Title: Fuck You Very Much
Rating: K+
Pairings: JayRoy duh
Summary: Flower shop AU Jason Todd owns a flower shop and Roy Harper comes storming in one day, slaps 20 bucks on the counter and says "How do I passive-aggressively say 'fuck you' in flower?"
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by DC Comics. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
A/N: Very AU, much mushy, so JayRoy. I just want to write and actually finish something because uuuuurgh. The original meet-cute/Flower shop AU idea from demisexualmerrill at tumblr and the flowers from koscheiis at tumblr.
Jason Todd was well aware of the fact that the route his life had taken was very much unorthodox. From being a child of a criminal and an addict, to being a homeless street kid, to being adopted by the richest man in the city, to having a very crazy and passive-aggressive (and sometimes outright aggressive) teenage rebellion, to acing college out of spite to… end up running a flower shop. Yeah, he had been shocked too. And the whole family. And the whole city.
In hindsight, it was actually kind of funny.
At least the paps had stopped stalking the shop. Although only after he instituted a rule that if you came in with a camera out, you had to buy something from his pricy bouquets list.
So Jason was spending the quiet Thursday morning in June doing inventory. He was mentally preparing himself for the afternoon's and the next few days' Father's Day rush, when the peace was interrupted by the dangling bell by the door.
A red-haired man with a ball cap pulled low on his head and heavily tattooed arms on display marched in. He looked more like he was going into battle than buying flowers. He stormed up to the counter, slamming down a twenty.
"How do I passive-aggressively say 'fuck you' in flower?"
Jason stared at the man for a moment, before grinning. "My man, you came to just the right place."
The tense shoulders relaxed and the back straightened at Jason's nonchalance. "So it's possible to actually say that?"
Jason waltzed out from behind the counter, already pulling blossoms out from their buckets, explaining as he went, "Sure, but not directly because Victorians wouldn't know direct even if it bit them in the ass. So you'd need a bouquet of geraniums for stupidity, foxglove for insincerity, meadowsweet for uselessness and orange lilies for hatred. Add in a few yellow carnations and you have effectively told the recipient that they have disappointed you."
He moved the blossoms around a little until it was all proper and pretty looking before holding it out for an opinion.
The man observed the suggested bouquet for a moment, tilting his head and grinning a little. "It's really striking."
"And full of loathing," Jason assured him, "Is the bouquet for anyone in particular? The recipient might be customizable."
"My old man," the man answered and looked a little like hadn't meant to.
Jason ignored the potential awkwardness. He if anyone knew all about complicated feelings about fathers.
"Then I can tell you that this bouquet has been tried and tested for Father's Day before and it has given much hilarity to those who know the language. Shall I prepare the bouquet for send-off?"
"What? Someone else's given this to their dad?" the man asked, his gaze shooting up at Jason.
"Yup," Jason grinned brightly, "Yours truly, actually. If you want an extra element, I would suggest a white rose or a dash of rosemary; those have been used to symbolize lost and dead fathers."
The man seemed to consider this seriously for a moment, "Nah, this violet-orange vision will do the job just fine. Even if it goes right over his head."
"I do have a complimentary flower language booklet," Jason suggested.
The booklet was added in a devious grin at the man's nod. "A card?"
The man hmm'ed. "I think, 'fuck you, disdainfully, Roy' will suffice."
"Short and sweet, I like it," Jason said, pulling up his collection of Father's Day cards and the smaller collection of passive-aggressive fuck you cards he has Damian drawing for money. Why mess with good concept and it left the rest of the family confused where Damian got the money.
Roy skipped right over the Father's Day cards and picked out a small brown card with an angry cactus on the front. Jason handed over a pen without a complaint and soon he was ringing up the flowers themselves and the express delivery to Star City to… Oliver Queen?
"Soo… you seriously sent your dad one of these?" Roy asked, now lounging against the counter in a rather relaxed manner.
Jason shrugged as he pinged his delivery service, "Let's just say Bruce Wayne sometimes also has trouble with parenting."
Roy stared at Jason.
Jason raised an eyebrow, a smirk pulling at his lips.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding with me."
"You want a bouquet for that?"
A/N: And they dated happily ever after.