Is This Happiness

Chapter 1

Lydia laid shaking in her bed. Tremors pulsated through her body as her eyes closed. She constantly relived the nightmare she woke up from. The nightmare she lived in.

Her life without Allison.

Their lives without Allison.

The huntress who loved others more than herself. The strong willed girl who believed in protecting those who could not protect themselves. She was snatched away from them too soon.

The cold sweat on her forehead did not erase Allison laying limp in Scott's arms. Or her blood staining the ground beneath them.

But it was a pair of arms that kept her sane. Whispering comforting words in ear, She allowed herself to be engulfed in the only certain thing in her life.

Stiles Stilinski.

The young boy who had evolved into the clever, fearless young man who loved with every fiber in his being. It was his love that helped her evolve into the trustworty and caring girl she was.

"I miss her too." Stiles rubbed circles in her stomach. He knew that no words could erase the pain his friends were going through.

"It's been half a year now. I don't know why it still hurts so much." Lydia felt his lips kiss her strawberry blonde hair. This had become their ritual. Every night he would sneak into her room to hold and make her feel safe.

"Because you loved her. You still love her. We all do Lydia. We will just take this day by day. Eventually we will learn to live with the pain and disdain. But we have to live for Allison. It is what she would want." He kissed her forehead.

"How do you know?" Lydia turned to face him. Despite the darkness, she saw his face as clear as could be.

"Know what?" He grazed his thumb along her cheek.

"How do you know the right things to say? You always know what to say to encourage me." She kissed his hand.

"Practice." The two laughed as he got out of the bed.

"Where are you going?" Lydia panicked as she grabbed his arm. The immediate fear clutched her heart. She wasn't ready to be alone again.

"To go get you some water." He assured her. "I will be back."

"Stiles please. Don't go." She felt her world begin to shatter as the ground crumbled beneath her.

"Lydia. Lydia." Aiden shook her. As of lately, all of their dreams tortured them.

At times, he heard Ethan's voice in his head. It was unfair how life took the most important people from you without regard. It didn't matter how much you needed them or vice versa.

"Yeah?" Rubbing her eyes, she sat up. Aiden's concerned eyes made her feel guilty. Why did her dreams have to center around Stiles too?

"I was trying to wake you up for school. But you were screaming so loudly and talking in your sleep?" He played in her hair as he looked in her distant eyes.

"What did I say?" She hoped it wasn't about Stiles. Please don't let it be about Stiles.

"You were screaming Alison's name. You probably didn't get enough sleep last night. I'll get your assignments today." He kissed her forehead as she laid back down.

She held her tears until Aiden left. If she were a Banshee, why weren't her powers strong enough to detect the presence of the dead? She needed Allison's guidance. Grabbing the picture of them together on her nightstand, she imagined her best friend holding her.

"Allison, I know you are here. I might not can see or feel you but I know because it was in your nature to watch out for us. But I got my wish. I wanted Aiden to change and he did. And I should be grateful. He should be the one thing that makes me want to wake up but he's not. Far from." She took a deep breath.

Finally she was ready to speak the truth.

"You were right about Stiles. He's everything. That kiss was everything. But it's too late. He has someone. And I can't take his happiness away from him. You two taught me how not be selfish. And I won't be. He has lost so many people in his life. It just wouldn't be right." She choked on her words.

Hoping her tears would put her to sleep, she clutched her pillow tight. If only the pillow was Stiles.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Stiles did not want to admit how he still noticed every little aspect about Lydia. The way her eyes lit up when an idea struck her. The way her hair flowed as she walked. The way she talked to him with just her eyes only. The list could go on and on. And today was another day Lydia was not here with them.

With him.

He knew she needed him as much as he needed her. He felt it. He sensed it. He didn't know how but it was like his sixth sense. And with Allison gone, she needed to be by his side. But he couldn't do that. Not when she had Aiden and he had Malia.

He wasn't so together as he appeared. Allison was his sister. And if it had not been for him, she would be alive. What was so wrong with him that he kept losing everyone he held dear to his heart? Maybe it was also why he was glad Lydia was away from him. That way she would be safe. Only in his dreams did he hold her. Touch her. Kiss her. Make love to her.

Malia, his girlfriend, was becoming more of an obligation rather than an option. And somehow he became the same for her. They were both growing apart. Afraid of saying what they needed to say because of the fear of being alone.

"She's not here again." Scott waited for his best friend to pick up on the hint.

"I'm aware." Stiles shut his locker as Aiden passed the two with a death glare.

"Looks like he knows you are too." Scott gripped his backpack straps.

He was expected to lead them but he was lost too. And he had to be strong for all of them even if he was weak himself. Allison, his first love, died in his arms. He just wanted to keep his pack together and safe. He had already lost too many. Erica. Boyd. Now her.

"This is hell Scott." The two walked outside to his jeep. "We're all torturing ourselves and trying to hang on to the little shred of happiness that we have. At least you have Kira. But I have no one."

"Stiles you got me." Scott put his hand on Stiles' shoulder. "You will always have me."

"But I can't keep depending on you to carry our burdens. You can't be the alpha all the time. Beacon Hills has forced us all to grow up. We can handle what most of our peers can't. But we still have a breaking point." Scott knew he was listening to his pack's future emissary.

"And Lydia has reached hers. Which is why you have to go to her. Only you can get through to her." Scott watched his brother get into the jeep.

Stiles knew Scott was right. The more he and Lydia were apart, the more his world crashed and burned. He had to stop running.

TWTWTWTWTW

Scott knew he did the right thing as he walked back into the school. Stiles needed to know that it was alright to love her. Feelings since the third grade don't just evaporate. It was also arrogant to think this, but he knew Stiles was the only one right for Lydia and vice versa….

"What the hell was that?" Aiden appeared from the other side of the building. His golden eyes flared.

"Making things right for my pack." The alpha stated firmly. His red eyes casted on the other's claws. Both could not win Lydia's heart.

"The noble Scott McCall. The perfect leader. The perfect friend." Aiden's sarcasm rang loudly. "Stiles needs to mind his business. Lydia is no longer his concern but mine."

It took everything in Scott's will power to keep his human form. Aiden's smugness was getting under his skin.

"He's the one who dropped her for Malia. Remember that?"

"That's not true. You have no idea what was going on his mind. Besides Lydia was just another notch in your belt that you fell for. Your intentions were never really genuine. Just like joining my pack."

"Scott always doing right by his friends. Did you ever once think about my loss too? My twin. Ethan. Did you ever once think that Lydia was the only thing I had left in my life? Damnit." He fell to his knees.

"You're right." Scott acknowledged. "I was wrong for putting that idea in Stiles head, especially when I knew you were there but I'm not apologizing for it…."

"I'm not letting Lydia go without a fight." Aiden exclaimed. "And there is nothing you can do about it."

"I won't have to." Scott walked away. "But if you hurt them you will regret it." He let his threat dangle in the air.

He didn't get it. Just because you loved someone doesn't mean that they have to love you back. Lydia always loved Stiles, she just didn't want to admit it to herself. She was so caught up in Jackson and being popular. But now it was changing and just like him, Aiden could sense it too.

TWTWTWTW

Lydia forced herself to believe that the woods would provide her with the solace she was looking for. The many days she and Allison would come here to train. Laughing, she leaned against the tree. Allison trained and she gave her tips on how to improve. There would never be another Allison Argent. And she couldn't be replaced with Kira. Malia wasn't even an option.

Malia the wild were-coyote who needed Stiles more than she did. The girl who she hated for taking the best thing she had away from her. Stiles wasn't just her friend. He was more whether she spoke it or not. Everyone knew including Malia.

"Allison, you know I'm not big on clichés. Which is why I'm not at your gravesite." She sat on the ground, holding herself.

"your body is there, not your spirit. I'm not a medium, but I know you would be here with me if now if you could. I didn't actually realize what alone meant until you were gone. Until Stiles…." Her voice cracked. She was so tired of missing her friend and thinking about him.

Stiles walked through the desolate woods. His instincts never led him wrong when it came to her. Deaton's words were an explanation to the insatiable need of having her close to him at all times. They were each other's anchors. He wouldn't fight it anymore.

"Stiles." She heard a twig behind her break. Her body could always sense it.

"Yeah. It's me." Stiles watched her turn around. Their eyes meeting as both stood still.

So much happened. Yet, so much did not. Folding her lips, she stared at the ground. Surprising herself by not being pulled in by his deep brown eyes. She had to fight against the scream trying to escape her lips.

Stiles was emotionally killing her. And she was emotionally killing him.

"What are you doing here?" Lydia talked to ground. Hearing his footsteps come closer.

"Because you need me." Stiles removed the gap between them. Holding her small form in his arms. "And I need you." His hands cupped her face. Her clear green eyes staring into his soul.

"It's the only way we are going to get through this. Because I can't do it any other way Lydia. I can't." She wiped his tears. Shushing him quietly.

"It's like we all know the truth about Allison's death but we are too afraid to say it." Lydia shook her head. Brushing her thumbs across his cheeks.

"It's not true what you are about to say." Of course he believed this.

"But it is true Lyds. This is all my fault. It's something I will live forever with. It's why I couldn't be around you and Scott. Knowing that I caused you guys so much pain. It's why I immersed myself with Malia. It's unfair that Allison's dead and I'm alive." His legs buckled as Lydia supported his weight on the ground.

"It's not your fault. It never was. And I don't blame you. Life is cruel Stiles. The people who deserve to lose their lives don't. and the people who do their best to make lives better get hurt the most." She ran her fingers through his soft hair as he let out a soft laugh.

"What's funny?" She asked.

"The fact that you are comforting me when I need to be comforting you." He sat up, resting her head on his chest. Running his fingers through her hair, they both enjoyed this moment.

The pain and anguish were still there, but unknown joy and peace emerged.

"Stiles I meant it. No one blames you because it wasn't you who did this to us. The Nogitsune is gone. Forever. And if he were to return we wouldn't let him come for you." She listened to his steady heartbeat.

"But he came for you Lydia. I had never felt so powerless before. It was like at the moment I felt your fear, and I couldn't stop it." He held her closer to him.

"Shhhh." She sat up in his arms. "We are here now together. That is all that matters." She rested their foreheads together. "Deaton was right. Whether I want to admit it or not, you are my anchor."

"I don't think anything can change that." Stiles brushed his thumb across her bottom lip. She wanted this just as much as he did. This was the moment he dreamt about.

It was as if Malia and Aiden didn't exist. But they did. And this wouldn't be right to them.

"Stiles. No." Lydia jumped up flustered. "I can't do this."

"Why not?" He noticed the space she put between them. "We are both miserable with them. I'm tired of playing this game." Stiles was no longer the goofy teen who used sarcasm as a defense, but a young man who knew what he wanted.

"Just because it's a game with you and Malia doesn't mean it's a game with me and Aiden." Her fear and denial spoke for her.

"Are you seriously saying this?" His heart broke. Why was she hurting them more?

"Lydia, I will leave Malia for you. It's always been you." He was praying that she would give in and not deprive them both.

Once again, he approached her. Gently moving her chin, he leaned in. Their eyes mirroring the want of this moment. It would be like the first time they kissed. Even better because she would give herself to him fully.

Lydia saw the truth in his eyes. He was willing to still sacrifice for her. She couldn't allow that. Her mind was always stronger than her body. And she would ignore this pounding pain in her heart.

"Stiles. I can't. I just can't." Lydia left him there broken.

Many people could describe her as superficial and cold hearted. Now they could add coward to the list.