Sofía Marquez-Davis stared at herself in the mirror as she stood in her room. Nelly Furtado filled the room as Sofia twisted and turned in front of the mirror, looking at her figure.
Today her crush in her high school called her "fat"...Fat! That's why she was there in her room, staring at her tummy in the mirror instead of singing with the radio or hanging out with her best friends at the nearby park.
She had never really thought of herself as "fat" (okay, maybe once or twice)...she wasn't brought up that way.
She was brought up to think of herself as beautiful, as a cute chica, not as fat or ugly. Whenever she felt that way, her parents, Roger Davis and Mimi Marquez, or really any of her Aunts and Uncles, would shush her and convince her otherwise. For awhile (as in months) she hadn't even thought of herself as fat or ugly, but now...
Maybe she was. Maybe her friends and family have been lying to her for years about her ugliness and fat. To make her feel better. To keep her oblivious.
She touched her face, and she couldn't help but wonder what was so ugly about her. Her mouth? Her lips? Her teeth? Her eyes? "You have your mother's eyes..." Her father's voice rang in her ears. She sighed, and dropped her hand until it reached the hem of her shirt. She slightly lifted it, and looked at her belly.
This morning she thought of her tummy as flat. It was cute and was of perfect size. But now...All she could see was fat. She pinched her skin, and was repulsed by the fat and skin she pulled away from her body.
She was disgusted.
How could she not see this? This—this...fat? How could she let her mother and father and her family lie to her, and make her believe it?
She was now not only disgusted by herself, but her family as well.
How could they lie to her like that? And for so long? And to her face? How can that not keep them up at night? Lying to their little girl? Shouldn't there be a law or something? Scoffing, she shoved her shirt back down and put her head in her hands.
She felt betrayed. She felt...horrible. Usually, if this was any other day, she'd be raiding the freezer for Rocky-Road ice cream. But now...she couldn't get any fatter, or she'd barely be able to make it through her door in the morning.
She suddenly felt tears in her eyes, and she couldn't stop the wetness from falling from her eyes. She felt so...ugh.
"Soph?"
Sofia gasped, and looked towards the door. She quickly wiped the remaining tears away and looked at the mirror again, hoping the tears weren't obvious.
"Sophie? You okay babe?" her mother, Mimi Marquez, asked, knocking on the door almost impatiently. "Um, I'm fine." Sofia croaked, the tears leaving a mark on her voice.
"Soph, Andie is here for you honey. She says she's worried about you. I'm a little worried myself." Mimi commented, her tone dripping with worry.
Andie Onreiguez was Sofia's best friend, and she was there when she was called fat. Andie probably saw the hurt in her eyes from the comment made by her crush, Ken. Sofia obviously tried to hide the hurt, and she thought she did a good job...but apparently she didn't do well enough of a job.
"Tell her to go away. And I'm fine." Sofia called back, wiping her eyes again. Again, her voice cracked, making her less-then-convincing answer even more unconvincing.
"Honey, please tell me the truth. Let me in." Mimi Marquez called, knocking on the door again after whispering to Andie that Sofia would call her later.
"Mom! I'm fine. Bloody fantastic in fact." Sofia cried sarcastically. Silence came from the other side of the door, and Sofia kind of hoped that her mother had given up.
It was not to be.
"Sofia Musetta Marquez-Davis! Don't give me attitude...Please let me in honey! I'm worried." Mimi cried back, sounding less than happy.
"Go away mother!" Sofia cried. This time the silence kept around. Mimi knew that when Sofia called her "mother" instead of "mom" that there was something going on. Mimi needed help.
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"Sofia. It's dad. Open up." Roger Davis cried, knocking on his daughter's door.
He was doing rehearsal with his band when he got the hysterical call from Mimi. Mimi was upset over the fact that her daughter shut her out, and that she refused to open her door. Roger was kind of scared too (since he never saw his daughter like that), but he didn't let Mimi know.
"Oh Lord. Did mom send you here?" Sofia cried back. She was on her (fat) belly, flipping through a magazine with tips on how to lose weight.
"Yes. She's very worried. Please let me in. For your mother's sakes."
"No! Leave me alone yah hear?" Sofia cried, once again covering her face with her hands.
"Please babe?" Roger pleaded, getting more worried by the second. Sofia had never intentionally locked him out of her life. He hated the feeling.
"Leave. Me. The fuck. Alone!" Sofia cried, not even caring when her dad immediately began to lecture her about swearing. It wasn't until he started yelling did she start to listen.
"Your mother is worried sick for you, and all you do is swear? Open this door Sofia! You are going to tell me what's going on with you if you like it or not! Listen to me Sofia-Angel Eva Maureen Musetta Marquez-Davis, you better open this door, or I'll knock it down!" Roger yelled. Sofia gulped. When her father used her full name (only he was able to remember it all), she was in trouble. But she couldn't let him in. She couldn't let the people who had lied to her all her life into her one sanctuary.
"Just please daddy, just leave me alone." Sofia cried, unbidden tears suddenly gushing down her cheeks.
Silence came from the door, and for a minute Sofia was scared that her daddy was actually was going break down the door. But then she heard an almost inaudible, "Okay." From the other side of the door, and then footsteps. Sofia sighed, and went to wipe her eyes yet again.
On the other side of the door, Roger gave Mimi a small hug and ran his hair through his hair. "She won't open up, and I don't think she will...for us. But I know someone she'd open that door for..." Roger sighed, giving Mimi a suggestive look.
"I don't think she will though Roger." Mimi said, crossing her arms.
"It's her niece. Of course she would." Roger said, rolling his eyes.
"But Roger, it's her and Collins' anniversary tonight." Mimi whined, sitting on the loft's couch.
"Don't you think they love Sofia enough to drop what they're doing and come over? Once they know it's really bad, they'll come." Roger said, sitting beside Mimi. Mimi just nodded and picked up the phone. She dialled the number that she had been preparing to use all night.
It was time to bring in an angel.
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A knock on the door distracted Sofia from the mirror once more. She was again looking at her tummy, with runny mascara and a hurt expression on her face. She hated wallowing in self-loathing and –pity, but she couldn't help herself. She felt so ugly and alone, even though she knew that people around her cared and loved her.
"What?" Sofia asked, kind of hoping it was her mom with supper (though in her mind she was repulsed by the thought of food).
"It's me honey." A kind voice said. Sofia didn't have to ask who "me" was.
"Auntie Angel?" she questioned, just to make sure. She was sure her and her Uncle Collins were having a romantic dinner and having a night just for them. Sofia even helped pick out the dress her Aunt would where. Then why is she here...?
"Yes...Can I come in?"
"Um...not really." Sofia said with a cringe. She didn't want her Aunt to see her like this for one thing, and also she didn't want to see anyone at the moment.
"You okay honey?" she asked, and Sofia couldn't help but smile (even if it was sadly). She remembered the story that her Uncle and Aunt told her about their first meeting: Her Uncle was beaten near their building, but then his guardian angel came and saved him (who was ironically named Angel) from his pain. It was one of the sweetest stories she had ever heard, and she loved hearing it...but this wasn't a time for that. This was a time for keeping her aunt at bay.
"Yeah...for the most part." Sofia whispered, looking down at her tummy again.
"I'm coming in. Cover yourself up if you're indecent." Her aunt suddenly said, and Sofia gasped. No! She couldn't come in—
It was too late. Angel was suddenly in the door, eyeing Sofia with her runny makeup and her visible tummy. Angel frowned, but didn't comment. She closed the door behind her, and then turned back to Sofia with crossed arms.
"You know, you're giving quite a scare to your parents—"
"I know." Sofia snapped. It took her a moment to realize what she just did, and her eyes widened. She had just snapped at the kindest person in the world. I'm so going to hell when I die. She thought, pulling down her shirt.
"Now, what's this all about sweetie?" Angel asked, sitting down on Sofia's messy bed and straightening her skirt.
"Um...do I have to tell you?" she asked with a grimace.
Angel's eyes suddenly widened, and Sofia's aunt suddenly looked like a deer in headlights.
"Oh Dios...Please tell me you're not...pregnant?" Angel whispered looking shocked that her little girl would do that.
"Oh God no! Of course not!" Sofia cried quickly, her tone pleading.
Angel seemed to believe that, and she raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Then what may I ask is it chica? You can tell me you know." Angel said, patting the space next to her. Sofia gulped, and sat down by her Aunt. Angel put an arm around Sofia and whispered,"So what is this all about?"
Her Aunt's comforting hug and loving tone made Sofia's resolve break, and everything suddenly came from her. Her crush calling her fat, locking herself in her room, her mother and father trying to talk to her, her feelings, her ugliness, her fat, her pain, her tears...all the while tears poured from her eyes. She even told Angel about how she felt by her family for lying to her about her ugliness.
Angel didn`t once interrupt. She listened the whole time like a friend would. That's what she loved about her Aunt. She was more like her best friend then her adult Aunt.
When she finished with a sad sigh and tears in her eyes, Angel sighed with her and wiped her eyes with her ringed thumb. After brushing all the wet tears and dried tears she cupped Sofia's face and stared right into her eyes.
"Now honey, I'm going to tell you something, and I hope with all my heart you believe it. You. Are. Beautiful. There are no doubts about it, no wondering. There's no way you could be ugly. You have two beautiful parents, and you have awesome Aunts to help you with makeup and hair on those odd days. Also, you are one of the most loving and interesting and pretty girls I've ever set eyes on. And not only are you beautiful on the outside, but on the inside too. That's rare to come by these days, and I'm eternally thankful that you are."
It was too much. Sofia burst into tears again (happy ones mind you) and leaned forward to hug her aunt. Angel chuckled slightly and hugged her back, whispering comforting words and rubbing her back.
It was like that for another...well, neither girl knew how much time had passed as they sat there. All Sofia knew was that she was loved...for her ugliness, for her prettiness, for her fattiness, for her perfect body...essentially for herself...And she was honestly the happiest she had ever been.
When Sofia's tears finally stopped and she straightened up, she gave a beaming smile to Angel who happily returned it. She felt so much better now, and Angel seemed to sense it. But Angel wasn't finished.
"And honey, you're definitely not fat. You are as thin as a twig, so no more worries about your weight. When and if you get fat, I'll let you know. Promise." Angel said with a small smile, kissing Sofia's forehead. Sofia nodded and listened to her Aunt willingly. She liked the thought of not being fat or ugly.
"Anyways chica, would you like to go grab something to eat? My treat." Angel said with a smile. Sofia's first reaction was repulsion, but she fought it. She smiled and nodded, and Angel stood up to leave. Sofia stared where she was though, making no move to get up.
"You coming?" Angel asked with a frown when she reached the door.
"I will...give me a minute." Sofia said with a large smile. Angel just nodded and closed the door behind her. Sofia found herself in front of the mirror once more, but she didn't move to lift up her shirt or to touch her face. She stood there for what seemed like hours, convincing herself that the image in the mirror was beautiful.
Finally after a couple of minutes, Sofia was able to smile at her reflection and walk away feeling happy with her body. She also quickly thanked God for her guardian Angel.