The Watcher
She watches her move.
All this time… all this time, watching her move…
Run. Walk. Breathe.
Jump. Spin. Swim.
And more subtle things are noticed…
Smiles. Smirks.
Frowns. Concentration.
Gabrielle makes it a habit now, to watch the warrior. First it was to learn, then to understand… Now it is for so many reasons, the bard stops listing them.
She just watches Xena.
The minutes before Xena wakes up, the minutes before Xena falls asleep – all of it caught by Gabrielle's steady green gaze. The warrior does not seem to mind.
Perhaps Xena is used to eyes following her every movement.
Perhaps, Gabrielle thinks, it is rude to do this.
Or annoying. Or creepy even.
But it isn't and the bard believes Xena knows the truth of these quiet actions.
Gabrielle watches Xena move, because she must.
To look away might make it all disappear, might make it a dream…
In the blink of an eye, Xena could fade from view. And then what would the bard do with her time? What would the bard do with her feelings? What would I do with all this love and compassion and humor and caring…if Xena was not there to receive it?
Then blue eyes meet green, for just a moment – and they move on, but not before a grin and so much more is passed along to Gabrielle's very soul.
She watches Xena move into the forest and continues to stare into the inky night, just waiting for the warrior to return.
The Realization
It is there again.
In the pit of her stomach, where most of her strong feelings rest…and churn and twist and make themselves known.
Alongside self-hate, guilt, wonder and healing is that one thing Xena fears most.
Long dormant, it found a chance to break free and run wild.
Love is there again.
The warrior feels it rush up her body, singing in her blood, pounding in her ears.
All because of her.
Xena could have ignored it, once upon a time. Or she could have killed it, many years ago. Now, though…now, she cannot fight back or run away.
The trap is so sweet and the blow is one she wants to come.
And those eyes, on me like sunlight… Does the bard know what is happening?
Does Gabrielle realize how many walls are falling due to her voice and her touch?
And Xena looks up, silent as the night, into a green embrace.
She can feel her own body hum with delight, feel the smile stretching across her own face…
There it is, as always. Love so true and love so hidden.
The warrior walks away, too shy to let it go on much longer. But Xena can feel Gabrielle along her spine – and Xena can never stay gone.
Say It
"Say it again."
Gabrielle knows it is asking a lot, but she likes the sound of it. She likes how soft the words are, how slow they come out and how shy they are.
First, the downward glance. Second, the exasperated sigh. The twisting of fingers and maybe even the barest hint of a blush…
The bard feels the energy shift now, from nervous to determined – from unsure to sure.
A gaze of warm steel, which would be impossible from anyone else other than this woman… This woman of wars and pain, of trials and despair… This woman, whose heart is so fragile that to speak of any delicate emotion is like death…
"I love you."
It is slightly strangled, a throaty whisper from somewhere deep inside. Gabrielle anticipates the anxious look afterwards and takes Xena into her arms.
Nothing feels as wonderful as the relief seeping from the warrior's body in this embrace.
The muscles relax, the breathing is steady…
And the bard knows that now, Xena can say it again. And again and again.
The Shield
Protection.
It is an easy word to bandy about, to speak it and to want it to be said.
And, in another time, Xena would have run from that single word.
Her feet would've moved with speed, anything to get away from responsibility and from possibility… Anything to not change her ways.
Protection.
It is a vow, one Xena never though she could keep.
How many promises did she break…just to avoid this kind of bond?
How many souls did she harm…just to keep this kind of love at bay?
She turned to darkness so much that light was just a memory. How could anyone come back from that? How could she come back from that?
"I'll always be there, just look for me. I'll never leave you. I can protect you, too…"
How simple it would be, to just walk away and pretend it means nothing. It is a reflex, one she has perfected. Walking away, closing down…
Protection.
Gabrielle is offering a shield, not of iron, but of her own heart. Gabrielle is willing to take the blows, to take the nightmares, to take the shattered body of a warrior and cradle it through the night.
Xena falls to her knees, wrapping long arms around the bard's waist, feeling the kind of contentment that a savior can only dream of – the feeling of being saved.
Love and Affection
Gabrielle is not sure of it. All her questions are answered by more questions.
Why would she take me along if not from some kind of affection?
But if she feels affection for me, why does she not show it?
The bard feels words stall in her mind, no longer finding purchase on parchment. Her emotions scattered now, Gabrielle throws herself back and hits the ground.
She can let loose for a moment since Xena is away, stalking dinner.
Of course, that image just sets off other aspects of thinking. The bard tries, in vain, to halt this particular process. It does not matter. There she is – all gleaming and brave and beautiful… Damn.
And then, there she is. Xena, standing proud with her prey… Xena, staring into the night… Xena, sleeping all too closely and letting a strong arm stretch out, letting that samestrong arm wrap around one terribly love struck bard.
This is all I've ever wanted, Gabrielle's heart says. And she moves further into this warrior's embrace.
Xena is here, whether the bard understands the why or what-for… Xena is here, holding her all through the night and not pushing her away.
The warrior princess is here, breathing softly into Gabrielle's hair.
Well, if that is not a sign of affection… They sigh in tandem, one from relaxation and the other from joy… Then I don't know what is.