Title: Naivety Should Have Stayed At Home
Summary: Roxanne and Megamind face their biggest challenge yet. Adjusting to every day life! T for some bad words, fun with tampons and Megamind picking a fight with someone. Set after the defeat of Tighten
Genre: Romance/Humour.
Pairings: Roxanne/Megamind established relationship
Disclaimer: I do not own Megamind characters, heroes, villains, environments etc, etc. Any OC, hero, villain or location not recognisable is mine.
Rating and Warning: K+ for some bad words, fun with tampons and Megamind picking a fight with someone.
A/N: For my sweet reviewers who inspire and encourage me. You know who you are.
…- Naivety Should Have Stayed At Home -…
"Alright. Are you ready for this?" Roxanne grabs her blue boyfriend by his shoulders, squeezing them reassuringly and looking him dead in the eyes. Their eyes lock for a few long seconds. Megamind takes a deep breath, trying to calm his ever growing nerves. After releasing it he slowly nods, face set serious, lips in a thin line. Roxanne herself releases a breath she didn't know she was holding, releasing his shoulders and instead taking one of his hands in hers. With a little squeeze she nods at him one more time, receiving a firm nod back. Her high heels click on the pavement reassuringly as she pulls her new boyfriend along, feeling his grasp on her hand tighten a bit more. "Remember what we are here for…" She lowers her voice to a soothing whisper, giving him another sideway glance. "And remember, no screaming…"
"Or lasers…" He whispers, eyes frantically darting back and forth. "Definitely no lasers."
When they reach their destination Roxanne quickly scans their surroundings, making a mental note of the things that could and possibly would scare him.
Which is, actually, everything.
"You're doing great so far." She encourages with a soft smile, seeing the other man's cheeks go a few shades of lighter blue in upcoming horror. He's nibbling on his lower lip, something he usually does when he's feeling nervous and queasy. "Remember the list I gave you?"
"I do…" He whispers, swallowing a lump in his throat. "Just keep to the list and we will be out before you know it." He nods, this time not looking at her but straight in front of him. When the doors in front of them suddenly slide open Megamind tenses a bit but keeps up appearances just for her. He will be damned before he shows her any form of weaknesses.
Finally inside the massive building and taking one more deep breath Roxanne comes to a halt, letting go of his hand and grabbing her purse. "Well…" She starts, rummaging through the small bag for a moment until she finds a little green coin with the store logo. "…here we are." She does the stupidest thing possible, leaving his side as she goes to retrieve a cart. When she pulls it out of the long line and means to drag it towards him she finds him gone.
She was going to regret taking him to the grocery store.
A terrible noise of hundreds of cans falling to the floor followed by mixed screams of surprise and terror lead her to confirm taking him here was a big, big mistake.
Big with a capital Damn.
With a groan she begins to walk towards the source of the commotion and noise, pulling her cart along and hoping no one will figure out he is here with her. Upon arriving in aisle three the brunette nearly trips over one of the cans that have rolled from the big pyramid. Her boyfriend is standing close to its remains, holding one can in both hands and waving it over his head with a little too much enthusiasm. "I found it and now it's mine!" He quickly spots his girl in the midst of the audience that had gathered and flashes her a toothy smile. With a lot of noise and flamboyance he moves down the lower half of the pyramid. He yells something again, the sound being droned out over the intercom mentioning a 'cleanup on aisle three'. The moment he started to half run half trip over the cans towards her people jump out of his way left and right, letting the former villain through. They actually climb over each other and push others out of the way to get as far away from him as possible, scared because no one is willing to risk the wrath of Megamind.
Even if he is on the good side of the line now.
With another smile on his lips Megamind carefully places the single can of tomato soup in the cart. All Roxanne can do is raise her eyebrows in question when his green eyes turn towards her expectantly.
If he's expecting a compliment he'll have another thing coming.
"You actually pulled down the entire pyramid." She begins dryly, and although Megamind isn't a social genius he immediately figures out she's a bit upset with him. When another can of soup rolls against his leather boot he turns, following the red trail it had left with his eyes up until the base of the pyramid. Not many cans had opened up, most of them dented but other then that everything seemed perfectly fine. People seemed pissed about this, especially the store clerks but they knew better then to confront him about it.
After all he is Megamind! Evil Genius of Evil turned Evil Genius of Good! Save for the 'Evil' part.
"Well…" He begins, his big mind conjuring up excuse after excuse. "I couldn't reach the top… and…" Roxanne of course doesn't give a damn about that. Of course she doesn't have time to dwindle on it, seeing as something else catches her blue boyfriend's green eyes.
Something she had been hoping to avoid.
Something he and her both had hoped would not be here. Because this particular thing is so evil, so vile that not even Megamind himself could dare to compete with it.
In the form of a cheese lady handing out little samples.
Roxanne isn't sure why it happens, but the look in her boyfriend's eyes is quickly turning murderous. This is one of the things they had discussed the night before. Between their escape plans, course of action and emergency back up plans there had been the night long discussions on what they should and should not do, who they should or should not approach.
And they discussed… the cheese lady.
The horror.
The absolute, terrifying horror.
"Sweetie…" She begins softly, tearing her eyes away from the unsuspecting woman handing out cheese and placing her hand on his shoulder. His eyes which have turned a little psychotic dart back at her for just an instance, cold like steel. Once more they dart back at the woman talking to one of the customers and Megamind's fingers begin to itch. When Roxanne squeezes his hand he looks back at his girlfriend. His eyes soften in a matter of seconds when they fall upon her and even a smile forms on his lips, the she-devil known as a cheese lady quickly forgotten.
"Why don't you get some milk?" After a moment of contemplating he nods at her, quietly turning and smoothly making his way through the crowd. She doesn't even need milk, but she was able to send him to the other side of the store, away from the lady handing out samples. And that is all that matters now.
Tonight, little cheese children will be able to ask their cheese mom to tell them a story.
…- Ten Minutes Later -…
Roxanne has gathered all of her supplies. This will be enough food to last them three days. She could sure use that time to recover from this ordeal.
Of course, she is quickly reminded that this isn't over. In the past ten minutes she had spotted Megamind standing in front of the racks filled with milk, unmoving. Sure it was a good thing to have him out of her hair so she could shop, but why would a grown man take so long to fetch a carton of milk?
She doesn't know what is going on inside that big head of his.
"Which milk do I choose?"
And quite frankly, she doesn't want to know.
"Can't you just pick one?"
"What if I pick the wrong one?" While rolling her eyes Roxanne steps away from her cart, swiftly snatching a carton from the cooled shelves. Without giving it any further notice she dumps it into their cart, takes up position behind it and pointedly stares at her boyfriend, hand on her hip and everything. It al happened in less then three seconds. Megamind still hasn't caught the gravity of this all.
How she manages to make such great decisions of epic proportions in the blink of an eye is astonishing!
"Come on." She ushers, smiling softly. Things like this are just silly. He's just being silly.
And she hopes he never changes.
"I need some tampons." She looks down the isle of cookies, deciding not to buy some this time. This morning she found out Megamind is actually a few pounds lighter then she is, even with that big head of his. That had worried her, greatly. "Tamwhats?" When she looks back she's met with the big bright eyes of her boyfriend. As usual he waits patiently for her to answer. "Tampons." She repeats, pushing the cart forward towards the final aisle.
"Tampons…" He repeats her, eyes darting to and fro. Remembering where he had seen them, the boxes with 'tampon' written on them he quickly darts, fluently manoeuvring himself through the crowds like a fish. People are cautious, eyes never leaving the blue ex-villain. Roxanne feels a bit nervous, thinking it be best she follows him before another incident occurs. "Tampons!" Suddenly echoes through the store, and people actually go silent for a few seconds.
With a groan Roxanne attaches her palm to her forehead, trying to use her new disappearing powers to vanish into the thin air.
Obviously, it doesn't work.
"I didn't know which ones you wanted." He begins, and she needs a moment to collect her bravery before she looks up. "So I got you some of everything!" He proudly proclaims, dumping over fifty boxes of tampons in the iron cart. Believing she'll need about two boxes he had done just that, bring her two of everything. He broadly smiles at her, waiting for a compliment. His smile never falters even as she looks up, from the many new boxes in her cart to her boyfriend.
"Thank you." She forces a smile, and that seems to boost his confidence. There is no point in trying anymore. She just wants to go home.
At least she'll have enough tampons to last her a decade.
Thanking her guardian angel for minimum damage and no casualties she begins wading her way through the people to pay for their food and great load of feminine hygiene products. People part for her as well though, whish is pretty cool. It's probably because Megamind is trotting in front of her, actually very happy to be here now.
…- Happiness that turns into Annoyance thirty seconds later -…
"What are we doing now?" He begins when his patience wears thin, which is actually ten seconds after they stopped at the end of the line. "We are going to pay for all this." The brunette is already searching her purse for her credit card, leaving the blue man to stare at her in disbelief. Well… this must be something done by normal people. He's never paid for anything save for when he was on dates with Roxanne, but then again he's never been grocery shopping before so it's best he gives her the lead on this one.
He fiddles with his dark blue shirt, trying to get used to the fabric. It itches a little, is nothing compared to his leather, which he misses, but Roxanne wants him to wear this. Oh how the mighty have fallen…
They slowly move forward, Roxanne in front of the cart and ready to pack the bags and Megamind behind the cart, pushing it forward every now and then to keep up.
Suddenly and quite unsuspectingly someone bumps into him. It's a soft bump and when he turns the man standing behind him with another full cart seems he hadn't noticed it himself.
Megamind doesn't blast to man to pieces though. Because he doesn't have any of his guns with him, he's supposed to be a good guy now and, which is probably the worst part, Roxanne will not let him near her panties if he does act up and throws a fit.
Roxanne is very evil that way.
Finally the cashier begins scanning their items, one by one, not caring for the enormous load of tampons and albeit too slow for Megamind's tastes. He rolls his green eyes towards the ceiling. However, someone seems to have a death whish when the cart behind him bumps into him again.
Feeling an eye twitch he turns around once more, glare in place as he looks the man up and down once. The guy behind him is even shorter then he is, fat and balding. Even Megamind could kick his ass, which is pretty sad for fatty.
He inhales, recalling what Roxanne had been telling him before they went to the store together. About how he should always count to ten, that he shouldn't try and steal something and how he is not, not, not allowed to blast anyone with any of his lasers. "Do you mind?" He hisses through clenched teeth, glaring up a storm. Roxanne pauses momentarily in her packing, beginning to inwardly pray he holds his temper. If he throws a tantrum here, in a full store with many people a panic outbreak will be inevitable.
She continues packing when he turns his big head back, chewing on his lower lip once more out of frustration. Roxanne finishes quickly, hoping they can make it out of here without too many difficulties.
Tempting fate once more the fat man at the end of the line pushes his luck, and his cart against Megamind's rear, bumping him forward once more.
Basically, the next thought flashes through Megamind's head.
Destroy all humans!
With a battle cry he climbs over the carts and lunges towards the fat man. In the next three seconds people go quiet at the sudden outroar, then, when Megamind throws the first punch a lady screams, a baby starts to cry and then people start to trample each other in a panic. Left and right they begin to scatter, even the people that work here are making a run for it.
Roxanne is rubbing her temples, hunched over the back of their cart as Megamind continues to slap and scratch the balding man. It's not that he's really doing any physical damage, but the man getting a 'beating' was never going to get over this one.
Oh God and she still needed to go to the drug store…
-Einde
This was meant to be silly. So I hope it was silly. I have another idea that might be a fun one shot. If I can get around to it I will definitely update. I do believe that it has never been seen in the Megamind fandom…