Like a Blue Rose
--
You're like a blue rose.
--
"I broke up with Masayu."
Naruto saw Sasuke stilled the moment he announced the fact. It was a slight flinch, and Sasuke had his back facing Naruto, but the blonde could identify even the most insignificant movement of the Uchiha. He could sense his surprise. Naruto always could.
Then a second later, the Uchiha resumed arranging the laundry into a wicker basket, which didn't bother the blonde, because they were his laundry that being tidied after all. He wondered why Sasuke had persisted to even bother.
"When?" Came a toneless question from the silent of the two, without turning his back or halting his action.
"Yesterday." Naruto answered with a whimsical smile, which might look a bit too cynical.
Sasuke didn't respond. He wordlessly grabbed onto the sides of the laundry basket, went over where an end table was, and put down the basket atop of it, right in front of Naruto. Then he sat on the sofa across the blonde, and began folding the rest of the dry laundry.
"It's quite short this time too. I thought you said you like her." Sasuke said while his hands were folding an obnoxious orange shirt with a big white swirl printed on its front, his eyes didn't show interest, they were void and indifference as usual.
Just as usual.
Naruto lolled his head to his shoulder, staring at the silent man with his cerulean eyes. "I did." He uttered softly, his eyes searching Sasuke's expression. "But I do like her."
Sasuke brought his two deep dark onyx eyes to glance at the blonde in front of him. "You said it too, about the other girl before…" He stilled a moment, before continued, "What was her name again?" He asked.
"Hinata. Hinata Hyuuga." Naruto smoothly replied, a flash of long dark hair crossed his mind. "She's nice, I like her too."
Sasuke stopped folding the clothes and stilled for a few seconds, as he stared at the blonde with slightly wide, disbelieving eyes. Yet it faded and waned to void again within seconds. "You're the worst." He commented. "You always said that to all of them."
"You're no different yourself." Naruto bluntly said, giving out nonchalant gesture. "You commented the exact same thing as Masayu, and the other before her, and the others before them."
Naruto smiled impishly. Sasuke didn't return it.
"But I didn't lie." He continued. "I was serious when I say I like them."
The look on Sasuke's face was noteworthy. Naruto loved to see the slightest flickers of emotion appeared in his eyes, whether it was astonishment, anger, or curiosity, the slightest emotion excited him. They were certainly better than the void one Sasuke usually showed.
Although the only thing Naruto wished to see appearing in those beautiful dark orbs, had never once emerge. Never.
"That's why I'm sad." Naruto said, as he stood half-way from the sofa.
His blue eyes flickered strange glints as it met the dark orbs, which seemed drawing him more and more every time he saw at them. Then he preceded leaning his body forward, closer to Sasuke's face, until their faces only inches apart. With fluid motion, a tan hand had made its way to Sasuke's pale cheek.
"I'm so sad, Sasuke." Naruto mouthed every word vigilantly, deeply. His hand caressed the Uchiha's cheek with gentle, feather-like touches. His blue eyes never averted from the dark ones. Slowly, Naruto parted his mouth, moving it to form words.
"Console me."
The deep, dark orbs widened slightly.
There was an astonishment flashed inside those orbs, there was even bewilderment, but Naruto didn't find a hint of rejection, or an agreement. He couldn't find the answer. Yet the blonde saw Sasuke's expression suddenly wilted, his eyes fluttered to his knee, to the unfolded orange shirt. He seemed thoughtful.
Naruto waited, his heart was racing. Then Sasuke slowly held up his head, and brought his eyes to Naruto's. Naruto almost startled at the sight of strong, yet beautiful, beautiful dark eyes lingering on his.
It made him forgot how to breathe.
"Fine." He heard Sasuke said, his thin, rosy lips moved so gracefully. He put the orange shirt in to the basket, and removed the basket aside. Then he held up his prideful eyes toward Naruto's again. "Do whatever you want."
Naruto flinched. Yet he quickly took control of his composure. Ignoring his raging heart, he forced a fake smile. "I knew you'd say that." He said.
Then Naruto deliberately brought a knee on to the table, meanwhile initiated a kiss to the other man. The kiss was fiery and passionate, Naruto used his hand to cup Sasuke's chin and tilted his head so he could insert his tongue and deepen the kiss, while the other hand supported his weight as another knee was brought to the table. Slowly, Naruto crawled forward.
The blonde moved his hand to Sasuke's shoulder, slowly pushing him back against the sofa as he kept on advancing. Eventually, Naruto had crossed the table, and he broke the kiss, leaving a trail of saliva connecting their moist lips. Naruto panted slightly as he looked up to see Sasuke, who was panting as well, rivulets of saliva he didn't manage to swallow trickled down to his chin. His pale face flushed red. Naruto unconsciously swallowed his saliva at the sight.
Sasuke looked so fiercely beautiful.
"Sasuke," He called out in a husky voice. Naruto felt his southern organ slowly yet surely began coming alive. He brought his hands to push the Uchiha to the sofa, and kissed him again.
"Mmmnn," Sasuke moaned out as Naruto trailed his tongue along the curve of his lower lip, begging for entrance, a hand on his nape forced him to deepen the fiery kiss. As soon as he parted his mouth, Naruto merrily slid his tongue in to the crevice, he moved his intruding tongue to trace Sasuke's teeth, gums, and the roof of his mouth. Then he urged his tongue to respond to his advance. He lightly bit Sasuke's lower lip as their tongues clashed with each other.
Five seconds later, they detached for air. Naruto moved his tongue from Sasuke's bruised lips, to his jaw line, then to his smooth, pale neck. He began kissing the flawless white skin, sucking on it, and lightly biting at it until it left several red marks. Sasuke took a sharp intake as Naruto bit him too hard, yet he didn't make a sound louder than a moan.
"Sasuke," Naruto whispered hoarsely to Sasuke's ear. Naruto sensed his arousal had been building, and he could sense Sasuke was hard too. Yet, before things gone all the way, he felt he had to ask something first. No, it wasn't right.
Naruto needed an answer.
"Sasuke," Naruto whispered softly. "Why…why do you let me do this to you?"
At the question, Sasuke's body suddenly went stiff. Naruto pulled away, and saw Sasuke was staring at him. His flushed face was overcame with an emotion resembled shock, but close to wariness. Naruto searched his eyes and saw some emotion flashed, yet he was incapable to identify it. Seconds passed, but nothing emerged from Sasuke's mouth. There was neither an answer, nor a sound, nothing.
Naruto gritted his teeth. A sharp pain mercilessly stung at his heart.
He knew it, somewhere in his heart he knew Sasuke wouldn't answer, or maybe he couldn't. It was always like this, no matter how many times Naruto asked, no matter what he asked, Sasuke never answer.
"…fine." Naruto voiced softly, but enough for Sasuke to hear him. Then he sank his face to Sasuke's hair, and put his arms around his shoulders and held him close. "Fine, you don't have to answer." Naruto whispered to Sasuke's ear, desperately trying to conceal the hints of pain in voice. He shut his eyes tightly.
"…I'm sad, Sasuke." Naruto whispered to his hair, desperately tried to control his trembling voice. "She broke my heart. It hurts so much, I can't bear it. I can't stand it. Tonight…help me drive away my sadness, help me forget everything. Please, I beg of you." Naruto pulled away to stare at the beautiful eyes of the Uchiha that drawn him so much, the ones that had been holding his heart captive since the very first time he saw him. The ones which made his heart ached at this very moment.
"Let me embrace you."
Help me forget that you don't belong to me.
--
The first time Naruto met Sasuke, they were still freshmen in college.
They were in the same French class, though they majored in different subjects. Naruto was sitting with his friends at the back of the class, he was chatting with Kiba and Kankuro, when Sasuke entered the class. He captivated him, at the very moment Naruto had his eyes fallen to his lone form, he was stunned.
As if the time stopped flowing, everything stood still. Naruto couldn't avert his eyes. He couldn't hear a sound. He couldn't move. And he forgot to breathe. The world suddenly changed to a painting in black and white, and Sasuke was the only one painted in bright colors. He completely stood out of other people.
Because Sasuke was beautiful.
Naruto had never seen such a beautiful man. Sasuke looked so delicate, yet strong and prideful. He looked feminine, yet masculine; soothing, yet cold. He emitted a special aura, a mix of independence, majesty, purity, charisma, sadness, and…darkness. He was a perfect mix of all aspects; it resulted in his ethereal beauty.
Sasuke was like…a flower.
A blue rose.
"Who's that?" Kiba asked, snapping the blonde's attention. He whistled lightly. "A real beauty! Too bad he's a guy."
Naruto turned his gaze from Kiba, to Sasuke, who was taking a seat at the bench two lines in front of Naruto's. At a moment, their eyes clashed together, Sasuke smoothly averted his eyes as he turned his back to sit properly. In his mind, Naruto imprinted the image of Sasuke's deep, dark onyx eyes to his brain.
He couldn't agree more.
The first time Naruto had ever truly spoke to Sasuke, was when snow started falling from the sky, it was Naruto's first winter in the college.
Naruto took Advance Math because he majored in engineering, but he was having a hard time learning matrix. In fact, he was failing the said class, almost all of his scores written in bright red ink. Naruto admitted he sucked big time in math.
"How about getting yourself a tutor?" Professor Iruka Umino had asked one day after the class ended.
Naruto blinked quizzically at him. "You mean you'll be my tutor?"
"Heck no. I don't have the time for that. You can ask someone with particular good score to tutor you, maybe a friend or classmate." Iruka explained.
Naruto snorted. "That'll be convenient, if only there's anyone who's willing to waste their time on me."
Iruka had a brow raised. "Well, I think if you just ask—"
A brief knock at the front door had interrupted their conversation. Naruto was surprised to see Sasuke stood by the door. At his appearance, Professor Iruka immediately stood up from his seat.
"Sasuke! Is there anything you want?" Iruka had greeted him in friendly manner.
Sasuke didn't immediately reply, his chilly eyes were lingering to the blonde for a brief moment, before he removed them to the waiting professor. "I come to submit the assignment." He said, leisurely approaching the desk.
Naruto stole uncertain glances as Sasuke stopped on his track, just before the professor's desk. Then he wordlessly laid the paper on the desk. Iruka took it and briefly read the contents.
"Why, it's good. But the submission date should be next week, why do you submit it now?" The brunette asked.
"I have too much time in my hand, so I've finished the essay sooner than I expected." Sasuke said. The professor blinked at the revelation, then a look of consideration crossed his face.
"Sasuke, can I ask you something?" Professor Iruka exclaimed cheerfully with a smile, he walked over his desk and approached the Uchiha, and they talked about something. Naruto couldn't hear what they were talking; he only stared at them. And quite bluntly, he paid more attention to the one with darker hair and eyes.
Then suddenly those eyes shadowy slowly moved up. It slowly, yet surely directed to him. For a moment Naruto's body stilled, he took a keen intake of air. He felt those eyes saw through him, burning holes to both his head and chest. Then those thin, rose tinted lips parted and formed a word.
"Sure."
Sasuke began coming over Naruto's house to tutor him twice a week. It was awkward in the first visits, but Naruto gradually became used to Sasuke's existence in his apartment. They often had long conversation and discussion, although Naruto dominated it most of the time. Each of Sasuke's tutorial visits served as means to get to know the silent Uchiha better, Naruto was more than glad he could learn something different about Sasuke, no one else but him could. As time went by, they became close friends. The twice a week visit almost became daily.
Yet the more Naruto knew Sasuke, the more his feelings for him grew. Without being asked, Naruto had been attracted to the Uchiha since their first meeting. It was just a mere physical attraction. Yet as they became closer, it developed from a mere attraction, to a simplistic crush, and then before the blonde knew it, he had completely fallen in love with the man whom he called his best friend. But he restrained his feelings for the sake of their friendship, Naruto thought it was enough that their relationship limited as to be only best friends, and no more. He knew Sasuke didn't have the same feelings as him. And he didn't want to crush the things they already had and shared.
It was until one day, did everything start falling apart.
"Someone confessed to me." Naruto told Sasuke.
It was autumn. They had the heater switched on, because the night was chilly, and Sasuke came to his domicile as usual, to help him with homework and laundries, or cook something healthier than ramen. Naruto had hesitated to tell the Uchiha about the love confession he'd received in the previous noon. He knew it would be awkward to ask for a direct advice from Sasuke, but they were friends. So Naruto thought he'll give it a shot.
Sasuke had halted at the moment Naruto told him, yet he seemed quite calm. "Who was she?" He asked as he resumed reading.
"Her name's Momoka Taguchi. She's my classmate, and she's a transferred student." Naruto fidgeted nervously, unsure. "She confessed to me today, after French. And I…I don't know what to answer, so I told her I'll consider."
Sasuke brought his eyes up from his book. "Do you like her?"
Naruto tensed at the straightforward question. "It's not like I don't like her…I mean, she's nice, and cute, and smart. I like her, but…"
That girl, Momoka had a pair of beautiful dark eyes, which was the only reason why Naruto paid attention to her. Her eyes reminded him of Sasuke's. But it seemed Naruto had been too nice to her, that it made some sort of misunderstanding. Maybe the way Naruto looked into her eyes triggered everything. While the truth, he wasn't seeing her, but he was seeing Sasuke behind those eyes. Naruto didn't love her.
Naruto loved Sasuke.
"Then, it's fine. Accept her." Came a toneless respond.
It was precisely at that moment, Naruto felt his whole body movement stilled, both inside and out. Yet only his heart stayed in motion, it even began accelerating with great speed, the noise rang in his ears so loud, Naruto didn't think what he'd heard was correct. "What?" He asked, somehow not wanting to know the answer.
Sasuke closed his book and stared at the frozen blonde. His face was void from emotion. "You said she's nice, smart, and cute. You said you like her. Then what else should I say but to support you? If you're happy, then it's fine."
But I won't be happy, Naruto wanted to say, but found his lips clamped tightly. A sudden pain throbbed in his chest.
"Your grades are getting better too. So it's fine if you want to date a girl or two." Sasuke continued. His tone was normal, yet it influenced Naruto's heart to pound louder and louder, thumping in his ears, filling the blank, silent space in his mind.
Stop. A dominating sound resonated throughout his head.
"I also think you don't need my lectures anymore. You can use the time you spend with me, to be with your girlfriend." Sasuke said. To Naruto it sounded like the cruelest degradation he had ever received. It mercilessly pierced though his chest to his heart like a long, sharp edged spear, then it pulled out again with so much force, it left nothing remained.
Please stop. I beg of you…stop. The voice resonated over and over again in Naruto's mind, echoing loudly.
"Naruto," Sasuke called, his eyes met with lifeless blue. "I'm happy if you're happy."
Naruto shut his eyes.
Stop.
That night, Naruto called Momoka and said yes.
--
"…you're leaving?"
The said Uchiha, who was putting on his coat, turned to the unclothed blonde in the sofa, who covered his body from waist down with sheets. Naruto drowsily stared at the Uchiha, his hand supported his head. "I have Chem tomorrow morning." Sasuke answered as he picked his wristwatch and wore it.
Naruto smiled. "Are you alright? It doesn't hurt?"
"No. I'm fine."
Then Sasuke reached for his bag and swung it to his shoulder. Naruto watched as the Uchiha walked over to the front door, wore his shoes, and then closed the door as he left.
Just like usual.
"Maybe I should go take a shower before bed." He said as he jumped of the sofa, tying the dirty sheets around his waist to cover himself.
Naruto went into the bathroom. He peeled off the sheets around his waist, and then tossed them to a basket below the sink. He preceded stepping into the shower cubicle. He reached for the faucets, and turned it. Within a second, warm droplets of water began raining onto his dirty, sweating body. Naruto closed his eyes as he enjoyed the little warm trickles brushed his face.
After we did it, he'll definitely leave. It's always the same.
Naruto's hands ran through his damp golden bangs, and fisted at it.
When…did it start?
He leaned forward until his forehead touched the cold ceramic wall, he bended his back slightly so the water soaked his back. Slowly, Naruto opened his eyelids. His blue eyes downcast.
Naruto dated Momoka for roughly two months. It was a short relationship and a shallow one on top of that. Even when Naruto forced himself to love Momoka, he couldn't do it. He couldn't forget about Sasuke. Every time he spent with her, he would be reminded of him. He always did everything half-heartedly. They didn't even have sex. So after a short while, she became tired of him and broke up with him. Naruto didn't mind it too much.
The only thing he concerned about, was that he knew that it only made him realized just how deep his feelings for Sasuke. And it still grew even more.
The fact frightened him.
That was why he started seeing other girls on purpose, he desperately tried anything to forget Sasuke. He went to blind dates, to many parties, assemblies, and such. Yet Naruto always found himself choosing girls who had a bit of resemblance to Sasuke.
Momoka, who had dark eyes; Yunoka, who had pale skin; Aki, who had calm attitude; Yae, who had similar figure; Kikune who had similar rosy thin lips; and Hinata, who had long, dark hair.
But the only girl Naruto had a long and deep relationship with was Hinata.
She was the gentlest girl he had ever met. The only girl, whose name was crafted in to Naruto's heart and mind. She always tried to understand Naruto, always gave him her pure, unconditional love. She always considered his feelings and cared deeply for him. Naruto had found himself clung to her kindness, he thought he loved her. He thought she was the one. But it wasn't the same love with what he felt for Sasuke. He still loved Sasuke. Knowing this, she asked Naruto to break up with her.
Naruto cried the night he broke up with her. His heart shattered to pieces. At that time, Naruto realized he really did love Hinata. She was the only girl he could ever come to love, beside Sasuke. Sasuke was there when Naruto broke down to tears; he had been there for him. He listened to him the whole night. He held him close in his arms like a mother would to her child.
And that was where it started.
After he broke up with Hinata, Naruto became unstable. He rarely came to school, skipped his classes, and started drinking every night. He even almost became a junkie. His life was close to ruins. That was, until Sasuke stopped him. That night, Naruto was drinking in his apartment, he was heavily intoxicated, but Naruto still had a bit of sense. He remembered Sasuke suddenly came, and he went furious at the sight. Naruto remembered he was quite surprised, because he had never seen Sasuke so filled with emotion.
They had a fierce quarrel; curses and discourteous words were thrown to each other's faces at first, then the next thing, they were trying to kick the other's crotch. Naruto had an upper hand, since he was bigger than Sasuke. He had him pinned down below him.
"Naruto, stop it! Don't ruin your life for something as stupid as this!" Sasuke had exclaimed at him as Naruto readied himself to throw a blow.
Naruto had become angrier when he heard those words. He delivered a strong blow to Sasuke's cheek until the Uchiha coughed blood. "Don't you dare saying this is stupid!!" He had screamed indignantly to the Uchiha.
"You don't know anything!! You've never feel what I have; you never knew the pain of unrequited love! You don't know what it feels like being in love with someone so much, it crushes your heart every time you see them from the fierce loneliness, the sadness! You, who never have an interest to even feel, what do you know!!" He continued to scream with tears started flowing uncontrollably from his blurry eyes; he grudgingly wiped them with his hand.
"Na…ruto," Sasuke called as he coughed more blood. He glanced up to the blonde, and seemed surprised to see him crying. A look of regret overcame his face as droplets of warm tears fell to his cheeks.
"N-Naruto, I'm sorry." He had staggered. "I-I didn't know you are so sad. I'm sorry, Naruto. How can I ever make up for this…?"
There was a thought crossed Naruto's mind, as he saw Sasuke looking so regretful, so…fragile. A treacherous thought. You can take an advantage of this, that evil voice told him from somewhere in the back of his mind. Yet there was another voice told him something, but it was so soft, Naruto could hardly hear. He didn't want to hear. The alcohol had taken control of him completely.
"Console me." Naruto mouthed the words softly. Sasuke couldn't hear it.
"What?" He asked.
Naruto stared down at the Uchiha, his eyes glimmered mercilessly. "I said console me." He leered. "With your body." Then he saw Sasuke's eyes widened.
Naruto couldn't recall any further memory.
The next thing he remembered, he saw Sasuke laid beside him, without a single clothing on. He knew Sasuke had somehow agreed to his ridiculous begging. He had come to a horrible realization that he had completely destroyed the friendship he worked so hard to build, to preserve, and protect. All ruined in one night.
He had expected Sasuke would hit him as soon as he awaked, or at least told him he wanted to end their friendship. Naruto had prepared for the worst.
Yet nothing came up.
After Sasuke woke up, without saying anything, he got dressed. He didn't seem angry, or hurt, or betrayed, he looked…void. As if nothing had happened at all, he reminded Naruto to go back to school, before he left the flabbergasted blonde.
Naruto didn't understand. But he felt a little relieved.
Things gradually became normal. Naruto slowly got over his alcohol, and started going to school. Sasuke always came over to his house after class ended, and helped Naruto with homework and house chores. He acted completely normal, he didn't say anything, didn't complain, absolutely nothing.
Yet, Sasuke's silent hurt Naruto the most.
He allowed Naruto to have his way with him. He never said it hurt him, he never said he was burdened with it, he never said a rejection. But to Naruto, it was as if he simply didn't care. He let Naruto love him to the utmost, but never once clearly indicated whether he loved him back or not, while Naruto's feelings only deepened every time he made love to Sasuke. Naruto was left in ambiguous.
Naruto felt things hadn't changed after all.
Sasuke was still unreachable, like he always was. He might even more distant now.
Cynical chuckles escaped the blonde's mouth. He stretched his hand, and closed the faucet. The water instantly stopped showering him. His whole body glistened in wet, his golden hair was damp.
…beautiful, elegant, prideful, yet…unreachable. A flower that is impossible to reach. You're truly…
Naruto held up his head and opened his eyes. A single droplet of tear trickled down his cheek.
Just like a blue rose.
--
Like a Blue Rose, First Chapter
By Deep Flower
18.08.08
--
Note:
I decided to continue this one-shot to be a chaptered story. I will add several chapters, and in my perception, it might end in four or five chapters. I'm touched by your passionate responses, thank you very much for your kind supports. You're all truly lovely.
Blue rose: A symbol of impossibility. Also means 'mysterious person' and 'attaining the impossible' in flower language.
-Dee