CHAPTER 1 – INITIAL REACTION
'Any reaction is better than none'—Gavin Rossdale
I lay upside down on the crappy couch in the living room. My legs were hanging over the back of it and my head hung over the bottom, my hair falling onto the ground. "I'm bored," I announced. I stared at the dirty floor.
Janco sighed. "You've been saying that for the last three hours. I think we get it, Yelena." We were all sitting in the front room of the house. The house itself was tiny and ready to fall apart—there was a lot of work to be done on it—but there was no other place to go. Not since Ixia became Cahil's playground. Cahil was a horrible leader. People starved under his rule and the taxes had risen to impossible amounts. Good King, my ass. I was starving and others were dying; thrown out into the cold because they couldn't pay the imposed tax.
I went back to counting the stains on floorboards. After a few minutes, I sighed again. "I'm bored."
"Then find something to do," Valek told me. Lately, he had been more distant. There weren't any playful touches or kisses throughout the day, or even late at night. He didn't talk that much and, truth be told, I was beginning to get worried about him. I slid to the floor and came up behind him. Everyone in the room looked away from the painful exchange about to take place. I place my hands on Valek's shoulders, but he flinched away. I dropped them. Usually, at this point, I would walk away. But today, fury overrode my senses.
"Get up," I ordered him. He looked back at me in surprise. Everybody present did. "You and I are going to talk. And seriously. Get up." Valek slowly got to his feet and followed me to the next room.
"What is it?" he asked. He didn't sound the least bit interested in what I had to say.
"You tell me," I demanded. "What's wrong with you?" I demanded. My stomach growled, ruining my speech. I wrapped an arm around it, trying to block out the unwelcome sound.
Valek's head dropped onto his chest. "That's what's wrong with me," he whispered. He motioned to my stomach with his chin. "They killed the Commander. I couldn't do anything about it. You're hungry. I can't do anything about it. I can't provide for you," his whisper was pained. "I can't take care of you; can't protect you. Cahil will take you away and kill you just like Ambrose."
The Commander lay on the floor, bloodied. Valek was hyperventilating. His principle was on the verge of death and he hadn't been present to save him.
"Valek, come here," the Commander whispered. My beloved moved closer without hesitation. He knelt beside Commander Ambrose. "It isn't your fault, Valek," the Commander told him. "You understand me? None of this is of your doing. You have a tendency to take the blame onto your shoulders, but this one wasn't you." He took breath and then ordered. "My last order: Take your Yelena and run. There is nothing left here. He will be back. Run away, keep her safe. The vow you gave me, I give to her." He pushed Valek away and whispered a last time, "Go."
Valek scrambled to his feet. The next thing I knew, I was outside, cradled against his chest. He was running through the shadows, avoiding Cahil's closing in army.
I moved closer and pulled his face up with my hand. I placed both my hands onto his cheeks, which were getting hollow, and caressed them softly. "Shh… It isn't your fault. Cahil is terrible. You're no less than you were before. You keep me safe." I stepped closer and wished for his arms to open up for me, like they would have before. They didn't.
Valek looked at me and spoke the words I had heard from him so many times since the Commander's vow had become my own. "Do you need anything?" he whispered and started to move away to get whatever it might be. He considered it his duty to get me anything I might want or need.
I had never given him an answer, preferring to not let him know that I was hungry, that I was cold at night and that I wished we didn't have to live in fear. But today I whispered, "Yes." He had finally opened up a little to me and I wanted more. No, I needed more. Valek's gaze was on my face as he awaited my orders. "Hold me," I pleaded.
Two steps, and I was wrapped in his arms. He held me close, his arms tight. That's when the waterworks started up. Sobs climbed up my throat and out my mouth. Valek didn't speak. He rubbed slow circles on my back and patted my hair soothingly. When standing up became too much for me, he lifted me onto his lap and sat down on the bed. The tears eventually ran dry, but not because I felt better, but because there weren't any left. I continued to dry-sob. I cried not for myself, but for what everyone had lost. The lives that were taken each day and those that would be the next. The world faded into darkness as sleep got a hold of my tired body, but the darkness did not spare me from the horrors. Children dying, families starving. I cried for the feeling that getting Valek back gave, for the fact that his vow bound him to me even if he didn't want it.
However, when I woke to the morning sun, my eyes, although red and stinging, were dry. Valek was still there; his arms never tiring as they soothed me in ways words could not. His lips were in my hair with a promise of safety and love. "Shh… It's going to be all right. I'm here, love," he whispered into my hair. The corners of my lips pulled up at the sound of his old pet name for me. He hadn't called me that in ages.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly. I felt ashamed of the way I had reacted. He probably thought very little of me for reacting the way I had, bawling my eyes out.
"Don't be. I neglected you. My vow. My love. I'm sorry," Valek said. "Get some more sleep, love. You were very restless, rolling around and crying." He smoothed my hair back and tucked me into bed. Once the covers had been pulled up to my chin, Valek closed the shutters.
"I love you," I told him before he left.
"I love you too, sweetheart," he replied and closed the door behind him.