Hello everyone,
I dunno what inspired me to write this, I was playing it on guitar and I just thought of this idea. It's pretty sad but it's one of my favourite songs by one of my favourite artists. I hope you like it, and I hope it isn't too sad ;)
~Hannah
Emma's POV
I miss him. I miss the way he laughed whenever I laughed, or the way he would call me cute when I was wearing pyjamas and no make-up. I miss the way his eyes lit up whenever I told him I loved him and the way he said it back, I knew from the first time he said it that I wanted to hear those three words leave his mouth forever. The first time he said it, we were out in the park and we saw a group of girls fighting and I started rambling on about how we judge people like those girls before we even know why they were crying, and we don't think about any of the challenges they might have been through, and when I stopped, he was just looking at me. I didn't know what I'd done so I just kind of looked at him and he nodded but I could tell in his eyes something was different, he just kind of exhaled it. He didn't say anything for a moment after that nod but he just exhaled it, almost as if he was too afraid to say it to me but he had to get it out, I didn't want to reply, I just wanted to hear him say it again. That was two weeks after we started dating.
I remember how we used to dance around the kitchen to Michael Buble and slip into our own little world, a world for Will and Emma, just us. We'd be dancing around the kitchen , looking into each other's eyes until the sound of the smoke detector would snap us out of it, and by that time, all of our food would be burnt. I loved the way he would sit down in the living room with his ukulele and sing, just manage to convey all his personal feelings, to be able to channel them into a song. I found it mesmerizing, the way he would look at me when he sang. I remember the way it felt like his eyes were boring holes into me, but I loved it secretly, I loved the way he would be able to relate our love to those soppy love songs that we both secretly adored.
The day it ended, I'll never forget. He'd been snappy all week, we were getting into arguments over every little thing, he would sleep on the couch instead of coming to bed. I remember feeling so alone that week , like a piece of me was missing because he wasn't lying next to me. He wouldn't sing to me in the car when we were driving to school, he wouldn't hold my hand either. He never came into my office to eat. I thought it was because Sectionals was so close and he was stressed and I just needed to give him his space. So that's what I done. I left him alone because I thought it would make everything better. Then one night, he came home and started shouting at me, about how I'd been so distant and how he feels like he doesn't even know me anymore. I shouted back at him with tears streaming down my face, telling him how I had been feeling that week, the feeling of loneliness and a mix of anger towards him. He stopped shouting and looked around the apartment, I thought for a moment that he was going to come towards me, and hug me or tell me everything was okay and that it'll never happen again but he didn't. He just looked me in the eye and what I saw then wasn't my Will. His eyes were cold and raw of any emotion. He looked at me and said 'it's over. I'm done'. We haven't spoken since.
I wanted to run after him, I wanted to run into his arms and tell him how much I loved him and how I wish that we could just go back to how we were but I didn't. I stood there, shell shocked, at how the man I loved, the man who I thought loved me, walked out of my life without so much as a goodbye. I slid down the wall and cried, I don't how long for, I just cried. I cried for the love of my life, I cried for the years that I wasted because of this stupid disease. I cried for all the people suffering in the world and all the people that are going through what I'm going through. I cried for all the children without mothers and fathers and I cried for the teenagers in the park. He said he'd never leave me, he said we were forever, forever and always is what he said. And I believed him. He left, he left me. He didn't tell me he loved me, he didn't kiss me or hug me or just talk to me, he didn't tell me what was wrong.
I ran into the bedroom after that and pulled out his old McKinley t-shirt, the one he used to say I looked cute in, it smelt like him. I pulled it on and got into bed. I held it up to my nose and fell asleep that way. He never came back to collect any of his clothes, he just left without a trace.
The last two months haven't flown by, everyday dragging and seeming longer than the one before. I tell myself every morning not to let it defeat me, that being with Will didn't define me and he no longer had a hold on me, that I no longer loved him. But it was all in vain, I still love him, I still wait for the day he'll come back and knock on the door with that lopsided grin and his curly hair. It never happens but I still wish. School isn't the same, I miss the way he'd stop me from rambling by kissing me, or the way he'd dance with me in my office even though it has glass doors.
Today, the Glee club and him have gone to compete in Regionals, so I was alone in the school, Figgins had gone home and Sue was out with the Cheerios. I figured it wouldn't hurt to go and see the choir room. I walked down to Will's office by instinct and that's when it hit me. He'd wiped away every memory of me, he'd taken down the display that we put up together and he put the pictures he had of the two of us away. I guess I'm holding onto false hope. I walked into the choir room, and was hit with a wave of nostalgia, it was nice to see that whilst everything in my life had changed, this one thing hadn't. There was a bunch of people sat in the room though, I recognized a few of them, I think they were part of the band that played the music for the New Directions. I walked over to them and asked them if they knew this song and they nodded. They walked up to their instruments and got ready. I pulled out a stool and sat on it, pretending Will as sat in front of me. The music started as did I.
Will's POV
I miss her. I miss the way she'd dance around the kitchen floor or the way she'd wait for me to come to her office to have lunch. I miss her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or the way she'd clean her grapes before eating them. I miss the way she'd look at me with that look, with those eyes. She'd be able to convey all her emotions with just one look. I'll never forget the look in her eyes when I told her it was over.
I'd been doing it for a week, tearing myself apart, telling myself it wasn't going to work, that a love like ours doesn't exist in real life and I should end it before I end up hurting both of us even more . I tried to distance myself from her as much as I could. I didn't talk to her, or tell her I loved her. I didn't sleep in our bed instead I slept on the couch. I could hear her, tossing and turning, trying to find a position that wouldn't make her feel as lonely as she was feeling. I didn't sing her those soppy love songs on the way to school or hold her hand. Why I done these things, I don't know why. I knew she didn't either. About a week in, she just started to leave me be, let me figure this one out on my own, she thought it would be best to give me my space, I could see how much it was hurting her to do it though. She would make us both dinner but then go and eat hers in the bedroom or she'd go to bed without telling me. She wouldn't wake me up in the morning, she'd just leave. I knew this was my doing but it angered me that she thought that was what I needed.
One day, I just snapped. I couldn't take it, this guilt gnawing away at me, killing me. I got home from work and started shouting at her, telling her how leaving me alone was wrong and how I don't know who she is anymore. The last part was a lie, I knew who she was, I didn't know who I was. She started shouting back, telling me how she'd felt for the past weeks, the feeling of loneliness and the occasional feeling of anger towards me. I looked her in the eye and all I saw was love, love and hurt. I said the four words I never wanted to say. I told her that I was done and it was over. I saw her face flash with anger and contempt, but it soon was replaced with hurt and despair. I walked out and got into to my car, I sat there and watched her sink to the wall, sat and watched her cry her heart out. Oh, how I wanted to run back inside and wipe those tears off her face, and hug her and kiss her, I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay. But I didn't. Instead I drove off.
The last two months have flown by, mainly because I've thrown myself into work, and Glee. I have to stop myself from walking down the corridor to Emma's office, I don't eat lunch anymore because it feels wrong not to eat it with her. Today the New Directions and I went to Regionals, luckily we won but their parents picked them up from the place it was held instead of them riding back to school with me. When I got back to school, I saw Emma walk into my office, and I saw her face drop, I saw how she realized that I changed the display we put up together and the way I took down all of our pictures. She walked through into the choir room and whispered something to the band members. They nodded and went over to their respective instruments, she pulled out a stool and sat on it, staring intently at the seat in front of her. The music started playing and soon she joined in.
Emma's POV
I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered
For just us to know
You told me you loved me
So why did you go away?
Away
I sang, imagining Will was sat in front of me. I tried to convey all my feelings into the words the way the Will did when he was singing.
I do recall now the smell of the rain But now I'll go sit on the floor
Fresh on the pavement
I ran off the plane
That July 9th
The beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt
I can still feel your arms
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
Will's POV
I can hear the emotion in her voice, the way she really means what she is singing and I can see by the look on her face that it is taking all she can not to cry. I walked around to the actual door for the choir room and leant against the frame watching her. The way she moved her head sideways when she was hitting the long notes, or the way she swayed slowly to the music as if it was filling her body.
So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep And I hope the sun shines
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind
You could hear her Virginia accent slipping in, and I thought it was adorable, but I don't have the right to feel that anymore. I was the one who done this to her. I was the one that made her show up to school with mascara stained cheeks and her hair pulled up into a messy bun, the kind I know she does when she is upset or stressed. She says it helps her because her hair is away from her face and she says she feels freer. I was the one that made her cry in her office most lunchtimes, mourning all the times we spent in there. I was the reason she was singing this song, and it's killing me.
So I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
Just like our last kiss
Forever the name on my lips
Forever the name on my lips
Just like our last...
I walked up to her and hugged her from behind her. She pulled away and glared at me.
'What do you want Will? Are you here to tell me you want me back? Well no, because you're just going to break my heart all over again. You had no right to do that.' She carries on shouting at me and hitting my chest but I pull her towards me and rest my head on her hers, I can feel her relaxing against me, her words slowly stopping until they become soft whimpers. I hear her words from somewhere between her mouth and my chest.
'I love you Will and you just left me. You ignored me for weeks and then came home and told me it was over, I didn't know what I had done. I felt like I had nothing, like if I disappeared, it wouldn't matter because if you didn't care about me or love me then it already felt like nothing else mattered. How do you think I felt when you wouldn't talk to me or you'd sleep on the couch, do you know how I fell asleep?' I shook my head and she continued. 'I would wear your clothes and I sleep with your pillow, I'd fall asleep with my nose in your t-shirt because it was the closest thing to hugging you that I could get. I would wake up in the morning and turn around hoping that maybe you got back into bed but you never did. On the ride to school, I always expected you to suddenly start singing and you never did so that's why I started to make my own way there, because I'd rather still feel really close to you and be far apart than be really close to you but feel really far apart. I always wanted to wake you up and have breakfast with you but I didn't want to hear you actually reject me so I never did. Do you know how much all of that killed me? How when you left me, I sat on the floor and cried for hours, that whole year Will, all of it, all the memories and all the laughter and kisses shared, were gone.' She looked up at me and what I saw broke my heart, her face had tear tracks running down and her eyes were wide with the fear that I would turn away from her again after her confession. Instead I held her tighter, and kissed her head softly.
I turned to speak to her. I pulled away from her and held her by the waist.
Emma's POV
He pulled away from me and held me by the waist, his eyes boring into mine with the same intensity that I saw before everything broke down.
'Emma, I'm sorry, I know I was wrong, I know nothing I can ever say or do will ever justify my actions. I'll never be able to explain why I did it, because the reason I done was me. It was because I knew that I'd screw it up, and that if I started any longer, I'd break both our hearts, I knew that if I stayed for longer, it would've ended worse because I would've ended up messing it all up. I wish I could take everything back, I wish we could go back to dancing on the kitchen floor.' The corners of my lips turned up into a smile and the memory of us dancing around the kitchen 'I wish we could go back to cuddling on the couch and singing together. Watching Glee rehearsal together. I miss us Em. I miss the way we done things and the way that I always knew that no matter we done, we'd always have each other. I miss the way the school would leave us a space on the bench next to us because they knew we'd always sit next to each other. '
'I know you aren't going to take me back right now but please can I have another chance. I screwed up Em. I ruined everything and it sucks. I wish I could voice how much you mean to me and how I would kill to have you back but I can't because words don't express the way I feel. Please give me another chance?' I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought his head to rest on my shoulder. I could feel his tears soaking up my cardigan and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I didn't say those three words but I exhaled them and I knew that he understood what I meant.
HELLOOO EVERYONE!
I hope you enjoyed it, it was pretty sad but yeah. Please read and review, tell me if it was good or bad? If you want the wedding one remember to say it in the review or in a PM, I do have a high school one-shot based on a Taylor Swift song but I think I'll save that one for a bit later ;) The song in this was Last Kiss – Taylor Swift. It's one of my favourite songs, so I recommend that you go and check it out, because Tay is awesome, a huge inspiration to me and my writing.
Love you all ;)
~Hannah
P.S. Remember to R&R ;) It'd be greatly appreciated!