Dirty Words
Shakespeare's Lemonade
Rating: T
Genre: Friendship/Angst
Summary: She has the word "mudblood" tattooed on the inside of her left forearm. In her mind, it's a badge of honor.
A/N: I'm really new to Harry Potter (as in, just read it this year), so I don't have as much knowledge as some. I think there are some errors in timing since I have McGonagall as Headmistress and Professor Sprout is still around even though it's after Harry's kids start school. I'm mainly using the information from the books only, rather than the extra stuff.
Warnings: language, bullying, brief violence
~oOo~
She doesn't know why she thought it would be different. She used to get in fights at her old school, and it seems that wizard kids are no different. There are the same bullies who pick on smaller kids just because they can. It's Beth's first class at Hogwarts ever. She doesn't want to draw too much attention to herself. She's too new at all this. But there's a boy in trouble across the room. The professor has gone to get some supplies for their first potion, and no one seems to be stepping in.
And here Beth thought Gryffindors were supposed to be brave. All the while they stand there, trying not to look as the boy with black hair gets pushed around by the Slytherins. Beth closes her book and jumps down from her chair. She hasn't hit a growth spurt yet, so her feet still can't touch when she's sitting.
The Slytherin boys don't seem to notice her coming. She doesn't think to wonder what they're doing here in the first place.
"Is there a problem?" Beth asks in her small, squeaky voice.
The blonde Slytherin looks down at her with an obvious sneer. "None of your business," he says.
Beth doesn't waver. She wants to go curl up under her desk and cry with the way he's looking at her, but she doesn't. She has the image of sheer terror in the eyes of the Gryffindor to inspire her.
"Leave him alone," she says, crossing her arm to hold her pounding heart inside her chest. "He hasn't done anything to you."
"Who do you think you are?"
"I'm Beth Morris, who are you?"
"You're from a muggle family, aren't you, Morris?" The sneer on the boy's face seems to grow.
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"It's just funny." He shrugs. "A mudblood trying to tell me what to do."
"A mud—what?" Beth's never heard that word before.
"Don't be a prat, Scorpius," the Gryffindor boy says. There's no quaver in his voice like Beth thought there would be.
"Stay out of it Barnes." Scorpius takes a step closer to Beth. "I've got to clean the floor with this little piece of scum."
"You know, scum isn't very sanitary," Beth says. But deep inside, she's afraid of what Scorpius might do.
"Here we are!" Professor Slughorn announces coming back into the room. "Someone must have cleaned out the supply cupboard over the holidays. Everyone back in your seats and we'll get started."
Beth watches Scorpius back away with his friends and then returns to her desk next to another Hufflepuff girl named Alice.
"What were you thinking?" Alice whispers. "They could have squashed you."
Beth looks back toward the black haired boy. "He was in trouble," she says staring straight ahead as the professor begins to explain the potion they will be making. Beth writes down the ingredients, even though they're listed in the book. She just needs something to do with her hands, to take her mind off that unnerving confrontation.
~oOo~
After potions class, Beth heads out into the hallway. The Slytherin boys are long gone, and Beth realizes that they must have sneaked out of their own class to come after the Gryffindor boy. What had he ever done to them?
As she walks down the corridor, Beth hears someone running up behind her. She sees the Gryffindor boy shoving his books in his satchel as he weaves through other students to get to her.
"Thanks," he says breathlessly as he comes to a stop. You—didn't—have to do that."
"Somebody did," Beth says. "What's your name?"
"Matthew Barnes. I'm sorry about what Scorpius said to you. He knows it's a dirty word, but sometimes he doesn't think."
"You know him?"
"Yes, my family does, anyway. I'm not exactly proud of it, am I?"
"I didn't think so. Why was he bothering you?"
"It's nothing to worry about."
"Well, you should probably get to your next class. Don't want to be late. I'll see you later in herbology, I think."
"Of course."
Matthew shakes Beth's hand and smiles. They part ways, and Beth begins to wonder why Scorpius would torment a family friend. Or perhaps, their families aren't friends at all. There's so much to this new world that she doesn't understand. It seems like only yesterday she got her letter, delivered by owl, that she was accepted at Hogwarts. At first, she had thought it was a mistake. She hadn't applied to any private schools. Her parents couldn't afford it. But it turns out the Hogwarts isn't nearly as expensive as the muggle schools, even after converting pounds to galleons.
Beth's next class is Transfiguration with Ravenclaw, and she's glad not to have to run into the Slytherins again. She knows that all the houses have their strengths, but even from the very first moment she saw them all at their table during the Sorting Ceremony, she had a bad feeling about them. Maybe she was just being overly sensitive. They don't like muggleborn students. That must be what a mudblood is.
A couple of options present themselves to Beth the moment she sits down next to Alice again. She can continue avoiding the Slytherins, focusing on her Hufflepuff friends and not making any more trouble. Or, she can keep standing up to them when they bully other kids. She knows she's not going to change anything. There will always be jerks like that. And that's what makes her decide she can't just stand by. She has to do something because it's wrong. They've got no right to treat people that way, and if no one stops them, it will never end. Beth's dad always told her to stand up for her friends, to never let someone prey on the weak if she could help it. He taught her to be brave without really knowing it.
Beth has made up her mind. She will keep standing up to the Slytherins. Whatever the cost.
~oOo~
The cost, as it turns out, is much higher than Beth thought it would be. It's not just the insults and the sneers. Scorpius Malfoy has taken to sabotage. He waits in the corridors for Beth to pass by and sends all sorts of obnoxious, but not life threatening, curses her way. He knows what he's doing. No one ever catches him in the act. Beth always tells the truth of what happened, but there's never any proof.
The one upside is Matthew. He's always around to cheer Beth up after another attack. The Slytherins don't bother him so much anymore. He's got a lot of friends who watch out for him most of the time. Beth's not sure where they were that first day in Potions. Still, it's nice to have one friend in the midst of all this. Matthew is outgoing and adventurous, and he awakes a sort of wide-eyed wonder in Beth that she hasn't felt in a long time. The sort of feeling she used to get when her dad would read her bedtime stories. Her whole life is like a story now with the magic and adventures. Matthew does like to get into trouble now and then, but Beth is good at getting him out of it. She likes helping him, being useful to someone who seems so much stronger than she is.
It's difficult sometimes when she wants to be with Matthew, but they don't have all the same classes or get to eat meals together. She sees him during free times in the library and at the lake when it's nice out. He likes to borrow broomsticks and practice with the quidditch team, even though he can't try out until next year. Beth is no good at it, but Matthew just likes to have fun tossing a quaffle around while the team practices for real. One of the Potter boys, James, is on the team and he's taken an interest in Matthew, which the latter politely pretends not to notice. But Beth notices. She wonders if playing quidditch next year will mean less time for Matthew to spend with her.
On Saturdays when their homework is all done, they explore the castle or traipse across the grounds. They visit Hagrid, the gamekeeper, who is always friendly and welcoming. He teaches them about hippogriffs, even though they won't have care of magical creatures for two more years.
Eventually, Matthew introduces Beth to James and Albus Potter. Albus is in their year, and a lot more shy than James. Beth remembers that he was in potions class that day, but he was on the other side of the room from Matthew. Maybe he didn't see what was going on.
In spite of her troubles, Beth is happy. She likes her classes. She enjoys the professors and talking to the other students about assignments. But even in the close-knit Hufflepuff circle, Beth feels a little out of place. She prefers to spend time with Matthew than her own housemates, even Alice who is her closest friend there and sleeps in the bed next to Beth in the dormitory. Professor Sprout, the head of house sometimes expresses concern that Beth doesn't seem to have a lot of friends, but she always tells her that she's happy and doing well in school, and that's what counts.
When she can't spend time with Matthew, Beth takes her cat Henry and they explore the castle together. She had the cat long before her Hogwarts letter came. She had to persuade her mum a little, but when she went to Diagon Alley for the first time and bought an owl so that they could send her letters, they agreed to let the cat go to school. There's probably some rule about muggles using the wizarding postal service, but it's the only way they can contact her. Beth is always thrilled to get letters from her parents. It sometimes makes people forget that she's a muggleborn. Her mum does most of the writing, but she always includes what her dad is up to and what he's said lately. Of course, Beth never tells her mum about what's going on at Hogwarts. She does mention that she's made a friend and she's doing well in classes, but not the stuff about Malfoy and his lot. It would only upset her mum, and there's no need for that.
~oOo~
Second year, Beth shows up with the word "mudblood" tattooed on the inside of her left forearm. In her mind, it's a badge of honor. She used a spell she learned during one of her many trips to the library during her first year to create the image on her arm. It doesn't show up to people without magic, so her parents won't have a fit about it. The professors aren't happy with Beth at all and Headmistress McGonagall insists that she keep it covered during classes and mealtimes.
The insults never stop after that. She doesn't regret anything though. Those stupid Slytherins had to learn somewhere that they weren't the most important people in the universe.
Matthew always wondered why she wasn't in Gryffindor. Beth told him about how the Sorting Hat had some trouble placing her. She had asked for Hufflepuff because of the seeming anonymity. She didn't like drawing so much attention to herself. It seemed she couldn't help it though.
By second year, Beth has decided to embrace it. Hence the tattoo. The Slytherins still try to use the word as an insult to her, but it feels like victory every time they say it. They can't hurt her because she doesn't need their approval.
It's lonely though. Matthew is her only true friend, the only one she sends owls to during summer holidays. Beth likes the professors and Headmistress McGonagall and the ghosts and paintings. But students mostly avoid her because of the unpopularity that inevitably follows anyone who draws the ire of the entire Slytherin House simply for existing. Beth isn't sure what she'd do without Matthew. In truth she just wants to have friends, to be with people she can trust. But she can't be around Matthew all the time. They barely have any classes together, and they can't sit together at meals. They still spend as much of their free time together as they can.
Except Matthew does have friends. Sometimes, he wants to be around his other Gryffindor mates, and Beth can't begrudge him that. He introduced her to the Potter boys the year before, and they are nice enough if a bit proud. But they don't have occasion to interact much.
As second year drags on, it becomes more difficult to find time to spend with Matthew. Beth understands why most people make friends in their own houses. And the other Hufflepuffs in her year are fine, mostly. Decent sorts of people, but she's not looking for decent. She isn't really sure what she's looking for. Someone she can talk to like she talks to Matthew. Someone trustworthy. That's not a lot of twelve-year-olds in general. They tend to be fickle. That's a truth for muggles and Wizards alike. All Beth's friends from before Hogwarts don't talk to her anymore. Part of it is the distance between them. They don't go to the same schools and their interests are so much different. Plus she can't tell them what she really is.
Beth never said being a mudblood was fun.
Over the summer holidays before third year, Matthew hardly sends any owls at all. He's on some exciting, magical trip with his family while she's back in London alone, reading her books and trying not to stick out like a sore thumb in her average, muggle neighborhood. Her mum and dad take her to the seashore for a week in July, and she pretends she's normal because it's more fun that way.
She fights with her parents, even when she doesn't mean to. She loves them. She thinks they're amazing for understanding what she is and supporting her. Not many muggle families would. She's heard horror stories. They say that the great Harry Potter himself was locked in a cupboard by his aunt and uncle, but she's not sure if she believes that.
By the start of third year, Matthew has grown decidedly cold toward her. He says hello when they pass each other in the halls, but since they're taking different classes now, that rarely happens. She goes through the motions of studying and participating in classes and activities, but her heart is barely in it anymore. Professor Sprout expresses concern, and after months of saying she's fine, Beth finally breaks down. She doesn't have any friends, anyone she can truly rely on. Matthew has abandoned her.
After leaving Professor Sprout's office with still red eyes, Beth inadvertently walks into the same group of Slytherin boys who singled her out two years ago.
"Just take a look at that," Scorpius says. "Poor mudblood can't handle life in the wizarding World."
"Shut up, asshole," Beth says. She doesn't want them to see her cry, but it's too late for that. Might as well go down swinging.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear that," her tormentor says. "Couldn't understand you through all that blubbering."
One of the other boys pushes Beth, and she stumbled to the side. Another boy caught her and pushed her again.
"Go home, mudblood," one of them says. "Your kind doesn't belong here."
She doesn't. She doesn't belong anywhere.
A Slytherin girl joins in the taunting, grabbing Beth's hair and whispering in her ear. "What's the matter, muggleborn? Did that Gryffindor boy dump you?"
That's the worst. Because Matthew really did abandon Beth, and the Slytherin bitch knows it.
The girl shoves Beth's head forward, releasing her hair so that she has further to fall. Beth has never been all that coordinated in the first place, and she falls to her knees, tearing holes right through her robes and jeans. Something hard hits the side of her head, and her ears ring.
"Come on then," Scorpius says. "Let's see what a mudblood is really good for." He whips out his wand, and Beth realizes where this is going. She's okay at dueling, but he's probably better.
"Don't you think four against one is a bit unfair?" a new voice says.
Beth looks up to see the Potter boys standing behind the Slytherins. James, the older one, has a smug look on his face while the younger, Albus, looks quietly furious.
"This is none of your business, Potters," Scorpius says.
"No, you see, it is," James says, twirling his wand idly. "Because Beth is our friend, so you should just walk away right now before I let Al show you how a real wizard does it."
"I'm not scared of your little pipsqueak of a brother."
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
Albus has his wand out before anyone can really see it happen, and he sends a curse at Scorpius that sends him flying back against the wall. James curses another one of them, and Beth realizes that now is the time to join in. The Slytherin girl tries to curse Beth, but she blocks in the nick of time and sends her own curse back. Before long, the Slytherins are on the floor moaning, and the Potter boys are both reveling in their good work.
"Thanks," Beth says just as three teachers walk down the corridor.
They end up getting detention together, but in Beth's mind, it's worth it. She never thought of the Potters as friends to her, but James and Albus have proven to be kind as well as talented and popular.
As they walk through the corridors after detention that night, Beth has to ask the question that's been nagging her all evening.
"Why did you help me?" she says.
James and Albus seem completely taken aback by this.
"Why not?" James says. "You painted a target on yourself two years ago when you stuck up for Matthew. It's about time we returned the favor."
"It was a big risk you took," Albus goes on. "Matthew owes a lot to you, and he wanted us to pass on a message."
"What?" Beth stops in the middle of the hallway, certain that she has heard wrong.
James and Albus turn to face her. It's dark, so she can't really see their expressions.
"His father has forbidden him from seeing you," James says with a sigh. "The Barneses are very close with the Malfoys and quite keen on blood purity. Anyway, it seems he's got Scorpius Malfoy spying on the two of you to be sure Matthew follows his orders."
"But... Matthew's a Gryffindor," Beth says.
"He comes from a long line of Slytherins," Albus says. "His father doesn't even like that he's friends with us, but we're in the same house, so there's not much he can do about that."
"Shoulda been a Gryffindor," Beth mutters.
"You'd fit right in," James says.
"So, was that the message? That Matthew can't see me anymore?"
"Not all of it. He wanted us to let you know that he'll be in the Room of Requirement on Saturday after quidditch practice."
James and Albus walk away after that, and Beth is left standing in the corridor wondering what to do now.
~oOo~
Saturday morning comes, and Beth is still unsure of what to do. She wants to see Matthew more than anything, but why hasn't he tried to send a message before? What about all summer long when she was alone? Is it really all his father's doing?
The Potters had seemed genuine enough, but what if they were the true friends and Matthew was just looking for an excuse to get rid of her? But then why would he ask to meet?
Beth finds herself outside Professor Sprout's office once again before breakfast. She stands at the door contemplating whether she should knock or not. Surely the professor doesn't want to be bothered with this sort of thing. But she is Beth's Head of House and the only one who knows the details about Matthew.
As soon as Beth's fist raps the door, Professor Sprout's voice calls from inside: "Come in."
Beth opens the door slowly and stands there at the threshold, debating whether she should just run away right now and forget about the whole thing. But the professor has seen her and invites her in.
"How can I help you, dear?" she asks. "I hear you got into some trouble with the Potter boys this week."
"Yes ma'am," Beth says. "I know we shouldn't have used magic on them, but the Slytherins did deserve it."
"Be that as it may, you know the rules about dueling in the corridors. No matter, you have served your detention for it, and there's no permanent harm done. But I take it that's not why you're here."
"No."
"Well, come on then, what's bothering you?"
"You must promise not to say anything to anyone, Professor. It's a very... delicate situation."
"Of course, dear. As long as no one is breaking any rules."
"No, I don't think so. But it's about Matthew."
"Ah, I had a feeling."
"When I had detention with the Potters, they told me that Matthew's father won't let him see me, and he wants to meet me today in the Room of Requirement. But he hasn't spoken to me since last year, and... I don't know. Couldn't he have tried to let me know sooner what's going on? Do you think I should go?"
Professor Sprout clasped her hands on the desk. "Do you think you should?"
"I don't know. I want to see him, but what if he's just going to tell me we can't be friends? We're already not friends anymore. I don't need to be told."
"Do you think Matthew wants to be your friend?"
"I used to. I mean, I did wind up as public enemy number one to the blood purity nutters because of him, and he's always been loyal to me since then. At least, he was. I don't know what to think."
"It seems to me that you're looking for the answers that only Matthew can give you. He initiated contact with you, which means he must have something to say to you."
"I suppose I must give him a chance to explain."
Professor Sprout smiled. "Now, I don't approve of sneaking around, but you wouldn't be a true Hufflepuff if you didn't."
Beth feels a bit better after leaving the office, but she's still nervous about what Matthew might say. She knows she has to hear it, as much for her own peace of mind as for him.
Breakfast is long over, so Beth decides to go straight to the Room of Requirement. She knows it will be a long time before Matthew shows up, but at least she will be alone with her thoughts there. She has to dodge a few hostile Slytherins along the way, but she manages it all right.
Once she is inside, the Room of Requirement becomes a small sitting room with a fireplace and a nice bookshelf. The chairs are deep and soft, and Beth almost thinks she could curl up in one and go to sleep. Instead she takes an interesting-looking book from the shelf and sits down to read. She remains there for a long time.
~oOo~
Matthew Barnes wipes sweat from his brow as he throws his broom over his shoulder. He waves goodbye to the Potters as he leaves the quidditch pitch. They give him knowing smiles, and he wishes he could be as optimistic as they are. Even if Beth is in the Room of Requirement, it won't change the fact that they can never be seen together. His father isn't going to change even if that fateful meeting in potions class has changed Matthew forever.
He still remembers the first time he saw that foul word printed on Beth's arm. To her, it's a matter of pride, but to him it's like a brand, a stain reminding everyone that she's different, that he can't be her friend. He wishes sometimes that she hadn't saved him from Scorpius and his crew. It might have been easier that way. She'd be a happily anonymous Hufflepuff, and he'd be a proud Gryffindor. It would have been better for her.
As Matthew enters the school, he notices a strange chill sinking over him. It was warm outside, but with his clothes damp from sweat in the cool hallways, he's beginning to shiver. He doesn't really want to go meet Beth looking like he does now, but he can't keep her waiting any longer. It's been since last term that they've spoken, and he doesn't know if he can bear another hour apart from his best friend.
He comes to the door to the Room of Requirement, and takes a deep breath. He can only hope Beth will forgive him for this. He can't imagine that she understands his long silence.
He pushes open the door to find the same comfortable sitting room that Beth had several hours before. The only difference now is that Beth is sleeping in the furthest chair with a book on her lap. She stirs when Matthew closes the door and blinks slowly.
"Oh..." she says. "I didn't mean for that to happen."
"Have you been here long?" Matthew asks.
"I came this morning. I needed to think." Beth sets the book down on the low table between the chairs. She stretches her arms above her head and yawns. Part of her tattoo shows when her sleeve slips down. "What time is it?"
"About four," Matthew says, sitting down across from her. "I suppose James and Albus told you about my father."
"Yeah." Beth looked down at the floor. "Not much, but I suppose I get the picture."
"He monitored all my owls during the summer. I kept trying, but I couldn't get anything through. When we came back to school, I thought I could find you on the train or meet you once we got here, but Scorpius was in my way at every turn. I kept thinking I could get around him, but I guess he's smarter than he looks. I finally told James about all of it a week ago. I think he knew already, though. He came up with the plan to get a message to you without anyone being the wiser. I suppose Scorpius might suspect something, but he can't exactly admit that he's been attacking you in the halls."
It seems as if all of Matthew's words come out as a waterfall, forceful and never ending. But he's said what he has to say.
"So that's all?" Beth asks. "You really did try to contact me?"
"Of course I did. You think I'd just abandon a friend like that? I may come from a family of Slytherins, but I'm certainly not one."
"I know that. I know you're nothing like them. You never have been."
"But I'm not like you either. I'm not nearly as brave."
"I may just be reckless and impulsive."
"No, you stand up for what you believe even though it's not popular. I find it easier to be around people who already agree with me."
"It's not like there are a lot of people running around chanting 'kill the mudbloods' or anything."
Matthew winces at the word. Even though Beth says that using it will remove it's power, he still feels it. It feels evil. Because her blood is as pure as anyone's. She's a human being, and that's what matters. There's no pureblood wizard anywhere who is as good and pure as she is.
"That's not really the point, but I guess a lot of people just find it easier to say nothing."
"It's not like someone from a pureblood family could get away with it. They'd probably put you in a dungeon or something."
Beth has no idea how close she is to the truth. Matthew has to choose his battles with his father, and this is one he can never win. "If I want to stay at Hogwarts, I have to act like I'm going along with what my family wants. It's the difference between seeing you like this or never seeing you again."
Beth nods slowly. "I suppose you can't stay long. If you disappear, someone will get suspicious."
"Yes, but I have an idea."
"What's that?"
"James has this map of the school. It was his father's. I think he stole it. But it shows secret passageways from within the house dormitories. We could go back to our own common rooms and then take the passageways back here."
"You're seriously asking me to sneak around?"
Matthew smirks. "Well, you're almost a Gryffindor. It's kind of what we do."
Beth sighs. "All right, when do you want to meet next?"
~oOo~
For the rest of the term, Matthew and Beth meet every Saturday afternoon in the Room of Requirement. James and Albus keep their secret of course, and no one really misses Beth. They also continue to send messages discreetly through the Potter boys. Scorpius continues to try to catch them out, but he never does.
On the Saturday before the end of term, they meet one last time. Matthew promises to attempt to send owls if he can. He thinks his father might have relaxed a bit since Scorpius could not have sent any information about them seeing each other.
It's the very last day of school, and everyone is getting ready to leave when Albus meets Beth outside the Great Hall after lunch.
"I wanted to ask you if you'd like to come visit us in July," he says.
Beth can't help the small widening of her eyes. "You're serious?"
"Of course! Our parents would love to meet you, and our aunt came from a muggle family too, so maybe you could talk to her. The Potters and Weasleys are all blood traitors, you know." He winks at that last bit, and Beth begins to suspect that she and Albus might be great friends.
"I'd love to come. Have your mum and dad send me an owl with the details, and I'll ask my parents. I'm sure they'll be okay with it."
Albus smiles. "Great. I've got to go finish packing, but I'll see you on the train."
"Won't you be with Matthew?"
"Scorpius' parents came to pick him up early for some trip, so we can all relax for a while. We'll save you a seat."
Albus walks away, and Beth can't help grinning from ear to ear. A visit to the Potters! Maybe Matthew will come for a while too. This could be the first summer since coming to Hogwarts that Beth will really enjoy. She doesn't know when she had made such friends, but she plans on keeping them all her life.
The end.
Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. I have some ideas for a sequel to this, but I'm not sure whether I'll do it or not. Let me know what you think.