Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or their characters. I own only this story. And I own the song that Shuichi sings.
Please R&R!
It was one of those moments-when you think nobody loves you, you're all alone in this cruel and disgusting world.
It was one of those days in week that you hate the most. It is one long and exhausting day whose end is visible through the microscope.
One of those terrifying moments that is killing you throughout that damned day.
That was his day. That was his moment.
He couldn't sing. He barely ate. He barely slept. Yet he had enough energy to observe things around him. Outside, birds were free and seemed they were happy.
His lover seemed to be content and carefree son of a bitch.
From one cheerful guy he became pathetic piece of nothing. The worst of all was he couldn't get used to that idea. That he was smashed like a bug on the carpet, just because for the first time in his life things weren't running smooth.
He could say he was miserable because he was lacking inspiration, Hiro suddenly stopped giving the advices and other shit to him, his mother never called…But that would be a lie. It all was very bad and he hated it, but the real reason why he was like that was Eiri. Nobody else but him.
If the young writer thought that Shuichi was strong enough to handle all his shit, he was wrong.
It was time for him to chill out a bit. Shuichi was breaking. Shuichi was decaying alive.
Would it kill the traumatized man to be gentle to his lover? Would it kill him if he even tried?
--
"Eat the dinner." he ordered him coldly.
"Not hungry" was all Shu managed to say. He left the dining room seconds after, leaving Yuki to eat alone.
What was the purpose of it all? Spread your legs for the writer so he could penetrate you well. Stay out of his way when he's busy. And he's always busy, sitting in his study and writing endlessly.
It was very ironic, the fact that Yuki was drabbling about love, and he didn't even have a clue what love was, according to the singer. What the hell does he know about love?
What did Eiri know about shattered pieces of heart, about wounded soul that bleed to death and carried on dying and dying over and over again?
'Stop lying to the world, Yuki!' he was screaming from inside.
But nobody could hear his cries. He wanted to disappear, he wanted to die, he wanted to talk to someone if only he could find somebody who could understand.
He needed warmth. He needed to be protected from that awful reality. It was killing him. The fact that he wasn't loved was his silent killer.
--
"Did you know that Mr. Shindou was taking painkillers and some medications for psychical disorders?"
"What?!"
"He's been addicted to them for quite some time now. But he is too young and too weak to handle them."
"Stupid kid!" he muttered, "Can I see him?"
The doctor nodded.
Eiri went into the room where his lover was sitting on the bed.
"Luckily you puked all of it. Otherwise you'd be dead." was all he said to the boy.
"Fuck you, Eiri!"
"What the hell did you think you were doing then?! What disorders do you have, you little brat?!" Shuichi couldn't see, but it was worry, not anger behind those words.
"Oh, don't worry, I'm not a psycho like you!" he yelled at the writer. What was enough, was enough.
Eiri grabbed him and shook his shoulders angrily.
"You have no idea what you're talking about. You'd better shut your big mouth!"
Shuichi shoved his arms. He stood up to get dressed.
"Don't make a scene, you asshole!" he hissed, "Stop yelling at me for once." he rolled his eyes.
Eiri was just staring in shock at his angered lover.
He had never seen his lover like that before.
--
You don't love me
You don't care
Now you wanna be a hero
But don't you dare
Eiri heard on the radio the magic voice of his singer. He shifted in his chair, wanting to hear a little more.
You don't know my pain
All the things I said
I said them in vain
But now I wish I was dead
'What the hell…?' the author thought. All of it, the way Shuichi was singing, his melodic yet pained voice…Like he was talking to him.
All the pieces of my heart
All the pieces of my shattered pride…
You left me in dark
You let your shits to divide
Us…
"Shuichi?" he ran out of the study straight into the kitchen where Shuichi was making dinner.
The singer looked calm and peaceful.
"When did you plan to tell me about that song?!" he found his heart beating infuriately.
"Huh?" Shuichi turned his head nonchalantly.
"You know well what I'm talking about! The lyrics…"
"Hiro wrote them for me. I had no inspiration." the boy yawned, "Since I can't take those medications anymore, I can't write."
"Shuichi…" Eiri hugged the boy from behind. "What's going on with you?"
"As if you give a damn." Shuichi snorted. Eiri released him.
"Tell me…the rest of it."
"I'm not in the mood to sing." Shuichi's voice was tired and broken.
--
"You know what the hell was going on with the brat" Eiri was talking over the phone with Hiro, "Did he write that song…"Broken", I think?"
"Yuki, why do I always have to mediate between you two?" the boy asked.
"Did he write it?"
"I did."
"Why? Did he ask you to?"
"Is this the damn interrogation? Please give me a break!" Hiro was pissed off.
"Can I read the rest of it?"
"I propose to listen to it." Hiro hung up after saying him that.
--
I died the day you told me you loved me
I never knew that my heart would bleed
Your words like the blade of the sword
I won't let you, I won't…no more…
Kill my illusions
Kill them all
I'm just a husk
From the dawn to the dusk
You don't know my pain
All the things I said
I said them in vain
But now I wish I was dead
When he heard the end of the song, it was clear that Hiro was the one to be hurt, not Shuichi. It was really Hiro that wrote the song. Eiri had never told Shuichi he loved him.
But Shuichi's voice was telling the different story.
--
"Take one my pill and tell me what is wrong." Eiri offered one night.
"I don't have PTSD."
"No, but it might help."
Shuichi hesitantly took one pill.
"What do you want from me?"
"To tell me what is wrong."
"Please look for the material for your novels somewhere else." Shuichi waved his hand, "Thanks for the pill anyway." he left the apartment.
Where was that cheerful Shuichi he fell in love with?
Was he dead?
If so, who killed him?
'You killed him' told him his conscience.
--
--
--
The wind was blowing outside. Hiro got out of the NG building and was heading to his car when the voice stopped him.
"I need to talk to you."
He turned to look at the man he loved.
"You lied to me."
"I really love you."
The wind was playing with his auburn hair.
His eyes were sad.
"You never loved me. You only fucked me."
The man approached him.
"Don't make me repeat myself."
"You have eyes only for one person." Hiro sighed, "Please drop all of this. I'm too tired to fight with you again."
A hand caressed his cheek.
Hiro shivered.
"It's been a long way, Hiroshi, for me to discover who I really love. I thought I loved them both, but it turned out that it's neither of them."
"Good for you." Hiro turned his back to him.
"Hiroshi!" the man shouted after him.
"Just drop it, Tohma…" Hiro said and started the engine.
--
--
--
The remains of the dinner were on the table. It was silent and dark in his dining room. Before him, Hiro was sitting, contently drinking his vine.
"I'm glad you haven't lost your talent for cooking." he said.
Shuichi was looking at him seriously.
"It's been a while, hasn't it, Hiro? Where is my old friend that I used to hang out with?"
Hiro looked at him, then he lowered his head.
"I'm sorry, Shu…I was having some problems…"
"So, the song I sang, the newest one, you wrote it for…?"
Hiro lowered his head even more, taking another sip off his vine.
"A lot of things have changed…" he whispered.
Shuichi nodded.
"I agree."
--
"It began…I dunno…a few months ago. I dunno how it happened, but Tohma and I…"
Shuichi widened his eyes.
"Seguchi Tohma?"
Hiro nodded.
"But I know he doesn't love me for real. He loves Mika and Yuki."
"Well, I'm not sure about Mika…"
"Anyway, I know I was just his fuck toy. And he keeps on bugging me every fuckin' day…But I can't come back to him…it's too painful not to be the first…"
"Hiro…" Shuichi was about to cry.
"He told me he loved me. I never believed in those words. I wrote that song and you sang it for me…"
Shuichi was looking at him, broken, because his best friend has tasted suffer.
"…but it seemed like you were the one to be hurt…Yuki called me and asked me about the song."
"What?!" Shuichi frowned.
"I know there are some problems between you two." Hiro said seriously.
"I think I'll leave him. I can't do this to myself anymore." the singer sighed.
--
Yuki was passing by the dining room just in time to hear the last line of their conversation.
'What?!' he was in shock. Shuichi was considering to leave him?
"Sleep with me, Hiro."
"Huh?"
"Let's comfort each other."
"B-but…" the guitarist was stuttering.
"Just like we used to play when we were younger…"
Yuki was still like a rock. Shuichi's words were killing him.
He wanted everything, everything but to be alone.
'No, Shuichi! It can't be!'
"Let me think about it."
Shuichi nodded.
"I think it's about time for me to leave."
They stood up and Shuichi placed a peck on Hiro's lips. "Friends with privilege." he whispered into his ear.
Betrayal was burning inside the novelist. His Shuichi, his beautiful rebel boy…in hands of another man…
'What have I done?!' he was screaming from inside. 'I never wanted this!'
"Good night, Yuki." said Hiro as he passed next to him.
"Night." he replied, trying to sound as normal as possible. Then he headed to the bathroom to take his medication.
--
That night in the bed, Eiri was totally different man.
He was kissing the pink haired boy gently. He was caressing his body, reaching every sensitive spots he knew Shuichi had.
He was all gentle, yet he was passionate. Shuichi was pleasantly surprised. He gave into the gentle touches, moaning like mad as Yuki was doing him all those crazy stuff with his tongue.
"Shuichi…" the man groaned, "Fuck me tonight…"
'Don't you ever leave me…' his soul was crying, his body was trembling. He was near tears.
Shuichi was staring at him, stunned. It was Yuki that was always on top.
"Eiri?"
"Fuck me…"
The boy smiled. And then he fucked him hard. Very, very hard.
Yuki was trembling from sensations that Shuichi was sending throughout his body. His cock was making wonders.
He was craving for more.
He was desperate to receive as much of Shuichi as he could, every atom of his body, every drop of his sweat.
"Harder! Faster!" he was begging, not ordering.
Shuichi was mad from desire, accelerating and knocking him hard.
Yuki was loud in bed for the first time in his life.
They came together and the boy collapsed on the blonde.
"Oh, God, this was…"
"Shuichi…"
--
When Hiro got back, there was Tohma at his door.
"What do you want?'
"I need to talk to you."
"We have nothing to talk about."
"Just one night for talking, that's all I ask." his eyes were begging. "I need it."
Hiro rolled his eyes.
"If I let you in…no, Tohma…I-I can't." he shook his head. "I'm sorry." he lowered his head.
Tohma nodded and walked away with his head lowered as well.
"I will wait for you" Hiro could hear behind his back.
--
In the darkness of the room, one man was extremely gentle to another one.
"Eiri?"
"Yes?" the novelist was dazed from Shuichi's closeness.
"Nothing…" Shuichi closed his tired eyes. He was crying silently in Eiri's embrace.
'Why….why me? Why us?' he was thinking deliriously.
--
AN: This will be continued if I receive enough reviews. Otherwise this will be the only chapter of this story. Though I'd like to continue it.
Well, I sad what I had. It's up to you, my dearest readers. :)