The phone call came on a Tuesday morning in September, malignant. Those words echoed through Daryl's mind for the rest of the day, and he just felt numb. It sounded so final, so definite, and he didn't know how he was going to tell Merle. He didn't know what to do, what would be the next step, his mind was awash with questions, worry and under all of that was doom.
When he told Merle later, he was shocked that his older brother, by quite a few years broke down and cried right in front of him.
That was when it hit Daryl; this was serious, deadly serious.
He knew of course anyway from the first episode of forgetfulness, headaches, exhaustion and then the seizures. Those things were not normal for a young man such as himself, and after many tests, they got their answer.
It was a brain tumor, cancer a juvenile type that he was too old to get, but there it was.
The doctor had said it was treatable, a grade two tumor, they shrunk it with radiation, removed it and prescribed 12 weeks of chemo.
This wasn't a guarantee to save his life, though, and he was angry about that, upset about it all. He considered not doing a thing and just let his miserable life peter out and be done with, but Merle wasn't having that. Not one bit.
Daryl knew cancer always came back, though, he'd seen it with both his grandparents, but Merle told him to forget that. Things were changing in the medical field every day, and Merle was not letting any dark thoughts through.
The chemo would decrease the chances of it coming back, and Merle had put his foot down, Daryl was 23 and Merle was not burying his brother.
It was almost Thanksgiving when he was to start chemo, unseasonably cold and nasty outside but nevertheless, Merle told him point blank, that he was not taking the easy way out, not after they had been through so much in their lives, there was to be no tapping out. They still had a lot to be thankful for, and he would not allow his brother to give up.
Merle took him for the insertion of the PICC line in his arm, the day before the holiday and then he would start the chemo the next week. Daryl's whole life was falling apart, and Merle was the rock that he needed, and that was usual for them.
They had lived together all their lives, first with their abusive drug addicted parents and then after they passed away, together. The two of them against the world.
It was just so surreal to both of them, though, unbelievable and even months later they were still in shock. The diagnosis had changed everything that Daryl knew to be true about himself, about Merle and life. They both wandered through the treatments, surgery and doctor appointments like war-torn soldiers with aftershocks that just wouldn't go away.
Daryl had always been the more mature of the two of them, but the roles were suddenly reversed because he was very sick now.
Merle had always been so happy go lucky and at times in and out of trouble, but now he was all business and had even given up drinking in the past months so that he could be there to help his brother. It was a rude awakening, but maybe it was one he needed.
Merle was almost thirty-five and floating through life from bar to bar, woman to woman and working in the garage they both owned, purchased with the insurance money left to them by their parents. When Daryl got sick he stopped all selfish behaviors; he even got serious with his on again off again girlfriend, Andrea.
He took Daryl to every doctor's appointment and radiation appointment, sat by his bed after the surgery watching over him and now planned to go with him to the weekly chemo. Merle had grown up fast.
Now Merle's girl Andrea lived with them, but Daryl was alone…
3333333333333333333333333333333-
"My name is Allison." The nurse said as she walked over to the reclining chair that he sat in, with Merle sitting right next to him in a visitor's chair. "You can call me Allie, Mr. Dixon."
"Well alright," Merle said with his award winning smile lighting up his face, "You call me Merle, and he's Daryl."
Daryl remained silent as the nurse pulled up a chair and sat down in front of him. She wore light blue scrubs and a lab coat over her uniform. He could see by her nametag that she was an RN, MA, CCRN and he wondered what the other letters stood for, he made a mental note to ask her. But for now, he just glared around the room until his blue eyes landed on her green ones.
He looked away immediately as if he had been burned by what he saw there, the compassion in her eyes was unsettling and a little bit scary to him. Did she pity him? He didn't want anyone's pity.
"Are you ok Mr. Dixon?" She asked, and her voice was resonating with such concern that he caught his breath, and Merle noticed.
He didn't reply to her and avoided looking her in the eyes. She seemed to be around his age, maybe a little older and she was so sweet to him, but he just was done with this already. He had lost weight and felt weaker by the day, and he knew the worst was just about to begin.
"Daryl!" Merle chastised when Daryl stayed silent and merely nodded at the lovely red haired nurse that he, himself wouldn't have minded getting to know better under other circumstances. "I'm the older more charming brother, as you can see."
"It's alright Mr. Dixon; I just need some consent forms signed and to ask if you have any questions before we start."
"Fine," Daryl replied in a voice that conveyed that it surely was not fine and might never be again.
"No worries Mr. Dixon; I'll try and make this as easy as possible for you." She said, as if she didn't notice his gruff response at all, Merle was impressed with her professionalism, it must come with the job, he thought, dealing with snotty patients. "I know you don't want to be here; I'm here to make this as comfortable for you as I can."
She leaned down a little so that she was eye to eye with Daryl and Merle just watched in awe.
"I want to help you if you let me, but for right now I'm going to give you some space, I'll be back in a few minutes, and we can finish the paperwork, ok?"
She nodded her head, and to his utter shock, Daryl found himself nodding his head at her too.
Daryl shrugged, but out of the corner of his eye, he could see Merle smiling slightly. She had just worked him, and he knew it, Merle knew it too, but she was right, he needed a minute to process everything around him.
"I'll be back in a few minutes, can I bring you some orange juice or something, I think we have apple too?" She asked.
"No," Daryl said gruffly, but unintentional.
"Merle?" She asked, and Merle shook his head.
"No thanks darlin," He said with a smile, and she smiled at them and walked away.
Merle turned to Daryl, "And to think I always called you the sweet one."
333333333333333333333333333333
"I'm sorry about him honey; he has a piss poor attitude lately," Merle said to Allison when he stopped by the nurse's desk on his way back from having a smoke later that morning.
"It's fine Mr. Dixon."
"Merle."
She smiled, "Merle, I understand, and actually…"
"He doesn't get to be a dick to you when you are helping him; I won't have it," Merle said and then shook his head at his choice of words, but she just smiled. He guessed that she had heard it all, and she was unfazed by his colorful language.
She also noticed how stressed and tired Merle looked; they had a bad few months, she knew from reading Daryl's history in the chart. Allie leaned across the desk and met Merle's eyes.
"He's going to be okay Merle; we'll take good care of him."
"He's all I've got," Merle replied as he looked over at Daryl sitting in the chair with an IV running into his vein, "He's so young, ya know?"
"Yeah. I do." Allison said, "His cancer is curable, it won't be easy, but it can be done."
"How do you do this day in and day out?" Merle asked.
"I love my job Merle, helping people get well and getting to see it. You just can't beat it."
"You're something special, Allie. "
She looked down and blushed.
"Shy are you? Just like him." He motioned towards Daryl who shot him a dirty look and flipped him the bird. "Can I take him for a cheeseburger later? "
"By all means let him eat anything he can or wants to."
"Thanks, darlin." And with a wink of his eye he was heading back to sit next to Daryl in the chair, he would occupy for the next three months.
33333333333333333333333333333
"She's cute baby brother," Merle said later as they watched her walking around the room helping the three other people that were there, she was a natural at this, and Allison completed her tasks with ease, with a smile for everyone she saw. From time to time he could hear laughter from the other patients and her as she talked to them and he prayed that one day Daryl would be the one laughing.
Merle found her charming, and he wanted Daryl to appreciate the person she seemed to be.
"Sure Merle," Daryl looked over at him and then at the IV in his arm, "I'm gonna try and pick up my chemo nurse, will you please lighten up."
"She's a red head, though; you know what they say about chicks with…"
Then she was back with the IV bags. They were dark colored and murky looking, almost red and to Daryl, they looked like poison.
"Oh hey there Allie," Merle said with another smile, he was sure she had heard what he said, but she didn't let on.
"They call this one the red devil Mr. Dixon; it's going to knock that cancer right out of you." She said with a smile, "I have some literature for you to take home that will tell you all about these medications and how to manage side effects, ok?"
Daryl nodded with sad eyes that she was used to seeing in the people that sat in these chairs, she patted his hand as she checked the PICC for redness or swelling. That gesture touched him somewhere deep inside, and he felt the warmth from where her hand had been long after she had taken it away.
"I'll be checking on you the whole time this is running and if you need me just press that button right there." She motioned to the call bell he had in his lap.
After she had hung the IV bag and left Daryl turned and glared at Merle.
"Just press that button baby brother," Merle said with a laugh.
"Do not call my nurse a chick."
"Oh, your nurse?" Merle laughed again, this time with a grin on his face.
"You know what I mean," Daryl growled.
"Oh yeah, I do." Merle said, "Looks like this is going to be a sweet December after all."
"You're nuts."
"She's a cute one, that's all I'm sayin." Merle said with a glance in her direction.