Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
A 'The Ghost & Mrs. Muir' story
By Judy
Jonathan and Candy jumped onto the parlor settee next to their mother who was waiting for the Saturday Night Movie to resume on television.
"Whoa," Carolyn warned them with a smile as they settled down, "This furniture was made to last and we need to keep it that way."
"Okay," Jonathan agreed, "But Mom?" he asked pushing his face into hers. "This is a whisker, isn't it?" He brought his mother's warm hand to his face and placed it on a specific spot.
"Well, let me give it a feel." Her diagnosis came a second later. "You're right! It could be!"
The boy subsequently stuck his tongue out at his sister. "See?! I told ya!" he said.
Candy just rolled her eyes. "Mom, Jonathan's too young to have whiskers!"
"No, I'm not!" the boy shouted back with his arms crossed.
Carolyn put up a hand. "All right you two, that's enough," she warned, then sighed at seeing her housekeeper cruise into the room with a fresh bowl of popcorn.
"Just in time, Martha," she added.
"I thought so, Mrs. Muir. Now, Jonathan? Don't you worry," the older woman cooed. "You can have some of my whiskers if it'll make you happy. I've plenty to go 'round for everybody!" She chuckled setting the bowl on the coffee table with a stack of napkins. "All right everybody; get it while it's hot! I'll bring out some soda."
"Yay!" the children shouted and each reached for a handful of aromatic corn. Within moments, they had forgotten all about Jonathan's whisker, that is, until later that evening as Carolyn was tucked them into bed. Her son brought up the subject again.
"Mom?" he asked.
"Yes, dear?" she replied.
"When I get older, just as soon as I can, I'm gonna grow a beard like Captain Gregg's."
"You are, are you?" His mother smiled, sweeping blonde hair away from his eyes.
"Unh, huh," he nodded. "Captain Gregg says it's part of growing up, of being a man." Then Jonathan pointed to his whisker again. "Are you sure this is a whisker, Mom? Right here," he pointed. "Can you see it?"
"Well, tonight, let's say it is. And better that you have a whisker than your sister Candy. Night, honey." She kissed him on the forehead and moved across to her daughter to do the same. The girl was still awake enabling her to complain matter-of-factly to her mother.
"Who'd want those ol' whiskers anyway? They're itchy and scratchy," she informed her mom.
"Is that so?" Carolyn asked drawing the bedspread upward over her daughter's frame. "And how do you know, darling?"
"I don't know, I just know they are. Night, Mom," Candy yawned before closing her eyes. Carolyn turned off their light and left the room a lot more intrigued than when she went in.
Soon thereafter, Martha too, found her way upstairs to retire for the night. Carolyn, on the other hand, took the opportunity to do a little investigating on her own. Not feeling like turning in yet, she headed downstairs. After opening the parlor doors, she entered into the room's dimness and turned on the globe lamp to get an illuminated view of Captain Gregg's portrait. She stepped closer to the nineteenth century painting to peer at seaman's face as she had countless times before, and as usual, a small smile surfaced. Her heart was always content when gazing into his sea blue eyes. But never mind the inner peace she felt then, it was the earlier conversation with her children about Captain Gregg's beard that had piqued her interest. Quite simply, she wondered how her daughter knew whiskers were itchy and scratchy. Did Captain Gregg have something to do with it? He was the only one around with a beard!
The subject of the seaman's beard had more or less ruled the evening and having let curiosity get the better of her, Carolyn pondered what her resident ghost would look like without a beard. She had never actually seen him with a clean face, and of course, there was no doubt she fancied him the way he was, yet, underneath that fiery, masterful facade, there was still another side to him… an unseen treasure she'd never seen before…a mystery waiting to be discovered!
Studying the portrait a little more in depth, Carolyn knew that few men could wear a beard as successfully as the Captain could and she was glad he had a beard for the seaman looked truly magnificent. She just couldn't envision him otherwise. And she speculated further wondering that if the Captain didn't have a beard, would her feelings for him be the same? Naturally, the beard was a part of him, a distinction that was his alone, and if it were anyone else besides him, there was certainly the possibility her feelings could change. But knowing the Captain as she did, she hardly thought her feelings would vacillate for surely beard or no beard, she would love him still the same. Wouldn't she? Wouldn't it be true that if he were missing an arm or a leg she'd still love him, warts and all?
Yes! Though if it were at all possible, Carolyn knew she would adore seeing him beardless just for the satisfaction of knowing what he looked like! Yet, was her desire to see him in this way worth the risk of changing the fragile, loving bond that lay between them? It could, and Carolyn emphatically wanted to steer away from that course. In short order, she decided for safety reasons, meaning, the stability of her own heart, perhaps it might be wiser if she left the beard mystery alone, for there were instances when change was not a good thing and this very well could be one of them. For the time being, wishful thinking about his non-bearded state would have to suffice.
Nevertheless, as Carolyn turned out the lamp, she couldn't help but continue her analysis regarding the Captain's beard. Maybe the Captain wore his beard to hide some imperfection or a scar; he had seen a few battles after all, and not all of those battles had been at sea she knew. Reaching the parlor doors and after closing them behind her, Carolyn thought perhaps the beard was merely a personal preference, possibly because someone… perhaps a special woman… had flattered the Captain when making mention of his beard and he'd kept the fashion as a memory. Carolyn then took a few steps and paused at the stair's bottom landing, surmising that the Captain had probably kept the beard simply because he knew how scathingly handsome he was! She could hear him saying that the tides of fashion could go to hell as far as he or anyone else was concerned! She glanced at the barometer on the wall… no change… the weather was still calm.
Ascending the stairs, Carolyn smiled supposing that the main reason the Captain had kept his beard had to surely be the latter. Yes, he was scathingly handsome there was no doubt, but one thing was for certain; she would never know if the Captain's beard was 'itchy and scratchy' as her daughter had purported, for the Captain was a ghost and that was the truth of it! It was a sad and cold fact Carolyn had to try and make herself believe every day; however, most of the time it didn't work.
She reached the top railing pausing to consider the truth; that the Captain was no more than a hundred and fifty year old wisp of ectoplasmic mumbo-jumbo eternally swirling about a hundred year old house and this was most probable because he had no place else to go! He was a spirit who did not try to hide the fact that he had a superior grudge on his shoulder for having been cheated of this side of living. And she knew as well, that he was the owner of a temperamental ego the size of a tanker to boot!
Still, she thought, he could be lovely just the same and that was the irony. A word from him or a certain look or a smile from that impressive face made every blessed day worth getting up for. But blast it all, he wasn't real! Carolyn pushed open her bedroom door, her shoulders dipping slightly at the melancholy she had brought on. These thoughts wouldn't do. No matter what, she reminded herself that she was a believer, and she believed in him more than anything. Carolyn gazed at the telescope and then at the ship's clock above the mantel. To her, Captain Gregg had always been more than a wisp of smoke and that was the real truth of it. From the day they had met, they had been connected in an inexplicably strange way. It was a good connection. Within minutes she was in bed… their bed.
As the night touched her senses, a clouded sleep was the best that Carolyn could manage as her thoughts revved and stepped into high gear. Jonathan's simple question about whiskers, coupled with her night musings downstairs, had launched ideas in Carolyn's mind that refused to let go. Her thoughts swirled and melded only to break apart again… she heard questions that had no answers, saw visions that had no depth. Then halfway into the night she sat up with a start and asked herself a question. In the Captain's current state, she wondered, could he change more than the image of his clothes? Was he able to change his human appearance as well? She had never asked him if such a transformation were possible for she had always assumed he couldn't change anything about himself except his clothes! She laughed out loud and lay back again. What did she really know about ghosts?
Still lying awake in the dark, Carolyn pulled her quilt up tighter around her neck realizing she had always seen the Captain wear his blue pea-coat, except, of course, for the time he wore his uniform at the chapel when her parents emerged with surprising wedding plans. And there was the time in the lovely Christmas dream as well when Captain Gregg had worn that delicious Aran sweater! And that cape with his cap… it was straight out of Dickens and luscious beyond all sentiment!
Carolyn then questioned whether the Captain's transformation into his uniform at the chapel had been a result of his wishful desires or hers. Perhaps she had wished the transformation herself and that is what she saw… yes, her beloved Captain in his uniform, a sweet remembrance of the lawn party dream she had during her bout with the nasty Ague. She remembered that then, he had never looked more handsome… and when she fell into his arms to dance she could have happily died and gone to heaven! Such a dream! It was a memory so vivid she could recall all the details as if it happened yesterday!
And then Carolyn remembered another time, when she was shocked to see Claymore Gregg, her landlord, wear Captain Gregg's real uniform to the Seafarer's Ball during the Centennial celebration! She had never seen the Captain's real uniform before, in fact, she hadn't known one even existed! Up until then, she had thought the uniform to be a product of her own ague delirium or at the very least her active writer's imagination! How confusing it all was!
So, was it she who had the power to change the Captain's clothing? Or was the Captain manifesting the clothing swaps on his own power to suit whatever moment they were in? And if it were she who had the ability, why hadn't she ever tried to conjure him without his beard? Was it that her thoughts were entirely locked into the reflection of him from their first meeting? To confuse matters more, this new desire of hers to see him differently had never occurred to her before! Why would it come to the surface now? Nevertheless, no matter who had the capability to manifest any sort of change in the Captain's appearance, the important question was how was it done? Simply by wishing? Carolyn wondered if by merely wishing so, a change in the Captain would take place, and if so, what fabulous possibilities there would be! With her excitement fueled, Carolyn knew she must plan an experiment to answer her own questions.
When sleep finally came that night, Mrs. Muir had drifted off with a storehouse full of questions she needed to ask the Captain. Although she couldn't wait to begin her delightful experiment of wishing the seaman beardless, there was one small detail that threatened her efforts before they could even begin. Carolyn hadn't the slightest idea as to when she could test her wishing theory for the Captain was not at home. Once again the free roaming spirit had disappeared into oblivion as he had done several times in the past. Without the merest of goodbyes or the leaving of any sort of clue as to his whereabouts, he had vacated the premises… headed off to Splitsville. And today, Carolyn counted, had been his twenty seventh day of exile, his longest shore leave to date.
To Carolyn's surprise, however, at precisely ten o'clock the next evening, Captain Gregg materialized in her room somewhere in the vicinity behind her and upon hearing the familiar clearing of his voice that he typically used to get her attention, her jaw tightened as her heart sped. Carolyn did not turn around though and instead took a moment to regain her composure. Weeks ago, she had decided that she would not be responsible for what came out of her mouth when he finally decided to come back. Besides, there were only two possible options; either she would ply the wandering spirit with the heartfelt welcome she ached to give him or she would lay on the ultimatum he so readily deserved! Carolyn was primed for there had been plenty of time to practice both responses to perfection!
The errant ghost finally sidled up to Carolyn in a manner as if he had never left and nonchalantly looked over her shoulder. "Good evening, Madam," he said attempting to focus on her reading material, but try as he might, his attention veered to the property of Carolyn herself. His inspection was fruitful. In her delectable nightgown and robe, Carolyn was devilishly pleasing on this night and the visual roves he allowed himself resulted in a smile that satisfied any mortal cravings he might have harbored at the sight of her. Aye, the seaman surmised, this was a good thing to come home to… he must make a point to go away more often!
"Hello, Captain, nice to see you," Carolyn glanced up, her stomach tight. Blast! What had come out of her mouth was not what she wanted to say, she bit her lip and offered nothing more.
"And I, you, my dear. What have we here?" He gestured back toward her paper. "Are we in need of a critique this evening?" The Captain knew Carolyn always valued his opinion regarding the literary content of her work and he was honored that she let him see it.
"No, no we're not in need of a critique," she emphasized with a smile. "But thanks for the offer. It just so happens this page is the last of my article." She exhaled deeply for despite his return, another article was completed which meant money in the coffer. The Captain, however, slightly annoyed at her little rebuff, decided he would read her piece later when she would be none the wiser. Aye, there were always ways of getting around his dear Mrs. Muir. That was one of the advantage of being a ghost and he intended to use all of his cards to the fullest! Still, having been prepared to give some kind of verbal assault on something, the Captain decided he would offer a different kind of critique… one he hoped would reclaim his advantage with the woman he loved. Aye, he would return himself to her good side… something he found himself having to do with more frequency these days.
"Madam, may I say that you're looking ravishingly charming this evening." He really did want to start off on the starboard side with her.
"Why, thank you, Captain. And you're positively dripping with charm too. What's the catch?" she asked warily.
"You are, my dear. Ooh, if I were out to sea, I'd reel you in any day, Madam," he crooned tugging at his ear.
"Even if I put up a fight?" she asked lightly.
"Ah! Therein lies the challenge!" he answered, rubbing his hands together.
"As long as you win, you mean."
"Aye, and once I would have you on board; you would be mine to do with as I please."
"I don't think I'd enjoy being mounted on a wall; or eaten either."
"Nonsense, Madam, you would be as savored as a fine wine."
"Either way I'd still be consumed!"
"Ah, you assume yourself to be a fishy catch! On the contrary, my dear, you would be the most beautiful siren ever to emerge from the sea." He closed in on her from behind to soften her edges. "I'd send the crew ashore and you would be mine alone."
Carolyn turned to him, her smile actually genuine for he had that strange knack of making a girl swoon. In Carolyn's case, her white flag was raised within minutes of his return. "Welcome home, Captain?" she managed to say.
"Thank you," he replied sincerely putting his hands in his pockets. Carolyn then sat in her desk chair. She could tell he had something to relay to her, but she would decide if she wanted to listen. In the end, of course, the Captain's stories, or excuses as she'd like to think of them, were usually incredible and quite worth listening to however fabricated they may be. She smiled and wondered what he'd have to say this time. He did have a month to make up for.
"While I was away on business…" he started.
Carolyn's eyes widened. "On business! You've got to be kidding!"
"Yes, on business. As I was saying…" he continued, but she cut in again.
"Yes, what were you saying?"
"Blast! You keep interrupting!" He folded his arms. "Now I don't know that I want to finish what I was saying."
"Hmm, my, we're testy tonight. Still, Captain, you have me reeled into this conversation and I'm all yours. Didn't your business go well?" she teased.
"Business? What business?" He squinted then, regretting his answer the moment he opened his mouth. He'd been had.
"Ah, hah!" Carolyn pointed at him. "There you are! I don't think you're doing any business at all, out there, wherever you go." She flailed her hand toward the sea.
"I am doing business. Important business!" he emphasized.
"Mmm… is that so? Well, Captain, maybe someday you'll tell me what this… business is, as soon as you remember what it is, that is. You were gone for a month this time!" Carolyn informed him testily.
"A month?! By the powers, that long?" His brows went up as if he really had no idea he'd been gone four weeks.
"May I remind you, Captain, that I know you know how to tell time. This time spinning eternity thing you're always going on about doesn't hold water anymore! Don't even think of leading me to believe you didn't know how long you were gone," Carolyn ranted.
The seaman paced, he was mystified. "A month's precious time?! Oh, dear, Madam." He looked at the clock not believing that much time could have slipped by. Hadn't it only been a few days?
"Apparently your important business is more important than us. At least I... we... know where we stand now."
"Madam! Nothing is more important to me than my family! You must know that by now. And honestly, nothing means more to me than you."
"Obviously something or someone else does or you wouldn't keep going away!" Carolyn refused to look at him.
"I can see you're turning an enchanting shade of green, my dear."
"You wish! You've got to come up with something better than that," Carolyn said finally looking at him. "You see, I don't know that I believe anything you say! And I don't know if I can trust what you say. But isn't that funny, right now you're not saying anything at all! You're the one who's green, Captain, by avoiding responsibility, by running away!"
"Confound it, Madam! Shall I go out and come back in again? I think it'll do us both a world of good," he advised.
"Please do, Captain, maybe it'll help you to remember that business of yours. So far, I only see that you've made a career out of disappearing," she remarked with a wave of her hand in the air. "Though of course, it's none of my business what you do." She folded her arms.
"Originally, Madam, before you embarked on this tirade, I was merely going to say it is always a joy to return… knowing you will be here," he explained.
"Oh." Carolyn was a little surprised at his answer and sank in her chair thinking she may have jumped on him a bit too abruptly.
"But," he continued, "In your typically female way, within moments, you have ruined the spontaneity of the phrase. I find my warm greeting does not apply now, so I shall retract my thought to say it at all!"
"Captain," she softened. "Would it help matters if I said this is my way of saying that I missed you while you were away?"
"By squabbling, Madam? I'd hate to think what your way would be if we were married. If that were the case, I would seriously think twice about coming home." He clasped his hands behind him turning toward the French doors.
"Oh, come on, Captain! You don't mean that! We're no different than any other couple. Squabbles are a part of life."
"I am overjoyed at the fact that you include me in yours," he replied.
Carolyn smiled, ripe for a fight. Whether he liked it or not, she had bone to pick with him about his leaving without saying goodbye. She wanted answers.
"And I certainly do mean I'd think twice, Mrs. Muir! Perhaps that is why I never married." He rubbed his beard. "Yes, what man would want a prying, inquisitive choke chain around his neck?!"
"Is that what you think I am? What women are? Captain, if you consider that having concern about another person and his whereabouts is nothing but an inconvenience to you, you're wrong. And I am talking about you and your whereabouts," she pointed out, and then added, "Sailor-man!"
"Aye, I see and quite understand your concern for me, my dear, and it is duly noted, but 'sailor-man', Madam! You cut to the core!"
"As do you!" Carolyn gathered up the rogue pencils on her desk and jammed them into a cup. "Look at it from my perspective, Captain! You leave, and I don't know where you're going. I don't know if you're lost or hurt, or when you'll be back. And the children… they ask questions."
"Madam, first, I cannot get lost, I am a seaman, blast it! I use the stars for navigation!"
"And perchance a cloud should fall your way?" she asked.
"I'd use my instinct and experience, of course!" he gruffed. "And secondly, obviously I am not subject to injury of any nature, and for good reason as I've told you before or haven't you noticed." He disappeared from the vicinity of the telescope and popped in behind her. "I am a ghost!"
"Captain! Stay in one place, you know that makes me dizzy! I've a good mind to put a bell around your neck!"
"A bell? Never! I am not a canine with want of a collar, Madam! And as for when I am to return from my business, which is none of your business; or at any other time as I so choose to return, I want you to know, Mrs. Muir, that you are not my timekeeper. I shall come and go as I please."
"I see!" Carolyn twisted away from him in her desk chair. "Marriage hasn't changed in a hundred years! The man is still free to gallivant around while the woman stays to man the ship."
"Ooh, not again!" he growled musically, dreading what was coming. The woman could run a topic aground faster than a ship on a reef! "You have always been free to go, Madam, I told you that the day we met. Far be it from me to stop you," he retorted, but of course, he didn't want her to go, and he hated these conversations, especially when she wouldn't let up. What did he expect? She was a woman! Then realizing he might have been a little too harsh on her, he eased up, wondering why they were bickering at all. Moving back to the telescope, he peered through the lens. "You were free to go, as you always have been and we have discussed this before. Yet… you have stayed through many storms, including this squall."
"I had no choice then," Carolyn said defiantly.
"And now?"
Carolyn refrained from answering, choosing instead to stare at her typewriter. She didn't dare turn around to face the Captain, and heavens, she didn't want to get into her reasons for staying at Gull Cottage. Instead she said, "The children ask about you. They wonder where you go." She shrugged, "I don't know what to tell them because I don't have answers."
"The children! Oh… I do miss them at times." The seaman walked over and picked up the framed photo from her desk. He grinned at the children's smiling faces as they hugged their beautiful mother and then set the object down gently, almost sacredly, as though if the picture were to break, his heart would, too.
Carolyn watched him. In her heart, she knew he loved the children as much as any father would. "They miss you, you know."
"So they do, as I do them," the Captain admitted. "And so, Madam," he finally looked at her again, "All the long days… you… like the children, sit here and pine for me as well?"
"I wouldn't say pine exactly." Carolyn leaned back in her chair, having calmed down a bit.
"Brood then?" he asked, leaning over her desk into her face.
"I don't have time to brood."
"All right then, you miss me… that's enough." He relaxed on the edge of the desk though he knew the fight wasn't over.
"And yes, I do miss you," Carolyn reiterated, "I've already said it."
"So I heard. I think I'd rather be pined for. Sounds more dramatic!" he said with flair.
"You know," Carolyn said, "There are times, I'd at least like to be missed."
"My dear, in no uncertain terms, I have told you often enough that I do miss you when I'm away."
"No, that's where you're wrong, too, Captain," she pointed out. "You haven't told me anything. You might think you have, but you skirt around the subject. I think it's you who has a funny way of showing you miss me, not the other way around." And with that statement, Carolyn got up, reasoning that she would not get any sort of explanation on any subject. It wouldn't matter if he had a beard or not, he would still be infuriating! "I have work to do, Captain, now if you don't mind…"
"Ah, no you don't, Mrs. Muir. You, yourself said you were finished with your article, and here's the last page!" He picked up the paper and waived it in the air. "And according to you, I have been AWOL for a month, surely you have news? Juicy gossip? Give us a tad."
Not knowing what else to do, Carolyn decided that it would be best not rise to his teasing. Instead, she walked to her dresser and began brushing her hair. Was the Captain that ignorant or just stubborn, that he couldn't take the cue to leave? "You are right, Captain, I've finished my article, but I've remembered something else that needs to be done."
"As have I remembered," His voice was stilted, "A very important thing that needs to be done. It is something I have to say, something long in coming." Captain Gregg walked up behind Carolyn and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Their eyes met, his closeness sending chills sailing upward to her heart. She may be angry with him, but she was grateful he'd returned. She hadn't felt this way in a long time.
"My dear," he whispered in her ear, "Surely you must know, that I long for you each and every time I am not near you… as I always do. Each moment I am away, I miss your enchanting smile and all that resides behind it. I do hope you believe me. And believe too that I do not go away on purpose with the intent to leave you; however, I can give you no explanations and for that I am truly sorry, but please understand?"
The heat in Carolyn's face rose with the sweeping desire in her heart. If he kept talking like that she could forgive him anything. Yet, through his confession, she could still feel consternation rising up with the force of lightning. If he missed her as much as he said he did, why did he go away? Was he truly gone on business as he said? And just what kind of business would a ghost have in the afterlife? Agh! She moaned inside. If only ghosts came with an instruction manual!
Still, she adored the Captain speaking to her in his deep husky tones, and when he did, most of the time her anger melted away as it was starting to now. And, too, Captain Gregg knew that the words he spoke to her would quickly soak into her depths, as they always did, just as a beautiful, rushing wave might disappear into the sand on a thirsty beach. The Captain always tried devilishly hard to please Carolyn with words, for words were all he had to offer. There were times he wished there was another way to please her.
Carolyn responded to the spirit's complimentary mood by setting her brush down and moving to the comfy leather chair by the fireplace. She stared into the deadened hearth truly happy that he was back even though his whereabouts of the last month would probably remain a mystery. She couldn't blame him for anything. He was as stubborn as she was!
And finally seeing Carolyn relax, the Captain came over and made himself comfortable by leaning against the mantel. He wagered that since his return, the first part of the storm had passed and that he had been lucky this time… the breakers were now behind him. Looking at her, he tried to read her face, wondering if he had overstepped his boundary by saying something that had ultimately disturbed her. In a moment though, his heart was rewarded with relief when he saw that whatever she was thinking brought on a sudden and beautiful smile.
"That's better," he nodded, "A penny, Madam?"
"I wasn't thinking about you, Captain, I was thinking about Jonathan." And, too, Carolyn decided this might be the perfect time to begin her wishful thinking experiment of conjuring her spirit without a beard.
"Oh, a fine lad he is, a fine lad," the seaman responded.
"Do you know what the fine lad said last night? He wants to grow a beard just like yours when he grows up."
"Really!? Excellent idea. There's nothing more striking on a man than a finely kept beard. Ah," he sighed happily, "That's my boy."
Carolyn could see the Captain imagining Jonathan in his mind's eye, as a grown man standing on his own one day. She knew that even though the Captain was born of the spirit, his being a part of the growing process of her young son sparked a glorious hint of pride in the seaman, a feature that always showed on his face. As a father figure to Jonathan, Carolyn had no complaints.
He caught Carolyn studying him. "Yes, Madam? You seem pensive," he observed, not knowing he was the subject of an experiment.
"Oh, I was just wondering what you would look like without a beard," she voiced. By now, Carolyn was wishing hard, hoping to see some kind of change in Captain Gregg's face.
The spirit was a bit surprised at her remark about his beard and realized quickly that the idea must have something to do with Jonathan's recent interest in the topic. He felt obligated to set the record straight. "Madam, I can assure you that I am equally as dashing with a beard as without one."
"My, we're not modest, are we?" Carolyn pulled her knees up.
"I hope not," said the Captain unconsciously rubbing his beard again. "I've had this beard most of my adult life. It's part of me now. Suffice it to say I would feel naked without it. Chilling thought," the seaman shivered. "Why all this talk?"
"Just curious, that's all." No change yet, Carolyn noted and tried harder. "Talking about beards with Jonathan, I got to thinking about yours and wondered what you'd look like without one. It's a shame you can't show me," she hinted.
"Madam, are you saying there is a possibility you might prefer me differently than to how I am now?" He raised a brow.
"No, no, you're fine just the way you are, beard and all. I'll take you any way I can, Captain."
"Now there's a relief," the spirit chuckled with an extra sideways glance. "And I too feel the same of you, of course."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Carolyn asked defensively. "You'll take me the way I am? Are you saying there's something about me that bothers you?" Suddenly, her experiment was turning sour.
"Oh, now don't start, Madam. If there is anything about you that bothers me, it's nothing of any consequence or anything anyone can do anything about. It doesn't make a difference one way or the other. I shouldn't have mentioned it."
"They why did you mention it?" she rightfully asked.
"Blast! I don't know. Talking of beards, I suppose." He attempted to change the subject. "It's quite chilly in here. Care for a fire?"
"No, thanks, I think things are heating up already! It's no good trying to change the subject, Captain. It's you who's not being fair! Come on… tell me, there is something about me that bothers you?" she begged, adamant to learn what it could possibly be. "Maybe I can change whatever it is you're talking about, but I won't know what to do until you tell me what it is."
Blast it all to heaven! The Captain sighed, scratching his ear. He didn't know how it happened, but within ten minutes of being home, he found himself stuck in a corner again.
"Surely you are joking, Madam! Oh, no, I cannot say a word. You are a woman. You would be offended. Women do not like to be told anything other than that they are beautiful." He stepped over to the telescope and gazed out the closed French doors. "Isn't it a lovely evening?"
"The curtains are drawn, Captain! You can't see anything and you're still changing the subject. Your evasiveness won't work. Please, I promise I won't be offended. Tell me," she begged again. "Please?"
"You won't be offended? You are sure? Remember, I have only just arrived back."
"No, no I won't be offended," she promised placing a hand over her heart to indicate her trust.
"Are you absolutely sure, Madam? You know I don't particularly like sleeping out in the cold and tonight's particularly brisk." He yanked at his lapels. "I won't have you locking the wheelhouse door or throwing me out on the walk because of it. Hypothetically, of course."
"Please, Captain, believe me, I won't get angry!" Carolyn pleaded, perched on the edge of her seat.
"It is against my better judgment." He rocked on his heels. "And not a good idea at all."
Carolyn decided she could only ask so much and so she gave up and slumped back. "Oh, well, just forget it then! Stubborn ghost!"
"Oh, right, Madam! And just as I was about to give in and reveal my musing about you! My dear, you must put up a stronger fight! You are, after all, a siren of the sea! I've not known you to be so weak. However, as you wish, it is forgotten."
"Captain!" she exclaimed not really wanting him to stop.
"Very well I suppose, Madam, there will be no peace in Gull Cottage tonight until all is revealed. Remember, I did warn you," he wagged a finger.
"Thank you, go on," Carolyn nodded calmly.
The seaman relented only because he knew he'd be in the doghouse either way. He nonchalantly ran a hand along the telescope barrel.
"The irony of this bit of crumb is actually amusing since we were just discussing appearances."
"Oh, great. You don't like the way I look," Carolyn smirked.
"On the contrary, my dear, you are unequaled in your beauty. Take heart in that," he pointed at her.
"That's some consolation, anyhow," she murmured.
"However, the truth of it is, that I have often imagined you with longer hair."
"Longer hair?" she questioned, her eyes narrowing to understand.
"Not Lady Godiva-down-to-your-toes hair and all that, but your hair longer than it is now."
"Oh," Carolyn reacted by touching her hair. She tried to imagine the Captain seeing her in this way. She did have longer hair in her youthful days, but those days were gone. These days, short and teased hair was in, the look was fashionable and stylish.
"Yes," the Captain stepped from the telescope and paced. "In my day, women's hair was longer. Any man in love could run his hands through his woman's locks to savor them, and perhaps smell in them the fragrance of lavender or rain. A man could drown himself in a woman's hair, as I would in yours, were it possible, but there isn't blasted enough of it!" He stopped pacing and met her eyes as her hand again went to her hair. She didn't quite know how to respond.
"Unfortunately, these days there's nothing left of that femininity. Oh, don't get the wrong idea, Madam, I have become used to seeing hair fashions change over the years, but I believe a woman's hair is an essential part of the loving process. Then again," he sighed with regret, "I do recognize I am speaking as a man of the nineteenth-century and what I say doesn't count a tick. Not now anyway, but you did ask. Are we still friends?" he smiled.
Carolyn pulled her hand away from her short hair, "What you say does count, Captain, and I agree with you, I would love to have longer hair, and I did have before I came to Gull Cottage, but I'm not a young girl anymore."
"What should age matter? Confound it, now there's a bit of twentieth century logic. However, apologies are due, Mrs. Muir. Consider my opinion merely a natural musing, though it does appear that, from time to time, you've also speculated about me, so we're even?" He hoped.
"As a keel," she agreed.
"'Tis a pity neither of us ever had the chance to see the other in such a way," he stated.
Carolyn thought a moment. Obviously, her wishful thinking experiment was just that… wishful thinking! Her endeavor was a complete failure as the Captain had not changed in appearance at all, though in a clever way, she thought she might be able to fulfill the Captain's wishful thinking about her.
"Captain, I may not have long hair now, but I do have pictures of me from a few years ago. Would you like to see them?"
"Really? How intriguing! I would never turn down an offer to see a beautiful woman, even a photographic representation."
"Good, then hold on a second." Carolyn went over to her closet and stuck her head inside to rummage through a box. After a good five minutes of the Captain viewing her backside, the blonde woman emerged with a handful of family snapshots. When she straightened up and turned to show the Captain her treasures, her mouth dropped open and everything in her hands fell to the floor!
Standing in front of her was the most amazing sight! Captain Gregg was now lean and tall with no sign of the heavy blue pea-coat she knew so well, and most astonishing of all was that he had no beard! Instead, he was clean-shaven and his wavy auburn hair was free from the structure of pomade. Carolyn swallowed hard thinking she could die then and there if that was what fate had in store for her… or was it that she had already died and gone to heaven and didn't know it!
Unable to tear her eyes away, she observed that the Captain's image was more animated and lively. He appeared much less weathered and wore an ivory colored button down shirt with the cuffs of the long sleeves turned up at the end. His trousers were brown and tight, outlining a sufficiency of muscles usually hidden under heavy wool. And he was handsomely casual, unarguably rugged, and to her, completely disarming. Carolyn didn't know how the transformation actually came about but decided if it had been her doing, she should make a point to wish more often! She could feel her heart aching to leap out of her skin for the sight of him was literally taking her breath away. And when he smiled, his ocean blue eyes captured her soul completely, his stare holding her green eyes steady, his ship steering a course to her heart.
"Fair exchange?" he said wryly.
"F-fair?" Carolyn stuttered entranced by the map of his strong chin. His eyes gleamed with the mischief of one-ups-man-sship.
"You may also consider this maneuver an apology for my lapse in behavior," he bowed his head to her.
Carolyn was nearly speechless. "Y…y…you were right, Captain. You are equally… dashing," she gulped still marveling at the lightness of him. His new effervescence shone brightly as if his entire being had been stripped of the gray somberness of forever. As never before, he seemed to be more alive than not, more solid than transparent, more here than there. Carolyn knew then that she alone couldn't have changed his appearance to this degree, and decided the Captain must have done it. He had transformed his looks to suit her desires as well as his own!
Captain Gregg laughed heartily, glorying in Carolyn's priceless expressions. He chided himself that he had not done a transformation like this before and wondered why he'd hadn't considered doing so. This moment with Carolyn was delicious! He was so glad to be back!
Carolyn watched in continued awe as the Captain knelt down to gather her snapshots from the floor.
"Shall we look at them now?" he asked coming up to sit on the edge of the bed. Carolyn nodded, quite unable to speak for the Captain was remarkable. He was a completely new creature and a dangerous one at that!
"Madam," he sensed her hesitation to sit near him, "You're not bothered by this adaptation… by this appearance?" he asked sincerely. "I'll change back immediately."
She shook her head stifling a giggle, trying to figure out the best way to sit next to a god. "You look so… different!" she exclaimed finding the courage to sit beside him on the creaky bed. "I never imagined."
"Well, belay that merriment, Madam, until I've seen your photographs," he ordered. "Then we'll see who has the last laugh."
"Oh, yes! My pictures…" Carolyn forced her eyes away from his physique, at the same time changing her mind about the photographs. "Uh, on second thought, Captain, I've changed my mind. I don't want you to see my pictures. You see, you can change, but I can't. What you see is what you get," she said sincerely and grabbed the photos back. She squared them up and started to rise from the bed, hoping the Captain wouldn't try to stop her, but she was wrong.
"Hold on there! Now, Madam, hand them over, I insist," he pointed a warning finger at her. "Fair is fair!"
"No! I'll just, well... I'll just put them back now and we'll forget all about them, hmm?" She shook her head up and down and grinned, ready to sprint back to the closet to dump the pictures.
"Oh, no you don't! If you are unwilling to cooperate by handing me those photographs, then I shall have to quite unceremoniously get them from you! And, I will not hold back my intentions because you are a woman."
Carolyn gasped. "You wouldn't dare!" She hunched over her keepsakes, hugging them to her stomach. She didn't know what she would do if he came at her looking like he did!
"I would," he replied. "It would do you good to make way."
Then Carolyn didn't know what had come over her, but she rose to the challenge, her chin defiantly going up. "All right. Try and get them." She needed this bit of fun.
True to his word, Captain Gregg reached over and tugged at the pictures, not wanting to ruin them, of course, but he tried in a playful manner. They continued struggling until both fell back on the bed with Carolyn joyous at finally being declared the winner. Then suddenly she stopped laughing. There on the bed, realizing where she was and how she was, Carolyn gazed into the Captain's eyes and he, of course, looked lovingly back.
Regretfully, the seaman realized he had been gone too long and hoped the woman he loved had believed what he had said about missing her. The truth he faced was that any amount of time away from her was agony.
"Put your photographs away, darling," he said. "I don't need to see them. I won't ever need to see them unless you want me to because the loveliest creature I have ever seen is before me now."
His hand then gently swathed the air around her face, his fingers aching to touch her golden hair. In turn, Carolyn moved her hand to the side of his face knowing that her real wish, not her experimental wish, would never come true. Yet, despite the longings they harbored for one another, both knew that no matter what existence they'd been given to share, or what appearances might be preferable between them, the love they had for one another was stronger, ran deeper and went further than any statement of fashion.
"Welcome home, Captain," Carolyn said again, and at that moment, Carolyn vowed to grow her hair longer.
The End