Memories

by Shizuka no Taisho

A student at Wammy's House, L finds himself becoming attracted to a new arrival with a strangely dark past. But, when he tries to discover what secrets the beautiful brunette is hiding, he may just learn a little bit more than he originally anticipated AU

Wow, you guys have no idea how long it took me to write this damnable story *sighs*. I was up until 3 am finishing this, and I still wasn't done then (had to reread the whole damn thing and edit!) Then again, I did switch from this to other fics when I got bored, which was a lot, so I guess it's understandable. Plus, I was at OMGcon '09 throughout June 5-7, and I was very distracted there. Fanfic was the last thing that crossed my mind, which some of you might know, if you were either there or have seen the youtube videos J Either way, Memories is done, and I hope you'll love it!

Author Note: here are a few details you should probably know. This is an AU, based at The Wammy House. Near, Mello and Matt haven't arrived at the orphanage yet; it's just L and Raito. Speaking of Raito, he'll be going by a code name, as is tradition, and he and L are around the same age. Why? Because that makes things much easier. So, we'll say L's seventeen, and Raito is fifteen.

Yep. That's it. Well, enjoy the story!

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Since the orphanage for runaways and children with ingenious minds was created by Mr. Wammy, a compassionate old inventor, it had seen many different types of children come into its care, all possessing vast intelligence and unpredictable skills. However, The Wammy House had never before seen the likes of the two diverse geniuses that landed on its doorsteps.

L came first. A mere child when he arrived, his background and history were unknown to everyone except Wammy and Rodger, the attendant who looked after Wammy's House when the owner couldn't be present. The fellow children living there were clueless when it came to the pale newcomer, though they quickly recognized him to be much more intelligent than themselves. That didn't change as L grew older. His classes became highly advanced, so much that specialized teachers were sought after to tutor the budding genius. L was taught psychology, anatomy, chemistry, advanced calculus, English literature, criminology, various forms of martial arts, and a variety of other studies designed to increase his deduction skills and pave his future as a detective, the one field L had shown interest in. He was the most intellectual person to ever attend the orphanage.

His past was shadowed, unknown, although everybody had their theories. Some said he was abandoned by his parents, while others believed that he was a genetic mutation created by the government in order to become a weapon of sorts, hence why he was sent to Wammy's; to be trained and schooled by the best. L never elaborated, not that he could, or would. After all, the main rule at Wammy's House was to never reveal your real identity. As was custom, all of the children had false aliases that they used, usually corresponding with the alphabet, and he was no different. Whenever somebody asked him his name, he replied with a simple L, if he gave them an answer at all. Ironically, using the first part of his real name was the best alias available to him, seeing as how it automatically sounded false to anyone who heard it. It brought a sort of thrill to him, knowing he was blatantly throwing around his real name every day, and yet no one was the wiser.

L was silent, a watcher who hid in the shadows and analyzed the world around him. He was beautiful in a strange, ethereal way, but his outer appearance was as deceivingly quiet as his interior; pale skin, grey-black eyes, wild black hair, and a lithe form clad in baggy jeans and a plain, long sleeved white t-shirt. He walked with a peculiar hunch, and yet possessed an odd, elegant sort of grace. L never wore shoes, so his feet were silent as he shuffled throughout the house, a pale shadow that never spoke unless asked a direct question, and yet could already tackle several cases that had been cold for more than fifty years. L was the mystery of the house, the person everyone avoided and yet couldn't help but admire.

And then came the other boy. No one knew where he had come from; he'd just shown up at breakfast radiating a calm, collected air, instantly attracting everyone to him with his exquisite good looks and charming persona. The children had all conversed amongst themselves when they thought they were alone, but no one knew the real reason why the beautiful teenager had just arrived in their midst. Well, almost no one.

L had seen the boy arrive. He'd been walking through the halls late at night, insomnia forcing him to endure hours upon hours of restlessness, and then he heard the front door open. He hid in the shadows and watched as Rodger walked through the door with a brunette splattered with blood, a blanket wrapped around his trembling frame. He was murmuring comforting words and L caught faint hints of the conversation that was obviously one-sided, considering the brunette wasn't speaking. The boy nodded, seemingly agreeing with what he was being told, but L saw through the automatic-yet convincing-response.

There was an intriguing hardness to his features, a cold aura radiating around his slender figure. L immediately knew that the boy had been through a traumatic experience. The ghostly eyes and cold responses were enough to tell him that. And his theory was confirmed when he saw the teenager hold up his hands. The fingers were long, graceful, and stained with mottled red. The boy looked at his hands with disgust written across his handsome features, and then followed Rodger into his office. But, even with the notable reactions, he couldn't deduce exactly what the boy had been through. Usually he could determine what traumatic experience a person had been affected by just by glancing at them once, but it was different with this boy.

It was said detail that bugged L more than anything ever had before.

He spent the rest of the night wondering about the teenager, but all he'd only been able to discern a few details about him. The brunette was around sixteen, perhaps a year or so younger, judging by his slender body and delicate features. He was also Asian, or of Asian descent, for his eyes had a gentle upward tilt, though they were an unusual shade of russet, with a glaze of sheer caramel. Such coloring, along with his mahogany hair, was rare amongst an Asian, but it befit such a mysterious character. And, L was also sure that the brunette had been through a traumatic experience.

Which was all insufficient information, for it told none of the inner details he was curious about. So, he did something he knew was going to cause a stir; he came to breakfast in search of something other than cake.

He was pleasantly surprised by what he saw when he got there the next morning. When he spotted the teenager, there was nothing visibly reminiscent of the bloodied individual he'd seen the night before. The boy was smiling and happily conversing, acting polite as could be and drawing flocks of children over to him. It puzzled L; the boy had to be highly proficient at disguising his emotions. To be able to act like a normal teenage boy and fool the other children would take impressive skill, much more than he'd given the brunette credit for. Then again, he'd only seen him once, and that was when the brunette was frozen like a statue, his body nothing more than an emotionless void. He had no basis to judge against. Not yet.

However, he couldn't just sit back and study the teenager like a scientist would a lab rat. No, in order to discover how this stranger was so adept at masking his emotions, plus his other skills and, more importantly, his past, he would have to do the inevitable.

L lumbered over to the table that the boy had chosen to sit at, which was clustered with the houses few boys and girls who were all chattering away and asking him various questions, and waited until his newest interest was done speaking before bluntly staring at him and lightly frowning.

"I'm L….."

All of the children let out loud gasps; it was rare to hear him speak, unless it was totally necessary, and, even then, L never spoke to them. Why bother? None of them were up to par when it came to intellect, so there was no point trying to waste valuable brain cells discussing anything with them, even if it was a simple introduction.

"……nice to meet you, L." The teenager stuck out his hand, but L shook his head and kept his hands in his pockets. Still smiling, the auburn haired boy withdrew his hand and folded his arms, leaning back in the chair and eying the pale boy with curiosity flickering in his eyes.

"Who are you?" L bluntly asked. The teenager chuckled, and L felt his interest heighten when he saw the boy smirk. A calculating look was cleverly hidden behind the cinnamon irises, and it nearly made L smile; the boy was judging him!

"Getting right to the point. Not exactly polite, but I suppose I can overlook your rudeness." He smiled, and L immediately sensed the shielded anger lingering behind the words. It was cleverly disguised, but he could see past the mask that the teenager was wearing; as well formed as it was, nothing could fully hide the red gleam hiding behind cinnamon irises, the bitterness that remained locked in his heart.

'So. He is adverse in acting. Just as I thought.' Smiling slightly, L gazed at the brunette figure seated before him. "And, in accord to upholding the examples of courtesy, may I ask your name?"

The boy chuckled, but a sarcastic edge deepened his voice. "My name is Kira."

"……interesting."

That had been the turning point in their relationship. They became quick friends over the next few months….at least, that's what it appeared to be to the rest of the household. While the fellow children were curious as to why the beautiful and poised Kira would hang out with L, neither one offered any explanation for their "weird" relationship. Instead, both boys seemed determined to ignore the rumors and remain in each others presence for hours on end. In fact, neither was seen without the other one present; both made sure of that.

L thought it was ironic. His plan was to become "friends" with Kira existed because he was interested in him, and his mysterious past, and he'd realized early on in their relationship that Kira was only friends with him for the same reasons. They were investigating each other, trying to discover what weaknesses and strengths the other possessed. Luckily, that wasn't as challenging as L had originally thought. As it was discovered early in his arrival at the orphanage, Kira had the same potential to become a detective as him, and he also seemed to hold the same interest. So, his classes were arranged to coordinate with L's, which made both teenagers pleased. L especially.

Kira's intelligence, which he quickly discovered, was on par with his own, perhaps overshooting his in several subjects. It literally seemed to hold no bounds, as did his obsession with power and justice. The teachers instantly took a liking to him, which wasn't surprising, but none of them could truly see past the charming façade he always wore; they were infatuated with his beauty and intellectual prowess. And it didn't take long for L to come to the realization that, much like himself, Kira hated to lose. Arrogant, stubborn, and childish, Kira manipulated people, treating them like marionettes that he could control with a pull of their strings. The teachers were a perfect example. Kira displayed his intelligence to them, influencing their thoughts of him with his detailed writing and gentlemanly responses. They were like putty in his hands.

It was one of many things they seemed to have in common.

L was also sure of the fact that Kira was slightly narcissistic. Always taking care to wear clothes that ideally flattered his body, he kept his hair perfectly coiffed and his nails neatly trimmed. Although, the colors he wore were always dark, usually garnet reds or black, and never had L seen him wear short sleeves or anything that didn't fully cover his legs. But, the things Kira wore always flattered his golden complexion and toned body.

He wasn't a fool; he recognized that he was attracted to Kira, as strange as the feelings were to him, but he couldn't let his feelings get in the way of his original goal. He was dead set on learning the boy's secret, and equally as determined to figure out as much as he could about the enthralling teenager. Yet, while he wasn't fooled by the features better belonging to a fallen angel, L well appreciated Kira's ethereal exquisiteness. Honestly, he doubted the existence of someone who wasn't in some shape or form attracted to the gorgeous boy. With his golden skin, flashing auburn eyes with their gentle tilt and chocolate hair, not to forget his toned body and never-ending legs, it really did seem impossible for anyone to not be attracted to him, male or female.

It didn't matter. He refused to be deceived. While Kira was a much better actor than most, even he couldn't hide that he'd been through something traumatic. It was obvious to him, but he only had his suspicions about what that thing could have been. He needed more proof before he confronted the teen. It was an awkward feeling, but L had no intention of causing Kira any more pain until he was absolutely sure. Seeing Kira's caramel irises shrouded with pain that first night had made him cautious, and he wasn't sure if he could take seeing the boy in any more pain than he had obviously already been through. He wouldn't have those beautiful, angry eyes turned on him until his deduction was proven correct.

The memory of those furious, chilling eyes still burned in his mind as L climbed up the steps leading upstairs, the floor that housed all of the children who lived in the house. L stalked down the hallway, scanning the many doors until he caught sight of a plain wooden one at the end of the hall. On it hung an old English K wrought in sterling silver, the preferred styling that Kira used when writing his name. It amazed everyone, L included, that he was able to write his name in the fancy letters in the same time that took everyone else, but Kira had many talents, some of which L was sure he kept hidden.

"Kira." He tapped on the door, but there was no sound from within the room. L frowned and knocked again, and the results were the same as before. 'Odd….he should be in his room right now. There's only an hour until dinner.' Smoky eyes narrowed and L grabbed the doorknob, giving it a twist and slowly pushing the door open.

It was pitch black inside the room. All of the lights were off, and it was dark outside of the frosted windows. But the lack of light didn't bother him. He was used to seeing in the dark, and it didn't take but a small effort on his part for him to see Kira; he was asleep and sprawled out across the bed, his body oddly pale against the black sheets. He was dressed in loose black pajama bottoms, and his chest was barely covered by a black tank top. L had never seen the teenager wear anything but dress pants and tailored shirts, with sleeves long enough to reach the tops of his knuckles and the colors always dark and complementary to his golden complexion. To see Kira dressed so scantily was amazing, although he'd never seen the brunette before and after dinner. For all he knew, Kira always slept in such attire.

L could see Kira's chest rising and falling in a rhythmic pattern, his breathing soft in the gentle silence of the room, but it was far from a peaceful sleep that he seemed to be having. His face was contorted into a grimace, elegant fingers curled in the sheets and close to ripping the thin cotton. The honeyed voice was letting out whimpers and cries, and L felt a pang jab his heart at hearing the pitiful sound.

"Kira-kun?"

The teenager didn't hear him. Pulling the door shut behind him and turning the deadbolt, quietly thankful that the rooms were soundproof, L ventured over to the bed and gazed down at the fitful boy. "Kira-kun, wake up."

"….no…please…do--don't--"

"Kira." L was becoming somewhat worried. Kira was beginning to thrash on the bed, his ragged cries growing louder by the second. "Kira." He reached out and touched the teen's shoulder, but Kira jerked away and whimpered, tears beginning to glitter on his dark eyelashes.

"….no--don't do it---Mom---why?!" Another strangled sounding scream tore from his throat, and L frowned at the sound; it was as if the teenager was being strangled, his windpipe deprived of oxygen by some unknown force. "Ba--bastard---you---" Kira slammed his head to the side, a pained grimace twisting his full lips.

'He acts as if he is in pain….is he having a nightmare?' L made a grab for the brunette, and this time he managed to pin him down to the bed. "Kira, you need to wake up. Kira!" He dug his fingers into the bare shoulders, shaking the slight form as he climbed onto the bed and kneeled over the teenager. "KIRA!"

Caramel eyes snapped open, and L watched the flash of fear go rushing through the beautiful irises before they faded into the frozen orbs L was so used to seeing. Kira glared up at him, but a twinge of shock still froze his features as he gripped the bed sheets between his fingers and snarled. "L? Wha--what're you doing in my room? And why are you sitting on me?!"

"I couldn't find you downstairs, so I came up here to see if you were in your room." L frowned at him, a suspicious gleam entering his eyes. "Kira-kun, you were crying in your sleep."

Grunting, Kira tried to push the slender figure off him, but L clung tight, digging his knees into the teen's hips. "I was just having a nightmare, L. People have them every day. And how many times do I have to ask you to quit calling me Kira-kun? I'm not Asian, nor do I have an Asian ancestor." He leaned up, but his movements were limited with L sitting on his hips. "Please get off of me."

Ignoring his last statement, L scooted back and crouched on the mattress, peering at Kira from under a shock of ebony bangs. "And nightmares are created when the inner conscious is dealing with turmoil that is being suppressed by the psyche. Kira-kun is hiding something from me."

"What the hell could I be hiding from you, L?" Kira's blood turned to ice when he saw the answer on L's pale face, his hands anxiously beginning to shake under the inquiring gaze. He fought to get himself under control, gripping his legs and stilling his trembling hands, but he felt it within his gut; it was too late.

"You could be hiding anything from me, considering I know nothing about your past."

"Of course you don't. No one reveals their backgrounds while residing here in Wammy's House. You know that as well as I do."

Frowning, L tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, piercing the boy with a searing gaze. "And you and I both know that neither one of us cares about the rules. We do what we please, which means that the only reason you are refusing to tell me about your past is because you're afraid of something."

And he feared that he knew what that something was. To be perfectly honest, he had had his suspicions about Kira's past, but was hesitant to say anything to the teenager. Their peace may have been false, but L selfishly wanted it to last as long as possible. The pain Kira had been through…it was enough to make him hide behind the mask of false smiles and charm that might have once been his true self, but was now only a façade. A strong one, but false nonetheless. L didn't want to revive any memories that would remind him of that dreaded past, but…'But, if Kira is having nightmares...it's only a matter of time.' L took a deep breath, his gut squirming at the thought of what he was about to do. He wanted the truth, but it was going to take all of his willpower to accomplish his goal. "What are you afraid of, Kira-kun?"

"I am not afraid," Kira glared at him, his tone gaining a sharp edge. "And I can assure you, there is nothing about my past which you would find very interesting, L."

"The fact that you wear a mask in front of the others is proof enough."

"What're you talking about? I don't wear a"

L cut him off with a cold look. "You can't lie to me, Kira-kun. You try to hide the coldness inside you, but I saw past your guise when you first arrived. The anger flowing from you was too powerful to be fully concealed, as well as something else…" his eyes narrowed, the steel colored orbs watching the teenager's face with careful scrutiny. Kira tried to hide it, but L caught the flash of anger and worry momentarily appear on his face, along with…fear? The very same emotion that L had seen the first night, when he'd been staring at his hands, hands covered in scarlet blood and bruised….as if they were hit.

His deduction was right.

He was right.

L knew he was supposed to feel proud, or even thrilled, but he'd never felt more depressed and sickened than he was right then.

"….who was it that raped you?"

SMACK!

The sound of flesh against flesh was agonizingly loud within the small room. L slowly reached a hand up, his fingertips gingerly brushing his cheek. A dark handprint blemished the ivory flesh, turning it a vivid shade of reddish-pink. He stared quietly at the panting boy kneeling before him, smiling faintly when he saw that nice, sweet, funny Kira was gone. Before him was the teenager that he had seen the first night; resentful, wounded. The only difference was that this time, he was angry as hell too.

"How dare you?!" Kira spat at him, his hand raised and colored a pale red. "You--you bastard! How dare you insinuate such a thing!"

"I spoke the truth, as you well know. And there was no need to slap me. I merely,"

"Dammit, L! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"

L felt the goose bumps trickle across his skin; the teenager had never sounded so frightening, so controlled by his rage and fear. However, the truth that Kira was keeping a secret was tearing him apart. No matter how well he kept his emotions under wrap while surrounded by others, L knew this wasn't the first time Kira had been plagued by his past in the form of nightmares. He could sense it, and that made him all the more determined to get the truth from the boy that had become his friend, the boy that made his heart race and blood pound.

"….Kira," he whispered, ignoring the lack of honorifics. "Listen to me. You know very well that I have never had an issue with bending the rules to suit my purposes, and this is a case that I feel requires such action. If you won't tell me what happened to you, then I will find out some other way." L cupped his face, a sad smile teasing his lips. "…..please…..Kira, tell me the truth. Where you raped?"

"….you don't know when to quit, do you?" The scowl slipped off the teenager's face and was replaced with a tight lipped smile. "L, is that the only deduction your brilliant mind came up with?"

L frowned. What was he playing at?

Knowingly, Kira cocked his head and smirked at the older boy. "You're not as brilliant as you think you are."

"Kira-kun is trying to throw me off the--"

"I murdered someone."

That made him stop, his heart beginning to rapidly pound in his chest. With eyes growing wide and a frown encompassing his pale face, L stared at the beautiful boy gazing back at him with a cruel light in his mocha eyes, a sick feeling twisting in his gut. "What? Didn't you ever consider something like that, oh mighty L?" Kira snickered, tossing his head and grinning at the stunned L. "You of all people should know that anything is possible."

"…..no."

"Think what you will. I'm a murderer, and nothing you say can change that," Kira climbed off the bed and crossed his arms, flashing the unruly boy a cruel smile as he started towards the door. "I wear a mask, as you said, to hide my true nature. I'm a cruel, heartless monster who lives on the sight of spilled blood."

"Impossible," L whispered, shaking his head. "Kira-kun is a liar."

Snorting, Kira turned his head towards the frozen boy and smirked, but the expression lacked any true anger to it. "Better just to accept it. I did."

It was then that he saw it. The lie was cleverly woven, like the threads in a tapestry, but he was able to distinguish it in the elaborate design Kira had woven.

"No." Startled, Kira started to turn around, and he was brutally tossed against the wall, his head smacking the polished wood. Gasping, he stared in shock at the older boy and frantically tried to move away, but he was pushed back and pinned to the wall. Holding him by the throat, L glared at him with a wild shadow darkening his eyes, his pale fingers digging into the tender flesh he held captive. "No. You haven't accepted it. Neither that, nor your rape."

"L, what do you think you're doing?! Release me!"

"I will not, Kira. Not until you admit the truth. You were raped, as much as you want to deny it, but the murder…it must tie into that in some way."

Scowling, Kira made to punch the older boy, but L grabbed his arm and pinned it down, stepping between the brunette's legs and keeping him captive against the wall. Even with an arm still left free, Kira knew there wasn't much he could do. L was stronger than him, as much as it pained him to admit it, and, until the other boy deemed otherwise, he was safely pinned to the wall. "L, I told you the truth. I wasn't raped, I killed someone," he spat, glaring at him in a dangerous way he knew made his caramel eyes flash, even though panic was flaring to life inside him. But L didn't seem fazed by the look; he merely tightened his hands and made Kira wince, though no sound of pain escaped his lips. He was too prideful for that.

"I believe you when you said that you are a murderer. But, you were raped as well, and, if you had truly accepted either of those realizations, then you wouldn't be acting the way you are. You wouldn't be hiding from me, Kira-kun."

"I'm not--"

"You are." L leaned closer, his face only a few inches from the scowling boy's. "You say you're a murderer."

"Because I am, L."

His hooded eyes grew narrower, lips compressing into a tight smile as he stared at the brunette. "And I believe you. What I refuse to believe is that you willingly decided to become one, as you so implied. I cannot believe such a ludicrous idea. You couldn't just randomly kill anyone. You had to have a good reason."

At that, Kira let out a barking laugh, but there was pain coloring his voice as he sneered at the pale, wild haired boy. "Really? Like what, my rape? How do you know I didn't just decide to start killing people, L? How do you know I'm not a crazed psychopath who gets his kicks torturing the innocent?"

"I know you, Kira-kun," L murmured. "You're not the kind of person who would do such a thing. And don't try to deny it," he cut Kira off, who'd just opened his mouth, likely to reply with another retort. "What I want to know is why you call yourself a murderer."

"Because I am! I killed a man, L! Which part of that don't you understand," Kira screamed at him, and he impatiently began twisting in L's hold, trying to break free.

Tightening his grip, L scowled at him with hooded eyes. "And who did you kill, Kira-kun? More importantly, why? And keep in mind that I know you are from Asian origin. It wouldn't be that difficult for me to hack into the national databanks to discover both that and, initially, who you are. Time consuming, yes, but I am L."

"What, you didn't get what you wanted so you're going to try to blackmail me now, is that it?" Scowling, Kira fell back against the wall and gave him a bitter smile. "If it's sooo easy, then why haven't you done it, oh mighty L? Why not discover my past on your own?"

"I haven't done so yet because I have hopes that Kira-kun will tell me his past himself and save me the discomfort of breaking into his personal records. It would be very disconcerting for me to invade your privacy in such a way." Laying his forehead against the raging teen's, L touched his palm to the boy's cheek and slowly traced a path down his jaw, taking careful note of the shock that flickered in his eyes. "Kira-kun. Don't make me do that. I would much prefer you telling me about your past yourself and saved me the trouble." When Kira's expression hardened, forming a mask of pale stone, L traced his finger over the boy's lips and gave him a soft smile, a rare sight on his milky countenance. "Kira….."

"L. Don't touch me," Kira whispered, jerking his face away. Briefly pausing, L gave the boy a scrutinizing look. Hating such an intimate touch was a common symptom of being raped, but Kira would deny that being the reason. Obviously, he'd have no choice but to force it out of the teen, and now he knew the perfect way. Even if it made him a little nervous.

"Why not, Kira-kun? If you weren't raped, as you so denied, then you should have no problems with me touching you. After all, you're just a murderer."

L knew he'd said too much; the pained look on his friend's face told him as much. But he couldn't stop. He was never wrong, which means that his first deduction wasn't incorrect.

There was just more to it.

"Isn't that right, Kira-kun? A murderer such as yourself, with no compassion or regret, shouldn't care if I touch him like this…" he brushed a strand of mahogany hair out of Kira's face, his fingertips grazing the tan flesh. A faint cry was choked back, but L heard it nonetheless, and his resolve hardened even more. "Unless of course, Kira-kun, you actually were raped. But if you were, then the murder you committed must have had something to do with it."

"Stop it--" the broken whisper that passed from Kira's lips was unnaturally hoarse, the honeyed tones slipping from the smooth baritone. "Dammit L, don't--"

"I think Kira-kun is afraid. He fears what would happen if he were to divulge his secret to me. But I already figured out part of what happened, so why should it be so challenging to tell me the rest?"

"Leave me alone--"

"I thought you feared nothing, Kira-kun, but that must be incorrect, if you can't even tell me a miniscule detail of your past. Could it be that,"

"ENOUGH!" A fist slammed into L's cheek, sending him stumbling back and to the floor. Snarling, Kira jumped on top of the slender figure and grabbed the front of his baggy shirt, glaring down at the startled L as his eyes flickered a brilliant red-gold. "You don't know anything about me! You think you know everything, L, but you fucking don't!"

"Kira, I--"

A blinding slap was delivered to his cheek, and through the ringing in his ears L heard Kira scream at him. "Shut up!" He pulled him up by the neck of his shirt, and it twisted L's heart to see the tears spilling down the brunette's cheeks. "Damn you, L! You think I'm weak?! I am not weak, you self righteous bastard!"

"I didn't mean it that way, Kira-kun. I just--" L cut off when he saw the dangerously malicious scowl forming on his friend's face. His outburst earlier wasn't half as frightening as the one he was venting now.

"You didn't mean it?! Well, let me tell you something, L! You think you have my past all figured out, like one of your fucking cases? Ha! You don't even know the half of it, you bastard!" Kira punched a fist into the polished wood beside L's head, and the detective's eyes widened when he saw the blood seep from between the boy's fingers. Slowly, he glanced back up and stared in shock at the crazed brunette, warily watching the emotions flicker in Kira's eyes.

'This is a potentially dangerous situation. Kira-kun seems to have snapped under my interrogations.' As frightening as that thought was, L was more worried that Kira would hurt himself, as he already proved to be a possibility. And he didn't even have time to wonder about that before the boy let out another enraged cry, drawing L out of his thoughts.

"You want to know my past? Do you really want to know," Kira screamed at him, his fingernails ripping into the thin cotton of L's shirt and cutting his flesh. "Fine then, you bastard! If you want to know sooo damn bad, then I'll tell you! I was fucking raped! I was raped and beaten by my own father!"

The shocked look on L's face definitely didn't help matters any.

"What's the matter?! Isn't that what you wanted to hear!?"

"Kira-kun, I'm--"

"Don't you dare say you're sorry, you fucking bastard! Don't you dare!"

Feeling the blood trickling down his neck and pooling in the base of his throat, L cringed as he was lifted up by his shirt collar, his face less than an inch from Kira's crazed, yet, oddly enough, still beautiful one. "I thought you'd be happy, L! Doesn't it bring you a sense of pride, knowing your fucking deduction was right?! I was raped! I was fucked up the ass by my own god damned father!"

Tears were streaming down Kira's face, but he didn't seem to notice. Or, he was so broken that he just didn't care.

"You know, I always was his perfect little boy, too good for anybody else to possess! Everybody except him! Imagine how it felt when he came into my room that night, his hands all over me as he pinned me to my bed! Can your fucking deductions tell you how loud I screamed when he shoved his cock up my ass?! And believe me, I screamed! I begged him to stop, over and over, but he laughed in my fucking face! He said I was his, that he was the only one who would ever get to touch me!"

The horrifying pain and rage waving off the teen was so thick that L was almost sure he could touch it. Tentatively, he reached a spidery hand up and delicately brushed his palm over the teenager's cheek, resisting the urge to go any further when he felt the warm, wet flesh beneath his. For a moment he was worried Kira would have another episode, but the brunette just glared at him, cruelty carved into the amber planes of his stony eyes. But pain was also etched deep into Kira's face, adding to his haunting beauty all the more. "It doesn't make me happy, Kira-kun, to see you in pain. I want to help you."

"Help me? L, you're such a fucking idiot!" Maniacal laughter bubbled past Kira's lips, completely dispelled of its velvety qualities. "If my own family couldn't help me, then what the hell makes you think you could?!"

"Your…family?"

"My family! I had a mother and sister, but they were weak, stupid! The second my mother had a suspicion about my father and his beloved son, she packed up and left, my sister in tow! She knew what he wanted, but she didn't lift a finger to help me! Instead, she ran away like the coward she was!"

"Your mother left you?" A wave of disgust crashed through L; how could a mother abandon her child like that?! "Kira-kun, why would she do that?"

"Because she was a fucking coward! She never cared about me! Her precious daughter was all she needed, so who cared what happened to her know-it-all son?! As long as her ex left her alone, she could live her life in peace!"

"But Kira-kun, I'm not them. I honestly want to help you."

"And why the hell should I believe a word that you say!? You've never cared about lying to me before!" Kira slammed his fist into the floor again, and L knew his expression was one of horror when the blood began spurting from between his fingers.

"Kira, stop it! Look at your hand!"

Glancing at his bleeding fist, Kira sneered and clenched his fingers. More blood trickled in unnerving amounts across his skin, and L could see the dark half moon cuts etched deep into his golden flesh. "Kira!"

"….L. Why haven't you asked me who I killed? You said that I was telling the truth, that you believed I killed someone. Why haven't you asked me who it was?"

L turned his head and stared up at the brunette, and his heart lurched when he saw the panic flickering in his friend's beautiful, red hinted eyes. "Because I already know the answer, Kira-kun. You don't have to tell me."

"Heh, that's rich, coming from you. You threatened me earlier, even though you already knew what happened to me. Remember? You were going to break into my private files if I didn't tell you my secret, and then you manipulated me to force it out of me. But now you say that I don't need to tell you? What was the point then, L?!"

That hurt. L felt a sickening sense of shame wash over him, and, as remotely unfamiliar as it was, he felt it all the more when the sleeve of his shirt grew wet, turning red with Kira's blood. "You killed your father, am I correct? You killed him after he"

"Touched me?"

Kira smirked at him, but the sarcastic smile that seemed to be his trademark wasn't nearly as heartfelt as L had imagined it would be. "After that, I was lying there, watching him sleep, and I kept thinking about what the bastard did to me. It kept replaying in my mind, over and over, again and again," Kira let out a strangled growl, his nails scratching into the floor and smearing the blood across the wood. "I couldn't stand it, L! I couldn't…..I couldn't let him--"

It was the final straw for the brunette. Sobs, ones that he'd been choking back, turned into racking cries, and the hand fisted in L's shirt fell loose, sliding uselessly to the floor. "L---I murdered him--I--I'm a kill--I--!" Kira pushed off him and held up his hands. The bloodied fingers of his left were bruised, stained red. Just like they'd been the night he arrived. "I--he--"

"Kira-kun. Kira-kun, calm down!"

He ignored him. The pain of that night, pain that he'd been suppressing for months, was hitting him full force, and the guilt and anger were casting their mantles over his heart, twisting a blade inside it. "I--I killed him! I killed him!"

"Kira-kun!"

L touched his shoulder, but Kira scrambled backwards until his spine touched the wall, his mangled hand stinging as it repeatedly hit the floor. "How could you--why don't you hate me? I'm a fucking murderer! I killed a man!"

All L could do was watch the boy's breakdown in shock. In a split moment, Kira had gone from anger to crying his eyes out! The boy had more mood swings than he'd ever expected possible. But, even worse, his hand was losing severe amounts of blood, blood that was smeared across the floor, and was still dripping down Kira's long fingers and staining the soft material of his pants. "Kira-kun, you have to calm down. You're injured," L whispered, desperately trying to control the panic swirling inside him. "Let me help you."

"I don't deserve your help…I should be dead. I'm a murderer!"

Kira twisted his fingers in his bangs, barely noticing the blood he painted across his forehead. "I did it--I murdered my father. That bastard was just…lying there, sound asleep, as if nothing had happened! He hurt me! I couldn't let him get away!" Throwing his fist down, he let out a soft sob. "There were scissors beside my bed--I, I picked them up, and I--I--I stabbed him! I stabbed him again and again! There was so much blood, so much blood…." Kira closed his eyes, a sneer curling his lips. "He never thought I would---I would do that. He thought I would just roll over and take it!"

"But you didn't. You escaped." L could've sighed with relief at the thought, but Kira scoffed and turned his mouth into a disgusted smile.

"Yeah, I escaped. I attacked a sleeping man and fucking ran away. Like a coward."

'A coward? Is that what Kira-kun views himself as?' L frowned, his fists clenching. "That's not what you are."

"Then what am I," Kira spat at him. "Besides a murderer, I mean." The gruesome smile returned, a maniacal gleam flickering in his furrowed eyes. L felt his heart skip a beat, his blood turning to ice in his veins. There was such loathing in the boy's eyes, so much hatred, and he knew it wasn't all directed at his reject of a father. But more than anything, there was sorrow clinging to Kira's shoulders, forming a rejected air around him that L longed to shove away.

'It isn't fair. Why did this have to happen to him?' He wanted to drag Kira's father from the grave and throttle him; it was all his fault! It was his doing that turned Kira into a hateful, twisted parody of himself! 'But Kira blames himself…' L let out a soft sigh. "….I understand, Kira-kun….and you're not a coward for running away."

Glazed eyes suddenly narrowed, and Kira's mouth turned downwards into a tight frown. "And what is it that you claim to understand, L?"

"…I understand why you had to kill him. You call yourself a murderer, but a true murderer feels no remorse for his actions."

"And I do?"

L shook his head. "You don't regret your actions, but you're horrified by them. You're not the kind of person who wouldn't feel some sort of horror when faced with an act like murder, no matter if they deserved it or not. But no one could fault you for what you did, Kira." He pierced him with a hard look, and Kira recoiled a bit. "Your father was a rapist who deserved justice, which you delivered. It may not have been the right way, but no one could blame you." Reaching up, L cupped Kira's cheek and gently ran his thumb across the wet, silky skin. He expected him to move, to try to avoid the touch, but he didn't, and it gave him a dull sense of relief. "I can't blame you."

"…L…" more tears slipped down his face, the moisture slickening L's fingers. The pained expression returned, the anger slipping away from his hooded eyes.

A gentle yearning settled in L's chest, and he gave the brunette a quiet smile. "You didn't deserve what happened to you. Your father was a bastard, to do what he did," he paused, a guilty gnaw stabbing his heart. "…..and I was too. I didn't consider your feelings at all. I just wanted to know what you were hiding from me."

Kira began to speak, but L laid a finger over his lips. "I let my arrogance and childishness overrule my judgment, and I forced you to relive an experience I'm sure you want nothing more than to forget." Threading his fingers through Kira's hair, he gave the boy a soft smile, though he felt a flare of disgust. Disgust at himself, for letting his arrogance rule him, and for hurting the already broken Kira. "Gomenasai, Kira-kun. I hope you can forgive me."

For several seconds, Kira didn't reply, his expression blank and unfeeling. But then his lips started to quiver, and the harsh sobs bubbled forward. "L….L!" His shoulders slumped, and L had to move fast; the teenager fell into his waiting arms, his slim, bloodstained arms folded between their bodies. "God, L, I--I killed him," Kira whispered, his voice hoarse and cloaked with pain. It made L want to cry, to the point where tears actually began to sting his eyes. "I killed him."

"You did what you had to do, Kira-kun." L wrapped an arm around Kira's waist and pulled him close, hugging the slender boy to him. His voice racked with another sob, Kira rested his head on L's shoulder and dug his fingers into his arm.

"Dammit, L….why don't you hate me?"

"I could never hate you, Kira-kun. You're my friend." But it was so much more than that, not that Kira would realize such an outrageous thought. "I know I've never given you reason to trust me, but I hope Kira-kun will believe me this time."

Kira raised up and looked at him. "But--but I lied to you! I've never told you the truth, not once!"

"But that is not cause for me to hate you. And I lied to you too, Kira-kun, so you should hate me as well, if that be the case." L ran his hand up Kira's back, a delicate smile on his lips as he massaged taut muscles with his fingertips. Blinking back tears, Kira fell slack under the gentle touch and leaned against him, his hair tickling L's neck.

"L…."

"Kira-kun….."

It was wrong in too many ways to count, but he couldn't help but notice how soft Kira's skin was against his, or how warm the slender figure felt wrapped in his arms. He'd always been aware of Kira's beauty, as it was rather hard to ignore, but never had he really noticed the boy's vulnerability. But here, now, he was seeing him in a whole new light. Kira was fragile, more so than he had ever imagined, and his features, though splattered with tears and blood, were all the more beautiful to him.

It hit him like a moving truck. While he'd always known that he was attracted to the brunette, the idea that it might have been something more than physical allure was ludicrous. As least, it used to be. Now, as Kira sobbed into his shoulder and his frame trembled against his, L realized what the strange emotions rushing inside him were. His obsession with learning Kira's secret. The anger he felt when confronted with the truth about Kira's past, about what that bastard did to him….the longing to caress the crying boy…

"….I could never hate you." It was true. He was loathe to admit it, but he actually had feelings for the brunette. It wasn't just physical attraction, and it never had been, he could see that now. Kira had held a spot in his heart ever since he'd set eyes on him, and thee emotions had only grown more powerful throughout the months.

He loved Kira…and he wanted him. He wanted to taste that caramel skin, to lick and mark the boy as his own. He wanted to…'No! I can't feel like this! Kira-kun would never forgive me!'

And he didn't deserve him. 'What kind of person am I, anyways?' He deliberately hurt Kira, just to find out a secret, and forced him to relive a traumatic experience just so he could prove himself right. 'I'm a bastard,' he inwardly spat, and tried to loosen his hold, to push the boy away. But he couldn't. He couldn't even force his arms to slacken an inch. Damn it all, if he wasn't fucking selfish. 'I can't give him up…I just--' he couldn't do it. The thought of somebody else laying a hand on his…on Kira. It disgusted him.

"L?"

'Oh God….' the way Kira said his name…it was like liquid chocolate flowing from his lips. Even hoarse and strained, he still managed to carry a natural purr to his husky baritone. "Kira-kun…" L forced himself to focus on something, anything but the beautiful features placed before him. His gaze shot down and he spotted the bloodied skin of Kira's left hand, and the panic reemerged like a knife in his chest. "We--we need to bandage that. Your hand is bleeding." The smell of blood filled his nose, the thoughts happily being pushed to the back of his mind.

Lifting the hand, Kira leaned up and gave it a frown as he wiped his face, his wrist wet with tears and blood. "It doesn't even hurt."

"That may be true, but I'd feel better if you would let me bandage that for you, Kira-kun." Tenderly, L grabbed his wrist and pulled him to his feet, grimacing as blood touched his pale skin. "I'd rather not be responsible for scarring you." And potentially marring such a beautiful body.

Kira frowned. "L, you're not," he suddenly choked and made a grab for his wrist, a searing flame tearing up his arm. "…L…I.." Kira groaned, a wave of dizziness crashing onto him. Grimacing, he stumbled to the floor, his knees collided against the hard wood.

"Kira!" L kneeled down beside him and tried to lift him up, but he fell limp in his grasp and collapsed onto the floor. Panicked, L wrapped his arms around Kira's slender waist and pulled the nearly unconscious boy into his lap, and he immediately relaxed against him, a grimace on his face. "What happened?"

"I--I guess it's the blood loss. Must've made me dizzy," Kira let out a groan of disgust when he felt a sticky, warm sensation trickling down his forehead. Smearing a finger across it, he nearly gagged at the sight of the dark liquid that came away, but forced himself to remain calm and smile reassuringly. "It's ok, L. I'm fine." Glancing down at his hand, he endured a twinge of horror as he gazed at the mangled center of his palm, and the blood oozing continually from the deep gashes.

L scowled at him, feeling a familiar annoyance building up inside him. 'Kira is too proud for his own good.' Using a pale finger, L tilted his face up, and he stared into auburn colored eyes, eyes that always seemed to know just what he was thinking. Or trying to hide. "Refrain from trying to lie to me, Kira-kun. You are not fine. Not with this much blood loss." He frowned at him, daring the younger boy to argue. And, even with his gaze dimmed by tears and fatigue, Kira could see the determination staring out at him from those dark irises.

"…fine."

L gave him a short nod, though relief was clear on his face. Gently, he picked up Kira's hand and stared at the bloodied gashes, unable to resist a tiny grimace. "The bleeding's stopped, but we still need to bandage it. The wounds could become infected if left unattended." Glancing around the room, L inwardly shivered as he felt the teen following him with his searing gaze. Damn, couldn't he look somewhere else?! "Do you have any bandages?"

"Yeah. They should be in the bathroom cabinet. I'll just…" Kira made to stand up, but a dizzying spell hit him, yet again. Hissing, he fell backwards, but L caught him around the middle and easily pulled him into his lap. Glaring at him, Kira tried to move away, his hands angrily grasping at L's arms. "L. Let me go."

'Yes,' his mind screamed. 'Let him go!' But L was enjoying having the soft warmth pressed against him, and Kira's hair, while slick with blood, continually flecked his throat, tickling the alabaster skin. It was all highly erotic, and well desired. At least on his behalf, that is. Yet, he knew better than to act on any of his desires…as tempting as some might be. "You'll be doing nothing. I'll get the bandages." L picked the brunette up, hearing a few loud, and vulgar, protests, and his body's cheer at having the warm body cradled in his arms. Carefully, making sure not to jostle him, he laid Kira on his bed, pressing a hand against his chest when the teen looked ready to argue. "Stay put."

His possessive nature was flaring up, the protective streak alive inside him and ready to argue for Kira's own well being. The boy was entirely too stubborn, and had a tendency to ignore other's opinions when it came to his health and safety. "I mean it, Kira-kun. Stay put. You're too weak to be walking around."

A frown toyed at his mouth, but Kira laid back and the hand on his chest fell limp, the smooth palm and long fingers nothing more than a fluttering pressure. L gave him a stern look before he climbed off the bed and went into the bathroom, his fingers trembling all the while. He'd felt the warmth heating his hand from Kira's chest, and it was a dark urge, but he'd wanted so badly just to rip that slim tank top off and touch the silky flesh. That was obviously out of the question.

Kira heard him rummaging through the cabinets and frowned. "Quit treating me like a child," he called, and the bathroom fell silent. The light switched off, and L came out, a roll of white clutched in his hand.

"I'm not treating Kira-kun like a child. I'm treating him like a friend who is in need of medical assistance." He sat down beside Kira and the brunette sighed, extending his hand. L taped the edge of the bandage to the unwounded section of his hand and, dousing a cloth with hydrogen peroxide, gently wiped down the bloodied flesh of his palm. "I apologize, Kira-kun," L murmured, hearing his hiss of pain, and his mind's own angry exclamation. "Just be patient."

Making sure the last of the blood was gone, L carefully lifted the hand and again inspected the wounds. He breathed a tiny sigh, his panic slowly ebbing. "They won't require stitches, but you really did a fair amount of damage to yourself, Kira-kun. You'll have to leave the bandages on for a while." He placed a bandage over them and wound a layer of cotton around Kira's hand, trying desperately not to hurt the brunette any more than necessary. "….Kira-kun?"

Looking up from his hand, Kira frowned. "Yeah?"

His mind racing, L looked into Kira's eyes. There was so much pain clouding them, it was unsettling. Something else hid within the red-brown shades too, but L couldn't even begin to fathom why it would be hope. Did Kira feel hopeful…about what he was going to say? L frowned, staring at him. 'No. Not possible.' It was far too unlikely. 'The possibilities of it being anything remotely similar to hope are less than five percent. No. I--I can't do this. Kira's been through too much already. It would be selfish of me to only consider my own feelings…again.' Shaking his head, L pressed his lips together and choked back a scream of frustration. 'No.' He'd already seen the result of putting himself before Kira, and he wasn't about to make the same mistake twice. "…..never mind. It's not important." Averting his eyes, L turned his attention back to the task at hand, thankful that he was incapable of blushing. There was no way he could tell him. It was too risky. He refused to hurt Kira any more than he had already been…even if it meant never disclosing his feelings for the beautiful, alluring teen. He would rather suffer in silence.

"You're lying to me."

L glanced up in surprise, and his resolve flickered when he saw the knowing look being directed at him. There was a startling amount of understandment in Kira's eyes…it was actually somewhat frightening. "I'm not lying, Kira-kun. It was nothing important. Now, sit still and let me clean you. You're covered in blood." L held up a rag soaked with warm water and reached for Kira, who bent closer and allowed the cloth to brush his bloodstained skin, though the hard edge hadn't faded from his gaze. And L was fully aware of it. Just as he was aware of every miniscule touch his fingertips made to Kira's cheek, each one feeling like electricity was coursing up his hand.

"L." Kira leaned into the other's touch, and L had to jam his lips together to hold back a pleasured hiss. "You don't need to worry about hurting me. I'm a lot tougher than you might think."

L knew what he was trying to do. Using his quiet manipulations was a practice Kira often deployed on the younger generations, especially the girls, to which he was usually immune. But it was hard to resist the gentle plead when he was being pierced with those gorgeous caramel eyes. "Of course you are. Considering Kira-kun's past, I'm amazed as just how strong you are. But I--no. I can't do it." Grabbing his shoulders, L pushed the other teen away, ignoring the unnatural heat spreading down his arms from the simple touch. "I can't."

"Can't what?" Kira's brows furrowed. "Are you hiding something from me? You are, aren't you? It's something you think might hurt me if I knew."

L could have screamed, though whether it was out of joy or fear, he didn't know. "…..Kira-kun is too intelligent for his own good."

Kira smirked at him, but all too soon his face darkened. "What were you going to tell me?" Shifting forward, he laid a hand on L's shoulder, hesitantly curling his fingers into the worn shirt. L tried to speak, but his thin frame shuddered with embarrassing arousal. With Kira kneeling in front of him, knees splayed and eyes shimmering, he painted a very alluring image, one that shot pleasurable tingles throughout his groin. He was painfully aware of how close they were, and it didn't help that he could feel Kira's heartbeat pounding beneath his fingertips. His lips parted in a soft moan, and his hands itched to grab Kira's hair and jerk him into a kiss.

The warmth in the room seemed to grow hotter with every second, turning into a flame that burned between them, and he had to intently focus just to smother the aroused sensations fueling his blood. But the boy in front of him was unearthly beautiful, resonating with a wild, unnatural power with his blood splattered skin and unique amber eyes, and he was so close…it would be easy…

"L, just tell me--hey!" Kira's jaw dropped in shock when pallid hands grabbed his hips and pushed him back onto the bed. L straddled him, all sense of decorum gone, and Kira let out a faint cry as bony fingers entangled in his hair, jerking the bloodstained strands out of his face and fully revealing his glazed, burnt umber eyes. "Wha--what're you doing," he yelped. "L?!"

The man in question just stared at him, wild eyed, his cool appearance ruined by the hungry expression on his face. L heard his ragged breathing, his gasping pants, but his gaze was firmly locked on the sprawled boy beneath him. "Fuck--Kira--" he gasped, letting out a growl. "I can't take it anymore!" He gave Kira a longing look before bending down, capturing moist lips with his own. Yelping, Kira stared up at him, shocked, and his eyes widened as L slipped his tongue into his mouth.

"Mmm!"

He moved it round and around the slick skin and teeth, hearing Kira's muffled gasp. Fisting mahogany tresses in his hand, he jerked Kira's head back and deepened the kiss, breathing another low growl as Kira's tongue slowly began to duel with his own. Pressing himself down onto the teen, L groaned as hands hesitantly slipped up his back and slender arms wrapped around his neck, tan fingers ensnaring the hairs of his nape.

But the simple touches weren't enough.

A snarl rumbling in his throat, L pulled away long enough to see Kira's startled expression before he buried his face in his neck, incisors sinking into smooth, taut flesh. Kira moaned, feeling a wet tongue rub the bruising spot in small, sensual circles. "Fuck…." his back arched as L sucked the tan skin, drawing it into his mouth and nipping with sharp teeth. "Ahh--" the hand tangled in L's hair clenched, and his teeth sank deeper into Kira's neck in return. "Ahh! L---!"

It was the sound of his name on Kira's lips that pulled him back to reality. Forcing his grip to soften, L leaned up on his elbows and stared down at the motionless figure on the bed. Wide eyed, Kira's cheeks were flushed, though the rest of his face remained a pale golden cream. His lips were parted, and tiny gasps escaped them, each one sending shivers down L's spine. A string of saliva trailed down his chin, and his neck was red, teeth marks imbedded into the soft skin. As L watched, tears slipped from the corners of his amber eyes and trailed down his face, leaving twin trails of wet on his skin. Kira's arms slackened around his neck, but his fingers remained entwined in feathery hair, while a confused frown spread over his face. "L--? Why…?"

"Kira-kun---" L's grey-black eyes grew wide, horror shining in the dark orbs. "I shouldn't have done that…." he whispered. "I shouldn't have…" the rapid thumping in his chest automatically stopped, right then and there. Reaching up, L laid a hand over Kira's and clasped the trembling limbs, watching the horror glow in Kira's eyes die away to a quiet wondering. "Kira…? Are you ok?"

"L….why did you kiss me?"

"What?" L stared at him, stunned. It wasn't the question that surprised him, but rather the way Kira had asked it. Quietly underlying the question was a soft, almost hopeful kind of sound. But, that wasn't possible…was it? No. It couldn't be possible. The likelihood that Kira would actually have enjoyed his kiss was less than five percent, border lining impossible! But, not only did he not fight back…Kira returned his advances, going so far as to kiss him back. Unless Kira had had a temporary lapse in judgment, which L severely doubted, then there was only one logical explanation. 'But it just can't be possible,' L's mind screamed at him, while his heart pleaded otherwise. 'It can't be…but then why didn't Kira fight back? Why didn't he refuse my advances? Does--does Kira like me too?!"

It was only after seeing the shocked expression on the brunette's face that L realized what he had just said. Totally aloud. For Kira to hear every word of. "Oh….well…this is interesting," he murmured. 'Dammit.' That was a total flaw in his plans, for sure.

"L…you--did you just say---you like me?!" Kira was frozen like a statue, his eyes wide and lips parted in what looked like a shocked smile. "Is it…is that true, L?"

Unsure, L sat up on Kira's hips and frowned at the younger boy, but he couldn't detect anything but sincerity. Kira honestly seemed pleased at the possibility of him liking him. "Would--would that make you happy?" He cupped Kira's cheek, his thumb sliding over full lips. "Kira-kun, I don't want to hurt you, but if…if it would make you happy, then"

"Happy? For Kami's sake, L….don't you understand anything?" Pushing himself up, Kira all but threw his free arm around L and buried his face into the older boy's chest, ignoring L's startled gasp. Raito…was happy? He tried to ignore it, but the happiness welled in his chest and curved his lips into a smile. When hot tears soaked his already stained shirt, he quickly embraced the teen in his arms, laying his chin atop unruly mahogany strands. Holding him like this…having Raito trusting him enough to do this….L had never felt so happy.

"Does Ki"

"Raito."

"….Raito?"

"It's…my real name…Yagami Raito…"

He didn't even have to ask. Detangling the fingers from his hair, L brought tan fingers to his lips and laid a soft kiss upon the smooth skin. "Raito-kun." Oh, he liked that much better than Kira. Raito rolled off his tongue, smooth as chocolate. "In English, the translation means Light. Night god." How very appropriate. It suited him much more than his alias, which literally meant killer. "But, why would you…" he stopped dead in his tracks. There was only one reason why Ki---Raito would tell him his real name. Not only was it the ultimate sign of trust, to share his real name, but it was something more. Something so much more. "Raito-kun cares for me," he whispered. It was unbelievable. But apparently not too much so, considering. "I never thought it was possible."

"Then you're a baka. Of course I care for you. But, L, I--"

L never gave him time to finish. His lips were on Raito's before the brunette could utter another word, his tongue roughly thrusting into the boy's warm mouth. Slamming him down onto the bed, L hungrily devoured the soft skin, groaning as the spicy, cinnamon like flavor flooded his mouth. It was all Raito, that delicious taste, and he couldn't get enough of it. "Raito-kun…" L licked his lower lip and leaned up, hovering over the smaller frame. It was too late to turn back; he realized that. He'd already confessed his love…well, "likeness" for Raito, although it was an accident, and, had he not stopped him, L had a good idea what Raito would've said to him. But, more than a confession of his innermost feelings, L knew Raito needed proof of his statement, in the most strongest of ways. "I would like to pleasure you," he whispered. "Will you let me do that, Raito-kun?"

A glint of fear quickly awakened in his amber eyes. "L. I--I'm not--" he grimaced. It was one thing to kiss. Quite another to take it to the level L wanted, and the one he knew Raito wished for, deep down. "I'm not"

"I am," L murmured. "Raito-kun needs this, I think. His father's memory will continue to haunt him otherwise." He traced a fingertip over Raito's neck, a rapid heartbeat meeting his touch. "Let me change that."

"But…L, I--I'm just--"

L saw the fear creeping deeper into his eyes, and he longed to assuage it from the mahogany depths. It was easy to see why Raito was afraid. The last person to touch him intimately was his bastard of a father, and L saw red every time he thought about how that man had dared to lay a hand on his Raito-kun. But the only way to rid himself of such anger and to help Raito-kun was to remove the fear of physical intimacy, which he knew Raito possessed, deep down. Sure, Raito was willing to kiss him, but L could tell that was as far as his comfortable streak spread. 'And it was all his father's fault. That bastard.'

"Raito-kun, I promise to stop if it becomes too much for you. But…will you just let me try? I want to help you."

"And you want me," Raito murmured, and L took heart at hearing a calmer note entering his friend's voice. "You wouldn't be asking me to do this if you didn't."

"True. I do want you, Raito-kun." L took a deep breath, pushing away his impatient arousal. "But, I'm willing to wait, if you feel you're not" a hand fell over his mouth, cutting him off. More than surprised, L stared, shocked, as Raito smiled gently and removed his hand.

"Do you promise? To stop, that is."

A tirade of warmth flooded his chest, and L quietly shuffled forward, moving between Raito's legs. "If Raito-kun sincerely wants me to stop, then yes." Gently, L grabbed Raito's chin and pulled his face down, their lips only centimeters apart. "I hope it won't come to that." He closed the space and flushed their mouths together. Their lips slowly moved against one another and tongues lightly brushed, and Raito moaned into his mouth when L gently bit his lip. Hands thrusted into his hair, pulling the feathery strands every which way, and L groaned as Raito's slender body pressed against his, rubbing their clothed groins together. But there was plenty of time for that, and he had to go slow, for Raito's sake. Resting his hands on Raito's hips, L painted soft kisses on his face, slowly moving his mouth down the curve of Raito's neck and lavishing the spot with his teeth and tongue.

"Ahh…L…" Raito writhed against him, his nails scratching L's scalp. "Fuck--that feels--" his voice broke as L's mouth went farther down, his lips resting against the crook of his neck. Glancing up at him, L sucked on the spot and watched the arousal flash across Raito's face. Chuckling, L sucked harder and the brunette arched against him, mewling. "L--you--aghh--" he gritted his teeth and jammed his fingertips into L's arms, likely bruising the alabaster skin. But L didn't care.

Raking his hand through Raito's hair, he jerked the boy's head to the side and sank his teeth into the tautened flesh, drawing circles with his tongue on the reddening patch. His other hand, still laying on Raito's hip, slipped beneath his tank top and lightly brushed the silky flesh, and goosebumps rose up beneath his fingertips. "L…please…" Raito shivered. A grin tugging at his lips, L lifted his mouth from the welcoming skin and watched his companion gasp for breath, his grin widening when the brunette blushed and covered the brilliant red stain marring his neck.

"Raito-kun enjoyed himself," L pushed the hand away and fingered the red mark. Slumping against him with a groan, Raito managed a faint smile and laid his head on L's chest.

"Hell yes."

Chuckling, L pressed a hand to his chest and pushed him back, forcing him down onto the bed.

"L--what're you doing?" Raito's irises immediately shone with panic, but L kissed him softly on the cheek and ran his fingers through wild mahogany bangs.

"Raito-kun talks too much." Tapping his fingers down Raito's chest, L grasped the hem of Raito's black tank and gave it a meaningful tug, shooting him a seductive grin. Frowning, Raito lifted up and allowed the thin shirt to be pushed over his head and tossed away, shivering as his naked flesh met cool air. "Beautiful…" L purred, licking his lips. "Raito-kun has a very nice body."

"It's not that great."

L's gaze turned sharp, and Raito felt his heart lurch. "Yes, it is. Raito-kun shouldn't underestimate his beauty in such a way. Although…" his expression turned positively lecherous, smoky eyes narrowing, "I know a way to make him look even more attractive." Giving him a dark smile, L turned his eyes onto the smooth, golden perfection of his friend's chest and lazily began to rub his fingertips over the smooth flesh. With its tan, Raito's skin looked as if it was made of honey, and his nipples were peaked, the buds a darker gold with the faintest touch of pink. That was more than enough inspiration for L.

"L, what were you--ahh!" Raito's back came full off the bed, his husky moans music to L's ears. Smirking, he gave the tip of a taut nipple another gentle nip and licked the reddened skin, drawing another cry from the panting teenager. "L…fuck…." Raito wrapped his arms around L's neck, trying not to scream as his nipple was fully engulfed by a hot, wet mouth. "Ahh--ahhh---" he slid his hands down L's back, cool skin whispering against his palms. L shivered, feeling the blazing touch, and he sucked harder on the bud, all the while drawing tiny circles around the other. "L--please--it's too much!" Raito jerked L's hair, trying to dislodge the older man's deliciously hot mouth from around his nipple, but pale hands grabbed his wrists and tore them away. Pinning them to the bed, L switched sides and took the other bud into his mouth, a possessive ferocity fueling his touch. Raito could feel it, in the brutal way L nicked and swirled his tongue, and it was intensely arousing.

It was frightening as well.

This brutality was different, because it was L doing these things to him, but Raito couldn't help but remember the rough way his father had claimed him…no. He shook his head, shoving the damnable thoughts out the metaphorical door. He had no reason to be afraid, or hesitant, because this was L. Who he knew wouldn't hurt him.

"Raito-kun is thinking about something."

Blinking, Raito blushed when he saw gray-black focused on him, the intense gaze boring into his. L leaned up and slowly trailed a finger over Raito's lips. Of course, he knew what the brunette had been thinking. It'd been painfully obvious, what with the terrified look in his eyes that seemed to be performing a battle with the raging hormone called lust. He'd also seen the terror fade away, and was inwardly relieved; it would make things easier on Raito-kun, and him, if he didn't have to worry about being too rough with him. "Your eyes…are very easy to read," he chuckled.

Raito blushed, and his cheeks only flamed brighter when L flicked his tongue out and ran it over the brunette's bottom lip. Breathing a warm stream of air into Raito's ear, L draped a hand over his hip and snagged his fingers in the waistband of the loose pants, giving them a meaningful tug. "Is it alright for me to continue?"

Although he felt a dim trickle of terror enter his veins, Raito nodded and laid back on the bed, watching the older boy through slitted caramel eyes. L's spidery hand slipped down the front of his pants, hovering over the soft skin a moment before tugging the cotton down. Just seeing Raito's long, slender legs with their gently muscled thighs was nearly enough to make him come, but the bulge in the front of the younger boy's boxers painfully reminded him of the one straining against his worn jeans, yearning to be released. 'No! I have to be patient! This is about Raito-kun, not me.' L sternly reminded himself.

"….L? Wha--what're you---well--gonna do?"

Glancing up, L shot him a brief smile and curled his fingers into the leg of Raito's boxers. "Create a memory, Raito-kun." He pulled them down, and they quickly joined the discarded pants. Rising proudly between his legs, Raito's cock was an impressive sight, L had to admit, though his was, admittedly, a bit larger. Cautiously, watching the teenager's every expression, L ran a fingertip across the sticky, precum spewing head. Raito instantly bucked, his face contorting into a low moan. "So sensitive…" L touched more of the fevered skin, until he was fisting Raito's cock in his hand and the brunette was writhing on the bed, gasps and mewls falling from his bruised lips.

"Oh god--L---please," Raito tried to move away from the burning touch, but L's hand still held his wrists captive against the pillow.

"Patience, Raito-kun." Removing the other from it's position around blazing flesh, L pressed his hand to Raito's hip, effectively holding him motionless against the bed. He really only succeeded in making the situation more erotic.

"L--do something! Anything!" Raito pleaded, and his mouth fell open in a loud gasp when a warm wetness closed over the head of his cock. Throwing his head back, his hips jolted on the bed, but the hand on his hip kept him still.

L was thankful for his surprising strength. Slipping his tongue down the warm shaft, he lapped at the salty fluid and heard Raito let out a moan, his slight frame shuddering. His fingers dug into his pillow and his hips jerked, but L's hand remained firm, and all the while his tongue and mouth slid farther down Raito's flesh, taking more and more of the boy's cock into his mouth. "Ahhn--L-" what could only be called a purr came from Raito's trembling lips, and L grinned. Moving his mouth up and down, he devoured the salty tang hitting his tongue with unnatural fervor. Raito tasted delicious, much better than any sweet he'd ever had!

"L--I can't--I can't take much more--!" Raito suddenly cried out as L deep throated him, his sweet mouth unbelievably hot and wet. "Fuck--L--ahhh!" He screamed and came in L's mouth. L smirked and swallowed the warm fluid, it's salty taste a massive difference from the usual sugar laden sweets he commonly devoured. He liked it.

"Raito-kun…" L leaned up, wiping his mouth. "Are you ok?" He stared at the flushed teenager, and was pleased at the sight. Raito was slumped on the mattress, his head tossed to the side, cheeks flushed a brilliant pink. Sepia eyes were glazed, half lidded, and pink lips were parted and quivering with each tiny gasp Raito let out.

"I--I'm fine," Raito glanced at him, his eyes sparkling beneath a covering of sweaty, amber colored hairs. Leaning over, L brushed a strand of hair aside and kissed the boy's cheek.

"You look beautiful, Raito-kun." He pressed a kiss to the boy's lips, silencing any retort he likely would've made. Slipping his tongue past bruised lips, L explored the teen's mouth and growled lowly when Raito's tongue gently ran over his own. "Raito-kun…" L felt a growing discomfort in his groin, which only grew with each swipe of Raito's tongue into his mouth. "Raito-kun, I--" he could feel a straining against his pants, and Raito must have felt it too, for he jerked out of the kiss and stared at L, a shocked grimace twisting his lips.

"….L?"

Well, that definitely complicated matters. L had expected noncompliance from the teen, but the horror in his eyes was almost too much for him to bear. He knew it wasn't personal, but it still hurt. 'It seems I will have to persuade Raito into having sex with me.' L inwardly winced. That would more than likely prove to be difficult. "….Raito-kun." Gripping the boy's shoulders, L brushed his lips over Raito's neck, the rapid pulse easily audible beneath the touch. "As I'm sure Raito-kun can feel, I am aroused. If possible, I would like to rid myself of this problem." L heard Raito's gasp; this would definitely prove to be difficult. "I would like to have sex with you, Raito-kun. I know this might frighten you, but,"

"Stop." Raito shot him a dark look. "Just, stop." Laying a hand on L's chest, he dug his nails into the worn shirt and pulled the older boy down, his lips a bare inch from L's. "L….normally, I wouldn't admit to something like this, but…I'm afraid, L," Raito whispered. "I'm not sure I can do this."

L grimaced. Of course Raito was afraid. But, afraid or not, this was something he needed to face. "Your father hurt you, Raito-kun," his gaze hardened slightly when Raito flinched. "What he did…it was disgraceful. You shouldn't have had to endure it. And I can understand why you're afraid, but..." pausing, L ran a hand over the brunette's cheek. "I want to help you, Raito-kun, and I think this is the best way to do it. Please, let me help you."

There was a long pause after that. Raito's eyes continued to bore into L's, and l stared back, his heart clenching tighter with each second. He couldn't tell what Raito was thinking; it was as if the boy had drawn a veil over his face, one that even extended to his eyes. He couldn't see a glimpse of emotion on Raito's unnaturally calm face, and it worried him. L hated not knowing what Raito was thinking, and, being the situation, it made him all the more nervous.

"L…" Raito laid a hand over his, and the mask shattered. Tears flooded his eyes, giving the amber irises a beautiful glow, and they trickled down his cheeks, wetting L's fingers. "You can't understand my pain, or my fear. The idea of having sex," he shuddered, a frightened look on his face, "it scares me, L. More than anything."

L frowned. Raito was speaking the truth, that he knew, and it did nothing but make him feel guilty, both for wanting to have sex with him, and for putting Raito in this situation. Sex frightened Raito. His father had raped him, an act no one should have to go through, and yet Raito had suffered through it and then kept it a secret for months on end. To make matters worse, L had forced him to relive the experience, and now had brought him to a crossroads he wasn't sure Raito was ready to cross. As selfish as he was, he didn't want to force Raito into doing anything he wasn't ready for, even if it meant restraining himself. He had already seen one breakdown tonight. 'That might just have to be enough, for now. I pushed the boundaries by going this far. I don't know if I'

"I'll have sex with you."

They rung with fear, trepidation, and downright terror, but Raito had the words spoken clearly, his voice strong and determined. L jerked out of his thoughts and his eyes widened, the hand on Raito's cheek clenching.

"Is Raito-kun serious? This isn't a joke, or another cruel prank on my behalf, is it?" L whispered, and Raito slowly shook his head. It seemed almost too good to be true, what Raito was saying, but the boy was looking at him with sincerity in his eyes. He wasn't lying. "You'll have sex with me," L repeated, and a faint smile spread across Raito's face.

"Yes. You were right…I--I do need to do this. I need to face my fear…" Raito took a shaky breath. "And I, I want…."

"Raito-kun…" L caressed his cheek, watching the emotions battle in Raito's eyes. It just couldn't be that simple. Raito had offered himself to him with little, almost no persuasion on his behalf. To be perfectly honest, L had been expecting screaming and death threats from the brunette. Not this! But, there was still a flicker of hesitation in his eyes, and his mouth was turned down in the corners, hinting at the frown he was trying to hide. "Raito-kun, are--are you sure? I don't want to force you into anything."

His lips tightened, but the corners of his eyes softened. "You saying that…" he shook his head, a smirk playing at his mouth. "That's more than my father did. He never gave me a choice, L. Not once. And I--" his voice quavered, and the nails resting against L's chest dug into his shirt. Raito seemed to be struggling, and, if the way his eyes continually flashed with red, it was over something serious. His eyes never did that unless Raito was either angry, or distressed. "I…want to do this."

Little more than a whisper, Raito's voice barely managed to reach L's ears, but hear him he did. "Raito…wants to do this?"

Raito managed a weak smile, his hesitation painfully obvious. "Yes. I want you, L. More than I've ever wanted anything before. So, can we just…do this? Before I change my mind."

L stared at him, stunned. As Raito pulled him down and thrusted his tongue into his mouth, L replayed everything he'd just heard in his mind and felt a joyful sensation flood his chest. 'Raito wants to have sex with me!' Gleefully, he nipped the boy's lip and raked his hands through Raito's hair. Slipping between his legs, L pushed them apart and felt Raito's cock brush his leg. His own jerked at the contact, making him groan, and he lifted his mouth off Raito's and stared at the teen. "Raito-kun."

"L….take your shirt off. I want to see you." Raito gave the white cotton a tug, and L smirked. Grabbing the hem, he practically ripped it off and threw it aside, enjoying the stare of Raito's eyes on his pale torso. Blushing, he slid his hand down L's chest, and L bit back a moan at the feeling of his satiny flesh against his own. "God, L…you're the beautiful one," Raito sighed. His fingertips circled a pale pink nipple, grazing the skin ever so gently before moving downwards. When Raito's fingers reached the waistband of L's jeans, the older male snarled and grabbed the wandering hand, jerking it to a stop.

'Raito can't know what this does to me,' he bit his tongue, holding down a moan. It was bad enough having to look into Raito's stunning amber eyes, but the feeling of those slender fingers was enough to drive him wild! "I can assure Raito-kun, if you didn't stop then I wouldn't have been able to control myself."

"Oh--sorry." Not only did his cheeks flush, but the red glow spread down his neck too. L though it was cute, seeing the brunette so flustered, and in such a disarray too. Raito, even if it was an act, was always dressed as if he had to be perfection itself, with his hair perfectly combed and clothes meticulously pressed. But now he was the exact opposite, with his hair strewn across his face and totally naked, his skin brushed with the palest pink blush. Just looking at the teen only fueled the fire in his groin, as if thinking about him wasn't enough.

"Raito-kun…" reaching between the teenager's legs, L gently fondled the limp cock and felt it stir in his hand. Raito was surprisingly responsive to his touch, not that he was complaining. Neither was Raito, it seemed. Hissing, the brunette sank his nails into L's arm as his member slowly came back to life, precum slickening L's fingers and making them glide over the warm flesh. Only when he was fully erect did L withdraw his hand, rubbing his slickened fingers together and further smearing precum on his skin. "I'm going to prepare you now, Raito-kun." Lifting the boy's knee, he touched the tip of a finger to Raito's tight entrance, but hesitated. Raito's face was screwed up into a worried frown, and not even his bangs could fully conceal the panicking light in his eyes. "Raito-kun, please, relax." L pleaded. "If you don't relax, then there's a very good possibility I might hurt you." Which was not something he wanted to do. That would likely only traumatize him more.

Taking a shaky breath, Raito forced a smile and grabbed L's nape, pulling him down and rubbing his tongue over a pale lip. "I'm not going to get much more relaxed than this," he muttered. "You might as well just do it. "

"…as Raito-kun wishes."

L slid the finger into him without warning, and Raito squirmed. There wasn't any pain, but it was uncomfortable, not to mention frightening as hell. The digit stretched him, pushing farther and farther into the tight hole, with L watching with scrutiny all the while. Raito didn't seem to be in any real pain yet, but L knew it was yet to come. He was rather well endowed, and Raito had only had sex once, likely with no preparations or the like. Raito was, pretty much, a virgin, which meant he would suffer the pain of a first timer. Not only that, but L had to be sure, while trying not to hurt him, to not cause the teen any more emotional scarring than absolutely necessary. "Is Raito-kun alright?"

"Ye--yeah. Just keeping going."

Trying to be gentle, L slid another finger into the moist heat already surrounding his index finger, grunting as silken flesh erotically rubbed his. The sensation of Raito's tightness around his fingers was nearly too much to bear, and he bit back a groan as he added another digit, pushing and stretching the puckered ring of muscle. Raito finally let out a startled cry, his face screwing up with pain with each thrust L gave. "Ahh--L-that fucking hurts…."

"Gomenasai, Raito-kun. I'm trying not to hurt you," L whispered, his voice cracking. Gray-black eyes widened as he slid his fingers out of their sheath. There was only one thing left to do. His body longed for it, craved it, but he couldn't stand causing Raito any more pain. But he had to continue. L knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself. Taking Raito was too tempting an idea.

All he could do was try his hardest to be gentle.

Fumbling with the zipper of his jeans, L tugged the baggy pants down and kicked them aside; he wasn't wearing boxers. Never before had he felt guilty about his impressive size, but he did when he saw Raito's eyes grow to the size of dinner plates. A faint gasp tore from his lips, which trembled slightly, and L saw the teenager's slender frame begin to shake as he lifted Raito's knee higher and draped the leg around his waist. "Raito-kun, I'm going to put it in." Positioning himself at the tight ring of muscle, L gave Raito an encouraging smile and pushed into the tight hole. Raito instantly cried out, tears stinging in his eyes, and more cries bubbled forth when more of him was pierced by L's hard member.

"Aghh--L! Fu--fuck, it--hurts," he moaned, gritting his teeth as a searing wave of pain shot up his spine. Frowning, L rocked his hips forward and his cock went deeper into the teen, encasing him in silky warmth. To him, it was an unbelievable feeling, like his member was being wrapped in a pulsing sheath of firm satin. He knew it hurt Raito; he could see the pain etched into his face, but there wasn't much he could do about it. Pulling out would hurt him just as much as it would shoving forward, and L definitely preferred the second option.

The choice was made for him. Still groaning, Raito rolled his hips forward and forced L deeper inside him, and sobs rumbled in his throat, each one shooting a pang through L's heart.

"Just--finish it!" Raito looked up at him, and L saw the pleading look in his eyes. "L--please! Just, just do it!"

"….brace yourself."

Hands immediately grabbed his shoulders, nails ripping into alabaster skin. L stared at him for a second, amazed at the strength Raito possessed, and lightly touched a fingertip to Raito's forehead, where he could still see faint streaks of blood dried on his flesh. He looked beautiful, regardless. "Raito-kun…gomen." L slammed his hips forward, spearing the boy completely and fully with one hard thrust.

"Aaahhh!" His mouth fell open in a painful scream, sounding more like the cry from a wild animal. Blood trickled down L's back when the brunette shoved his fingernails into his shoulders, cutting wounds deep into the pale skin. He grunted, but his pain was nothing compared to the what Raito's must have been.

Even though he wasn't moving, Raito continued to sob, his whole body quaking with each broken sound. The tears fell freely down his face, cutting white streaks through the blood staining his cheeks, and L saw the darkness plaguing his smoldering irises. "Fuck! Nghh, I--I"

"Shh…it's ok…" L laid his head on Raito's shoulder, trying to ignore the pulsing warmth surrounding his member. He wanted to start thrusting in and out, to fuck the boy senseless. But he wouldn't. 'Not until Raito-kun says it's ok.'

"L--L…" Burying his face into L's chest, Raito's tears slowly subsided, and his cries turned to little more than soft mewls. "…L…I'm ok." His voice came out little more than a murmur, but there was a quiet contentment in it that L hadn't heard before. "I know you…didn't want to hurt me."

"Is Raito-kun truly ok? He's not hurting too much?" Glancing down at the sheets, L was relieved to see them pristine. Raito wasn't bleeding. But, his surprise heightened when he saw Raito's erection; it was full, and smearing precum alongst his bare thigh. "Raito-kun, are you…?"

A soft hand came up to cup his cheek, faint trembles still racing across the tan skin. "You can move," he smiled, a gentle expression that softened his face, melted his eyes. L was frozen, but his mouth slowly settled into a grin matching Raito's, one that made his dark eyes sparkle.

"I would suggest Raito-kun hold on to something," he smirked at him, and the brunette quickly wrapped his arms around his neck. No sooner had he did L pull out and slam back in, his cock thrusting into the teen with little effort. Raito howled and his back left the bed, his head thrown back on the pillow. L was about to panic, fearing the worst, but the excited glint in Raito's eyes told him that that wasn't a scream of pain. Quite the opposite. "Did you like that?"

"What--the fuck--do you think.." came the breathless response. Grinning, L gave another violent thrust and received the same response, though with a few added moans of his own. Raito was so tight….almost unbearably tight! Rolling his hips, L jerked in and out of the panting brunette, his teeth sinking into Raito's exposed neck when he bent over and sank deeper into the silken passage. Moaning in ecstasy, Raito breathed a ragged snarl as L swept his tongue down his neck, his hips drawing forward and slapping their flesh together. "Ahh--ah!"

"Raito-kun…sooo tight…."

L had never experienced something as magnificent, as deliciously wonderful, than what he was doing now. Raito's muscles massaged his erection with each thrust, drawing cries from his lips, but what made it all the better was that with each pump of his hips, Raito matched it with a startling enthusiasm. His cries mingled with L's, the duo growing louder every second. "Fuck--L--ahh, I--I need,"

His words dissolved into a ear shattering shriek when L hit something inside him that sent electric tingles up his back. Raising a brow, L inched himself forward and touched the same spot; the result was the same. Raito howled a response and slammed his mouth onto L's, surprising the older male when he thrusted his tongue into his mouth. His lips moved downwards and they hungrily kissed a path down to L's neck, where he licked the alabaster skin.

'He…is insatiable…' the thought barely pierced his lust clouded mind, but L chuckled at the thought and rocked forward, sinking himself further into the warm figure sprawled beneath him. As teeth and tongue played with his throat, L snared a handful of auburn hair and jerked him down onto the bed, his mouth immediately declining onto the smooth flesh of Raito's chest.

Groaning against his neck, Raito's cries were muffled, but still intensely arousing. "L…" his prostate was repeatedly hit, again and again, and his cock, which was growing harder and harder to ignore, was rubbing L's leg with every thrust the black haired male made. "L!"

"Oh fuck--Raito-kun," L felt the sticky skin hitting his, and it made him even harder. Pumping his hips faster, he finally let out a dark growl and smacked Raito's leg from its hold around his hip. Even as the teen stared at him in confusion, he pulled out, jerked him up by the arms and rolled him over, his stomach slamming against the mattress. Raito yelped, a startled look on his face.

"L?! What're you--"

"Need--more--" L groaned. Jerking Raito's hips up, he leaned over the brunette and laid a brutal kiss on his nape. "Sorry, Raito…"

"Nnn…it's ok." Glancing over his shoulder, Raito shot him what was likely the most entrancing smile L had ever seen. It lit up those sepia eyes and made heat pool in his gut. He would never get over what those eyes did to him. "Do it."

He didn't need to be told twice. Shoving his erection back into the boy, L set up a steady rhythm and pounding into him, hitting his prostate dead on. Raito whimpered as tears spilled down his face, his arms barely supporting him as he was roughly, and sexily, assaulted by L. "Is--Raito-kun--ok?" L leaned down, his hair tickling the sweaty planes of Raito's back. Shoving glossy hairs aside, he nipped Raito's neck and licked the salty skin, hearing the boy's dull moan.

"Do you really need to ask," came the gasp. L smiled against his neck and reached between spread legs, his fingertips grazing over Raito's cock. The brunette stiffened, shooting him a narrowed look over his shoulder. Innocently, L gave his hips another thrust and wrapped his hand around the dripping member, pumping the sticky flesh as he licked and sucked Raito's neck. "Ahh…L…please, more!"

L was only too eager to deliver. Having Raito sprawled beneath him, his back glistening with sweat, throat painted with vivid red marks, was entirely too sexy for words. But not only that. As he fucked the teen relentlessly, L couldn't help but remember that the only reason he was doing this was because Raito trusted him. Raito had believed in him enough to let him do this. No one had been allowed to touch him since his father had raped him, but here he was, pounding into him, marking the brunette at his with every touch of his lips to the smooth, tan skin. Raito had endured the pain to give him…no, to give them this moment together, even though he was afraid as hell.

"..L...thank you."

In the middle of throes, it came as a complete surprise. There was such sincerity in Raito's voice, such gratitude, then L was temporarily stunned. Looking at the brunette with wide eyes, L tried to see just where a thank you had come from, but all he got was a tiny smile and….ahh. Raito was thanking him…for doing this. Raito was thankful to him for helping him overcome his fears, for struggling with him, and for marking him.

"….the pleasure was all mine, Raito-kun." He flashed him a cocky grin at the teen before wildly shoving himself forward, spearing Raito with a guttural cry. The air around them instantly seemed to grow hotter, and Raito moaned when the hand wrapped around his member resumed pumping, gliding over his skin with unsurprising ease.

Salt hit L's tongue with each lick he gave to the boy's neck as he kissed the revealed nape, and the smell of sex wafted around them as L's cock tightened and he groaned, stilling inside Raito's trembling frame. "I think--I'm going to come…"

"Me--me too," Raito gasped. "It's ok…come inside."

Those were the magic words. L groaned and rolled his hips one last time, coming inside the brunette with a jolt and strangled gasp. Warm wetness surrounded his cock and he nearly collapsed, but his hand kept pumping Raito until the younger male came with a loud yell, spurting warm cum all over his fingers. "Ohh--fuck--" he fell onto the bed with a tired whimper, and, smirking, L collapsed atop him. Laying his head on Raito's back, feeling sticky skin meet his cheek, a contented smile spread over his face, though his eyes held a confused glint. Raito had said thank you. L could only assume he meant for what they had done together, but that made no sense. Raito might have enjoyed the sex, but was he really thankful for it? "Was Raito serious? Is he really thankful for what I did?"

"Mmm…" tiredly, Raito turned his head and managed a weak grin. "I wouldn't have said it…if I didn't mean it."

"…Raito-kun, how could you be thankful? I behaved like a"

"Pretentious jackass?" Raito chuckled. "Well, you do have a good point. You did kind of threaten me, and conned me…well, tried to, at least, and you used that oh-so famous charm of yours to make me tell you the one secret I would've rather kept to myself."

L had to wince; that one still stung. He really was a pretentious jackass.

"And don't forget, you also kissed me without my permission, then persuaded me to have sex with you, even though I'm a rape victim."

That…did not make him feel any better. L felt more ashamed of himself than ever. Raito should've been furious with him, considering the way he'd treated him! Everything Raito had said was true. He had manipulated the teen, although he really had wanted to help Raito when he convinced the brunette to have sex with him. Even so, though his intentions were good, it didn't distill what he had done. Yes, the sex had been fabulous, and he'd learned that Raito-kun cared for him (he didn't dare think the L-word), but none of that

Lips suddenly touched his forehead, and L reeled back with a shocked look on his face. Grinning, Raito pulled away and relaxed on the bed. "Regardless of all that, you really helped me, L. For that, you deserved a thank you." He punctuated the words with a yawn, his eyes sleepily drifting shut. "Congratulations. You're not that big of a jackass after all."

L frowned at him, completely dumbfounded. He was trying to process what Raito had just said, and honestly, he was amazed. Raito was thankful for his acting like a jackass? How did that make any sense?! While yes, Raito had appeared to enjoy himself, did that really make it ok in the end? L frowned, but it was ruined by a loud yawn. Damn. He was too tired to even try to figure it out. It must have been the lack of sugar in his system.

Instead of questioning Raito and his absurd reasoning's, as he normally would've, L crossed his arms over Raito's back and laid there, watching the resting boy's face twitch as he struggled to adjust to the slender weight that was sprawled on him. It was quite comical, for every now and then Raito's brow would twitch, as if he were trying not to laugh. But, the longer he watched Raito, the more his heart grew warm.

He knew he loved Raito. It was clear to him now. The question at hand was whether or not he should tell Raito, who had given himself to L and had let him mark him, an act L was sure Raito would not have allowed any other to do. It made him feel special, knowing Raito trusted him that much…..did he trust the teen just as equally? And he knew Raito liked him, even cared for him; the teen had said so earlier. Plus, he'd entrusted him with his real name, Yagami Raito. In the hands of the wrong person, such information would be dangerous, potentially life threatening. And yet Raito had told him.

But was it love?

"……Raito-kun…I--I'm," L gazed at the tan face half set in sleep and chuckled. No, he wouldn't tell him. Rather than a matter of trust, L decided to wait, give the boy time. Raito would have plenty of problems without him adding another one to the list. He could tell him another time, when they were both more ready.

"What, L? What were---you gonna say," Raito yawned again, but his eyes were eerily focused on the older teen. "You can tell me." He smiled sleepily, and L couldn't help but smile back. Raito looked so cute. Even after all he'd been through, both good and bad, he still managed to look downright adorable when he wanted to.

"I know, Raito-kun. And I will tell you…eventually."

The brunette pouted, but laid his head down on the pillow and shrugged. "Fine. Be that way. Now will you shut up and let me sleep? It's the least you can do."

"Of course, Raito-kun." L rolled off the teenager and laid down beside him, draping his arm over the slender waist and pulling the Raito close. They would need a bath, what with the sweat and cum glued to their skin, and Raito still had blood smeared across his cheeks and torso. But they could do that later. Right now, for the first time in L's life, he was tired, and wanted nothing more than to sleep. "I hope Raito-kun doesn't mind, but I don't feel like going back to my own room."

"Nghh…fine. Grab a blanket," came the drowsy reply. Smirking triumphantly, L grabbed a crumpled sheet and draped it over their tired forms, thankful that he'd remembered to lock the door before their whole escapade had started. Not that anyone would bother them anyways. The other children knew better than to disturb the great L.

"Hey…L?" Raito's drowsy voice pierced the silence, and L glanced down at the sleep eyed figure lying beside him and smiled.

"Yes? What is it, Raito-kun?"

They stared at each other for a moment, but then Raito shook his head and a playful grin tilted his lip. "Never mind. It wasn't important." Reaching up, he brushed his lips over L's cheek and, blushing, laid back down. Slightly pink himself, L grinned and settled himself on the bed, watching as the brunette succumbed to the fatigue likely plaguing him. As amber eyes fell closed and his breathing settled, L gently began to play with the boy's hair, twirling a silky strand around his finger.

'So much will change now….will it be for the better?' L wasn't certain. While he was sure he'd helped Raito-kun conquer the memories that'd haunted him, he knew there were still battles they would have to overcome. As a rape victim with an unsettled past, Raito would have to face his past again and again, though at least the physical issues seemed to be out of the way.

Peeking at Raito's bandaged hand, L scowled. Self inflicted they were, but he would forever see those marks as ones his father had made. No one would ever have a chance to hurt his Raito, L swore. Raito was his, for better or worse, and the boy would just have to deal with it. L narrowed his eyes and smirked. As if things would be that simple. Raito had let him fuck him senseless, true, but that was only step one. They had other issues to work out. 'Like sleeping arrangements.' L found Raito's bed a lot more comfortable than his own.

"L….."

L glanced down at the sleeping figure and frowned. Did Raito just…?

"L…

Well. That made him feel warm inside. Raito was dreaming about him? Certainly, that had to be more pleasant than reliving his past, but knowing Raito was dreaming about him was the strawberry on the cake. It brought a smile to his lips.

"L…love…you…" the brunette let out what could only be a giggle in his sleep, a beatific quality to his face. L laid there, stunned, but a quiet frown settled onto his mouth and he lazily ran a hand through his hair. Raito…loved him? As in…loved him? For several moments he watched the teen, but Raito revealed nothing more, except for a few smiles and chuckles. Whatever dreams he had, they weren't the nightmares like what he'd been having when L had first walked into the room.

'Perhaps Raito has new memories to dream about now,' L resumed playing with Raito's hair, rubbing the caramel silk between his fingers. 'And if he does have a nightmare, the I'll be here for him.' No matter what, he would be there for him. Raito was the most precious thing to him, had been since his arrival. He may not have realized it then, but he knew it now. He was in love with Yagami Raito, and was also the only one who knew his dark past. He was the only one who could help him through it. "Raito-kun….I will always be here for you," he murmured, drinking in the ethereal display set before him. Raito looked so innocent, so pure. How he should have been, would have been, if not for his bastard of a father. Tracing a finger across Raito's arm, he fingered the smooth flesh with a delicate care, watching the sleeping boy's face. "I love you, Raito-kun." He kissed the boy's cheek, and could've sworn he saw a smile on the sleeping teen's lips. "Sweet dreams."

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Shizuka no Taisho