Okay, I know, I have too many ongoing fics. But, all these new ideas keep smacking me in the face and I just have to right them down. The inspiration for this came as I was watching the abduction and coming to the Okiya scene from Memoirs of a Geisha. It's a pretty good movie. Not entirely true to life though. And, I mean, when your life focuses on killing people you can't possibly have time to spend on cooking and cleaning. So I assume they have a maid, just a kidnapped civilian to cook and clean.

Title: Sent For Groceries, Got Kidnapped Instead
Disclaimer: This is 100% fanwork, and I don't get paid for it, so please don't sue me, I'm just a poor high school student with no life.
Rating: T
Warnings: Hidan's mouth, mentions of... Zetsu eating people (it's not really cannibalism, because is he really human?), forced servitute, and possible mentions of BDSM-related things

"Dozen eggs, quart of milk, stick of butter, freakin' dad, dozen eggs, quart of milk, stick of butter..." Kitsuke Osamu, aged 16, was pissed. Not only did she have to walk down to the grocery store, she had to do it at night. Not that she minded the night, but leaving the house at 9:30 just didn't appeal to her. There were only three other people on the street. A stoner, a night owl she had seen on other night trips, and some guy in a black cloak with red clouds.

A bit creeped out by the cloaked figure, she sped up, already halfway to her destination. She pushed a lock of shoulder-length dirty-blonde hair out of her face. Oh, crap. The night owl turned onto another street, I don't mind him, looks like he'd probably help, but this other guy creeps me out. And that stoner's not gonna be much help.

She made a move to cross the street, being on the other other side being better than nothing, when he sprung.

Before she could blink the figure had her heaved over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and was whispering, "Keep quiet, bitch," in one of those odd whispers where you're kind of yelling and whispering at the same time. Not that she could have. She was too stunned to do anything at all. Let alone scream. Plus, she could feel powerful muscles tense as the man jumped, starting to jump across the rooftops. If she started screaming she knew she would regret it even more than letting him take her.

Sure you can call her a wuss, but she would rather go the route that caused less pain.

Once they had made it past the outskirts of town, he bound the brunette's hands and pushed her into the light of a previously-made small fire, examining the full extent of her average-height, boyish frame. "You're fuckin' skinny girl! But I guess you'll do. Leader's been looking for a new maid." Osamu's vocal chords decided to start working again at that particular moment.

"Why did you take me and what the hell do you plan on doing with me you dickwad?" she glared up at the man, getting a good look at him for the first time. His silver hair was gelled back against his head, and his magenta eyes glinted with amusement at her.

"Well, I'm Hidan, and here's how it's gonna work. Due to some... unfortunate circumstances, the pervious maid for the Akatsuki has passed on. And you, little bitch, are going to be the next. Now, no one's gonna fucking hurt you if you follow orders like a good little bitch, but if you don't, I ain't responsible for whatever happens to you."

"A-akatsuki?" the brunette's eyes went wide. Why didn't I remember the cloak before? In her shock, she fell backward onto the ground, landing hard on her butt. "Owwie..."

"Oh, dear Jashin." Hidan rolled his eyes. Why did he have to choose a clutz?

...

The morning was spent traveling to the hideout, with Osamu carried on the other's back, bound hands draped around his shoulders. Another member greeted them with a near-silent 'hn' and a beckoning finger telling her to follow him.

Despite having kidnapped her, Hidan shot her a look that said 'good luck, you'll need it.'

"Leader-sama will see you now, be respectful, never look him in the face, and speak only when spoken to. Can you do that? You'll be killed if you don't." She nodded, eyes wide, and was pushed into the room. "Kneel." The door shut behind her. She gulped and sat on her knees, on the floor, looking down as ordered.

"I see Hidan successfully completed his mission. Not bad, a bit skinny. How old are you?"

"Sixteen."

"You are to be our new maid. Be aware that if you accept this position you will live, but work, and if you decide to disobey or try to escape you will die. Will you accept this?"

"I choose the option where I live, thanks."

"Witty, aren't you? Deidara will show you around, you are to cook, clean, draw baths, and generally keep the hideout itself running. As for the members, you are to make polite conversation with them if they wish, along with tolerating their flirtations. You, however, will get to say no if they push it and you do not wish for them to go any farther, I'm not a complete monster."

"Flirtations?" She eyed him warily.

"I keep them busy on missions, they rarely get to practice their... skill with women."

Twitch

. I'm stuck in a hideout with a bunch of sexually and romatically frustrated men. Great. Well, I'm happy the ones I've met so far have been good-looking.

Well, that was my mediocre prolouge. I had to start writing this. It, like, started noming on my brain and I feel much better now that I've gotten it out.