Summary;; I am the biggest ass in the fucking world! Why? I fucked my boyfriend's younger brother! The boyfriend that I wanted for a whole fucking year. All of my efforts to get his attention, wasted. Why? Cause of Sasuke! Or me… or both of us.

Rating;; T/M

Category;; Romance, Mature, Comedy.

Disclaimer;; I do not own any of these characters. The idea is original though.

Warning;; Yaoi (two dudes making 'sparks')

Chapter One

-Gay Power-

"And then we run into the sunset,

holding hands and laughing though no one said anything."

Itachi: the guy that everyone wants. And I mean everyone! Teachers, girls, guys, the creepy lunch lady (no one knows if it's really a lady though but hey, I sure as hell don't intend to find out) and of course, me. Now let me say, I never thought I was gay. Nor did I have a crush on the guy until recently. I am glad to say that until not too long ago, I was straight as a line.

How did I figure out that the closet wasn't the place for me? Well, I was in the locker rooms talking to Gaara, my best friend. And he said one thing or another that made me get all Buddha-like. He makes me do that with all of his smartness. So, while I was sitting there, lost in my own little world, thinking about whatever it is that Gaara said, the bell rang and the next class walked in.

I snap back to reality when a voice said something. "Move brat." Now isn't that the nicest thing to say to someone you've never talked to in your entire life? I looked up and saw a sexy (and pissed off) Itachi Uchiha standing in front of me. And guess what? He was half naked! Yes, that's correct. Shirt off, bare chest. Hot. Man, I bet girls would fight over pictures of a shirtless Itachi. That would be funny.

So what do I do? Why, say the wittiest thing in response and make him laugh. Yes, that's right, I made him laugh. And then we run into the sunset, holding hands and laughing though no one said anything. And then we get married in Vegas, have babies and live happily ever after.

Not! I just stare at him, hoping I'm not drooling. Though, if I was drooling, I probably wouldn't have noticed at the moment. Get my drift so far? Okay, so he is probably the hottest dude I have ever seen and he's looking at me. I ignore the fact that he's pretty angry by this point. The fact is, he's looking at me.

"I said move" he snaps in an impatient tone. Well, someone sure is having a crappy day. Or maybe he's always like this? That is possible. I mean, I've heard that rich/beautiful people are usually snobs. Unless they were like born in a trailer park and ate food from trash cans till they were twelve or something. Then they'd probably be dead. Or depressed. Or on drugs. Or alcoholics. I wonder if something like that ever happened.

Hi. I'm Bob. My life story? Well, my mom was a whore so we don't know who the dad is but I think it's that guy that lives upstairs. You know, the fat one in a wheel-chair? Oh, when I was ten, I discovered the coolest place to get food: the dumpster by the Italian restaurant. And then I found some drugs and got hooked and before I knew it, I was in rehab, listening to people telling me how I'm a loser and crap. I love/hate my life. Not sure which.

Oh, well im getting side-tracked here aren't I? Well, moving on, I stared. A lot. And he stared back. Finally, after his patience snaps, he grabs my arm and pushes me on the floor. And I land on my ass in a very painful position. "That hurt bitch!" I scream before I can stop myself.

Now there are three things wrong with that. One, he's hot and for some odd reason (wink wink) I want him to like me. Two, he's older than me by what, two years? Three? Who cares! He can beat the crap out of me any second. And last but nor least, the third reason: he is Itachi Uchiha. That's the part where you gasp.

Like I said before, Itachi is the guy everyone wants. Plus, he is like totally rich! He could hire someone to rape me and then skin me alive. Ay, wait a second, is it possible to be skinned alive? I mean, wouldn't you die after they start skinning you? Or would you still be alive while they skin you? Note to self: ask Gaara later. He knows a shit-load of stuff. Don't ask why, I don't know. He just does. He knows everything. Well, not really. Just the stuff that matters. Like how skinning people alive works.

After my comment, I thought Itachi would surely kick my ass. But he didn't. Instead, he smirked. Oh shit. He's waiting for the right time isn't he? He's waiting till everyone is gone to murder me. Or till everyone is inside so that I can be beaten to a pulp in public. Oh yes, lets publicly humiliate the blond guy cause he calls you a bitch.

"Wise guy aren't you?" he says and for a second I'm like 'what the fuck just happened?' Not only am I not dead, he seems amused. Um… wow. Things couldn't have turned out better even if I wanted them to!

Okay, now is my chance to make that 'run-into-the-sunset-like-fags' fantasy come true. So I grin one of my hottest grins (I practice in front of the mirror in case I someday run into a hot dude/chick in the dude's locker room. Um wow…a chick in a dude's locker soom? I must be high). He just continues to smirk at me and whoa, his teeth are like… white and straight. Pretty much perfect. I wonder if he ever had braces. I didn't, thank God. People say those things hurt like a bitch.

Then, just as I was about to say something, Itachi was glomped by one of his friends. Yes, the Uchiha was glomped and he was probably dying inside. I mean, Uchihas don't get glomped. They are supposed to be feared right?

So what do I do after he's glomped by his blond friend that looks like a chick? I laugh. And I laugh hard! And he glares at me and while I'm laughing, I listen to him talk to his friend.

"I told you never to do that again" he snaps, annoyed. My laughter quiets down as the blond releases him and pouts. "But Ita" he whines. Ita? Seriously? I mean, no, it's not a bad nickname but I didn't think that he'd let someone call him anything besides his name.

That was the first time I talked to him. And guess what? I fell in love. Yes, that is correct; Naruto Uzumaki fell in love with another male. But it isn't like no one would be surprised you know? I am a freak of nature. The blond hair and blue eyes are bad enough for a Japanese freak in high-school. The worse part is the tan skin. I don't even tan for Christ's sake! Let's not forget the fact that my hair is a total brat. It is messy as sex and I can't do a damn thing about it. My taste in everything was pretty abnormal so the fact that I was bisexual (or maybe gay) didn't really shock me.

Though, my sudden realization made my life a tad bit more complicated than it already was. Please look over this chart I made and tell me what you think.

Before After

Not a lot of friends If something were to happen with him, I'd have a shit-load of enemies

Loser Loser that is in love with one of the coolest guys in the school

Barely go to school I will go to school so that I can see him (insert emo smiley face with hearts instead of eyes)

See what I mean?! Now, before I went around and admitted the fact that I was not straight, I needed to make sure. The only way to find out if I was really gay… er, bi, was to test the theory right? But how…? Okay, I need Gaara. He must know at least seven billion gay dudes (Gaara the fag has friends that are fags. And wow, I am one them) and I need to know how they figured out their sexual preference.

Now I have something else to think about. Why is called a sexual preference? I mean, a relationship isn't all about sex right? So why is it sexual? It should be lovable preference. Or something.

Ah, well, I decided that I would not tell Gaara about me possibly being gay. I love him and trust him but I'm not too sure I want to come out of the closet yet. And speak of the devil, he's walking towards me with one of his 'toys', Neji. I don't know about Neji, but Gaara is head over heels in love with him. Normal people wouldn't think so. Actually, they wouldn't even bother looking at the scary red head. They'd probably just run away cause he's so scary. "Fuck" I mumble to myself as Neji starts walking in the other direction.

I'm a bad liar. Terrible liar. People usually see right through me but Gaara was a different story. He's fucking telepathic I tell you! I'll be sitting in class, cursing at him in my mind and he'll start a fight. Oh yeah, a fight.

Equation of the day:

Naruto plus Gaara minus love plus fists multiplied by blood with a quotient of hours equals millions of views on youtube.

Got it? Good.

"Something you'd like to share?" he asks in an apathetic voice. What the fuck…? How the hell does he do that? I offer him some gum and he glares at me. Alright, time to be serious. Gaara knows me a lot but if I don't say or think about Itachi, he won't know right?

Oh Itachi. He's so hot. And his voice… I wonder what it sounds like when he's in the bedroom. I wonder if he's gay. I hope he is. Well, if he isn't, I can just, oh I don't know, rape him. Or get him to rape me. I don't know if I'm a uke or seme. But 'Ita' seems like the seme.

Smooth Naruto. Way to not think about it. I groan and look at Gaara. "No, nothing" I say as I smile at him. "Spill it blondie" he says and starts dragging me with him into the library. Ah, the library. The place is really cool. I mean, I have a lot of great memories from the place. Me and some others have done some crazy shit in here.

Memory number one

So once, Gaara and I stole the librarian's glasses right? While she was looking for them, we replaced over 100 books with playboy magazines that we stole from Sai, a major pervert. What did we do with the books that were replaced? We threw them out the window and set them on fire that night.

Memory number two

I had a crush on Sasuke Uchiha, Itachi's younger brother, some time ago. Anyway, once, after gym with him, I went to the library to do some 'things'. Gaara caught me jacking off. Damn right? Yeah, it was so embarrassing.

Moving on, he drags me to the library. The librarian glared at us as we walked to one of the back rows into the psychology section.

You know, Gaara is the nicest guy in the world, despite what others might say. I mean, he does so much for me: stealing money from me though he's loaded, molesting me in my sleep and let's not forget giving me embarrassing punishments when I lose a bet. So what does mister nice-guy do once we're at the back of the library? Why, he pushes me into the wall and throws a large textbook at me, hitting me right in the head.

"I said spill it blondie" he says in a dangerous tone. In this situation, I have two options.

Option number one

I can tell him the truth. He'd no doubt rape me a few times to 'celebrate' and then he'd start asking questions. So, he'd make me tell him about Itachi and I'd have to listen to him mock me all the time. Yeah, he's an ass. Or worse, he'd try to hook me up with the Uchiha and that would only result in him figuring out that I'm gay and that I like him. Know what that means? Fan girls gone wild.

Option number two

I can lie and say 'what the fuck are you talking about you fag?' And that would probably result in a few bruises. And he'd end up bugging me about it for a while, until he forgot or something. He'd also probably get people to spy on me.

Yeah, I'll go with option two.

"Spill what?" I ask, trying to sound truly confused. Heh, there's no fooling him. He throws another book and this time, it hit me in the stomach, right on the tattoo. That's right, I'm cool, and I have a tattoo. Gaara convinced me to get one about a year ago when he got the word 'love' written on his forehead. It's pretty sick, his tattoo I mean.

Hm… I wonder if Itachi has one. Maybe he doesn't like them? That would suck. I mean, and then I'd have no chance with him. He'd probably use that as an excuse to avoid me. And then, just as I'm thinking about the dude, I realize that Gaara is staring at me, smirking widely. And what's that? Damn, I can feel an evil aura coming from him.

"So, blondie likes someone?" he said. Shit. How the hell does he do that? Note to self: learn to read minds like Gaara. "N-no!" I denied a bit too quickly. Shit, not only did I stutter, I sounded too defensive.

Gaara sniffed the air and looked at me, dead serious. "I smell three things: Itachi Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki and fag-power" he said as that annoying smirk came back on his face. Fuck.

Well, there's no point in denying it any further so I just sigh and nod. And just as I feared, Gaara wants to help and I don't want his help. His help is never helpful! Like that time he wanted to help me make dinner for Sakura Haruno. Yeah, she ended up getting a major case of … err, diarrhea. Let's not forget the time he helped me find my pants. You know what? I'm not even gonna tell you what happened that time. Too embarrassing on my part.

"I knew it" he said in a really bored tone. "Well, I'll help you out buddy" and before I could protest, he was already out the door.

Well my friends, my crazy life is about to get crazier cause I figured out that I'm gay (or bi, not sure which yet) and my best friend is going to 'help' me. So, wish me luck and see me out the door because gayness, here I come!