He was still stunned, wanted very much to hug her, but he knew he had to contain his emotions. She would most likely murder him on the spot if he reveled himself. He allowed her to pet him for a moment then, he backed up and barked playfully, wagging his tail. He saw something like regret in her eyes and he was baffled. 'Must be because of Lily and James.' He thought sadly.
cause who i am isnt who i used to be...im not invincable ; im not indestructable
"You look like you could use something to eat.." She said, wondering why she was speaking aloud to this dog. God, part of her actually had wanted it to be Sirius... She just wasn't sure if she would've killed him or hugged him. She missed him so much, the Sirius she had grown up with - not the murdering traitor. She smiled as he barked playfully at her, and put her wand back in her pocket. "You really do remind me of someone I knew, even though you're a dog..." She said, laughing at herself once again. God, what was she thinking? Sirius hadn't cared about Lily and James enough to save their lives, why would he be at their graves? Unless it were to gloat, or maybe he would be proud of what he did. She quickly shook her head, trying to clear the thoughts of Sirius and what he had done. It was damn near impossible now that he was on the run. "I'm going to drive myself crazy.." She muttered, everything was reminding her of what had happened, and now she thought stray dogs were Sirius Black.
; im only human... can't you see the beauty in me?
Sirius wagged his tail furiously, not knowing exactly what to do next. He thought he should make a getaway, but he wanted so much to see Lily and James before he started on his long journey to Hogwarts. 'Or what's left of them' he thought miserably. He sat down, still acting wary of her. He looked Alexis over sadly. He never really noticed how beautiful she was in their school days. She was always so nice to him too. He wished he could reveal himself to her and take her into his arms, but he knew he couldn't. 'All because of that stupid rat!' He thought savagely. Then he got on all four dog legs suddenly. Seeing Alexis had pushed it all out of his mind, but now his reasons for escaping Azkaban came back to him in full force. That rat was going to get Harry! Padfoot walked up to Hayley, licked her face, and he started to run. He hoped he would be able to explain the truth soon ; as long as he got that rat! He hoped they would forgive him, but for now, he just had to get to Hogwarts. If anything happened to Harry it would be his fault! He was the only one who knew the truth.
take a good look at me now... cant you see i've changed?
As soon as Sirius ran away from her, it all clicked. The damn dog was him! She wasn't crazy! A million thoughts ran through her head at once, but the one that was the strongest was the urge to just /talk/ to him. How could he run away from her like that! He owed her an explanation! He owed Lily and James, and Harry and everyone that had loved him an explanation for what he had done. "Padfoot get back here NOW!" She yelled as loud as she could. "You and I need to talk! Please just talk to me!" She yelled, hoping he heard her. "Please, I just want to know what happened, please." She continued. All thoughts of murdering him, and screaming at him faded as she realized how close she was to possibly never seeing him again. She was shocked that she had enough sense to not yell 'Sirius', incase someone was around, she hoped that would be enough proof for him to come back and talk to her. "If you didn't do this, come back and explain this to me, please. I never wanted to believe this was you Padfoot, I thought you were better then this, but if you run from me now it proves me wrong!" She said in once last attempt as she let knees give out, and sat on the ground. She was furious at herself for not realizing the truth, she hadn't listened to her gut reaction and now her chance at the truth was gone! Damnit! She didn't even realize how much she truely wanted to hear him protest his guilt until now. She had closed that book in her mind, until now. She had condemned him a long time ago, after all ; who would've thought he'd ever be out of Azkaban ; let alone anywhere near someone who would want to talk rather then kill him. She realized then she wouldn't be able to raise her wand and murder him ; it wasn't in her. "I'm sorry.." She whispered, speaking to James and Lily. She couldn't even avenge their death ; what kind of friend was she?
erase this monster i've become.. forgive me for all the damage done.. it's not over ; say it's not over... im begging for mercy
Padfoot stopped dead in his tracks. He had heard everything she said... but there was no time! He had to get to Harry! Regardless, he stood still for several moments, the urge to go back becoming stronger and stronger. He wasn't exactly aware of his decision to go to her, but his legs took him before he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that this was extremely dangerous, but he had to talk to her. He had to at least explain to her that it was not his fault. He didn't know how he knew that she wouldn't turn him into the ministry, but deep down he did. He absolutely trusted her when she said they just needed to talk. When he got closer to her, he noticed her face was in her hands. He looked around for any sign of people, but there was no one. He made one last plea to the heavens to have her not kill him, and he transformed back into a human. He put a hand on her shoulder, hoping he wouldn't startle her.
i'm only the monster you made me