Exactly what it sounds like. Journey through the book of Eibon with FMA characters in place of the real ones. It's partial crack. Also, Al and Black Hayate are weapons (By that I mean they have human form) for some reason. IDK. Oh, and Fuery and Havoc. Some Spoilers for the Soul Eater manga, but there shouldn't be too many for FMAB. Oh, and until the effects of the Lust chapter wear off, I'll be referring to them with pronouns that reflect their current gender.
I skipped Envy and Sloth because those weren't funny chapters. I'm such a cop-out. But Riza and Hayate went there, so that's why they were sad. And I'm spoiling my own story. I suck.
Do not own Soul Eater, or FullMetal Alchemist, or whatever other references I put in there.
EDIT: I used the previous coverpic without consent of the creator, as I could not find them. I did not realize how serious that was until I started digital art of my own. I am sincerely sorry for this, and am going to delete all such pictures I have taken without permission.
Envy, Lust, Gluttony, and Greed stood in front of the manuscript of the Book of Truth. "Oh," Envy groaned internally. "Father will be royally pissed with me for helping Amestris Academy."
"Quiet," said Warren, prodding him in the back. "We need a homunculus in order to get inside the book. Four works better."
Ed, Al, Black Hayate, Riza, Fuery and Havoc stood off to the side, ready to enter when the Homunculi finished opening the portal to the book. They had to save Roy!
"Ready to go," Lust said, the Book of Izumi glowing with a bright light. The team put their hands over the book. "For Roy!" they shouted in unison. The book opened, and sucked them inside.
Ed's eyes widened at the bright light. Then they closed because that was a bad idea. Don't widen your eyes when it's bright, kids. You'll sear your corneas. That's why the eye drops that eye doctors use suck so much.
"Where are we?" Riza wondered aloud.
"Hello," said a high-pitched female voice. They turned to see a little girl with a panda on her shoulder.
"Who are you?" Fuery asked.
"I'm the index *CoughMeiChangCough*," she said, hacking.
"Do you know where our friend is?" Alphonse asked.
"Oh, you mean the perv- I mean, Flame Alchemist?" Index asked. "He was trying to randomly snap his fingers at everything, but then got all mad because nothing happened. And then he started singing a song about miniskirt harems…"
"That's the Colonel, alright. We have to get to him before he goes through miniskirt withdrawal," Havoc said. "Can you take us to him?"
"Yes. Be warned, however. The journey is perilous." Index started chanting: "Santra bodda wimza nana… Author doesn't remember the rest."
A portal appeared showing a strange world that was… green? Red? I don't know the colors. Manga is black and white. The team stepped through it.
Edward felt slightly uncomfortable. "Um, two questions. Why am I a girl and is it perverted if I look down my own shirt?" She was now wearing a black skirt and tank top. Though the chest area was considerably larger, since her hair was long before she didn't look too much different.
Havoc shrugged. "It's a good thing the Colonel isn't here. He'd probably strip."
Index looked at them. "You have suffered the signs of the first chapter. Lust makes you turn into the opposite gender. The more lustful you are, the longer you will stay the incorrect gender after leaving."
Fuery shook her head. "If the Colonel passed through here, he's probably still a girl."
Alphonse looked over at the index. "Wait a second. Why aren't you a boy?"
"I'm replacing a character that has no gender in this fic, so I'm not affected," she said.
Riza sighed. "I really don't want to prolong my time as a boy, so can we leave already?"
"Rightio!" Index saluted. "Kero kero kero! Iza suzume!..."
The world flipped. The sight of a town full of sidewalk snack stands greeted them. Oh, the smells! French food, Italian, German, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, and most importantly, no British food!
Edward's stomach growled like an angry beast. "Food, food, food, food…" She ran to the nearest snack stand, which was, unfortunately for her, an ice cream shop. "Ahhh, no! MILK!" She fled like the stand was on fire. "I'm… not hungry anymore."
Unluckily, that didn't seem to be the case with Black Hayate and Havoc. Black Hayate, who was slowly changing back into a boy because he's too young to be perverted, was grabbing everything in sight. Havoc was little better. However Fuery seemed to be in a severe moral dilemma.
"If I'm a girl now, will I get zits if I eat anything? But it smells so good…" Fuery drooled. "OMG, that chuck roast looks so juicy and good…"
Alphonse muttered to Riza, "I think the Lust chapter affected more than just his appearance."
Before Fuery could reach the roast, however, she was stopped by a butcher's knife. "I'm Barry the Chopper! I don't approve of you stealing my meat! I'll chop you up!" The suit of armor yelled. "Also, I'm a pressure cooker, so I cook pot roasts inside of me!"
Fuery, Havoc, and Black Hayate exchanged glances. "We're gonna rip you open and eat the pot roast inside you!"
"Ed!" Havoc yelled. Ed sighed. "Help us. You're the only one besides the idiot who can use alchemy, and our weapon forms."
"…Fine." Fuery transformed into a white glove with the flame transmutation circle on the back. Edward caught it and put it on. "You feel different when you're a girl."
"You shouldn't have known what we felt like when we were boys," Fuery shot back. Edward had once tried them on and blown up a large portion of Amestris academy. (No lie; there was an omake where he tried them on.)
Since Riza did not seem to want to help, Havoc, even though she was the remaining glove, grabbed Hayate who transformed into revolver. They scorched Barry from the outside, shot him full of holes, and ripped open his armor. "My bloodseal!" They didn't care. They were too hungry. Except Ed, who was still sickened by the whole ice cream thing.
"Oh, wow," they said, tears streaming down their cheeks. "This is amazing."
"Let's go," Edward suggested, "before I throw up from remembering that milk." (Milk leaves deep scars, kids.)
"Matsuyume chasing, chasing…" Index said. The page flipped.
"Why are you freaking always using those stupid anime songs as a way to change the page!?" Edward, who was slowly turning back, yelled. "And why am I not turning back any faster!?" (Because the author said so, Edward. Get it right.)
"Hey, we were eating!"
"It's not fair!" Fuery yelled right in Ed's face. "How come you're the only one who's changing back?!"
"Maybe because I'm not A HUGE PERV!" Edward growled.
"Hey, does anybody know where Hawkeye and Hayate are?" Alphonse asked.
"It seems as though you do not fall under the effects of Wrath easily," the Index stated. "That's good. I like handsome gentlemen…"
"Um, currently, I'm still a girl, but… thank you?" Alphonse said.
"I HATE IT HERE! WHY CAN'T IT BE ANOTHER COLOR BESIDES RED?!" Edward screamed.
"Hello! I see you have come to the same world as I!" said a deep voice that Edward recognized immediately.
"Oh, hell no!" He screeched.
Alexander Armstrong walked out, taking off his shirt. "Have you come here seeking my power?"
"What are you doing-"
"The Armstrong family has existed for many generations. Would you like to see my talents?"
"HURRY UP BEFORE WE GO INSANE!" Havoc yelled.
"Alright." Index began: "Dango, dango, dango, dango-"
"The Armstrong family has passed this song down for generations—"
"SHUT UP! She's trying to get us away from you!"
The world shimmered and changed to a beautiful place. A palace that looked like the Taj Mahal with beautiful fountains stood in front of them. Alphonse self-consciously dusted off her skirt (Yep, still a girl). Someone in a place as beautiful as this had to look the part. She had to look more beautiful than anyone else. Ugh, where was a hairbrush when she needed one?
"The Armstrong family has been building palaces like this for generations. Shall I lend you my power to help you build another one?" He extended his hand to show he was wearing a glove with an alchemic circle. "Or I could help you get to your friend faster by smashing through the pages with my spectacular Armstrong technique." Off went the shirt. He smashed through the pages, revealing an opening.
"Help us…" Havoc muttered as though in a trance.
"Get us through…" Fuery murmured.
"I want…" Edward started, "to… GET RID OF YOU!" And booted him out through the opening. Silence. "Dammit! I could have broken through to the Colonel with that!"
"That's okay…"
"I know you want to proceed to the next chapter so we shall. Kiss-kiss, fall in love!"
A world where a strong wind was blowing and money flying around appeared. Through a crack in the pages next to the one they came through, Riza and Black Hayate appeared, Riza looking slightly unsettled.
"You okay?" Alphonse asked.
"Yeah," Riza nodded. "I met Bradley. He was really pissed at me for kidnapping his wife. His soul exploded. Wait, are you still a girl?"
Fuery looked down at himself. "Hey! I'm not anymore! Yay! It's just Havoc and Al now."
They were slowly changing back, but it was hard to tell who it was slower for.
'Please don't be me, please don't be me, they'll never let this die.' They both thought simultaneously.
There was a pop, and Havoc changed back to normal, shortly followed by Alphonse. "Woah, Al's the perviest of us all?" (This isn't without a reason! In the omakes, Arakawa makes Al so perverted. But if the Colonel had been there, he would have taken at least an hour longer than Al.)
"NO!" Al wept in the corner that was usually reserved for Tamaki.
"My own brother… tut tut." Edward shook his head sadly.
"But how?" Alphonse moaned. "This is the guy who yelled, 'I love boobs…'"
"Sorry. Arakawa enjoys making you a pervert, and frankly, the audience loves it," Index explained.
Edward tapped the ground with his boot. "Now to get the pervy Colonel."
"Well, you can go forward, but we'll never know what happened because the next part is not funny, and the author likes writing humor better," Index sighed. "She's so damn lazy."
A hole opened under Edward. "AAAAGGHHHH!"
"Wait a sec. Why is Ed the only one who can go further?" Riza questioned.
"Because Pride lives there, and he likes bragging that he isn't perverted like the Colonel, and he isn't going to be short when he grows up."
"Shouldn't he be living in the Pride chapter?" Al asked.
"He doesn't live there because—File 64423ExpofPrideswhereabouts not found. Please make sure the file is spelled correctly and try again."
"Is everyone drunk or something?" Black Hayate asked.
"YOU CAN TALK?!" Everyone except the malfunctioning Index asked.
A cookie if you can name all the other anime songs I referenced, and which anime they're from.
This is not RoyEd btw. Seriously, where do people even get that ship from? I don't mind it when people like Yaoi for Hetalia (even though I don't like it myself. I do think Shounen-ai can be cute, depending on the couple, like Gerita or Spamano fluff.), but for any other manga, it's just weird.
Random thing that happened. I bought some oven-bake clay to make little mochis, but I burnt it and they turned brown. I was a little sad and my sister said I could "Paint them, white" without even realizing it. I laughed into my pasta.