Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon, and I never will. All rights go to DreamWorks, who made the movies and the series, and Cressida Cowell, the author of the books. In case you didn't read the summary properly, this is a modern AU fanfic. Enjoy!
A/N: In a modern AU fanfiction where Toothless is Hiccup's adopted brother, what would he say to people who annoyed him or Hiccup? I intend to find out so you don't have to.
Snotlout: (points ruler at Toothless) At the end of this ruler is an immature idiot who will never get a girlfriend in his sorry little life!
Toothless: Wow, thanks for telling me about this loser! By the way, which end of the ruler is he on?
Hookfang: (on the phone) Hello, can I get an ambulance for my brother? He's been burned really badly.
Bully 1: Hey, Toothless, you're adopted and I'm not! You know what that means?
Toothless: Somebody wanted me and not you?
Bully 2: Hey, idiot! Show me something ugly!
Toothless: (hands them a mirror) Take a look at this!
Snotlout: Stop being such a chicken and eat the food.
Toothless: If you were any more of a chicken, Stormfly would have eaten you.
Snotlout: Toothless, I've been examining you and Hiccup for a while and I think nerdiness runs in your family.
Toothless: What a coincidence. I've been examining you and Hookfang and I think being a jerk runs in your family.
Fishlegs: Toothless, couldn't you have been a little nicer than that?
Toothless: Fishlegs, if I went around sugarcoating everything I saw, Willy Wonka would be out of a job by next week.
Snotlout: (to Hiccup) Hey, fishbone! My family gave me muscles; shame your family didn't.
Toothless: (to Snotlout) His family gave him a growth spurt; shame your family didn't.
Hiccup: Toothless, have you seen my favourite cookies?
Toothless: (points at Stoick) I think I found them!
Stormfly: Toothless, you are going to have your butt handed to you someday! I'd bet my reputation on that!
Toothless: Sorry, Stormfly, there's a £5 minimum.
Stormfly: Toothless, will you shut up?
Toothless: That depends. If I throw a family-sized bucket of chicken, will you go and get it?
Snotlout: Toothless, what do you do for fun?
Toothless: Hide all your stuff on the top shelf.
Fat kid: Look, weirdo, why are you even here? Nobody wants you around.
Toothless: I couldn't help it! I was sucked in by your gravitational pull.
Rich brat: Hey, do you want to guess why I have a better phone than you?
Toothless: I would have enough money for a phone, but I spent mine on a premium smartass kit.
Bully 3: Why do you call Hiccup your brother when you know you're not related?
Toothless: Why do you call Astrid your girlfriend when you know you're not dating?
Astrid: FINALLY!