A/N: Hallo! So I've written a ton of stuff but was way too nervous to post it so this is the first thing I'm posting. Please try to be nice, but I am so very grateful for any and all criticism. This is going to be two parts at least, this is just one. As much as I would love to, I do not speak ANY French at all, so the French is from Google translate. Sorry about that, I'm working on the lack of speaking French thing, but it's a slow process. I am somewhat, but not entirely, indifferent on the FrUk situation; however, this is FACE family, so just go with it. (Oh my, after that sentence the comma fairy is probably very angry with me) Also, I apologize greatly for all oocness, I tried to avoid it, but I know it is still there. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
"What if we took a… vacation?"
"Huh? A vacation, Mattie? You think that's a good idea? I mean, I would love to, but you really think that that's a good idea right now? Alfred did just-"
The albino's words were cut off, "I don't care what Alfred did. I have been there for him for a very very long time, cleaning up from parties before our parents got home, picking his drunk ass off the floor, even covering for him the last time he got arrested. I love him and I have no issues helping him out, but he can find a different shoulder to cry on, just this once. I want to get away from everything. The last meeting was… frustrating."
Gilbert looked down at the mass of blond resting on his chest and leaned to try and see his face. His eyes were closed, but his expression was still worried and stressed. "Babe, if you want to go somewhere we can go somewhere. Where were you thinking?"
"I don't really know, someplace far, but cold. Like Antarctica." The Canadian didn't move as he spoke, but Gilbert was more than a little taken aback, grabbing Matthew's shoulders and turning him gently so they were facing each other.
"Matt, liebe, listen, I love you and I would do anything for you, but Antarctica? That's a little…crazy."
Matthew sighed and sat up, facing Gilbert with a look of pure exasperation. His bright purple eyes were glistening slightly, as if he was about to tear up. Gilbert and Matthew had been together for decades and of all the faces he had seen his Birdie make, that one was still his least favorite. It felt weird trying to be the sensible one anyway.
"Okay, we'll go to Antarctica," Gilbert conceded, a large grin spreading across his face, "We can go to Antarctica and go and dance with penguins, and freeze our butts off, and go ice skating, and-"
Matthew interrupted him again, just barely smiling now, "You hate ice skating."
"I don't hate it, I'm just… not…" He winced, as if the words were painful to say, "I'm not exactly awesome at it. Anyway, you love it and there will be dancing penguins!" He rushed out his last words, trying to change the subject as Matthew mock gasped at the former statement.
"Did you just admit to not being awesome at something?" Matthew made a surprised face and chuckled.
"No," Gilbert amended, "I did not say that I wasn't awesome, I said I wasn't exactly awesome! They are very different."
"Gil they mean the same thing," Matt laughed and watched as Gilbert pouted, "But I'm serious. We should go on vacation. Maybe not to Antarctica, but…"
"No, wait," Gil jumped up from the sofa and looked at him with a devious glint in his eyes, "Now I'm excited. We are going to go to Antarctica and dance with penguins and find gold and watch the southern lights and fight Vikings and then of course I'm going to have to find a way to keep you warm…" Gilbert's voice trailed off as Matthew started to giggle.
"Gil, there are so many things wrong with that sentence I don't even know where to begin." He kept giggling while Gil pouted, his red rose pedal colored eyes wide and his arms crossed in front of him.
"However…" Matthew continued after seeing Gilbert's pouty face, standing up and wrapping his arms around him, "I do like the idea of you keeping me warm, and… I think I might be getting a little cold already." He looked up through his eyelashes at Gil, who was grinning wickedly.
"Really now? Well, you do seem a little chilly. And how might we go about mending this little problem we have here? Hmm?" Gilbert unfolded his arms and slid them around Mattie's waist, pulling him in closer.
"I'm sure we could think of something," Matthew blushed and looked down, a small grin forming on his face.
Gilbert leaned forward and pressed their lips together as he led them back over to sit on the couch. He leaned over on top of Matthew and pushed him onto his back, still kissing him. Matt wrapped his hands around Gil's neck, gently pulling on his white hair and melting into the kiss. There was a loud bang and he jumped, biting down on Gilbert's lip, making him bleed slightly.
"Ow! Birdie that hurt! What the hell was that-?"
"Mattie! I need to talk to you!" Alfred's voice echoed through the house as he ran into the living room. Matthew squeaked and hid his now bright red face behind his hands, still underneath an annoyed albino.
"Of course you do," Matthew grumbled, still hiding under his hands and digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, "What do you need Al?"
"He needs help because he can't handle his issues himself!" Gilbert practically growled, now climbing off of Matthew and glaring intensely at the blond American.
"Hey! Shut your trap and get away from my brother you stupid pervert! And I don't need help! Heroes don't need help! But they do need sidekicks, and Mattie, thanks to being the brother of such an amazing hero, was born as the perfect sidekick for all of my master plans!"
Matthew groaned and stood up, knowing exactly what was coming. He wandered to the front door and began to pick up the door which was lying on the ground. He heard screaming from the other room as Gilbert and Alfred argued over 'awesomeness and sidekickery.' He chose to ignore them and walked over to the stove, contemplating what to make for dinner. He turned and sat on the counter, turning on the radio to tune out the sound of the fighting as the argument intensified in volume and cruelty. The radio crackled faintly, discussing America's most recent fuck up and the repercussions it would have on Canada. There was a slight buzzing in Matthew's pocket and he pulled out his phone, glaring when he saw the number on the screen.
He sighed as he answered the phone, turning down the radio and rubbing at his temples, "Hi dad, what's-"
"What the bloody hell has your idiot brother done!? He is not answering his phone and I am assuming he has already come to you for help. I would strongly recommend that you ignore that git and leave him to sort out his own problems. No matter how many stupid things he does he never remembers the consequences and the whole cycle starts again all as a product of his sheer unadulterated stupidity and- Francis this is not funny! Stop your stupid laughing, frog! I blame you for raising this idiot!" Matthew held his hand over his mouth to stifle his giggling as he listened to his fathers' bickering over the phone.
"Bonjour Papa!" Matthew called over the phone in an attempt to quiet the screaming, "Comment ça va?" (How are you?)
"Fantastique. Et vous ma chérie Mathieu? Comment gérez-vous votre charmant frère? Sûrement il a n'est pas trop difficile?" (Fantastic. And you my dear Mathieu? How are you dealing with your lovely brother? Surely he is not too difficult?)
"Will you stop?! Ah, Matthew I regret every day that I let this frog speak his foul language around you in your poor sweet innocence. Now, what are you doing about the situation with your brother? I can hear him screaming in the background. And…Is that Gilbert? Never mind that. You can't help him, love. You just can't. If you get involved they'll just literally blow you off the map and, darling, you can't let him drag you down like that." Matthew laughed, imagining how exactly the world would end up if he did help his brother. He shuddered at the thought.
"Dad, don't worry, I'm not that stupid. If Al wants to start a war as a petty display of dominance just because someone played an asinine trick on him once at a party then he can go right ahead. It's not my problem. I'm not going to sacrifice my entire country just because he's my brother. Family might come first as a general rule, but it's a little different when thousands of lives are on the line."
Matthew could hear his parents sigh through the phone and could tell they were absolutely elated to discover that at least one of their children had half a brain. "Mathieu, mon cher, it is so good to hear that you still have a solid head on your shoulders. Now, your father and I are going to leave you to deal with that, while we take care of some… other business. Adieu ma chérie, je serai vous parler plus tard!" (Goodbye my darling, I'll talk to you later!)
Matthew chuckled as he heard cursing in a loud British accent with some sort of muttered goodbye right before the call ended with a click. Sometimes parents are just too much. His phone buzzed again, but he ignored it when he looked at caller ID and saw that it was his boss, calling to make sure he wouldn't do anything stupid. He would deal with that later; right now he needed to deal with the noise pollution problem in the other room.
He walked back into his living room and cleared his throat in an attempt to get the attention of the two screaming nations, but to no avail. He sat down on the couch and pulled Kumajiro into his lap, patting the soft polar bear as he watched them argue.
"Why don't you just leave us and our awesomeness alone? No one is going to help you since this is literally the dumbest mistake in history and you can't just pull other countries into your issues and stupidity!"
"Yeah well if you would stop fucking my brother long enough to realize that you aren't a country anymore you would see that you have no say in this type of issue!"
That was where Alfred crossed an invisible line that sent Matthew over the edge, "That's enough! Both of you sit down and shut up now!" Both of the arguing countries turned in shock to stare at the sudden third contributor to the screaming. They both knew very well that Matthew did not scream like that very often, but when he did it could be very very dangerous to not listen. Each of them sat down on opposite sides of the room, staring directly at Matthew, watching him carefully to gauge his emotions.
"Thank you," he continued in a much more placid tone, "Now, time to get down to business. Alfred, it is very good to see you again. I wish you had not come under such… strenuous circumstances, but-"
"You might want to use smaller words, Birdie. I don't think his miniscule brain can handle it," Gilbert declared in response to Alfred's puzzled face.
"Oh yeah dude, 'miniscule' ha," Alfred scoffed at Gilbert, not letting Matthew get in a word to stop a fight that was now becoming inevitable, "because you totally didn't learn that word from Mattie anyway. We both know of everyone in the room, including that bear thing, you definitely have the lowest IQ."
Gilbert stood up and Alfred mirrored his actions, glaring at each other, ready for a fight. Before either of them was fully standing Matthew placed a hand on each of their chests and pushed them, causing them both to be thrown off balance and land back in their respective seats.
"You are both going to shut up and listen right now or trust me neither of you will like what happens next," Matthew stated in a warning tone, giving them each glances that said he meant business, "Al, we need to talk about your new... situation."