AN : Here it is, the latest addition to the pile of angsty fics I own. This one is slightly different, in that there is no actual point. If you don't understand it, that's all right. It's not meant to be understood - just read and enjoyed. If you enjoy it, if you hate it, please review. If the ffn review thing doesn't work, email me at renebre@hotmail.com with your review. Thanks.
Summary : A short, abstract piece. Character death. It's about how someone can take another person so much for granted that - they realize they don't really know anything about that person at all. Incoherent summary? Read the fic. It's even more incoherent.
Rating: PG, because you wouldn't show this on Disney.
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Did You Ever Wonder
Harry sat by the fire in the Gryffindor common room, contentedly rubbing his stomach and listening to Ron and Hermione bicker. Hermione was accusing Ron of flirting with Parvati Patil and Ron was heatedly denying it. Ever since they had gotten together, they had been bickering more than ever. Finally Hermione stormed off, bushy hair flying, stomping up the stairs to the girl's dorm with a vengeance.
Ron remained seated. He was staring moodily at the fire and Harry knew that he wouldn't be in the mood to talk. Or to play chess. Or to discuss Quidditch. Or to be in the company of anything other than his own cloak of moodiness. Harry took his cue and got up. He saw Ginny sitting by himself, watching him mischievously. Harry took his cue and went over.
"Hey Harry." Ginny said companionably. She grinned at him. "Ron and Hermione have another tiff?"
"They've been growing more frequent."
Ginny laughed as she took in his slightly troubled face. "Don't worry about it. They love fighting." She shrugged. "That's why they ended up going out."
Harry chewed on that for a while and finally digested it. "Maybe you're right."
Ginny patted him on the shoulder. "Course I am." She pulled out a pack of gum. "Have some Tabasco gum?"
Harry eyed it dubiously. "It's okay." He told her. "Maybe later."
Ginny put the gum back into her robe pocket. "All right." She stared at the wall for a while, silently. "How are things going with Cho?"
Harry smiled faintly at the mention of his girlfriend. "Can't ask for better." He glanced at Ginny, slightly uncomfortable. She'd had a crush on him once, hadn't she? He wouldn't have wanted Cho to confide in him about her crushes -
Ginny smiled, apparently reading his face. "Don't worry about it." She said. "That's over."
Harry grinned, relieved.
Harry fell into the habit of sitting with Ginny in the evenings. Ron and Hermione didn't care, they didn't even notice. Their fights were growing more frequent.
Harry liked being with Ginny. It was comfortable, she always had a smile for him, and she was always willing to listen. She seldom said anything about herself, but Harry didn't realize that. He enjoyed talking to her and having her pat his hand, smile at him and say something mild.
Once Ginny was quieter than usual and Harry noted it with concern. "You all right, Ginny?"
Ginny fixed her eyes on him almost absently. "Yes." She said finally. Something twisted her mouth into a dry, faint smile. "I'm fine."
He once saw her with Draco, walking in silence together. Something about them caught Harry's eye and he stopped, just looking at them. They looked so - so - so arresting together. The tall, somber young man with the white hair and the half-closed, insolent eyes, the slender serious girl with the faintly bitter mouth and the unreadable gaze.
He said to her that evening, "I didn't know you were friends with Draco."
The increasingly shut-off gaze drifted vaguely upwards to fix on his. The pale mouth opened and she said, almost reflectively, "No. You didn't." She blinked briefly and looked at her hands. When she looked up again, she smiled and said, "How was your day?"
Something about that vaguely bothered Harry. It wasn't that it was mechanical or even insincere. It was as if she was switching on her feelings to do what he expected. But it was only a vague trouble, and it was forgotten as soon as Harry began to talk.
"What do you talk to Ginny about?" Ron asked Harry one evening. Ginny was sitting alone, as usual, her gaze blank as she stared into space. Harry had been about to go over when Ron stopped him.
Harry shrugged. "The usual stuff."
Ron frowned. He glanced over at Ginny and frowned harder. "Is something bothering her?"
Harry blinked blankly. "Of course not."
Ron's troubled expression didn't go away. "I dunno - she looks - different -"
Harry glanced at Ginny. She looked the same to him. "She looks the same to me."
Ron looked at his sister again and felt that quiet worry. He hadn't spoken to her in a while - he'd been too caught up in his own problems. He wished Fred and George were here - but they'd left Hogwarts the year before.
"Can I go now?" Harry asked impatiently. He was eager to be off, to start pouring away his troubles into the empty vessel Ginny always provided for him.
Ron nodded. "Sorry." He glanced at Ginny again, but then Hermione sat down beside him and started nagging him.
Tomorrow. Ron promised himself. Tomorrow he'd have a talk with Ginny.
The next day they found Ginny dead in her dorm.
Madam Pomfrey came into their Potions class, her face tight and controlled. "Professor Snape, may I see Ronald Weasley?"
Snape glanced up, about to snap a no at her, but her face made him stop. He'd only seen that look on her face once before. He nodded silently, if not graciously.
Ron got up, curious. "What?"
Madam Pomfrey led him out of the room. A moment later they heard a howl of grief.
Harry's heart froze.
Madam Pomfrey came in again, her face still strangely tight, and she caught Harry's eye. "Harry, Hermione, I think-"
Snape said nothing.
They followed her out, dread permeating the cold dungeon like sly tendrils of smoke.
They saw Ron, sobbing hard, gasping for air. He wouldn't face them, and Hermione started at the violent jerking of his shoulder blades.
"Wha -" Hermione faltered.
Madam Pomfrey didn't look at them. "We found -" she began, " - we found Ginny Weasley dead in her dorm -"
Hermione gasped.
"- we're notifying her parents now." Madam Pomfrey swiped a hand across her face. She nodded gently at Ron. "Take him down to the infirmary if you can. Comfort from friends at a time like this -"
"We will." Hermione said softly. She looked at Harry, who was simply standing there, his face white, his hands trembling. She knew Harry had gotten closer to Ginny over the last few weeks, although she hadn't paid much attention to it. She'd been busy with Ron - "Harry, are you all right?"
Harry just stared at her as if he didn't know who she was and swung his gaze back to Madam Pomfrey. "How did she -"
"We're notifying her parents -"
"How did she die?" Mrs. Weasley cried, her face red and blotchy. Beside her Arthur Weasley sat, looking suddenly old. The rest of the Weasley family - but Harry couldn't bear to look at them.
"She took - an overdose of sleeping draught." Madam Pomfrey said. Beside her sat Dumbledore, his calm countenance unfazed.
"How did she get the sleeping draught?" Mrs. Weasley screamed.
Madam Pomfrey didn't meet her eyes. "You know Ginny's been working in my infirmary for the last few weeks. She - must have taken it from my cupboard."
"I didn't know she worked in the infirmary." Harry whispered.
"No." A voice came from behind them, from the doorway of the room Ginny's body lay in. He closed the door gently, as if not to disturb her. "You didn't."
He nodded at Mr. and Mrs. Weasley courteously. "My sympathies for your loss." He said gravely. Then his gaze met Harry's and something like hatred - maybe it was hatred - flashed through the inscrutable eyes.
"Why did she do this?' Mrs. Weasley asked pitifully. "Why? I thought she was happy here - I heard from her only last week - "
Draco bowed his head briefly and excused himself. Unable to bear the suffocating grief in the room, Harry followed his example a few minutes later. He was stumbling through the halls to his dorm when a voice came out of the darkness.
"Harry Potter." Draco struck a match and expertly lit a cigarette, dropping the match end on the floor. "Mind if I have a smoke?' he asked sardonically.
Harry ignored him and made to move on, but Draco's next words stopped him. "You didn't know anything about her, you know."
Harry burned, anger coupled with grief. "I knew more about her than you did, you bastard. You weren't fit to kiss her feet!"
"That may very well be true. " Draco agreed courteously. The bastard was always courteous. "On the other hand, you weren't very worthy of that either."
Draco dropped the cigarette suddenly and inhaled deeply, thrusting his face at Harry's. "Harry Potter." He repeated, his breath hot. "The boy who lived. The boy who's defeated Voldemort so many times he's lost count. The boy who loves Cho Chang. The boy who's so full of himself that he can't even bother to listen to the problems of a fifteen year old girl."
Ginny -
"What do you know about it?" Harry snarled.
"Oh, I know a lot." Draco replied. His eyes were suddenly bitter.
"I suppose you think I'm the reason that Ginny killed herself. Well, think again. Ginny told me herself that her crush on me was a long time ago. She said that that was over."
Draco laughed.
The sound was so discordant in the silent, oppressive hallway that Harry flinched.
"Oh, no, you're not the reason she killed herself." Draco said. His thin upper lip curled in a sneer. "Don't flatter yourself."
"What is the reason then?"
"Don't you mean - What was the reason?"
"You bastard."
"Oh I may very well be that." Draco agreed. "Although - you -"
Harry shook his head. "What am I doing? Talking to you - you and Ginny weren't even that close!"
Draco widened his eyes mockingly. "That's how little you knew about her." He smiled. "I met Ginny every night, after everyone else was asleep. I was closer to her than you ever were. She told me about your late evening talks, you know. Didn't you ever wonder why she never spoke about herself - only let you talk about you?"
"Ginny told me about herself- "
Draco sneered. "Right."
Harry's stomach twisted, making him feel as if he was balanced precariously on the edge of a mountain. No, she'd never told him about himself. She'd let him go on about himself, his life - always, never once -
"Didn't you wonder why she was always alone -"
"Didn't you wonder why she lost weight - or did you even notice?"
No, he hadn't noticed -
"Didn't you ever wonder why she -"
Harry clapped his hands over his ears. "Stop it!"
Draco paused. "I should have known you were too cowardly to want to know the truth."
Harry just looked at Draco with raw, red, eyes, eyes that didn't want to know.
Draco added, before fading back into the shadows - "She loved me, you know. She loved you - but she also loved me -"