The Happiest That I Could Ever Be

By Leanne Achenbach

The Confession

LEVI POV

What is this feeling? You know, I really don't know how I feel anymore. First it was pure hatred, I wanted to kill him. Then it was respect, he treated me as his equal before and after my friends died. There was no pity, no judgment, just respect to a fellow comrade. But one day, I'm not sure when it happened but it became admiration. It wasn't love, it couldn't be, but he was the only one that I could truly let my guard down with. I did talk to him, but when I did I delayed and sometimes I just left in middle conversation. Truth is I really don't know his interests, or really what to talk about around him. Was he too proud to talk of issues other than the military? These feelings are so confusing, I don't know how to deal with them, and my kindness has grown slim, but my heartless appearance is just an act. I truly care about every one of my comrades. I must mourn behind closed doors, the process of grief and tear flow I have had to deal with has become more frequent. Does Erwin cry? He must, I mean he is human, I'm sure he must. But when, does he cry when only high ranked or close members of his squad pass, or is he like me and cries for every solider lost in battle. I'm not sure, would he cry if I died, does he care about me? These questions are always on my mind. A hand waving at me caught my attention.

"Levi…Levi?" Erwin waving his hand by my face.

"What is it Erwin?"

"You mean you haven't been listening."

"Sorry."

"What?"

"Tch."

"Did you say sorry?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Levi, are you alright, you have been distant lately. Even when you are next to me I feel that you are elsewhere, am I wrong, so tell me… please."

"It's nothing, just thinking."

Erwin looked at me with full interest, "Levi, you can tell me anything, and ask me anything, you know this."

I 'tch' and begin to walk away and I feel a warm hand grasp my wrist. I shivered slightly at the contact.

"Please, Levi, let's go to my office, we need to discuss your strange actions."

Strange actions? Is that what they are, maybe it is strange to feel in this line of work. It's strange to fall for a man, strange to love a high ranked officer, strange to love someone with all your being, strange to love the Great Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith. Goddamn it, what is wrong with me, it hurts so much to be near him, to see the concern on his face directed on me which I clearly don't deserve. We made it to his office/living courters. He sat in his chair behind his desk, so I took a seat knowing that he wanted to have a long talk, or else he would still be standing.

"Levi, I'm going to be straight forward toward you, is someone hurting you?"

What? Hurting me, what does he mean? He got up and walked towards me with pure sadness in those beautiful blue eyes.

"Please Levi, tell me who is hurting you, it pains me to see you with such weakness." I snapped.

"What the fuck are you talking about, no one could ever lay a hand on me, don't ever assume that I am weak." I sighed and kept myself together, not wanting to crack under Erwin.

"Levi, I am well aware that no one could lay a hand on you, I mean that pained expression that I see. Why are you hurting, who is making you sad and/or heartbroken?"

I could see that he truly cares, that's why it hurts so much. Don't be so kind to me, when I know that you don't care for me that way.

"Erwin," he stood next to me. "Yes Levi,"

"No, you asked who was making me feel this way, it's you Erwin." He just looked at me in shock, then a pained expression fell on his face as he took a few steps back.

"Oh, I see. I'm sorry Levi," he started to leave but I clearly didn't want that so I spoke up. "Do you cry?"

I heard his footsteps halt, and then I heard them again so I turned around. "Erwi-" I was frozen in my thoughts and body as I see Erwin inches from my face with tears falling down his cheeks and having the most pained expression that I have ever witnessed.

"I do cry Levi, I do every single day, I carry the weight and blame of every single solider that dies under my command." This feeling hurt so much, what should I do, I want to hold him but what would he do in return.

"Erwin… I'm glad." He just looked at me in shock. "I'm glad that you and I feel the same way, I guess that is why we fight so well together."

Erwin gives a quick smile and then gets serious, "Levi, I know we are fighters, but now that you've seen me at my weakest, you know you can cry too if you want to."

I took his offer with his hands open to embrace me into his arms, he held me in his arms as I got up to have a closer embrace. I let my tears fall against his chest. I heard him let out a few choked sobs before I wrapped my arms around him. I felt him stiffen so I quickly withdrawal from his embraced embarrassed of my actions.

"I-I'm sorry Erwin, it's nothing. I'll just go, this was stupid, I'm just…just, pardon for the intrusion…Commander."

I quickly jolt out of his office despite his protests, how could I do such a despiteful thing, I reach my room to hide my shame, not even a minute later I hear a knock, it was gentle, I almost didn't hear it.

"Levi?"

"What brings you hear Commander," I said with a distasteful feeling on my tongue.

"May I come in?" "I really can't say no to the Commander of the Survey Corps now can I?"

I heard Erwin 'tch' before continuing, "I'm coming in, pardon me Levi."

He entered my living courters and looked almost angry. He probably hates me now, I hugged him back, I crossed the line. I'll probably be hung or shot for such things, but if Erwin pulls the lever or trigger, I suppose it wouldn't be so bad. I stood up to accept my fate since it's already too late for him to care about me. So I stood up to face him, keeping my head down to hide my tears, I got down on my knees still not making eye contact with him.

"Erwin, I am deeply sorry for showing my true feelings to you, I never wanted you to know that my feelings went deeper than what a normal man is supposed to feel for another man, so I beg you to execute me by your hands, I don't care how, and please don't tell anyone about how a freak like me put his hands on you, I'm sorry that I really can't control my feelings, especially for the man that I grew to admire and love…"

Now I can die knowing that he knows how I feel, even if he doesn't accept them, at least he knows. I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder, he was always warm. I look up to him to see, no anger or disgust, just sorrow. He looks at me before getting down on his knees next to me, not leaving my gaze he smiles at me. "I really don't understand why ar-"He cupped my face and ran his lips on mine, I was completely lost I wanted to kiss back but my fear of this being a trick was too much. I pull away.

"Don't mess with me Erwin, I-I can't." he looked at me with pure bliss in his eyes; I couldn't look away from his shining blue orbs. Light tears of joy filled his eyes.

"Levi, I am so happy, I thought I was alone in this, but now that I know that you feel the same, I'll give you all of me, all of the love that I have, because there is nothing more that I love in this world. It's you, it's always been you, if you are a freak then I am too, please Levi, let me give my life to you."

I wasn't sure what I was feeling, was it heartbreak, no, it hurt but it was different. Is this what it feels like to have love returned? "Erwin, I'm sorry, I love you, I love you so much." I yell as I wrap my arms around the love of my life. Erwin began to nuzzle himself into my neck.

"Never be sorry Levi, never, I love you so much as well."

He ended his confession with a deep kiss. Still unfamiliar to showing such affections I am still hesitant. Erwin begins running his hands through my hair. He breaks the kiss and looks at me. "Levi, please respond to me I want us to both feel everything about each other."

I nod and smile, "Okay Erwin I'll try, it's just difficult, I've always held so much back and now that I have you I'm a bit overwhelmed." Erwin took my hand and kissed my knuckles.

"Levi, this is an order, never hold back with me." With that I grabbed Erwin by the back of the neck and jerked him into a deep, desperate kiss, cupping his cheek as Erwin grasps my hips to run his hands up under my shirt to wrap around my back. I climbed on Erwin's lap to sit a little taller to have better access. When I ran my tongue along his bottom lip he eagerly obliged by pushing his tongue across mine to explore my mouth. Our touches were aching with such longing and our kisses were filled with desire. "Levi," I heard in his husky breath. I moaned into his mouth wanting more.

"Er-Erwin...ah...ngh," Erwin rolled his hips upward for me to come into contact with his newly found erection. I moaned to the sudden contact. From even through his pants I could tell that he was quite large. He thrusted upwards, making me throw my head back earning a cocky grin from Erwin.

"Are you enjoying this Levi?" "Like…ahn...Hell, all this teasing...ngh… is killing me."

"Levi, where do you want me to touch you?" "Do you need to ask, everywhere, please Erwin."

In a swift motion both of our shirts and 3DMG were gone. We stood up and I sat Erwin on my bed pulling his pants and underwear down along the way. His erection was standing at full attention. His cock was twitching and a line of pre-cum running down his length. I didn't want to waste anymore lost time than what we already had. I took ahold of Erwin's shaft and ran my tongue up to clean off the line; he bucked at the sudden spasm of nerves. I swirled my tongue around the head before swallowing what I could, and working my hands on what I could not reach. The taste was strange but not too unpleasant, sort of musky but a hint of sweat and his cologne I could smell. Erwin's scent was intoxicating; with me mesmerized by his smell I didn't hear Erwin asking me to stop so I didn't know he was close before it was too late. Filling my mouth and pouring down my chin, the hot thick liquid now dripping on the floor as I swallow as much as I can before pulling off of him. I was going to wipe off my chin until Erwin took ahold of my wrist and gave me a shit eating grin.

"Let me clean that up for you," he moved in and licked up my neck then to my chin cleaning up the mess he made before giving me another deep kiss. With our tongues colliding with the taste of his recent release it sent shivers down my spine and straight to my still clothed erection. I moaned and wanted more. I got up from my knees to straddle my new lover. He was surprised at my actions but not in a bad way. He took ahold of my pants and began tugging on them, his eyes begging to see more. I saw him bite his lip while eyeing me so I knew I needed to give in. I unbuttoned my pants and got off the bed to stand in front of Erwin.

"Do you want to undress me?" before I knew it Erwin's hands were all over me while he licked up my abdomen. He put his hands along my waist, pulling my pants down, it was easy but he was so slow, almost hesitant. I look down to see Erwin locking his gaze upon me. "Erwin, if you're uncomfortable-."

"Levi." His voice was cracking, a thin layer of sweat covering his bare figure, his breath becoming erratic. "Levi, I have never wanted anything more in my life."

I moaned as he began licking up my clothed erection never looking away from me. He began rubbing my hips then pulled down my underwear to reveal every bit of my being to him, to Erwin. He gave an approving smirk and grabbed my ass making my cock twitch in anticipation. Erwin hummed, "I always thought you had an amazing ass Levi, sometimes I thought you caught me staring."

I smiled and leaned down to cup his chin, "Well lucky you Commander, this 'amazing' ass along with the rest of me is now all yours." Erwin turned me around as he stood up to bend me over my mattress and began thrusting in-between my thighs and sliding the head of his length up my shaft. I was lost in what Erwin could do to me with such little touching. One hand was on my hip while the other was rubbing my back. "Erwin… ah.. s-so good." Erwin grunted while continuing to roll his hips into me, mewling in response and moving into Erwin's touches but then Erwin stopped his movements and pulled off of me, only to get down on his knees to hover his hot breaths around my ass. Sending shivers up my spine and drawing out a quiet moan as Erwin bit down on one of my cheeks only to open mouth kiss the mark he made, and doing the same to the other cheek. Erwin whispered that he wanted to hear more, that I was being too quiet. I could tell that he was thinking of something perverted,

"Levi, can I try something?"

"What do you want to try?"

"Ha-have you heard of a rim job?"

"EHH! OMG Erwin, you sick old man, what is wrong with you, No, Of course not, that is dirty."

"Please Levi, I want to make you feel good, listen to me, if you don't like it I will stop, I promise."

I was in shock, did Erwin really want to do something so filthy. "a-alright Erwin, but if I say stop, you better quite. Ah...Ngh ah!" this sudden invasion was strange. It felt dirty but at the same time, it felt amazing. I screamed as Erwin pushed his tongue inside and began touching my leaking cock then to gently start pumping me. Erwin was on the verge of cumming just by hearing my whimpers.

"Nngh…Erwin aah…it-its, ngh. More Erwin!" Erwin's sky blue eyes lit up, he looked so happy to finally have me. He stopped as I stopped whimpering, flipping me over to stare at me. I'm thinking 'why is he staring at me...wait...are...those tears?'

"Erwin, what's wrong," I cupped his cheeks and got closer to hug him. He cupped my cheeks and kissed me, his lips were quivering and hands shaking. He pulled back and we locked eyes.

"Levi, I love you, so much, c-can I?"

"Erwin, I love you too, Yes, give me everything." We exchanged smiles, which Erwin was shocked at first, but gave me a beautiful, almost sparkly smile at me, almost making me blush…almost. I came out of my daze feeling Erwin grinding against my entrance then pushing himself, but just enough, waiting on me. I wrap my arms around his neck and through his blonde hair and kissed him and whispered, "Go on Erwin."

My grip on Erwin grew tighter as he entered me giving me quick soft kisses around my face and neck. "Er-Erwin, it hurts, wait." A few tears fell down my cheeks with my eyes tightly shut and my grip on Erwin even tighter. My legs wrapped around his waist with Erwin still waiting for my 'ok' so I adjusted and experimented this new feeling, I start grinding under him, earning teeth gritting moans from him, then I relaxed with Erwin staring at me. "I-it's okay, you can move."

He pulled out most of the way, and then snapped his hips forward causing me to gasp. His thrusts strong but steady, still holding back from wanting to fuck me into the mattress. "Er-Erwin, ngh more, faster, I-I quit holding back a long...ah nn... time ago, so don't you hold back on me." He picked up the pace, snapping and rolling his hips making me let out a choked out moans, and both of our moans filled the room 'til he stopped. I was going to ask why 'til he repositioned, with one of my legs above his shoulder, while he held my waist with one hand he strongly gripped the headboard with the other, giving me a seductive grin.

"Are you sure you don't want me to hold back?" I'm not sure what I got myself into but I gulp and nodded. He started his thrusts just as quick, snapping and rolling his hips making me see stars. Hearing the skin slapping skin and Erwin's curses under his breath was music to my ears.

"Levi…Levi, fuck I ngh love you so much, ngh god… I'm so close, you're so fucking beautiful Levi, ngh ah Levi, Levi."

"Me too Erwin I'm about to cu- ah ngh you are so good Erwin." Erwin leaned down to suck on my neck not leaving much unmarked places but I didn't care, I love him too much to care about such trivial things.

"Levi c-can I in-inside, please?"

"It-It's fine just hurry, I can't last much longer."

Erwin gave me another passionate kiss then grasps my forgotten erection and was pumping in time with his thrusts, all I could do is scream in pleasure as he worked my body to make me his. I shuddered and moaned Erwin's name as I started cumming on both of our abdomens, I heard a grunt from Erwin as I felt myself being filled by him, causing me to moan even more. Erwin's breath was husky and ragged but mine was no different, I grunted in discomfort as he pulled out of me.

Collapsing by my side and wrapping his whole body around me, I just smiled and patted and ruffled his sweaty hair. Erwin looked at me smiling, "We should probably take a shower."

"Tch, don't want to we can in the morning."

"But Levi we are filthy, doesn't it disgust you, I-I mean not being clean."

"It's fine Erwin, it's just your filth so it's fine with me, it's not bad if it's yours."

"WHAT?! My filth it's yours too."

"Nonsense like I could get filthy."

"LEVI! So mean, look you are all sweaty too."

"Nope, that's yours; now stop being an annoying brat and sleep."

Erwin 'tch'ed then just hugged me and nuzzled himself in my neck. "I love you Levi,"

"I love you too Erwin." It was quiet and I was almost asleep. "Le-Levi?"

"What is it?"

"Oh um Levi um nothing forget it."

I sat up to see Erwin blushing and turning away from me. "Erwin, what is it just tell me."

He sat up, taking both of my hands and giving me a serious stare. Jeez now he is making me blush.

"Levi I will defeat the titans, with you by my side and when we defeat them together, I want to ask you if we can build a house together in the mountains overlooking the sea, I want us to be together forever, Levi, after we defeat the titans will you marry me, and make me the happiest man in the world?''

I was speechless did he just… ask me to marry him. "O-okay Erwin that would make me happy too, yes I will marry you." Erwin's eyes lit up and wrapped his arms around me practically bawling in my arms.

"Okay old man, I said yes, I will marry you and live with you, now can we please go to sleep."

Erwin wiped the tears that he left on my cheek, and I wiped the tears off of his face and gave him a kiss

"Okay Levi we can sleep." We snuggled together and fell asleep fairly quickly. I woke up first squirming out of Erwin's grasp which was harder than I thought, then I got up to get into the shower holding my hips trying but failing to keep my composure. I got out feeling better about being clean, but my 'everything' was in pain. I stood by the bed throwing my towel that was on my head at Erwin, he jumped a little sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Erwin get in the shower you're filthy." Erwin chuckled, "well you were too, c'mon don't glare at me with those beautiful grey eyes and give me a kiss OW OW Okay I'm Going!"

I pushed him into the bathroom so I could finish getting ready. I waited outside the room til he was ready so we could leave together. We were walking to see how the brats were handling the training until I saw Hanji running towards us with Mike following slowly behind. Hanji with her titan loving face yelling "Erwin, Shorty do you have any test subjects for me today?"

She was almost drooling, ''tch, like we would risk our necks in the name of science, I really don't care why or how they are here they are here and I am here to kill them'' I turn my head to see that Mike is right by me sniffing by my neck and shoulder, "Really, do you have to do that."

Mike continued to sniff, then widened his eyes, 'oh shit' he looked at me then at Erwin, then a big grin showed up on his face. "Well Levi, I sense that there is something different about you, may I ask were you have been, or rather whom you've been with?"

He leaned in at eye level with that same crooked smile. I was about to tell him off. "Mike, don't you have anything better to do than to pester him?" Erwin gave him a look that mike has clearly never seen before, it said 'back off, we will talk about this later and explain,' Mike quickly backed on his attitude.

"Sorry Erwin, I just remembered I had paperwork to finish, oh and Hanji could you accompany me with my errands?"

Hanji pouted, "Ehh! Why do I have to help you with paperwork when there are titans to experiment on?" Mike ignored her cries as he picked her up and dragged her away, "I'll leave you two to your own errands, I bid you good day Erwin and Levi."

They left both of us dumbfounded until Erwin broke the silence, "Hey Levi?"

"What is it?"

"Well, it's kind of funny." He started to rub the back of his neck, "WHAT!?"

"Well when Mike said 'good day Erwin and Levi', well normal couples say the husbands name first then the wife's."

"Oi Erwin or he could've meant it by officer ranks or even just a coincidence, not spouses." A sweat bead dripped down my forehead, "But I don't mind if you think it that way."

Erwin stood in shock then smiled, "I love you Levi, My cute little wife."

"Tch, I love you too, my fat old husband."