Disclaimer: I do not own Princess Diaries or anything to do with Princess Diaries- Disney and Meg Cabot owns it. This is an amateur work of fiction and is in no way intended to infringe upon their rights. I make no money from this.

Dreams Fulfilled

Chapter 1

"If you will excuse me, Your Majesty," he repeated with a slight bow. He bowed slightly, then, with his back ramrod straight, walked out into the night.

She had turned him down!

Joseph strode down the familiar path, barely able to think, the raw pain and disbelief numbing his ability to reason. Reaching the garden gate, he shoved the wrought iron bolt aside and roughly flung it open to enter a small area topped by a honeysuckle-covered lattice. The vines hung low, partially blocking the brightness of a security light and the view from the back entrance area. Glad for the privacy, Joseph stopped, hands on his hips and tried to slow his breathing.

He had lost Clarisse.

No, he'd never had her.

Dropping onto a wooden bench, Joseph scrubbed his hands across his face then rested his forearms on his thighs, staring at the dappled pattern of light on the gravel as a crushing weight of disappointment settled in his heart.

What had gone wrong?

He had been so certain, yet she had refused him. The shared confidences… her gentle touch and affectionate glances when none was necessary- did they mean nothing?

It could not a matter of another man. As the Royal Head of Security, he was privy to every moment of his sovereign's days…and nights. He knew when Her Majesty was in her apartments and, if she were entertaining company, he knew the arrival and departure times of her guests to the very minute. When visiting another palace and not present in the room with her, it was his responsibility to wait discretely within sight of the door. For her to have a secret relationship was virtually impossible.

It was true Clarisse had never declared any deep feelings for him, but neither had he until that day in the garden. Still, he had been confident she cared for him. Instead of love, however, it had been merely friendship.

Letting his breath out in a noisy rush, Joseph raised his head and leaned back against the wooden slats of the bench. He was a fool! He should have seen it coming. On the day he proposed in the gazebo, he should have realized from her hesitation that she would not accept. Had she loved him, she would have joyfully agreed.

He had thought her need for time was simply due to pressure from the upcoming wedding and coronation. The past weeks had been a whirlwind of activity for Clarisse and her days had been filled with diplomatic issues, wedding details, and the difficulties with Mabrey and Nicholas, not to mention the princess.

Too, he would bet Clarisse had never made a spur of the moment decision in her life. She was the type to think through every decision thoroughly for days or weeks if need be.This need to deliberate on a problem was something he understood. He did the same thing except he was used to running through his options and making judgment calls within minutes or even seconds. Without a doubt, he had certainly blown this one.

And her refusal claiming the demands duty and responsibility- he did not understand that at all. This was a personal matter, yet she had used her royal position as an excuse! Was Clarisse afraid to say she did not love him? Was she afraid to be honest with him? What did she think he would do- make a scene or humiliate her in front of her staff or family or friends?

Was she worried that others might learn of his feelings for her, causing her embarrassment? While careful not to overstep bounds of propriety, he had never hid his caring about her- he wasn't ashamed! Was she ashamed of his love for her? The ache in his chest tightened at the thought.

Even if true, that wouldn't explain her excuses. With understanding suddenly dawning, Joseph groaned.

Clarisse felt sorry for him.

Like a raw cut, the realization stung more than anything else did. He saw it now- the weeks before giving him an answer, the evasion, the times she could not meet his gaze… Clarisse was trying to spare his feelings. He'd seen the regret in her eyes and the pity, the unvoiced plea to forgive her for not loving him.

The ability to read people was the crux of his profession, and the lives of those he protected depended on it. How could he have missed seeing that her regard for him was, at the very most, only that of a valued companion? Had his love had made him blind?

Joseph took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It didn't matter now. He would never have her in his life. Today, tomorrow…never. Nothing could be the same between them, either. Once words of such deep emotions were spoken, they could not be ignored…or withdrawn.

With slowed steps, Joseph left the trellis and headed to the door at the far end of the wing. His world may have fallen apart, but he still had a job to do protecting his queen.

Studying a schedule, Shades was at the computer when Joseph entered the Security Center and despite it being evening, two more agents were still at work making arrangements for visiting dignitaries. They would be running extended shifts until the ceremonies were over and the guests had departed.

"Hi," the younger man called out, barely glancing up from the screen. "We have all the VIP arrival times confirmed and escorts assigned for each one. What did you want to do about-" Shades stopped when he saw Joseph's expression. "Sir, is everything okay?" His boss always looked rather stern, but there was something different about him tonight.

"Everything is fine," Joseph replied curtly, sitting down at another monitor and calling up the queen's list of appointments. Seeing no updates from Charlotte, he brought up the security assignments for the next three days, made several changes, and then printed two copies.

"I'd like to speak with you in my office," he said, leaving without waiting for a reply. Shades shot a glance at Anton, who shrugged and turned back to charting the coronation parade route and security posts.

Once seated at his desk, Joseph came to the point. "I'm making several alterations in the assignments. The most important one is that you will act as Her Majesty's personal guard from now on." Surprised, Shades stared at Joseph. "I will be retiring shortly and if you are interested, I will recommend you to Princess Mia as my replacement."

Shade's jaw dropped at the announcement. "Retiring? I didn't know you were even considering it, sir."

Joseph fiddled with a pencil, looking away. "It was a recent decision. How do you feel about taking over?"

"I'd like the opportunity," Shades replied, sitting up straighter in the chair. "When do you plan to retire?"

"Two weeks. If necessary, I can be available to advise and help you with the transition for a few extra days." He looked at Shades and continued sincerely. "I don't think you will have any difficulty. You'll do a fine job."

"Thank you, sir," Shades answered, his bewilderment preventing him from fully enjoying the compliment. Just what was going on? Joseph leaving? What about him and the queen? He chose his words carefully. "Is anyone else aware you will be retiring?"

"I haven't informed the palace yet," Joseph replied tersely, "but, it's important you know now so we plan now for a seamless transition."

"I'll do whatever you say," Shades hurriedly assured him. Not even the queen knew?

"Good. Here are the changes for the coming four days," Joseph said, handing Shades a copy of the printouts. "Her Majesty will be your primary responsibility. If you so choose, you may later assign other agents to her. However, until I am no longer in charge it will be you and at least one other agent watching her at all times, in addition to support positions."

"I understand, sir."

"There are still matters to be resolved concerning the church and reception, so I will attend to those," Joseph continued quickly, wanting to finish and leave. "I should be at the palace by late afternoon each day, but don't hesitate to call if you have any questions that cannot wait. While I will provide backup coverage for the ball, at tomorrow night's reception I will not be part of the inside team."

At Shade's look of astonishment, he quickly continued. "I will be on the street and wired." Joseph managed a quick smile in hopes of putting Shades at ease. "I want you to run the show by yourself- get experience now, while I'm still here. So, take a look at the schedule for the coming weeks and make adjustments to the assignments you think are necessary. I'll stop by here tomorrow- run them by me then."

The younger man nodded slowly.

Joseph replaced the schedule with a diagram and pointed to marks on the church floor plan. "These are the changes for the wedding- Anton and Hans will be forward on the left, here, with Pearson and Mel to the right. You will be up front with Her Majesty, as will Lionel- in the far corner."

Shades started to protest but wisely thought better of it.

"I will be positioned at the narthex with Princess Mia and will remain there until she and Andrew Jacoby exit. At that point, Anton and I will accompany the couple with Hans, while you, Pearson, and Mel accompany Her Majesty. Darrell and Lionel will oversee the departure of guests and coordinate with visiting security."

Joseph looked up to make sure Shades was clear on the changes. "I will use the remainder of my notice to finish preparations for your assuming the position of authority and to prepare for my departure. Any questions?"

"No, sir. But, I'll hate to see you go, sir- we all will," Shades said slowly, leaning back in his chair. "We always thought…that is, we never expected you to leave like this." Gathering papers he would need for the next day, Joseph was silent. "May I ask if you will be staying in Genovia?"

"No. I will be moving out of the country." Snapping his briefcase closed, Joseph stood to leave.

When the door slammed shut behind his boss, Shades was still standing by his desk, hands in his pockets, trying in vain to make sense of what he'd just heard.

Far from restful, her night had been one of the most difficult Clarisse could remember and she awoke the next morning with a headache and deep sense of unease. Taking breakfast in her room had given her extra time to think about Joseph more clearly in private. Over the remains of her morning tea, she sat in the subdued light of her living room and recalled the previous evening while trying to be totally truthful with herself.

Joseph was her most trusted friend as well as employee. He had seen her through the nightmare of her husband and son's deaths as well as the renewing of family ties with Amelia, and had given invaluable comfort, support, and straightforward counsel. When she had become too accustomed to mourning, Joseph had brought her out from her shell of withdrawal.

For all this, she was profoundly grateful. While other friends had generously supported her, it was his strength she had chosen to rely on so many, many times. Through it all, he had never wavered and had never asked for anything in return.

While his position required his close presence, Clarisse was aware Joseph had gone well beyond his duties as Head of Security, looking out for not just her safety but also her well-being and peace of mind. Even though no one else could be aware or have noticed, she had used him not just as a guard, but had often relied on him as a companion both socially and privately.

Truthfully, she enjoyed his being near and the extra attention he gave her. It made her feel special and beautiful…even young. Under different circumstances, she would have welcomed their friendship developing into something deeper. But, circumstances were what they were and there was a line she could not cross.

She had assumed a lifelong duty upon her commitment to marry Rupert and her primary responsibility from that moment on was to the people of her new country. Personal needs were second and always would be…even if they involved matters of the heart.

And Joseph was most certainly a matter of the heart. She cared very deeply for Joseph, and the thought frightened her enormously.

Because they both acknowledged the fact that their love for each other was different from that of romantic desire, her marriage to Rupert had been a safe and comfortable one with little risk. Too, there had never been a question of the marriage failing since divorce was out of the question. Her marriage had been a cocoon sheltering her from emotions she had never had to deal with- until now.

Desire and indecision swirled within Clarisse, confusing her.

She was not certain of who she truly was. Her actions, her thoughts, her plans and goals all revolved around what she was, not who. Never before had there been a need to search deep inside her heart. To open her private thoughts and passions without restraint to another…

Clarisse abruptly came to her feet and paced restlessly across the room to the window, distressed at the very thought of such emotional intimacy.

The situation was best considered from a practical, rational point of view, she decided. By far, reason was essential when all aspects of a situation must be weighed and she was certain it would work in this case. Resolute, Clarisse began.

First, there were the social considerations. Were she to agree to his offer, marriage to Joseph, a commoner, would not be accepted. Genovia was a small country, which clung stubbornly to its customs and standards and the people expected their sovereign to uphold traditions, not disregard them.

When she was a young girl, she knew that her parents and Genovia's king and queen had agreed on her betrothal to Rupert. These sorts of things were arranged, and royal marriages were to strengthen the ties between countries and reinforce policies of cooperation between them. No Genovian monarch had ever married outside of another royal or titled family of Europe. It just wasn't done.

Moreover, her duties would not end when Mia assumed the throne and she would be required to attend numerous social and political functions throughout Europe, taking nearly all her time and energy and leaving little to devote to a marriage. She would be mingling with the continent's wealthiest and oldest families who could be just as severe in its judgments as her people.

Joseph Coraza might be the equal of any man- the better of most- but if they were to marry, Joseph would be seen as above his station. While no one would dare make an outright derisive comment to Joseph in her presence, the upper classes could cut just as deeply and devastatingly without uttering a single, solitary word. Clarisse stopped pacing, her thoughts in order.

The world she lived in was a different one from that of ordinary people and she could never be more than friends with Joseph. Her heart was not hers to give and that was simply the way it was.

Nevertheless, even if unable to marry, she unquestionably wanted them to remain close. Absolutely no one publicly or privately knew of his feelings for her or of her regard for him. They could resume their friendship where they had left off and no one would be the wiser. There would be no talk or gossip.

He was disappointed and hurt from last night, true, but Joseph was a man to see situations clearly. Once she explained her position, he, too, would wish to continue their relationship as before and would eventually agree it was for the best.

Determined, and her mind much more at ease, Clarisse left for her office. She would speak to him first thing that morning. The sooner the situation was settled, the better for both of them.

His appetite deserting him, Shades looked at the remains of his roast beef sandwich then put it back on his plate. Across from him, Charlotte was picking at her salad, more quiet than usual. Both of them were extremely busy in these last days before the wedding, but by chance had errands in town and were able to have a quick lunch together.

A night's sleep for Shades hadn't made any more sense of Joseph's announcement and he was, in fact, more confused than before. Everyone had expected him to marry Queen Clarisse before now. For the past few years, the boys in the security department even had a betting pool going on the date Joseph and the queen married and Shades would give good odds every other department in the palace was doing the same.

Why the sudden turnaround?

"I'm to become the new Head of Royal Security," he said slowly, watching Charlotte's face. He saw surprise, but not as much as he had expected. "I'm running things from tonight on- subject to Joseph's approval, of course."

Charlotte stabbed at a cherry tomato but made no effort to eat it. "What about Joseph?" she asked without looking up.

Shades hesitated. He'd promised not to say anything about Joseph's retirement, but something just wasn't right and he needed to know what it was. Charlotte was the queen's aide. If anyone else knew the story, it would be she. "He's retiring."

"Oh." Charlotte frowned, her attention now fully on Shades. "When?"

"In two weeks. Look, this hasn't been announced, so…"

"I won't say anything," she quickly assured him. She started to add more then bit her lip.

"You know something about this?" Shades asked. She didn't reply and he pressed harder. "This has to do with the queen, doesn't it?"

Charlotte shook her head. "I can't say. It's…"

Shades leaned over the table and dropped his voice. "Look, Joseph beat two important lessons into our heads – one, that we were to keep what we saw or heard to ourselves, and two, anything that might affect the queen was our business."

Charlotte stared at her plate.

"I'd say that having Joseph suddenly announce he's retiring and leaving Genovia affects-"

"He's leaving?" Charlotte exclaimed looking up, her fork hitting the plate with a thunk.

Shades nodded. "He'll be here for two weeks wrapping things up then he's gone."

Sitting back in her chair, Charlotte took a deep breath and let it out. "Yes, I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the queen."

"Pretty sure?"

"I overheard them talking yesterday," she answered quietly, then quickly explained, "I was on the landing and I didn't mean to-"

Shades waved a hand impatiently. "I know you weren't eavesdropping! What happened? Did they argue or…what?"

"She turned him down," Charlotte whispered.

"Turned him down?" Shade's face twisted in confusion. As second in charge, he was usually aware of what went on around the palace and in all the years he'd known Joseph Coraza, not once had the man ever slipped off to the royal apartments. He found this new information hard to believe. "What? You mean Joseph propositioned Quee-"

"No, you idiot!" Charlotte hissed. "He proposed to her. And keep your voice down!"

"Oh," he said contritely, grimacing in embarrassment. All the same, it still didn't make sense. "I can't believe she would turn him down just because he's…well, he's a commoner. That's archaic!"

"I don't think that was the grounds, really," she replied, "but I'm not sure what the queen's reasons were…he wouldn't listen, so…"

"They love each other!" he blurted out, then scowled, his face reddening. Men didn't discuss such things and it was far too close to his feelings for Charlotte. Even so, Shades decided he didn't care. His fist hit the table and she jumped. "It's not right and there can't be someone else. She's-" Shades broke off as several nearby customers turned to look.

"There isn't," Charlotte agreed quickly. "I thought after she turned the crown over to Princess Mia, she and Joseph might work things out. But, if he's leaving…"

"He is."

Charlotte sighed and gathered her purse. "They really are perfect for each other."

Shades pulled out his wallet and threw a few bills on the table. "Well, I don't see how we can do anything about it," he grumbled. "I don't mind taking over- I hoped that one day I might, but I sure don't like doing it this way."

It late afternoon before Clarisse had the opportunity to speak with Joseph. She had expected him at her early morning briefing, but it was Shades who had joined her and her staff at the table. As the morning grew later, she was bothered by Joseph's absence and under the pretense of inquiring about the arrangements for the evening's reception had asked the agent positioned in the hallway if Joseph were on the grounds. He was not.

Now, she sat listening as Shades finished his report on his department's plans for the coming days. Earlier, when Charlotte had reminded her of the meeting, mentioning that Shades was on his way, Clarisse had requested Joseph come also, saying she might have questions concerning the royal guests' arrangements.

Other than a civil "good afternoon," Joseph had only spoken when she specifically addressed a question to him. His behavior had been polite and distant- nothing more.

"Does Your Majesty have any further questions?" Shades asked.

"No, I believe you have covered it well. Thank you," Clarisse replied, wishing Joseph would at least look at her.

Inclining his head, Shades picked up the diagram and time schedule. He and Joseph came to their feet, as did Charlotte.

"If you will excuse us, then," the agent said, giving her a small bow before moving away to leave with his boss.

"Joseph, may I have a word, please?" Clarisse's heart beat faster. She wasn't going to let him walk away this time! This matter needed to be straightened out now so they could get things back to normal between them.

Joseph hesitated then spoke to Shades before facing her, hands clasped behind him, almost at attention. "Yes, Your Majesty?"

Clarisse waited until the other two were well out of the room before coming around her desk to stand in front of him. "Since you were not here this morning, we've not had an opportunity to speak," she began.

"I am sorry. There were duties to attend to, Your Majesty," Joseph replied, his gaze focused on a point just above her left shoulder.

He looked tired. Had his night been a restless one, too? Clarisse's heart softened- he regretted walking out on her and was just as upset over this as she. "I hardly slept last night," she said gently. "I was worried about you."

"No need, Your Majesty. I am fine," he answered matter-of-factly, shifting his line of sight to at a point just over her head.

She waited, but Joseph remained silent. He was probably trying to work out how to apologize. She smiled. Dear Joseph. He was such a very careful and controlled man. This must be hard for him. No matter; she would graciously brush aside his request for forgiveness and suggest a long walk in the garden later in the evening. That would set things to right between them. Her eyebrows rose expectantly when he took a breath.

"Is that all, Your Majesty?"

Her smile disappeared.

"No, it is not," she declared. He was making this very difficult when it did not have to be. Well, it wasn't the first time embarrassed male pride had gotten the better of a man. Firmly, Clarisse continued. "Joseph, we need to discuss this."

He dropped his gaze to meet hers, his expression betraying his hope. "You have changed your mind?"

"No," she said then hurried to continue when the corners of his mouth tightened and he looked away again, "but, I would like to explain my reasons-"

"That is not necessary."

"I think it is. Once you understa-"

"You made your reasons very clear, Your Majesty, and I will honor your desire as promised, " Joseph broke in, letting his arms fall to his sides, his eyes meeting hers again. They were hard, despite the obvious pain. "But never doubt that I remain your loyal subject."

She lifted a hand to touch his arm but the expression on his face stopped her. Instead, she clasped her hands together in front of her. "Joseph, I want us to remain friends," Clarisse said bluntly so that there could be no misunderstanding between them.

He frowned, but said nothing.

"I truly wish our relationship to continue as before." She watched as his expression faded and he still remained silent. This was not going as planned at all, and her control of the situation was slipping away. Clarisse changed her tone. "Please, Joseph. I know you are disappointed, but-"

"Disappointed does not begin to describe how I am feeling, Clarisse!" he answered tersely, unable to keep bitterness from his words. "And to continue as before? I think you understand why that would not be sensible or advisable. One cannot simply ignore love!"

Clarisse drew back, stunned at his words as Joseph squared his shoulders and focused on the wall behind her, his expression once again blank.

He took a long, measured breath. "I beg Your Majesty's pardon for my forwardness and familiarity. It will not happen again, I assure you."

"I don't understand, Joseph- nothing has really changed between us!" she implored, trying to reassure him…and her own self. A weight settling on her chest, Clarisse blinked away tears. "Why can't we continue as before?"

The shadows in his eyes darkening, Joseph answered slowly, his voice just above a whisper. "It hurts too much…Your Majesty."

Placing a hand on a nearby chair, Clarisse closed her eyes and turned her face away from him. "I see."

Neither spoke for a long moment. She could think of nothing else to say.

"If you will excuse me," Joseph said quietly, giving her a bow.

Clarisse heard his footsteps fade, and with an aching heart, she sank weakly into the chair, a hand covering her eyes.

Several minutes passed before she looked up. Her gaze fell upon the papers on her desk awaiting her signature and she blinked, her vision clearing. The plans to allocate funds for school improvements needed her attention, as did the proposals to expand the children's clinic. Her country needed her; her people needed her.

As she had so often in the past, Clarisse Renaldi forced herself to stand erect, shoulders back and chin up. She had duties waiting and a nation expecting her to lead them with her whole mind and heart.

This was her life- this was her world. She had made her choice and it was the right one. It had to be.

Queen Clarisse picked up her phone and summoned Charlotte. There was work to be done.

Dreams fulfilled….but first, there's a bit of rough weather for Clarisse and Joseph. Wouldn't be any fun if things always went smoothly, now would it?

As always, reviews keep me going and make me smile. I thank you foryour comments and encouragement! (-: