He hadn't felt this alive in months. The adrenaline, he had all but forgotten how addicting it felt. But the fear that coincided with it was suffocating. There was only one thing he cared about at that moment, and it was getting her back breathing, alive, safe. The frenzied sounds around him seemed to belong somewhere else, another life, another man's problem, the only sound that resonated in his mind was her voice; strong, confidant, the way he remembered. It had been far too long since he had heard that voice. The metal of the gun felt soothing in his hands, comforting like an old friend, the safety and fear of being behind its protection brought out a longing he didn't realize he still had. His finger twitched against the trigger, itching to pull it, to fire it, to cause pain to the one who was causing his own torture. He would have to wait; wait until he found her, held her, and reassured the dwindling hope in his body that she was alright.

Looking back, he had no idea what had allowed him to live without her these past few months. And a nagging voice in his head told him that the reason they had been partners all that time was that he couldn't stand not knowing if she were safe or not. That and he didn't trust anyone else to look out for her.

An anxious voice ran out from above the bang of opening doors. "I found her! She's in here!"

He pushed past the others, running forwards towards the door they were gathered around, and threw himself past everyone. Her body met his eyes, mangled in a heap on the concrete floor, a pool of blood surrounding her.

"No," he felt the word leave his body without consciously thinking it. "God Liv, no."

He knelt next to her, tears clouding his vision, arms cradling her broken body to his. Another set of fingers reached out and prodded the tender skin of her neck. "She's still alive! Somebody call a bus!"

His blue eyes traced the cuts across her face, the bruises encircling her neck, the familiar necklaces that hung there. But something was different. There was a third chain, longer than the others, its pendant tucked into her dirt covered shirt. He tugged gently on the chain and a familiar sight met his eyes; His Semper Fi medallion. Sorrow threatened to engulf him. He wondered if she wore it every day, close to her heart, as the only way of keeping him close to her anymore. If he hadn't abandoned her, none of this would have ever happened. Cragen was across from him now, hands staunching the bleeding from her abdomen, terror in his eyes.

"Please Liv, please wake up," Elliot pleaded.

Her eyes remained firmly closed against the grey skin of her face.

"Liv." Her name felt good on his lips. It had been too long since he had said it. "Please Olivia, please," he whispered into her hair.

But her cold body was far from reassuring and Elliot Stabler could feel the last of his illusive hope leaving him.

One Week Earlier

"Benson," his voice rang out like a shotgun through the silence. "My office, now."

She was no stranger to that tone. Feigning innocence, she shrugged at her colleagues who were raising their eyebrows and followed Cragen into his office.

"Sit."

She did as she was told and took a seat opposite his desk.

"Care to tell me what the hell his is about?" He slammed the papers down onto the open desk in front of her.

Hesitantly, she picked it up. Before she could read enough to grasp what it was, he told her.

"This is a complaint report 1PP just sent over to me. Care to explain to me why the hell a civilian is claiming a lawsuit for police brutality against you Benson?"

"Captain this is not a civilian! He's a perp!"

"Then why the hell isn't he in custody?" The captain sighed and ran his fingers over his head.

"Because the DA refuses to prosecute him!" Her tone was defensive.

"The DA won't prosecute because what little evidence you have on him is circumstantial! There's no way she can win this case Olivia. And that is not her fault!" He sighed and finally sat in the chair facing her. "You cannot take justice into your own hands when the law falls through. You beat this man so badly he has a concussion. This is unacceptable."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "So what, you're firing me?"

His eyes narrowed. "No. But you're on leave starting right now."

Defiance crossed her pretty face and she bit her lip to hold back her retort. He stared benignly back, infuriating her further. Without another word, she stormed from the room and back to her desk, head cradled in her hands, willing her anger and sadness to abate.

"Liv?"

She looked up into the concerned face of Fin who had taken the seat next to her desk, gentle eyes silently asking questions she didn't want to answer.

" He did it Fin. I know that we don't have enough evidence to convict Aaron Miller, but I'll be damned if we let his guy get away with raping and murdering three little girls."

Fin sighed, he could see the defeat written all over his co-workers face. "I know Liv. I know. And we'll get the guy, we just have to wait until he slips up."

"Which means waiting until he rapes, tortures and kills another innocent little girl!" Her voice rose in exasperation. "How screwed up is that?" She paused and rubbed her fingers across her aching temples. "Cragen says I'm on leave. I'm not to work the case."

Fin remained silent for a second while he took in the news. "Maybe it's for the best, you know? This humps got a hard on for you Olivia. Maybe some space from this case will allow you to clear your head a little."

A sigh escaped her lips. She knew he was right but didn't want to admit it. "I'm going home." She rose from her chair and tossed her coat over her shoulders, gathering her file folders into her arms.

"Want a ride home?"

She shook her head. "No." It came across rude. "Thanks, but I think the fresh air will help," she added. She turned her back to him and made it almost as far as the precinct doors before he called out to her.

"Hey Liv!"

She spun to face him.

"Just promise me you won't do anything stupid, okay?"

A brief smile crossed her features and she turned back towards the door without a word.