Let Me Carry You, a twilight fanfic

A/N: Another Twilight story? Ohmy. Jacob & Bella again. Sorry, Eddy. A twisted form of heartbreak...

You act like it's so easy to ignore. Like I don't get this speeding of my pulse and ache in my heart. You act like you don't care that you can't give me everything, that things had to turn out so confused and cheated and wrong. You say that you can't live without me, but you pull him closer, circling yourself with walls that you've built with his help, with voices that tell you you're right. You think that you know what you're doing. You have no idea what your doing.

Take me away from this sad, dripping world, take me a year back and ten thousand worlds before. Take me to the place where the sun shone on my face and you called me beautiful, adding a few words to make it sound like you don't care. Pretend that no one else is around and that he can't see the looks you give me. I almost (almost, almost, almost—repeated like a mantra from the side of me that wishes I didn't care so much), almost wish that he had never come back, leaving you a broken shell, so that I could continue to be the one to put you back together.

You act like you didn't think about it. Like you weren't one step away from loving me. You took me into your world before I asked you to, you pretended that I was the one, and you fell in love along the way. You say that we're only friends, then why does it hurt so much to leave me? In this one-sided argument, you think that reason is on your side.

Let me carry you to safety. Let me call you honey and tower over you, let me be your protector and your guardian angel. Let me be your stone gargoyle, your lone wolf, your best friend, your world. Let me protect you like I always have. I want to be your shield, when you act like you have something stronger.

I took you into my world thinking that you'd let me into yours. I woke up seeing your face, hearing your voice, you claimed I was just a substitute for him. You watched the daylight reach out and touch my skin and claimed that we were nothing less than friends, and I looked into your eyes and saw the craving to be part of that caress. You pretended that being acquaintances was easy, even as you spent all your time staring. I saw the truth every time you smiled, and I pushed myself to make you laugh for me.

You act like pain is softer than pleasure, like I'm the only one that hurts when your with him. But I can hear your heartbeat speed as mine falls to pieces, and when you think I've stopped loving you, it screams. I know that you crave my attention, that your head hearts when I'm out of your sight. You think that you can pretend that we're platonic, separate beings, not attached by a pull stronger than gravity. You're wrong.

Watch you're smile when I hold you in my arms. Watch the heat and friction that doesn't come from my temperature, that doesn't come from my blood. Watch the line grow thinner and thinner, until it disappears in a sea of questions and bonding and secrets and hope. Watch as you realize what you've always known, as your choice becomes which world to leave behind, fire or ice, watch as you dig a deeper grave for my heart.

You think its so simple to let go. That you can find a knife and slice through the strings, knot them together and tie them in a pretty little bow. You think that the solution will just come to you, a way for both of us to be happy, for both of our souls to be safe. You don't realize that I will go to hell and back to spend one more minute with you.

I take your hand with all of my strength and pull you into my heart, I welcome you into my family, because you are my family, my light, my eternity. I let you become one of us without any trouble, while every step closer you come, another shard of my spirit breaks. I let you pet me when I'm soft, watch me when I sleep, keep from a battle I know I can win. You act like this isn't hurting all of us, when I know that we're surrounded by broken eggshells.

You make the choice harder every time you kiss me, every time you let your heart tell the truth. You make it a sacrifice, you widen the spectrum between us and put us on a pedestal, carefully weighing out the pros and cons when we know better than you that we're both monsters.

Let me burn you. Let me change you. Let me kiss you. Let me take you. Let me hold you break you twist you heat you heal you love you. Let me tell you my deepest secrets and let you decide to keep them. Be open to my trusting arms and let me give myself to you. Because I want you, and only you. I am yours, and only yours.

You act like its so easy to forget me. Like you can cut away the part of your heart that belongs to me. You pretend that your choice has been made, but your smile burns holes in my chest when you find out I'm still around. Like I could forget you. Like I could stop it. You act like we're not a tornado spinning out of control, like there won't be casualties and gaps. You act like we're not made for each other, like we're not meant for each other, like our bodies aren't in perfect synchronization. You think I can just forget the way you feel. Like we will move on. Like we can live.

You act like we're not made for each other.

Take me in your arms and hold me.

Keep me safe.

Let it be.

END