This is my amazing and first twilight fanfic. i will continue it for those of you who actually care and please leave your comments. I want criticism no matter how harsh. Im sorry if my personal bias angers any of you but i hate how edward is way over-glorified.
"Look what I found!"
"Look what I found!" yelled Carlisle as he walked into the overly large mansion that was the Cullen's home.
"What is it? What is it!!!" Edward yelled, getting too worked up over the small yet important looking box Carlisle held in his hands.
"It's a mood ring…. well mood rings…enough for all of us! Except for Edward." Carlisle said reluctantly as he anticipated Edward's answer.
"What? Nuh-uh! No fair. I wanted a mood ring! Whys all thems get stuff when I don't!" yelled the imperfect and completely hideous looking vampire as he began to bawl his eyes out.
"Edward…don't cry again. Seriously it's gross. You can have my mood ring." Said Bella, Edward's less-then-perfect-and-over-weight wife said trying to hide the disgust in her voice.
Edward, being to slow to actually listen to what Bella said, jumped up ecstatically and yelled, "Really! I can have it! No way!"
"Um…Carlisle, where exactly did you find these rings?" Alice yelled as she held the ring away from her as if it had some fowl smell.
"Well these two really ugly people gave them to me. They looked like they were trying to act like Edward and Bella. What were those names?" Carlisle said, mostly to himself.
"Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart?" Jasper asked completely randomly but utterly amazingly.
"That was it! Completely ugly these people were, did I mention that? That Kristen girl had chipmunk teeth, and Robert's hair was stuck up in an incredibly awkward way." Carlisle said as Edward tried to hide his hair. He had thought that Robert's hair was rather attractive. (Cough cough gay)
"Hey, my mood ring is turning purple! What's it mean, what's it mean!" Edward yelled as he began shaking his arm in front of Carlisle's face.
"I don't know Edward! Look it up!" Carlisle said as he pushed Edward out of the way, but into Alice.
"Edward watch it!" She said as she pushed Edward back.
Edward, oblivious to the fact that he was causing an issue, walked into his room and went on the Internet.
"Okay, I'm on the internet. Now I go to google, double you double you double you dot google dot com (this is what he actually typed in). Website cant be displayed!!! What the hell! Is the computer STUPID! Does it not know what GOOGLE is!"
"Edward. You don't spell out the words." Said Bella who was watching over Edward's shoulders.
"Yes you do." Edward said as he tried to shield the screen from Bella's view.
"Edward let me help." Bella said as she pushed Edward over and typed in the correct website for google.
"Can I go on yet? Can I go on yet? Can I go on yet?" Edward said continually
"I'm done" Bella said as she moved and let Edward loudly and obnoxiously sit back down in his Charlie The Unicorn chair.
"What do mood ring colors mean?" Edward said as he typed it into the google search bar, talking out loud to reassure himself that he was NOT slow. He clicked on the first link and began scanning the page for anything about the color purple. When he found what he was looking for he began to read it out loud so everyone in the Cullen household could hear him. "YOUR MOOD RING COLOR IS PURPLE!!!! THIS MEANS YOU ARE FEELING VERY SENSUAL!!!" He stopped reading once he understood what the website said.
"Edward, what did Jasper tell you? You're not allowed to find Carlisle attractive!" yelled Emmett from his bedroom, which he secretly wished Edward was in, making sure that Carlisle heard what he was saying.
"EMMETT!" Bella yelled, outraged that any one would dare mention her husband's secret gayness to the public.
"Hey! My ring is changing color!" Edward said as he stared in awe at the cheap 2-dollar ring. " I wonder what color it will change when I'm in the shower. That's when I'm my happiest." He yelled as he jumped out of his clothes and jumped into his private bathroom. If he would have read the website he was on, however, he would have realized that you aren't supposed to get mood rings wet.
Ten minutes later Edward walked out of the shower looking oddly happier.
"Okay, I'm out of the shower! Now lets see what color my mood ring turned!" He looked at the small finger where his ring was positioned. He let out a startled squeak and then he started screaming, "It's broken! My frickin mood ring is broken! I broked it! Someone fix it before it dies!" He then sat on the ground and began performing what looked like CPR on his ring.
"Edward! What's wrong with you? It's a ring!" Jasper said as he stared at his awkward brother and attempted to calm him down.
"Here Edward, I'll fix it." Emmett said as he walked in and attempted to get Edward's face off of the ring.
"What! No way Em! That's MY job!!!! I'm supposed to make Edward fall in love with- I mean I'm supposed to fix the ring!" Jasper yelled as he began to blush.
"You snooze you lose." Emmett said with a shrug, "Looks like Edward loves me more."
"WHAT! NO WAY!!!! How could Edward fall in love with an ugly thing like YOU!" Jasper yelled while Edward looked up in a confused way.
"Um. Is someone gona fix my ring? How did this turn into a relationship argument?" Edward asked while continually looking at his ring worriedly.
"I'll fix it Edward." Emmett said as he picked up the ring and walked out, Jasper close behind him.
"Edward, you really need to be more mature." Bella said in her nagging im-better-then-you tone.
"Mature? What's that?" Edward said, purposely trying to piss Bella off.
" You're hopeless." She said with a sigh as she went out to find someone non-vampire-ish to talk to.
"Bella! Don't leave me! You remember what happened last time you left!!! Remember? Me and Jacob!!!!! You don't want that again do you!" Edward yelled as he began crying and singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to himself way out of tune.
Suddenly Jasper and Carlisle began arguing quietly, arousing Edward's curiosity.
"It's a ring, Jasper. Of course Edward's going to like it. You know how he is with inanimate objects. We never did tell him he was slow if you remember which is why we haven't kicked him out yet." Carlisle said, reasoning with Jasper about some unknown issue.
"But it stole my thunder! Moods were MY thing! Now that ring comes along and it seems everyone forgets about my power." Jasper said to Carlisle, who wasn't listening but was rather looking at his mood ring which was now purple like Edward's had once been. He realized that Jasper had been talking and quickly looked up.
"Don't tell me you're JEALOUS of the ring, Jasper." Carlisle said while trying to contain laughter as Edward sat near them and out of sight, secretly horrified. Imagine that! He, THE Edward Cullen, was slow! He suddenly felt the urge to sneeze, so he did. His cover blown, he quickly tried to run away, but Jasper was already in front of him.
"Edward, how long have you been listening?" Jasper asked, blocking Edward's way out.
"Wait until Em hears you're jealous of a ring!" Edward yelled in a trouble-making tone.
"Edward what else did you hear?" He asked, not caring if Emmett knew what he had said to Carlisle.
"What does being slow mean? Am I slow? Is that a good thing? Are you going to kick me out? Do you love me?" Edward asked too quickly for Jazz to understand.
"Slow means you're not fast. Yes you are. No it's not. We wish we could but no. Yes but not in a weird way." Jasper answered equally as fast as Eddykins had just asked.
Emmett could be heard "Fixing" Edward's ring downstairs in the kitchen.
"Finished!" Emmett yelled victoriously as the cacophony that was the constant hammer banging stopped.
Emmett ran up the stairs, his hands behind his back. When he reached the top and spotted Edward he grinned and said, "Hey Edward, I fixed your ring!"
Thats all i've gotten so far. I'll gladly take any ideas any one comes up with. Give me feed back so i can continue :)