The topic of death never really came up between their conversations after Tessa found out about Jem's condition. It was only until Tessa's near-death experience and Will's contradictory response to her supposed death that she started thinking about the future- what it held for Jem.

She didn't talk to Will anymore. He was rarely in the Institute, at least he left very early in the morning and came back very late at night. She had a good guess as to where he usually went- wandering aimlessly along the River Thames the whole night; getting into fights in taverns and coming back bruised and beaten up. Not that she actually cared about him.

That afternoon, she sat by Jem in his room. He was coughing very badly, which was a symptom subsequent to his consumption of his 'medication'. True enough, the medication did kill the pain and stop all the dizzy spells. But he would be bedridden for the next few days, with a fever and severe coughs. She stayed by his side quietly, waiting for the cough to eventually stop.

"Sorry, you didn't have to see that," Jem said, apologetic and his face still pale.

"It's alright." She smiled, trying to reassure him.

"Will's not here again." It was a statement, not a question.

"I don't know what he is thinking. His best friend needs him the most, and he's nowhere to be seen," she snapped, her feelings conflicted. She was angry at Will, for both leaving Jem alone and his words to her the week before.

"Did something happen? Between the both of you?"

She shook her head. "Enough about him. How are you feeling?"

"Same old thing, isn't it?" He sighed. "But, it only makes me want to live on even more. To experience what I can with this limited time." He coughed again. "I want to live, Tessa."

"I know. If there's any way to get you cured, I'll do it. No matter how difficult it is. It just isn't fair that you have to go through this suffering alone." She held his hand. It felt warm to the touch.

"I'm not going through this alone. You're here. And I know Will cares. Enough to beat himself up over it, even though he hates to reveal those feelings. Whether it's fair or not, I can't say anything." Jem sat up on his bed. "Sometimes, I see this as a blessing, not a curse. It makes me appreciate people even more, appreciate everything around me even more. It's not something sad, Tessa."

She choked back her tears. She was supposed to be the one cheering him up, yet the role was reversed. And she hated how useless she felt when it came to Jem's illness, how she couldn't help him and how he was always the one trying to look at his illness in a positive light.

Jem reached over and touched her cheek lightly. "It's okay, Tessa. Don't blame yourself for not being able to help me. I've seen enough grief over my illness- Charlotte, Will, you and everyone else in the Institute. So do me a favour, Tessa. Don't let me see you upset over this. It's not worth it."

She nodded mutely.

"Thank you." He smiled, and she thought it was the brightest and the happiest smile she had ever seen on him.