All My Fragile Strength
Katryn Parker
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She always comes back. It's the only thing she can do.
Her feet scuff familiarly against the stone steps, and her fist knocks the regular three beats against the wooden door. Although it is late, he answers, as if he is expecting her. "It's over," she says, not looking at him or turning around. She feels his hands on her shoulders, and she shivers. She's already gone.
"Sakura…" he says. But that's all he really needs to say.
Her defenses are already gone.
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Sakura found out that Sasuke had come back on a rainy spring day in April. She ran through the streets in the downpour, finally arriving at the Uchiha manor. She knocked her fist against the wooden door three times, creating a dull, hollow sound.
He opened the door.
She was in his arms in a second, crying in five. He awkwardly stood there, letting her cry on his shirt, the water in her own clothes soaking through his. He said nothing, as she cried for the first time in five years.
Soon she looked into his eyes. They were the same eyes she had known as a child, the same eyes she had come to associate with the boy she loved. At eighteen, they were no longer children.
She took the liberty to kiss him. She pressed her lips against his and waited for response. It came slowly, his hands moving slowly towards her hips and then gripping them strongly. He pushed her lips open with her tongue and she let him back her towards the door, and he kicked it closed with a thud, pushing her against it. Her fingers knotted into his hair; her dreams had been like this every night for years.
She shivered against him. "You're cold," he said, emotionlessly. His apt fingers quickly unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor, leaving her in her breast wrappings and black leggings. His eyes ran over her body, taking in every inch. She didn't think that she had ever felt so wanted.
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It's been happening like this for months. She comes back to tell him that she won't be coming back again, with the unconscious expectation that she can spend at least one more night in his arms. She doesn't seem to realize how he has her trapped in a cycle, whether he is trying or not – she imagines he is not, but that he has simply lost the ability to love. She isn't even sure anymore if she is in love with him – maybe it's just become a habit, maybe it's a part of her attraction to him. Whatever it is, it controls her.
They speak little. Sasuke is a man of few words, and she accepts him unconditionally. He is like a drug, and she needs her fix. He rarely comes to her, but when he does it only leaves her more intoxicated, more enamored. She would like to think that, on some level, he needs her just as much as she needs him…but the evidence proves that theory wrong.
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When he took her to his room, she didn't even question it. She had wanted this for so long, and she had an image flash through her mind of waking up to see his face in the morning. She wanted to be happy, and she thought that she could only be happy if she could be with him. When he lay her down on the cool comforter, her skin already chilled from the rain, she stopped him before he kissed her again, looking closely at his face and bringing her hand up to skim over his cheek. She smiled as he remained void of expression. "I've wanted this for so long," she whispered, her eyes stinging. He answered by lowering his head to hers in a kiss, tangling his fingers in her short pink locks. When his mouth moved down to her collarbone she sucked in a breath, closing her eyes and just feeling his body moving against hers. She felt like he was exploring her body with what seemed like a hidden desire that he had kept tucked away for years, just like she herself had.
"Sasuke…" she breathed. His name felt right on her lips, just as his hands felt right on her body. They fit together like pieces of a puzzle. When she pushed her chest up towards his face, he readily took one breast into his mouth, sucking at it fervently. She could do nothing but clutch his head to her, reveling in the physical and emotional rush, knowing that she was with Sasuke.
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It's one of those nights when he comes to her. "Please," he says before kissing her. That one word is enough to send her over the edge. His words are few, and so she relishes the times when she actually hears his voice. There is something different in the way he makes love to her; she guesses that he might have nightmares on occasion, and he comes to her for comfort when the bad dreams plague him. She lives for these nights.
"I need you," he tells her. She does not have to ask it, it just slips out as she pulls away from him. He is shaking, and she wraps her body around him to shield him from the cold or whatever else is afflicting him. They rarely end up in the bedroom, but rather on the couch. Sometimes on the rug in the middle of the living room. He groans out her name when he finds release inside of her and her heart hammers in her chest at the sound of her name coming from his lips.
She holds him as he falls asleep, fragile when she is normally the one that feels weak and vulnerable. She strokes his hair and feels him shudder and realizes that he is silently weeping.
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He took the remainder of her clothing and ran his hands over her moist thighs, her skin cold and clammy from the rain. It seemed to warm under his touch, as her heart seared with love. When they joined, it was not only a moment of physical need being fulfilled, but of more emotional closeness than she imagined was possible. They moved as one person, one mind, feeling each other's pace and rhythm. She had never been with a man before, but he was surprisingly gentle, pushing into her slowly at first. The friction between her thighs was causing all sorts of feelings that she didn't think would be there if it didn't cause such ecstasy. At that moment, she felt like she could heal him after his years away. His years of pain could fade as long as he was in her arms.
As she became more comfortable he quickened his pace. She could feel herself getting closer and closer to her breaking point, raking at his back with her fingernails and feeling his soft, inky black hair under her other hand. She thrust her hips against him over and over again, giving away her body to this man that she hadn't seen in near five years.
They came to climax together, and she thought she heard him sigh out her name but couldn't hear over her own breathing. She knew that she mouthed his name with every breath, but she had been thinking of him every day for years, so that was to be expected. They lay there together for a few minutes before she found her voice. "Sasuke…I love you. And I always have."
The silvery light coming in through the window made the room grey and dim. She watched him get up and walk away from her again. "I'm sorry," he said simply.
The bed was cold and empty without him, but he went to another room and didn't come back. She cried for a while and then got up and put on her clothes. She went down the stairs and picked up her dress, and left without a word.
He did not come downstairs to bid her goodbye.
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She always comes back. It's the only thing she can do.
Once again, he will take her to his room – or maybe it isn't his room, she doesn't really know. He will use her and leave.
She can only hope that one day he will stay there with her and hold her like she holds him when he has nightmares.
"Something always brings me back to you,
It never takes too long,
No matter what I say or do,
I still feel you here till the moment I'm gone,
You hold me without touch,
You keep me without chains,
I never wanted anything so much,
Just to drown in your love, and not feel your rain."
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A/N: Those lyrics and the fic title were by Sara Bareilles from her song "Gravity". This is basically a songfic but I didn't want to put the lyrics in the actual story.
If you were confused, I used past tense for the first time they were together and present tense for any other time. I hope it was pretty easy to follow.
As this is my first venture into SasuSaku fandom, please be kind if you choose to review. Thanks!
--Kat