Disclaimer: I whished. But it's still JK's world, not mine
New way to fly.
Remus Lupin looked at his watch and scanned the empty pick-up spot. Above him the sun was shining for the first time in weeks. Of course it had to shine today, today of all days.
The pale, bright circle in the sky, sent its blaring light down on his white, sore skin, and put his nocturnal eyes out of balance.
That was the reason, he told him self, that he didn't see the flock until just before they were getting ready to land.
"Wake up, boy!" Mad-Eye Moody told him, as the old Auror stepped of his broom and strode to his side.
"We could have been a herd of Deatheaters, and you would have been dead right now, or worse: captured!"
Remus Lupin attempted a weak smile, but there were no heart behind it. No one seemed to notice, except Tonks, who had also come to join the conversation.
"You can't blame him, Moody! He's got a lot on his mind these days. Today."
"Yeah? Well, some Deatheaters would be smart enough to use your weakness against us, so you better get rid of it!"
Get rid of it? Moody had no idea what he was asking, did he?
"You know, love, it should've been raining." Remus said as Moody walked away and left him and Tonks alone.
"Yes, I know. It should. Look, I know you're hurting, but like I told Harry: you're not the only one who lost him."
"I know, Tonks. We'll all miss him, only I... Well, I don't really have anyone else left, do I? He was the last one, and now I am the last one, you know?"
"Look, I know it's hard, it's been a year since he died, today. But perhaps now is the time to move on." Tonks looked at her feet. "Moving on" was just a nice wrapping of "Getting rid of it".
"You're right, of course. It's time to move on." Remus tried to smile again, but he couldn't really convince himself that smiling was worth the pain it caused him.
Tonks shook her head and put a hand on his arm. "Not today, though. Today there will be no moving on." And she turned away and left him standing there alone at the pick-up spot.
He turned to the person standing behind him, afraid to look the man in the eyes.
"You know, it really should have been raining." He told Sirius.
Sirius did not answer. He just smiled a warm smile that made Remus smile back.
"We're getting ready for tonight's memorial. One year, it's only been one year without you and it seems like a lifetime, really." Remus said with a strange kind of huskiness in his voice.
"It'll get better, the pain will lessen over time, or so I'm told." Sirius said with that warm smile. It was a Sirius in his early twenties, it always was. It was never the wounded, dodgy, pained post-Azkaban Sirius, but always the living, sparkling and burning-with-life-Sirius that Remus remembered from the years after Hogwarts.
Remus tried to look into Sirius' eyes, but the memory of Sirius was fading away for now, and Remus knew it was time to go.
No one had asked Remus to say anything at the memorial. They either couldn't or wouldn't. And he would have said no anyway, he wasn't about to get up in front of everyone and pour out his heart, Sirius would have hated that.
So no one said anything. They ate and drank and when they though no one else were looking, they snuck over to say a few words to the stone and the blossoming rose bush under the sparkling green beech tree, where they had buried the empty coffin last year.
Remus waited until almost everyone had left, before he went to talk to the stupid, useless stone that had nothing of Sirius' soul in it, and therefore gave very little comfort to those who missed the very being that was Sirius.
He stopped dead when he heard some very familiar words, words very much like the ones he carried around in his own head, but it was a teenage boy who said them: "I can't see how you dare leave me here! You weren't supposed to die. You know, it's a good thing you are dead, 'cause I would have killed you otherwise for dying on me like that. And I don't even know what I'm telling you this fore, 'cause you're just a stupid stone!" Harry stopped and lifted a hand to wipe away his tears.
Remus had watched Harry from afar all year, and even now, he wasn't sure if he had the strength to face him alone. But he had expected to find Harry there, who, like Remus himself, had avoided the crowd of people all day.
"Took you long enough." Harry said as he turned his head to look at Remus.
"I had to make sure no one was left to overhear what I told my old mate. Not that I have anything I'd fancy saying to that old boulder. Anyway, it most likely would have sounded like what you told it."
"Yeah, well. "I miss you" and "I'd wish you were still here" is so overrated. And also it just doesn't seem sufficient anymore." Harry said while he got up to leave. But as he turned to walk away, he changed his mind and looked at Remus. "You know, we really never got the chance to talk properly, I mean sort things out. I don't blame you, I mean for stopping me that day.
"I know that you're not the reason why he's dead. He died because he was like he was; untameable and reckless.
"I was like that back then too, and no matter what Dumbledore said, I know that that was the reason he got killed. Because none of us thought very much or very deeply about things.
"Well, I've slowed down now. I don't know if that is any consolation to you. If you put time together I knew him little over a month, you knew him for years and he was your family. That makes it kinda unfair, because everyone feels so sorry for me, but you're probably hurting a lot more."
Remus smiled, proud to see James and Lily's son so grown up, so complete and gentle. And as he watched Harry walk away the figure of a man appeared behind him.
"He's turned out just like James." Said Sirius pensive.
"Yea, but I think Harry is smarter. He sees things, you know?" Remus didn't know how to explain it, but Sirius understood, he always did.
"Maybe you had to die, so that he could see what came from being so reckless and wild."
Sirius made a disgruntled sound. "You mean living? We can't all sit about staring into the fire place all the time."
"I like sitting by the fire," said Remus. "That place reminds me of you. It's safe there. And a matter of fact I was just about to get home and do some more staring and sitting about, just so you know it."
Sirius laughed, a sparkling, carefree laughter that made Remus heart skip a beat. It had been more than fifteen years since he had last heard that laughter, and still Remus was without doubt that that was the way Sirius sounded when he was truly happy.
"Before I leave this place there is something I need to say: I miss you and I'd wish you were still here." And with those words Remus left the stone and the rose bush, and a smiling Sirius.
Later Remus was back in No 12, Grimmauld Place. He sat by the fire, and let the flames heat his cold and broken body. Outside it was finally raining again and large, sad tears were streaming down the windows.
"I don't know if I can do this by my self, if I can be strong with out you, Paddy." He told the flames. No one answered.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to stay alive, how difficult it is just wake up in the morning?" Still no answer, but a dark figure appeared behind him.
"No. You probably don't, do you?" Remus leaned back in the chair and sighed.
"Either way, I'll have to do this on my own. And I'll do it, Paddy. I'll do it for the both of us. I just have to find a new way to fly." The dark figure was so close to Remus now, but Remus didn't notice. Didn't want to notice. The wolf in him sensed another presence in the house, but his defence alarm was kept from going off for some reason. Perhaps because the person smelled familiar, perhaps because he was so used to talking to the memory of Sirius, that he had lost track of what was real, and what wasn't.
Remus felt the cold silver fingers against his neck, and Peter let his metal hand pierce the werewolf's soft skin.
Remus glanced over at Sirius, who stood leaned against the fireplace, a worried look on his face.
The enemy had found his weakness and used it against him, like Moody had told him they would, like Sirius had told him they would, over and over again. And now Sirius was fading away, not for a while this time, but for good. And as Remus Lupin's weak flame burned out, so did the memory that was Sirius. So did the memories of the happy Marauders days, where four boys swore that friendships last forever, and that theirs would rise above all other friendships to come.
And the essence of Remus Lupin left his damaged, pained body and went to join James and Sirius, where they waited for Peter, in the place where all is forgiven.
A new way to fly.
Far away from goodbye
Above the clouds and the rain
The memories and pain,
And the tears that they cry.
Now the lesson's been learned.
They've all crashed and burned,
But they can leave it behind
As soon as they find
A new way to fly.
New way to fly´
By Garth Brooks