Yay it's a Jane & Clem one shot ! They remember their "biggest mistakes" or the mistakes I as an author chose xd Anyway, it's a mixed pov. You'll get it once you read it. Past and lyrics from Evanescence's super extra amazing song "Field of Innocence" are written Italic, **check them out!**
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*Where has my heart gone?*
The little girl, just eight years old, was naive. Everyone knew children were like that yet they were shocked when they found out she believed in everything. Didn't that seem kind of ridiculous?
The group, even missing some of members, walked in the dark night between trees that seemed like those scary things from the fairy-tales Clementine's teacher used to tell them. She surely was anything but a fan of them, but she tried to be as brave as that was possible in the sitation they all eere in.
Her new pink hoodie made her uncomfortable, she even admitted it to Lee but he still decided to steal that stuff from the car. Those people might need it, maybe they will come back after all! Were they all becoming as bad as those bandits or people from the farm? She felt guilty, why couldn't they just keep on walking!? Even Katjaa cheerfully agreed to take the supplies! That really was out of control.
Her golden gaze fell onto the old walkie talkie, covered with some silly stickers Ben gave her. Speaking of Ben, why was Lilly so mad at Lee for bringing him? He was just lost and sad. Clementine didn't definitely understand those adults! Carley gave her batteries, maybe she could talk to her parents now? She decided to try later, when she is completely alone, just in case.
*Beep* "H-Hello?" the unfamiliar voice called someone, almost whispering.
Clementine immediately heard this strange thing and hurried up to grab the walkie talkie. Was it her Dad?
"Dad?" The girl asked surprised and worried about what if her parents are home and she isn't there.
The darkness in the motel room was now more visible to her when the silence flew in the air mixed with her thoughts and Lee's snoring.
The voice came back "Clementine go somewhere where you can be completely alone."
She couldn't figure out wheter it wad her Dad or someone else. Her look fell onto Lee's sleeping figure, remembering she has to go somewhere else.
"O-Okay." Her little voice whispered as she slowly got out of the room and walked towards one of the empty rooms, there were plenty of them so she didn't have to worry.
After she closed the door, the voice came back "Hello Clementine. I can help you."
"Help me? How?" She sat on the bed as her little legs swang in the air, still not long enough to touch the floor from this distance.
"I can help you find your parents, sweetie."
Was that really possible!? Her parents!? Of course she wanted to find them, so badly!
"Then help me, please!" She begged so innocently not aware of the person who was talking to her.
"Of course I would, honey! But there is a one little problem…"
Clementine didn't wait any longer "What is it? Please help me, sir!"
"You can't tell anyone about this. Not even to your best friend or your protector, Lee. This is our secret, that's the only way to find them. You understand Clementine?"
Not even Lee? Was she ready to accept the unknown man's terms in order to find her parents? They were in Savannah and Lee has never mentioned going to find them, so she had to do it! It was the right decision, right? She was going to be smart this time!
"O-Okay.. Can I talk to them, I really miss them!"
"Not now honey, not now…"
*I still remember the world from the eyes of a child*
The girl has changed, a lot. She wasn't an innocent optimistic, cheerful little girl, not anymore. That was five years ago, five years, that is a pretty decent time to finally grow up. She hasn't cried since Kenny died in front of her, though she still wonders why she did that, that didn't seem "alright" for the new grown up survivor now.
Lee's death was something that has hurt her so badly like nothing ever before. The stranger loved and cared for her so deeply he died trying to save her after her foolish actions. How could she forgive herself that? She didn't even ask the stranger's name! Ridiculous!
She promised Lee she'd be strong and she tries, Jane hardens her. The only spark left is the little baby Alvin Junior, without him she'd probably become depressed. The "super trio" was now all alone in the Howe's, past bringing itself. They turned that family away, three days have passed and Clementine was feeling strange about the whole situation. Maybe she should have let them in, the little boy was no good… Oh, it was too late.
"What if I'm dangerous!? Now go away." Those words were so harsh, but did she really mean it? Did she really turn into that kind of person? Just a few years ago she was so naive and blind but this- perhaps it was too much, she turned 180 deegres around.
*Oh I...I want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all*
She now understood Lilly, back then, she didn't want any new strangers but Lee was good and he saved them. And Crawford was there as well. She is different now, so much.
She felt kind of ashamed, for Jane and her. They are both same, cold 'survivors'. That wasn't right. She would make sure Alvin wouldn't become like that. But at the same time she felt okay, she could survive and she grew up. This was confusing. She didn't even understand herself so she tried to talk about it to Jane.
"Jane…" The young woman turned to face the girl and when she realized Clementine wasn't really feeling alright - she took a seat across her. "Have you ever felt guilty, ashamed of yourself? Do you feel it now?" Clementine voice was harsh because of the small cold she caught.
*Slowly those feelings were clouded by what I know now..*
It made Jane think about it. Of course she has felt this way, everyone has! But does she feel it now? After all the stuff and loss, bad choices and harsh words? She remembered her younger sister Jaime, then Sarah, Luke, her parents, Kenny. Long story short - every person who left some kind of mark in her mind or heart. She knows she wasn't nice all the time but something kept her going after everything. "Of course I have, but now… I dunno. It's all mixed, you know?"
Clementine just kept silent, feeling somehow hurt. Seems no one knows the answer. "It isn't like maths, sometimes there just isn't the right answer." Lee's words definitely made sense, especially after four years of the apocalypse.
"That family…we could have helped them."
*I still remember the sun, always warm on my back - somehow it seems colder now...*
How many people has Jane just turned away! Each time is the same - questions and wonders are left with her.
"We could have… We.. We just don't want to risk the ones we love. I don't know if is that selfish or the opposite.." Clementine's eyes reflected by the candle's light fell down, they could have been better people. "I sometimes feel, like, there is no point in living - it's always the same, every single day. Bored and sick of it all." The young girl admitted truthfully as the both of them sat down, staring at the light of the candle, it was getting smaller and wasting itself, just to give its shine to the others.
"Some people are, I guess, like a candle - they destroy themselves by giving their light to the others." Jane spoke her thoughts, almost whispering. Her voice was soft and nice, she finally let her truly emotions sink in. It was noticable.
"And then, there are the others, other kind of people, who love that candle deeply but they want it only for themselves.. They try to keep the light down, wanting to stop the melting, kill it even faster, you know. A selfish love. But you can't change.." Clementine was surprised by all this talking of Jane. Seems like she spoke from her experiences.
The silence gently caressed their cold cheeks while the light of candle dissapeared faster and faster.
It was burning daylight and they had no time to waste. The trio was walking carefully but faster than usual to get somewhere safer. That safer place was according to Tim a few miles away, right now their tired eyes had to look around their surroundings. It was some town full of nice big houses were pretty families used to live and in the center of town there were taller buildings and that typical American stuff.
The sky was gray, clouds moving to the south by northern chil wind, the clouds were about to let all those raindrops down on the Earth, trying to wash all the mess - but it couldn't work. Sun was often pretty good at hiding itself and making it seem like it didn't even exist anymore.
Jane looked at her younger sister Jaime. The girl was lost with only seventeen years. Her deep brown eyes, similar to her own but prettier, looked so tired, like she hasn't slept for ages. It wasn't the sleep, it was something in her telling her that there is no hope and she is better off dead. Jane knows how many times has she told her that people are no longer to be trust, that their loved ones are gone and they aren't coming back, well alive, that they have to do messed up stuff in order to survive. It didn't help her a bit. The girl was weak, not made for survivng like a lone wolf, but Jane kept stubbornly thinking it would be just fine.
Tim has already told Jane that he has seen that look in the eyes, that expression and it all screamed depression. How could a nice pretty girl, who Jane in the past as a 'rebel' teenager ignored and often would make fun of her, like Jaime become a skeleton who walks but it is dead? All the mistakes were on Jane's mind now and she couldn't handle any of it.
"Shit! Run!" The yelling of Tim made Jane realize a bunch of walkers saw them and were now making their bloody way towards the miserable trio.
Jaime didn't even change her expression a bit, she just stood there. Jane immediately grabbed her hand and ran while following Tim.
Everywhere they turned was the same - walkers, walkers and even more walkers. They noticed them and the growlings pierced their ears like a police siren.
"There!" Jane pointed her shaky finger, still scared they might end up dead or undead, at one of the small buildings - it was clear.
Tim immediately followed Jane's order and swiftly kicked the front door to be opened. He locked it but the dead outnumbered them. The windows were weak and any second dead would get in with their annoying bangings.
The trio barely got up on the roof surrounded by army of the dead trying to get piece of these poor humans. Across them there was a building, similar size as this one, but a little taller. The strong fence was spliting the walkers from it so it should be good. Tim didn't even wait, he quickly ran and succesfully got on the other side.
Jane wanted Jaime to go first just in case "Jaime, go!"
Silence. No response came out of girl.
"I said go!" The same as before.
She didn't even looked at her, she just stood there with her head lowered and staring at the ground.
"Hurry you two! Them walkers will get upstairs any second!" Tim shouted as the both girls stood there while danger crept behind them.
"Jaime you have to go now! Please just freaking jump there! Do it for Mum or Dad! Don't die here, it, it is stupid! You can do this, Jaime, I need you! Don't just stand there! Jaime!?" She tried to shake her body, wake her up from the dark thoughts that stole her little sister, but she couldn't.
"Leave me alone." That was all what came out of Jaime's mouth. She said it silently but her voice filled up with anger and hurt.
"I don't want to! Come on sister! It will be better, I swear. We're in this together! Until the end! Jaime.."
The door wide opened and the monsters fastly covered the whole room.
They smelt humans and started making their way up the stairs. Jane feared and she froze in time. Jaime didn't want to go, to live… so she just made jump towards the building. At one moment she turned around to see her little sister, the sister she should have treated way better, the sister her parents told Jane not to make her like herself, the sister she ignored... Jane was shaking, maybe for the first time in her life. But Jane didn't wan to die, not now, not here, she wanted to live even through all this stupid mess.
"I-I loved you, Jaime. You should have stayed...I'm sorry." The girl looked at her for one last time and she just smiled.
She smiled even though she was going to die a painful ugly death! How was that possible!? Maybe, maybe she really needed 'rest'. But Jane will never, ever, forget this. Could have things gone differenly?
Jane didn't want Clem to end up like her sister, no way she would allow it, not after all this. They would make this work - together. She would protect her, care for her and love her, like a real sister should. She had to make up for everything she's done.
*Where has my heart gone - trapped in the eyes of a stranger? *
"I'm sorry for everything.." Jane somehow let the pride away and that made Clementine surprised. She said the same thing to her sister, but it was too late.
"We're in this together Jane - until the end." Clementine smiled when Jane finally looked at her golden eyes reflected by the candle's light.
Jane could only smile. She promised that to her poor sister, but it didn't work. It never did. Maybe this time… Only hope left, no proof. The light fully disapeared as Jane let a silent tear, for the first time.
A/N : Mixed povs, get it? :)
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