Shrek and Shadow Have a Baby, by Dickfart
Shadow spent most of his life shrouded in darkness and grumpiness. Once in awhile he and Rouge went out and got their nails done, and sometimes he even got to beat up that fucking Sanic the Hoogahog, but mostly his life was full of sad and teen angst that's been going on for fifty years.
He got bored one day and went to a certain swamp, where Shrek was cooking up his famous many layered onion stew. Shadow followed the smell of onions and swamp gas, and the more he followed, the hornier he got. This was weird for Shadow, for often Sanic was going too fast for him to get a proper boner over the man he thought he was deeply in love with.
This all changed when he witnessed Shrek, picking snot out of his nose and ripping a fart so loud it shook the trees. Shadow was fully erect now. He hid behind a rock because he was shy.
"I thought love was only true in fairy tales," said Shadow. "Meant for someone else, but not for me."
"Who said that?" Shrek bellowed. "Get out of my swamp!"
"I..." said Shadow, his heart thumping. "I must tell him how I feel, or this feeling will consume me."
Shadow put on a brave face and walked out from behind the rock.
"I'll have you know that I'm the coolest," said Shadow with a huff. "So you should be honored to be my chosen mate."
"Chosen mate?" said Shrek. "Who are you to walk into my home and tell me I am your chosen mate now?"
"You may be the Shrexiest being in all existence, but I am the ultimate life form!"
"Get ogre yourself!" Shrek barked. "Ultimate life form my foot."
"Is this the dick of a liar?" said Shadow, pulling out his furry girth. Shrek had to admit, he was kind of impressed.
"Oh all right," said Shrek, shoving his lover fast first into a tree. Shadow's tempting little entrance puckered and glistening for him in the sun. "You've already prepared!"
"Naturally. As the ultimate life form, I possess the ultimate self-lubricating bootyhole, for max efficiency gay sex. Just ask Sanic. He fucks my ass and cums faster than I can even notice him."
"He sounds like an oaf," said Shrek. "Now be quiet while I fuck you."
But Shadow couldn't be quiet, because Shrek's beautiful, greasy ham dick filled and stretched his ultimate butthole in a way that can only be described as pure bliss. He was in such a state of nirvana that he started singing Smells Like Teen Spirit, until Shrek smacked him rightfully.
"None of that gay shit in my swamp!" said Shrek.
"Oh yes," said Shadow. "Please forgive me. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed."
"That's better," said Shrek, pumping his ogre meat as far into the tiny hedgehog as it would go, and Shadow panted, panted, until he reached climax.
"MARIA!" Shadow shouted, and came with a vengeance. Shrek, too, feeling that tight little asshole squeeze his ogreth, came so hard that the force launched Shadow straight back to Space Station Ark.
"Have a nice life, bunny rabbit!" said Shrek, going right back to his onion stew.
Meanwhile, at Space Station Ark, Shadow was living out his normal days of brooding and angsting, until the morning sickness happened.
"Could it be?" Shadow said, and then the pregnancy test came back positive.
The ultimate life form... was now the ultimate pregnant form!
to bee continued...