AN: So this is a thing. Lets see if theres any interest...
Acid
Jace thought he'd known rage before. He thought he knew pain, living with his father. He knew nothing. The feeling he had now, as if there was just nothing but this blinding, suffocating agony he was wrapped in as he viciously assaulted the punching bag, was worse than anything he had ever felt before. It had been a month since lake lyn, since Clary had apparently brought him back from the dead. She should have left him to be put in the dirt. He would have felt more alive than he did now. Clary. He slammed his fist into the bag again, sending it flying back and smearing red blood from his knuckles all over the bag, trying desperately to drive the feeling of just her name on his lips out of his mind. She was his sister. The red haired girl who'd forced his heart to beat and made him feel more alive than anything else ever could, the woman he'd fallen so hopelessly in love with, was his sister. And no wonder he wanted her. He was part monster. He rested his head against the bag to catch his breath. He finally understood. Understood why he was the way he was. Valentine had poisoned him, had given him demon's blood and turned him into an abomination. He raised his fist and pounded it into the bag desperately.
Why. Why did he have to be this way. Why did Valentine do this to his own son? Why did the world keep fucking him over? Why did she refuse to leave his head, with those innocent green eyes and hair like fire?Why was he cursed to be a monster, to feel this way for his own sister? Why why why why WHY! He continued his attack, throwing in elbows, kicks, anything he could think of. Soon, the chain holding the bag gave way to the violent movement and snapped, letting the heavy bag crash to the ground. But Jace was not done. Kneeling on top of the canvas, he went wild, practically painting the bag red with his blood. His cursed, tainted blood. Eventually, he collapsed from sheer exhaustion, unable to continue. Struggling off the bag, he turned to go shower and saw none other than Alec staring at him in horror. As ridiculous as he knew it would be, Jace decided to play it off to avoid talking to his friend.
"Hey man," Jace said, giving his best nonchalant grin, "sorry bout the mess, just wanted to get a little workout in. you can have the floor now though, I'm just about done anyway."
Alec blinked, then immediately got in his way when jace tried to casually go around him.
"Light workout? Jace your hands are destroyed, not to mention the bag," He sighed and looked at jace with an annoyingly concerned expression. "Look man, I know you don't want to talk about Clary, but you're seriously going to get yourself hurt if you don't get your head straight."
Jace forced a grin. God hearing her name felt like having a spike driven through his chest.
"I have no idea what you're talking about Alec. Why on earth wouldn't I want to talk about my dear sister?"
Alec glared at him then stepped out of Jace's way.
"Fine, you want to be like that? Go ahead, shut down like you always do. Fucking coward." He walked past him then paused. " Have you ever considered what you constantly destroying yourself does to her?"
And with that Alec disappeared into the locker room, leaving Jace behind with a sinking feeling in his chest as he trudged down the hall. He honestly hadn't, but he imagined she wouldn't be jumping for joy. Jace sighed. What was he supposed to do? Pain was the only thing that seemed to give him the strength to ignore her, to see her without grabbing her and crushing her to him. If he didn't have the pain, he would break. He knew he would. The first tear, the first smile, the first touch, and he would be done. All his walls, so carefully constructed, would crumble for her just like they had the first time, and then he would never be able to build them back up. She would complete her vice grip on his heart. As long as he had the pain, he could stand it. He was 18, a full shadowhunter, not some love struck highschooler. So why did he still falter when he saw her door, when he saw where he knew she would be? Maybe...maybe just going in one time wouldn't be so bad. Maybe if he gave in just a little, just enough to be near her, he could keep his distance without hurting her as much as he knew he must be. Steeling his nerves and trying to coat his heart in ice, his old mask slid back on his face like armor. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, he raised his hand and knocked on the door.
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Clary growled in frustration and chucked her sketchbook at the wall as angry tears started wetting the paper. She couldn't focus. Why did he have to hurt himself? Why couldn't he just let her help him? Was it so awful for him to just be close to her? She wasn't an idiot. She knew they couldn't be together. She just wanted to be friends...
Clary gave a bitter laugh. Even in her mind it sounded like a lie. Even though she was technically an adult, it seemed she had no control over her hormones. No, she did not want to be friends. She wanted to grab his hair and yank his face down to his and feel him against her, to feel the strength and the heat he radiated like a furnace, to feel the way every muscle in his body tensed, to hear the moans he saved just for her when he was trying so hard to restrain himself and the desperate way he muttered her name. She sighed. She wanted that, and while she knew she couldn't have it, her body and her heart apparently didn't. She just...she needed to feel like she had some part of him still. Reaching under her bed, she pulled out a shirt she'd stolen long ago in idris. Pulling it over her head, she sighed in relief as his smell surrounded him. She could afford this little indulgence, even if she knew she could never have the real thing. For a while, she just closed her eyes and curled up in a ball, letting herself find solace in this tiny part of him she still held onto. She started to drift off to sleep, when she heard a sharp knock at her door. She frowned and squeezed her eyes shut tighter. Isabelle had been so supportive, but right now she just needed to be alone with what she had left. The knocking came again. Growling in irritation, she hopped off her bed and stomped over to the door.
"Isabelle I really don't want to talk right-" The words died in Clary's throat. Standing at the door, a lazy smirk on his face that almost hid the look in his eyes, was Jace. She held her breath as he raked his eyes up and down in that lazy way of his that made her want to give him more to look at. Slowly, he made his way back up to her face.
"Nice shirt." He drawled, that infuriatingly sexy smirk still there on his face. He held up a hand and she gasped. The only word she could use to describe it was mangled. One of his fingers seemed to be bending inward to far, and the skin was gone from all his knuckles revealing oozing bloody flesh and ligaments beneath. "Mind helping me with this shortstop? I would just do it myself but Alec said I needed to 'learn a lesson' or some such nonsense and took my stele."
Clary worked her mouth for a second before finally getting out a single, strangled word.
"Jace"
The infuriating man grinned wider and sidestepped into the room, looking around.
"Bit messy isnt it? Having a boy over I don't know about little sis? Someone I need to beat up?"
Clary glared at him.
"Stop that." She muttered, taking a step toward him.
He gave her that dead grin again. God, it was like he was grinning at a headsman.
"Stop what little sister? I'm just looking out for you."
She was fuming. The first time he showed himself to her in months, MONTHS, and this was how he wanted to act? Well, if he wouldn't talk to her, she would just have to make him see reason. Glaring at him the entire time, she stalked up to him until she was nose to nose with him. Well technically nose to chin but Clary made sure he didn't have time to capitalize. Shoving her nose right in his face, she made sure he could see the pain and the anger she'd been harboring since he'd cut her off.
"Stop pretending I'm like everyone else to you. I know Im not, and I know you're not alright, and if you keep pretending you are then I swear by the Angel I will beat the shit out of you, Jace Lightwood."
"Clary-" He began, a warning tone in his now cracked and pained voice, but she wasn't about to let him get a word in. Especially since they both knew he'd win.
"No Jace, I've had enough of this. Enough of you pretending you're fine, pretending you don't care, pretending you don't-"
She stopped and turned away. She wasn't going to let him see her cry. Taking a minute to hold back the tears, she turned back to him. His smirk was gone, and his eyes were like shattered glass. But at least they were alive now. Sighing and grabbing her stele off her dresser, she glared at him.
"Give me your arm. You're bleeding all over my stuff."
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Jace hoped he wasn't trembling. When she'd gotten so close, he'd almost broken. He'd almost...God the things he'd almost done. It was even harder because he knew she wanted him to. That some part of her was trying to chisel away his self control. As she drew the iratze on his arm and the pain started to fade, he could feel the heat and need in his body building. Did she really have to be wearing his shirt the one day he thought he was ready to control himself? God she was beautiful. And he'd hurt her so much. The least he could do was apologize. There was no harm in that right? As she turned around and put the stele back on her dresser, her whole body shaking, he sighed.
"Clary." He said, hating how much he loved the taste of her name on his lips. "Clary, Im sorry."
She looked over at him.
"For what? For not wanting to be in love with me? Don't apologize. I get it. I understand."
For some reason that made him angry.
"Don't want to? Don't want to?" He took a step toward her. She didn't step back. "You have no idea what I want to do to you Fray. I can barely contain myself. I feel a pull towards you that I can't breathe unless I'm near you, like I'm starving if I can't-" he cut off as he saw her expression. "DAMMIT Clary! Stop looking at me like that! Hate me! Be disgusted! I'm a monster can't you see that?"
To his dismay, Clary stepped forward, a dangerous fire in her green eyes.
"You think you're a monster for wanting me? Then what does that make me? Valentine gave me angel blood, and I love you!" He tried to step away, but found his back against a wall. Shit. "You're the only thing I ever think about. Your touch, your voice, your eyes. You're like a drug to me jace. Now be a man" She took another step forward and grabbed a fistful of his hair, and he groaned, "And fucking kiss me already."
And with that, the last of Jace's self control snapped. His arms shot around her and crushed her to him and slammed his mouth down over hers, feeling for the first time in eternity like he wasn't drowning. He was sickened with himself, but at the same time he felt so fucking amazing. But it wasn't enough. Spinning them around, he slammed Clary roughly against the wall and let his hands roam, nearly going insane as she began moaning against his mouth. He still needed more. He didnt care if she was his-
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All the sudden Jace flew off her, and she felt the loss immediately, like she had finally broken above the waves and was suddenly plunged back to the bottom. Thank the Angel she had the wall to support her or she might have fallen over. Jace was looking at her like she was a ghost. She reached out to him.
"Jace"
He jerked back from her hand like it was acid. She felt a pain from that greater than any she'd felt before.
"Im sorry Clary I-I have to go. Im sorry."
And with that, the boy she loved bolted out of the room and she was left alone in the dark again.