Stiles looked around at the others spread out and fast asleep all over the loft. The entire pack was here; Scott and Kira cuddled together sleeping near the huge window, Lydia had claimed the sofa for that night, Derek using his arms as pillows on the table hunched over in a position that didn't look as comfortable as it probably was, Malia somehow had fallen asleep on the stairs and Liam was curled up on the armchair near Lydia.

Peter was out of town for a few days and a threat was looming over the pack, they just didn't know what this threat was. Derek had fallen asleep trying to figure it out with papers strewn across the table and numerous computers open in front of him looking for any sign of strange occurrences in Beacon Hills within the past month. Stranger than usual, that is. Everyone felt safer together rather than in their own homes and the general consensus had been that the loft was the best place. That and Derek had refused to sleep anywhere else.

This is why they were all together. And this is why Stiles felt so broken. As he looked around, he saw his best friends, the people he could rely on to come to his rescue, and the people who could always rely on him to do whatever he was capable of doing with his limited human strength and abilities. The people who had lost so much, yet still managed to plaster on a smile and act like they were OK. The people that didn't have to. The people that were so strong that Stiles didn't feel worthy to be in their midst.

It was at this time that Stiles allowed himself to let go. No one was awake so no one knew, and nobody would know, how everything had affected Stiles. He'd waited for everyone to fall asleep and now he allowed the tears to fall. Slowly and one by one tears rolled down Stiles' cheeks and onto the floor in front of him. They fell onto his clothes and his hands and he didn't do anything to make them stop. He thought of everything that had happened and everything that, no matter how much anybody said it was the Nogitsune, was Stiles' fault.

Stiles blamed himself for Allison's death. Allison who Scott and Lydia had love so much, just to have her torn away from them in a heartbeat. Stiles looked at Lydia sleeping somewhat peacefully, stretched out on the sofa. Allison had been her best friend and sister, they'd vowed to protect each other and because of Stiles Lydia had been unable to fulfil this promise. He glanced then at Scott, leaning heavily on Kira as they slept, hopefully in a better place than this for the time being. Allison had been his first love. Scott had been so hung up on her it had been getting increasingly annoying with each and every mention of her name. Whether the two had been together in the end was irrelevant, they had never stopped loving each other, which made the space where she should have been all the more empty.

Stiles looked at Liam. He was so young, only just 16 and in no way deserving of what was to come of him in this life. The bite that Scott had given Liam was to save his life, yet had also destroyed it at the same time. Liam had no idea why everyone was the way they were. Why Lydia would stare off into space and be so far gone that it was almost impossible to draw her back. Why Derek pushed away anybody that may make his life even slightly happier. Why Scott barely won a single fight and why they all very rarely smiled. Liam wasn't the only one unknowing to the reasons for this. Malia and Kira were also relatively new members of the pack and all three had showed up after the worst had happened. After the death of Allison, the possession of Stiles, after the destruction of Lydia's mental state and after they had all bonded so closely because of what they'd been through. They all knew the facts, of course, though none of them had felt the torment that existed between the few members that had experienced all of this.

The reason Stiles blamed himself for all of this wasn't only due to the fact that if he had never convinced Scott to go in to the woods with him on that fateful night, Scott would still be a normal high school kid. No, Allison would still have become a hunter, Lydia would still be a banshee and Kira would still be a Kitsune. Those things were out of Stiles' control and he didn't blame himself for what was evidently meant to be for some of the pack. He blamed himself for being weak. This is why the Nogitsune had chosen him to possess, Stiles was the weakest of them all. He was human and vulnerable. If Stiles had only accepted the bite that Peter had offered him before his first death he wouldn't have been chosen.

Stiles looked at his watch. The time was 3:57am. Stiles yawned. He hadn't slept in days, nightmares had kept him up and the last one he'd had had been so bad that he hadn't wanted to go back to sleep for fear of it happening again. This was three days ago, the only thing keeping Stiles awake was the fear of what may surface when he closes his eye and the guilt he feels now stronger than ever. He looked around at the pack again, noticing in that moment just how little any of them deserved this and all because of him. It was at that point that he made his decision. He would leave. Without him, they would all be strong and wouldn't have to worry about saving him every time he wasn't strong enough to save himself. There would be no worry about them being stuck with him and him being unable to help. Their lives would be better.

Stiles wiped his eyes, quietly sniffed and gave a long, deep breath. As he stood up he took one final glance around the loft, his eyes resting slightly longer on Scott, hoping he'd eventually be happy again and free of all this madness. Stiles walked towards the door and slowly opened it, praying that today it was on his side and wouldn't make a lot of noise as it slid across. It didn't. Just as he was about to step out someone spoke.

"Stiles? What are you doing?" It was Derek. Damn, nothing could ever happen without him knowing. Stiles turned around and noticed the older man walking towards him sleepily. He stretched as he approached, yawned and stopped just in front of Stiles, waiting for an answer.

"I...uh.." Stiles said in response. Derek looked like he was suddenly wide awake.

"What's wrong?" he said. "Why is your heart beating so fast?" Stiles looked at him for a second, wondering what to say to convince Derek that everything was fine and for him to go back to sleep. "Stiles, are you OK?" Stiles felt tears begin to fall down his cheeks again and looked at the floor.

"I'm fine, Derek. I just need some air." Derek put his hand on Stiles' shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. It just made Stiles cry even more.

"I'll come with you. None of us are safe alone just now." Stiles looked up again into Derek's eyes and wished he'd never been caught. There's no way he'll be able to leave now. Not with Derek there who's always so intent on keeping Stiles safe. Stiles nodded and lead the way to the stairs that lead to the ground floor of the building while Derek silently closed the loft door behind them.

When they got to the door at the bottom of the last flight of stairs Stiles hesitated for a second. He looked out of the window on the door and saw the moon shining in the sky. It had been the full moon three nights ago, on the same night Stiles had last slept, and now the moon was beginning its journey into becoming new again. He opened the door and was immediately hit with an icy blast of air. He gasped and stepped back, right into Derek.

"Stiles, are you OK?" Derek asked again. Stiles turned and looked at the man behind him before quickly stepping outside into the chill. He shoved his hands into his pockets and buried his face into the collar of his coat to try and block out some of the wind so he didn't freeze to death. "Why were you crying?" Derek's words, for some unknown reason startled Stiles and he jumped, only causing Derek's suspicion to grow even more. Stiles looked at him and Derek raised one eyebrow in question.

"It...it doesn't matter." Stiles stuttered, he decided to blame the cold that was causing him to shiver, rather than admit to what was really going on.

"Well, if it didn't matter you wouldn't have been crying."

"I...I just...I haven't slept well lately, I'm overly tired. That's all." Derek continued to watch Stiles, clearly knowing he wasn't telling the truth but deciding anyway to allow Stiles to keep what he wanted to himself. Stiles yawned again and began to shiver from the cold. Derek was outside in just a thin jumper and he seemed fine.

"Stiles, let's go back inside, you'll get sick."

"No, I'm fine. I want to stay out here a little while longer." Derek walked over to where Stiles was standing a few feet away and rested his hand back on Stiles' shoulder, just like Stiles had done for him after what had happened with Boyd. Stiles turned his head slightly and said, "I'm sorry." Derek looked at him confused and used the hand on Stiles' shoulder to gently turn him round so they were facing each other and Stiles was facing away from the wind.

"Sorry for what?" Stiles just stared at the small amount of ground visible between the two of them and remained silent. "Stiles?" Still he said nothing. Derek tilted Stiles' head up so that he could look into his eyes when he asked again. Eventually, Stiles let his whiskey coloured eyes meet the pale eyes of the man before him. He'd never noticed before just how pale they were and how perfectly they contrasted with the rest of Derek's features. Derek asked again, "Sorry for what, Stiles?"

Stiles swallowed and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for everything."

"Stiles, what are you talking about?" He began to cry again and his breathing became uneven.

"I just shouldn't be here. You would all be better off if-"

"-if you left?" Stiles nodded and his eyes left Derek's once again. Looking away from Derek at this point was unwise on Stiles' part as it meant he didn't see the slap coming his way. He sure felt it, though. Stiles looked up at Derek in shock and put a hand up to touch his cheek where he'd been hit.

"What the-?"

"Stiles what is wrong with you?! Nobody would be better off if you weren't here. Scott would be a mess, Malia...well...who knows what she'd do?" Derek held Stiles' shoulders firmly as he spoke, shaking him slightly with each point he made. "Lydia would be lost. You're like a brother to her as well as to Scott, and I...well...I don't know what I'd do."

"What are you talking about? Derek, you'd be fine, it's not like you actually like me all that much," Stiles managed to say through the shock. "I mean, you've made it pretty clear that you find me annoying and would probably rather I wasn't around..."

"Stop. Look, I may act like I hate you, but you're part of the pack. And, though some may resent saying it, you're one of the most valuable members." Derek's hold on Stiles never let up.

"I'm the weakest member," Stiles said and Derek looked appalled at the statement. "Nobody would miss me if-" Stiles was cut short when Derek unexpectedly cupped his face in his hands and kissed him. Stiles was too shocked to respond to he just stood there. When Derek pulled away he kept his hands where they were and looked into Stiles' eyes again.

"I'd miss you. Stay. Please." Stiles continued to stare at Derek wondering where that had come from and why the heck he hadn't done it sooner. "Stiles?" Derek was watching Stiles intently waiting for his answer. Stiles said nothing. Instead he nodded and pulled Derek towards him kissing him softly over and over.

At some point, Derek had guided Stiles over towards the Jeep and had him pressed up against the side of the car when they heard a cough nearby. Both the men stopped what they were doing and slowly turned to see Lydia standing near the door of the apartment building watching them with a smirk on her face. Derek moved quickly away from Stiles, causing him to lose balance and fall into his Camero. Lydia scoffed and looked back at Stiles.

"So, anything you want to tell me?" Stiles looked from Lydia to Derek and back again, trying to think of what to say. "There's no getting out of this one, Stiles. I just saw you two." She raised one eyebrow daring him to disagree and he gave up trying. "I have to say...it took you long enough."

Derek managed to get back up again eventually and at the same time as making a complete fool of himself still managed to look super pissed at the same time. He walked towards Lydia, trying to look threatening and failing miserably. His hair was a mess, his shirt was ruffled and he was now slightly muddy from his fall. Lydia didn't falter for a second. Instead she just looked at Stiles and Derek and said, "Don't worry. I won't spill your dirty little secret, guys." Derek looked over at Stiles who just shrugged and followed Lydia back upstairs with Derek following close behind.

Just as they were reaching the top of the stairs and Lydia was walking over to open the door, Stiles turned to Derek, blocking him from finishing his ascent.

"I'll stay." He said before turning and walking back into the loft, feeling like all eyes were on him.