The Author recommends: Read this story while listening to "Please Come Home For Christmas", by Bon Jovi

Please Come Home For Christmas

by Lorelai Grint

Chapter 1: Christmas Eve

It was no different than any other night since he had left Harry and Hermione. Bill would always try to get him out of his room in the Shell Cottage - even Fleur had tried it. However kinder or harsher either had been, neither of them had ever succeeded. Every night since he had reached their doorstep soaking wet and bloodshot eyes, Ron would sit by the window of the guest room of the Shell Cottage gazing into the ocean, barely a word coming out of his mouth regardless Bill and Fleur's efforts.

So it was like every other night. Only it wasn't. That night was Christmas night, as the Christmas Carols on the radio reminded Ron insistently. It was Christmas Eve and, for the first time in years, he was not with Harry or Hermione. The feeling of uncertainty about their well-being, the guilt that had filled him up from the moment he had Disapparated only seemed to grow faster and stronger during the festivities.

What hurt him was not that he would be spending Christmas alone – being around people, even if it was his brother Bill, had become way more painful than solitude. Ever since he had left the tent, he had learnt to enjoy being alone – or, at least, he was in such a masochist state that he would willingly feast on his own sorrow. The thing that truly hurt him the most was that neither Harry nor Hermione would be spending Christmas with him.

Bill and Fleur insisted a thousand times that Ron would join all the Weasleys for Christmas at the Burrow. Once Ron refused categorically to go, Bill understood he was fighting a lost cause and gave in, deciding on spending Christmas at Shell Cottage with both his wife and Ron, so that the latter would not spend Christmas alone. Ron had joined Bill and Fleur for dinner, on which Fleur had clearly put a tremendous effort for it was remarkably good. Not as good as Mrs Weasley, Ron's stomach reminded him, but still it was a delightful Christmas dinner. The house was quite beautiful, with a Christmas tree in the middle of the living room, shining its light through the entire room. Ron had passed on the Christmas pudding and once Bill and Fleur had also finished eating, he wished them a Merry Christmas, said goodnight and used a headache as a more than feeble excuse to go to his bedroom. All the Christmas reminders were only causing him more pain and making Harry and Hermione's images clearer and clearer.

Initially, Bill had even made up a billion excuses for Ron to use in front of their family were they to go to the Burrow, thinking that was the main reason for Ron's refusal. Only it was not. Surely showing up without Harry and Hermione had weighed in Ron's decision: he already knew he was a coward; he did not need anyone to shove it in his face. Nevertheless, Ron knew he could manage that - and it would not top the joy and excitement of actually seeing all of his family again after all those months. The reason why Ron could not bear the thought of returning to the Burrow was a different one: he had lived there too many good moments with both Harry and Hermione - especially through the last summer when it came to Hermione. Remembering their dancing at Bill and Fleur's wedding, the thought of Hermione alone with Harry pinched his heart hard once again.

He could not feel the anger he had felt towards them while wearing the locket anymore. Now he only felt defeated and as though all he could do was force himself to cope with the situation, perhaps even find a way to redeem himself from what he had done to both Harry and Hermione by being the greater supporter of their relationship – which probably (and he was very afraid of this certainty) had already taken place.

A single tear escaped through his freckled cheek as "Silent Night" echoed from the radio. At that moment, Ron felt as though he had lost everything he loved. All his fears and insecurities rose: he was nothing in comparison with his brothers and sister, he would never have the only girl he had ever loved due to his foolishness alone. He had pushed Hermione away over and over again through the years and she would always come back; only when he had decided to take a first step towards where he really wanted to be with her, it was just too late. And on top of it all, he had betrayed his best friend, leaving him alone when he needed him the most by his side. The feeling of most utter loneliness filled his heart – and the caroling on the radio praising love, family and friendship was not helping either.

In a brisk movement, Ron pulled out his wand, turned off the radio, grabbed the Deluminator and clicked it once. Then, in the soundless darkness of Christmas night, Ron got undressed and went to bed. He rested his head on the pillow, gazing blankly into the frosty window. Small snowflakes were falling off the sky. Ron only wished that Hermione was there to make him feel like everything would be OK. All he wanted for Christmas was to be with her and that he knew he could not achieve. He stayed still on his bed like this for an hour or two, eventually succumbing to exhaustion and finally falling asleep.