Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of the related merchandise. I simply own a few of the mentioned merchandise.
So I grew out of my last fandom and into this one, and I randomly typed this in about half an hour. It's complete crack. |D
Arthur hadn't noticed anything strange in the past few days. Alfred had been his normal, burger eating self, blabbering on about the new presidential candidates (who, personally, Arthur thought were all idiots), and declaring them all heroes. He had happily been planning the Easter Egg Roll, and wondering what color all the eggs should be.
Apparently, however, Arthur should've noticed something, considering what Alfred was rambling about now. Arthur stared at his lover with a steady eye, expecting his president to jump out of nowhere and yell 'surprise!'. He wouldn't be surprised, Alfred had made his president do some strange things.
But he couldn't have made this up.
"We should be one country," Alfred said lazily, painting an egg for Easter. Arthur rolled his eyes. They had joked about this many times.
"Alfred. It's not possible. Look at Austria and Hungary, it'd just be awkward." He sighed, bookmarking the book he had been reading.
"We could be 'The United Kingdom of America'. It'd be awesome!" Alfred laughed happily, shaking the hand he was painting with and squiggling on the star he sketched.
"Alfred, are you serious?" Arthur said in disbelief.
"Hell yeah I am! Our people could be, like, Amerish! Though I have no idea why you add '-ish' to all your nationality things. It sounds weird. Englican sounds pretty cool though," Alfred mused, swirling the brush in the water.
"Alfred."
"They'd sing God Bless The Star Spangled Banner!"
"Alfred."
"They'd hail that Elton John lady person that you make me meet every year!"
"Alfred! For the first thing, that woman you claim is Elton John is my queen, and I'd rather you remembered that for once! Secondly, you know that merged countries never work!"
"Yeah, but we could!"
"Just because we've been together for a long time-"
"55 years-"
"-doesn't mean that we can be one country. Who would represent us in world meetings?" Arthur asked, groaning slightly as he took a sip of his tea.
"Wait," Alfred gave him a blank look, "We don't merge into some Anglo-American blob and speak in a weird mix of our accents?"
"No. Roderich and Elizaveta didn't do that."
"Yeah, but she's a girl and he's a guy. That'd be weird!"
"You and Texas didn't."
"We totally did! I'd be blind without him!"
"You can still see without Texas. See, I just took them off and you can still see fine."
"… Which way is North? Is it the blurry side or the even blurrier side?"
"Knock it off, you can see fine. Besides, Scotland and I didn't merge."
"Then why do I catch you wearing a kilt sometimes? And how come he sometimes speaks English?"
"Because everyone needs to speak English!" Arthur said, exasperatedly.
"France doesn't."
"FRANCE IS BLOODY FRANCE!" Arthur yelled, slamming a hand to his forehead.
"… So just, metaphorically speaking, if we were one country, would we spell color with a 'U'?"
"Of course we would spell colour with a 'U'. English is my bloody language."
"Yeah, but it's so much more extra effort to spell it with a 'U'! That's like spitting on my bro Noah Webster's grave!"
"You asked!"
The yelling had echoed through the White House, where the two country's leaders were sitting in the Oval Room.
"So I'd assume that America brought up something ridiculous?" The Prime Minister chortled. The President nodded cheerfully.
"Nora," He murmured into the intercom. "Make sure America doesn't do anything stupid."
"I apologize, Mr. President, but he already has."
"What has he done now?"
"Dragged England and started running around, declaring that they were 'The United Kingdom of America'. They looked like a strange combination of an Anglo-American country. They looked like they were merging into one country!" The assistant said worriedly, biting on her lip.
"Hello, gentleman," Arthur said politely, walking into the office. The two leaders looked at him in surprise.
"So when were you to declare the 'United Kingdom of America'?" The Prime Minister asked in country, tipping his hat slightly.
"Never. It was just one of America's strange delusions."
"I apologize for my country's strange outbursts. He just gets them."
"I've known him since he was a child, Mr. President. I know when he gets this."
"HEY BROS!" Alfred practically screamed, strolling into the room. "CHECK OUT THE UNITED KINGDOM OF AMERICA!" He beamed, grabbing Arthur and flinging and arm around his shoulders.
"Just go finish that egg, Alfred. We'll discuss this later."
Crack. Just... complete crack. xD