DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own any of the Walking Dead characters. This is for humor/ entertainment purposes only so I really hope eveyone has a good laugh! Reviews are appreciated ... this is my first "published" fanfic, so please be gentle
I woke up … rather … I got woken up by the sound of someone lurching just outside the tent. DEAR GOD, what the hell happened last night? Vague visions of drinking, peeing, laughing, swearing, kissing, and vomiting all torpedoed through my brain in a hazy blur. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, trying to decide if I had ever been this hung-over before! Then, I heard it again. Lurching. I knew if I sat there any longer listening to that I just might toss my cookies as well.
I threw back the sleeping bag that was covering me, and started to get up when I suddenly felt a draft from somewhere. I looked down to discover that I had no pants on! Of course, that pretty much shocked me and I shot straight up sending my head into the top of the tent, and collapsing the entire thing! DAMMIT! Not a good way to start out the day.
I heard giggles from beyond the lost confines of my now useless tent.
"Glenn? Is that you?"
More giggles … this time louder.
"Oh, yeah it's REAL funny! Are you gonna help me outta here or what?"
Suddenly something touched my leg and I screamed bloody murder!
I kicked and punched, doing everything in my power to get out from that damn tent. I stopped only when I heard a voice, loud and clear …
"Sadie, stop movin' or we aint never gonna git out!"
My mind was racing … please; oh please tell me that Daryl is outside of the tent!
"Uh … ok" was all I could muster.
"All right now don't move … just gimme a damn minute to untangle this fuckin mess!"
As I sat there waiting patiently the only thing I could do was pray that everyone would be too concerned for my well-being to notice I wasn't wearing any pants …
Yeah … right.
I shut my eyes, while Daryl worked his "magic" on the tent and wondered who was the most sober last night, so I could pry every last bit of information out of them. I could see the "Tent Party" was a bad idea, who started that anyway?
After what seemed like an eternity filled with rustling and several four-letter words, the tent finally popped up about halfway and I looked over to see Daryl glaring at me.
"Better put these on" my pants came hurling at me, like a bunch of dead squirrels.
"Don't want no one getting any ideas …" I could detect a hint of smugness in his comment, but was grateful that I no longer had to be seen half-naked by the rest of the camp.
I put on my pants in a hurry, only to realize they were a little damp … and frankly, I didn't give a crap at that point. It must have been earlier than I thought because the only people that were awake (besides T-Dog who was on watch) were those in attendance of said party. Glenn, Kayla, Merle, Daryl and myself. I plopped onto a tree stump and surveyed the damage.
Merle looked pissed off, or should I say "normal" and attempted to appear busy by cleaning his gun. Kayla had a rat's nest for hair, and was holding her head above a bucket lying at her feet. I presumed then, that she was the one making the "mess" outside my tent earlier. Glenn had a shit-eating grin on his face, and I could only wonder why in the hell he was so chipper. Daryl looked a little green, but had already started a small fire. My guess is that he isn't exactly the "morning-after" conversationalist, so I thought it best to leave him alone. I pulled out my compact mirror and about gave myself a coronary when I saw the black-eye I was sporting … fabulous.
Glenn offered me some water, still grinning like an idiot. I took a drink and made a mental note to find out later what that was all about. The five of us sat there in silence for a few minutes before I couldn't take it any longer.
"Ok, what the fuck happened last night? I can't remember squat!"
At that, Glenn burst out into a fit of laughter and I caught a glimpse of something … ok, well something missing I should say.
"Glenn …are you missing a tooth? Oh my god, how did that happen?"
He continued to laugh hysterically while Merle gave me a death-glare, and I'm pretty sure Daryl was doing the same even though I couldn't see his face. Kayla hadn't moved a muscle.
Merle piped up, "Oh ain't that funny … the one who started everything can't remember shit!"
"Shut it Merle … you wanna wake up the whole damn camp?" Daryl did not look happy. I was completely confused.
"Screw you little bro … You ain't the one that got pissed on!"
Holy shit, I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud. My eyes widened and Glenn started back in with the giggling. What the fuck?
Kayla's voice was muffled by her hand, still gripping her face, "Jesus Merle …let's not re-live it… you know it was an accident "
Remembering my "damp" pants I suddenly wanted to crawl into a deep, dark hole. If I was the one who pee'd on Merle I should probably pack up and go live with the walkers … I'm sure they'd be more pleasant.
"Well, 'scuse me! I thought we were havin us a good time 'til Sadie here had to show us all her "break-dancin" or whatever the hell ya call it … Christ, if I'd have known laughing that hard would make ya pee yerself, I wouldn'ta let ya sit on my lap in the first place!"
"All right, all right Merle! I get it! Fuck, how many times do I have to apologize!" Kayla yelled.
A wave of relief swept over me. I felt pretty bad for her, but was thankful that she pee'd on Merle and not me.
"So you got pissed on! Poor thing! At least that washes out! I think I have the smell of dirt and Daryl's ball sweat embedded in my fuckin nose!"
That was the straw that broke the camel's back … I busted out laughing so hard I started to cry.
"Kayla … what on earth are you talking about?"
She just let out a loud huff and sat back down over her bucket. Now Glenn finally spoke up.
"When she pee'd, Merle got .. uh ..upset and kind threw her off his lap. Her face pretty much landed between Daryl's legs." Glenn was still grinning.
By now Daryl was sitting next to me, although his eyes were focused on the ground, "yeah, um … it kinda startled me, and that's when it happened."
"What happened?" I asked.
"Well, I accidently threw an elbow yer way … an caught ya in the eye … sorry"
So … that explains my shiner. I can't fucking believe I don't remember any of this!
Daryl and Glenn were looking at each other.
"OK , Glenn, but how did you lose a damn tooth?" I really, really wanted to know the answer.
"Oh … uh when Daryl punched you in the eye, you let go of the bottle of SoCo in your hand, and it came flyin my way … knocked it clean out, see?" He held up his tooth with a red-neck style grin on his face.
"Oh Jesus Glenn … I am so sorry!" now I felt like a total asshole.
"Ah, don't worry 'bout it!"
What? How could he be so nonchalant? Fuck knows there weren't any more dentists who could fix his tooth … it HAD to piss him off, just a little! The look of bewilderment on my face suddenly prompted Merle to speak up.
"Aw shit ... she really don't remember! I believe young chinaman over there got to rub a good one out last night! I almost forgot about the show … " Merle chuckled.
"What fucking show, Merle?" I was not so sure I could handle this anymore.
Merle just continued to chuckle to himself. I looked at Daryl for some kind of help. He wasn't offering any.
Kayla sat up suddenly … looking like she was gonna puke again. "Oh my god Sadie … I completely forgot…"
"Forgot what? What the hell am I missing?"
Kayla looked at me with puppy-dog eyes and I thought for a moment that this day couldn't get any worse.
"Well, you felt so bad about knocking out Glenn's tooth that you said you wanted to do something nice for him. So … you kinda grabbed me and we started makin out"
Merle's laughter grew ridiculously loud, and of course Glenn was right there with him. I think even Daryl let out a small snicker. But ... all in all, it could have been a lot worse I guess. I mean, its not like anyone could blackmail us; money was no good anymore.
"So, let me get this straight" I bellowed to no one in particular. "I was break-dancing which caused Kayla to pee her pants, while sitting on Merle's lap. Then Merle throws her off and she lands in Daryl's crotch which scared him so he accidently elbows me in the face, giving me a black-eye. Which, in turn makes me chuck the bottle of SoCo at Glenn and he loses a tooth. Then I make out with Kayla and give all you men a nice visual to jerk-off to. Does that about sum it up?"
Glenn simply replied,"Yep".
I wasn't sure what the hell to say. As I moved off of the tree stump, I felt something in my pocket. I reached down and pulled out a Sharpie. "What the hell is this for?"
Daryl mumbled, "Don't know. I think Kayla tried ta get us ta play Truth or Dare … or some stupid shit."
"Oh yeah! I think I dared you to do something, but I can't remember what is was " Kayla said. "I remember you running out of the tent, but you never told us what you -"
"Well, well, well! If it isn't the Party brigade!" Shane was standing over us all with his best I'm-a-douchebag look painted on his face. "Next time you all decide to drink and carry on all night, I would appreciate it if you could be just a little more respectful of the other people in the camp! Some of us work hard all day and need to get our sleep!"
He pointed straight at me. "And you… don't think I didn't hear you last night talking about me! I know you're up to something! And believe me, whatever it is … I'll find out. Then, we're gonna have words!"
I was sooooo not in the mood for his bullshit that early in the morning. "Sorry" I spit out sarcastically.
Shane turned to walk away, when we all noticed Glenn waving his hands frantically, and pointing incessantly at Shane, so we all turned to look; and there; in big black magic marker on the back of Shane's ballcap, in my writing, was the word ASSHAT.
Kayla spit out her water as the rest of us roared with laughter! Shit, I knew I'd have hell to pay later, but I had to confess … I was quite proud of myself!
I heard Merle whisper,"Best damn dare I ever seen" and even though I thought he was an ass, some part of me was grateful for his approval (a very, very small part of me).
I grabbed Daryl's arm and quietly asked "So why didn't I have any pants on this morning?"
Daryl just gave me a slight grin. "Ya spilled beer on yerself … and no, I ain't tellin ya anything else"
I could see Daryl was gonna hold that hold that one over my head for a while… Jesus I think I need a drink already.
I stood up, "Anyone up for another Tent Party tonight?"
THE END