Things are dark as i awake. The thick curtains of the room are preventing the warm sunlight from seeping through the windows. Though this darkness i find myself in, it represents what i currently feel everyday all day. It's been like that for months.
I lay there on the bed, staring up at the shadowed Capitol seal on the red canopy hanging over me. As I look at it and think on what it symbolises, the more I wish I was dead. I don't want to be here. In the Capitol, living in this mansion, being the grandson of a man i despise. I want to be at home, my real home, in District Seven. I want to see my mom, my brothers. I can't say dad, because if what Snow tells me is true, then the man I grew up calling dad is anything but that. In fact my real dad is dead. Killed by Snow after he discovered what was happening between him and my mother. Believe it or not he was a Victor from District Eight, won his games sometime after Haymitch Abernathy.
What I do know is that Snow forced this man into prostitution, just as he has with current victors Finnick Odair and Cashmere. My mother was his secret lover, meeting with him under different guises to hide from Snow that she had fallen for somebody from the districts. Now that's not entirely outlawed as far as i'm aware, but my mom is Snow's daughter, it wasn't acceptable to love a Capitol puppet.
Regardless of how much I wish it were otherwise, I get the feeling I'm going to be stuck here for a while. I'm not even permitted to leave the grounds of the mansion, yet alone travel to District Seven. Thanks to Snow, or should i call him grandfather, i'm officially under house arrest. It's that thought that makes me all the more determined to not get up at all today, but i know if i'm not up in ten minuets somebody will be in here getting me up.
Just as suspected after ten minuets pass and i'm not up, Adriana, my personally assigned Avox, runs into my room and starts pulling me out of the bed. I wave her off and she scampers over to open the curtains. The light almost blinds me as it weaves through the windows and into the room, the window revealing a breathtaking view of the Capitol outside. Considering I hate it here, even i'll admit it's something to see.
After she neatens the curtains, Adriana pulls out a suit from the drawers and goes to dress me in it.
"I'll get ready myself, it's fine." I take the clothes from her and smile.
Being unable to say anything to me, what with having her tongue cut out, she simply bows her head to me before taking her leave.
That's another thing I hate here, everything i'm told to wear, it's all suits. Stupid ones that Snow recommends. What i'd give to wear my dirty work overalls from Seven. I put on said suit without much of a complaint out loud, it isn't like i have anything else to wear. The jackets a greyish colour, the pants are white and the shirt is a lime green. It's meant for men of the Capitol, the ones who like to compete with the women with all their fancy colours and make up. I just look plain ridiculous wearing it.
As always, I leave my room where Adriana is tidying up for me and head to the rose gardens. Or better yet, i'm escorted to the rose gardens by Sullen and Fitch, Snow's personal lackeys. They look like idiots too, rocking the badass black jackets and and leather gloves.
In the gardens Snow is stood by the rose bushes, pliers in hand and cutting the flowers away from the stalks.
"Ah, you're up." Snow says as i stop behind him. "Finally."
"Sorry to keep you waiting." I roll my eyes whilst he is not looking.
"It's no trouble." He drops the roses he held into a basket and turns around to face me. "With current events, i'd imagine you have trouble sleeping at night."
"Events?" I ask.
"The Victory Tour."
Oh. THAT event. Of course he meant that. He hasn't let me forget that it's happening for the past twelve days since the tour itself started.
"I'm sure you're aware they'll be here this evening." Snow starts wiping his fingers on a rag he pulled out of his pocket.
"I'm aware." I nod.
How could I not be? Like I said, he's been mentioning it for days now. Using it to torment me, because there is no way i'm getting to see any of them and he'll make damn sure of that. Blight ... Johanna ... They aren't allowed to know i'm alive.
"Good." He smiles. "Then you know I must confine you to your room for the evening."
I slowly nod.
"It's for your own good." He started walking and I follow him. "If anybody were to discover you still live, imagine the consequences we'd face."
That sounds like more his problem than mine, to be honest. But Snow was obviously doing this for his own good, not mine. If he had any interest in my well being he'd spare me this bullshit and end it all.
"I understand." I lie.
"Good." He grins at me. "You have until six to do as you please, then I expect you to check in with Commander Wilks, he will see you to your room."
"Of course." I mumble.
Secretly i'm rather happy it's Wilks who's guarding me again, he's the only Peacekeeper in the entire Capitol who doesn't live and breath off of Snow's word. Unlike Commander Thread, that guy is the meanest most Capitol devoted man i've ever met. Plus, i'd actually consider Wilks a friend. He's been helping me out since he was assigned as my guard and Snow has no idea. At least i don't think he does. I hope he doesn't.
Regardless, with Wilks being the one to watch me this evening i know i'll be able to get away with a couple of minuets outside my room. It'll give me enough time find my only contact with the world beyond this damn mansion. I just hope he has something to tell me this time. When I last saw him the only information he gave me was about my own funeral in District Seven. I don't know how he got it, but he told me that the body the Capitol used to pass off as me was actually an Avox, one that resembled me only slightly. When the funeral took place everybody was forbidden from removing the lid of the wooden box, somebody having told my family that my body had decomposed quickly and wasn't pretty. I was also told that my family were there - obviously. My dad ... no, Eamon, wasn't too happy that they wouldn't let them say goodbye properly. Blight turned up and he read out a speech for me. Other than that there was just a few of the men and women I used to work with.
Apparently Johanna wasn't there, or if she was nobody saw her. Honestly I didn't expect any different. I've watched the interviews after she won, how she'd react when Caesar so much as went to say my name. I also saw the end of the games, how frustrated she grew when they were air lifting me out. She didn't cry or say something out loud, but I knew she blamed herself. If I could see her, i'd tell her to stop thinking like that and realise I was dead whether she helped me or not, I was right from the start of that countdown in the arena. Thinking that is all well and good though, i'll never actually get the chance to say it to her.
Anyway, I follow Snow around the garden for a little bit longer as he again explains to me why i can't be seen this evening. When thats over with I go to the library, as I would every other day, and sit in there with a book detailing the dark days and how the Capitol defeated the Districts and destroyed District 13. Turns out Snow is quite proud of all of this, the amount of damn books he has on it. I stay there for as long as i'm entertained, which isn't long, before I move on and start walking around with my head facing the floor. This has pretty much been my everyday routine since waking up from that induced coma almost a year ago now. I'm living my life exactly the same each day. The only difference is what I have for dinner each night.
Speaking of the coma, I had wondered myself how I ended up in it and how I was even alive to start with. The last thing I actually remember was bleeding out on the ground, with something crawling on my hand. That little thing, is the reason i'm here.
It was a venomous spider of a sort, genetically engineered by the Capitol. It's venom is mild, though in large numbers is supposed to course its way through the victims blood and thicken it, eventually cutting off the supply of blood to the heart. Meaning a slow, painful death for whoever encountered lots of these things. Since only one bit me, it's venom merely slowed down my heart rate, stopping me from pumping blood around my body as quickly and therefore preventing me loosing mass amounts of blood and thus only making me appear dead. Thanks to that tiny spider and it's venom, the Capitol had enough time to pull me out of the arena and prevent my death. I didn't ask them too and I honestly wish they hadn't sometimes.
Would've spared me the boredom of having to wonder these stupid halls everyday, thinking about what i'm going to do differently tomorrow. Should i shower with apple shampoo or pine? The only thing to debate with myself.
After i've walked through the offices on the left side of the main hall, entrance, whatever it is, I go to head up the stairs and go to the study when a deep, menacing voice shouts up to me.
"Hey!"
I turn around because that voice is all too familiar. Commander Thread, the big, ugly mean bastard that will do the dirtiest and nastiest of deeds in the honour of the Capitol and Snow's name. You can see by all the scars on his face he has been through some tough fights, and since he is still here the outcome of them all is pretty damn obvious.
"Commander." I say still looking at the ground.
"I hope you aren't planning any funny business this evening." He smirks wickedly. "I do have permission to beat your ass a little if you try anything."
A little beating from this guy would be all it took to kill me. Still, i'm willing to risk a painful death anyway.
"You won't have any problems from me Commander." I lie. "I'm going to stay in my room like a good boy and mope about all evening, like always."
He picked up on my sarcasm and stepped forward. "Watch yourself boy. Or I might just find a reason to put you in the ground."
"My apologies." I grin a little, feeling a bout of confidence stir in me.
Thread steps forward again until he's at the foot of the stairs glaring up at me. "Get moving." He growls.
I do as he says and slowly turn my back on him to walk up the stairs. I can hear him walking off laughing to himself when i get to the top. He's probably in charge of the guards at the party tonight, so he'll be off to meet with Snow. Two people i hate together, if only somebody will drop a bomb on their heads.
I decide to catch up with all the news and gossip in the Capitol by watching the TV, where of course re-runs of interveiws, promotions for the 72nd games and the Victory Tour constantly looped over all day. I end up watching the Flickerman show just as they revist yesterdays stop in District One. Nancy and Jackson were from one, if i remember correctly. I still have nightmares about the way I smashed his head off a rock until his brains were covering the ground. Or when I killed Nancy by sticking that knife in her head.
As i watch, I can see on the faces of the people in the crowd that they aren't interested in anything Johanna has to say. On the other side of the coin, Johanna doesn't look as though she gives a shit about anything she is saying either. She certainly doesn't mean it. On top of that is the families of Nancy and Jackson, in which Johanna's words are ringing really, really hollow. They'll have seen what she said to me after I killed Jackson and she was far from kind or sympathetic. I think it has to be awkward for her in District One, but then I remember, none of them have them have been quite like in District Two. Johanna clearly didn't want to be there, and those in the District didn't want her there. None of them had forgiven her for how she killed Marric apparently. Even though he will have shamed them by not winning, they still held a grudge for how ruthless and cold Johanna was as she killed him.
I've seen the footage of his death, how she eventually managed to get the upper hand after a long struggle and then slit his throat, watching him bleed to death, choking on his own blood. I even saw that same wild glint in her eyes that Amanda from Two had so often as she watched. She enjoyed it, seeing him go that way. I could say that I disapprove completely, but I remember what I said to her before she ran off. I told her to hurt him and she said she'll do more. Well she certainly did do more, way more.
The footage of the speeches end and on the screen a still happy as ever Caesar Flickerman walks onto a stage surrounded by an ocean of people and laughs in that annoying way that only he can.
"Heart wrenching stuff in District One there." He says putting his hands together. "We will catch up with Ms Mason and the rest of the District Seven team, when they round off their all important victory tour this evening in the very heart of the Capitol. The Presidential Palace."
Speaking of them rounding off the victory tour here, it's almost six in the evening and i'm supposed to see Wilks in the main courtyard which he patrols during the day.
I turn off the screen and leave everything how it was when I entered before starting out in a slow jog down the stairs and into the courtyard.
Outside, there is technicians everywhere, preparing the screens, lights and fireworks for this evening. Funny how they're only finishing them today, despite having been working on it since Johanna won. Over by the fountain in the centre is Commander Wilks, by the look of things he is overseeing that the food is all out and prepared for the party. It's a waste really, he's a good Commander, though because he is known to be softer than most of the others he's downgraded to babysitting duties.
"Ethan, there you are." He says as I walk over. "Thread's been hounding me all day to make sure you are here on time." He runs his hand through his greying hair and sighs.
"Well i'm here, though i'm not sure why I need escorting." I say.
"It's so Snow knows you aren't wondering around." Wilks starts walking and tells me to follow him. "It's just a precautionary."
I only nod. Even though Snow is right to take precautions, I still think it's ridiculous that i'm being babied.
We go back into the mansion, up the flight of stairs and then to my room. Once we are there, Wilks stops in the doorway and puts the key to the door - hidden inside a small pouch - down on a table on the inside of the room, making sure he hides it behind the plant that is also there.
"Twenty minuets is all you'll have, so make it quick and make it count." He pulls another key for the door out of a pouch on his belt. "Powell will be waiting on the lower balcony on the left side of the mansion at ten sharp. Don't miss him, like I said twenty minuets, he can't disappear too long."
Did I mention my contact is Powell? I don't think I did, but yeah. Of all things, he's Wilks' younger brother and the only person outside the mansion who know's i'm alive.
"I'll be there and back in twenty." I nod.
"Good." Wilks starts closing the door. "Make sure you are." With that he closes the door and locks it on the outside.
The plan is pretty simple really. During Snow's speech literally everybody, including most of the guards, will be gathered in the main courtyard to listen. Aside from the occasional patrol inside the mansion, it's pretty safe to meet. Powell will tell me how things are outside and that'll be that.
Four hours might seem like forever right now. But it'll be worth it in the end.