A/N: This was something written in October for Kinktober 2018 that I've decided to move across to FFN. This was my first time writing slash as opposed to femslash so it probably sucks (pun not intented).
Standard disclaimers apply
The gang was all together, their objectives for the day were decided. Today would be the second step in changing the heart of Prosecutor Sae Niijima, only one matter remained before they set out to the Palace "So, Akechi..." Began the leader, preferring the codename Joker "One billion yen, but there's a snail chasing you, and you can't touch the snail or you die." He proposed as his fellow phantom thieves suppressed various giggles.
"W-wha?" Stuttered the detective prince "How is... how can it... is this snail after me?"
"Oh yeah, he's gunning for you at all times, but at the speed of a snail." Futuba added on. "So you can go on vacation and you'll be safe but it will eventually catch up to you. 'Cause it can crawl underwater too."
"I already have enough money so probably not." Haru answered in Goro's place.
"Is it me or is this a metaphor for our own mortality, only with an attachment of money?" Yusuke asked, looking as though he was going to start demanding paint to put the whole concept on canvas.
"This is the dumbest one yet..." Ann grumbled, her head propped up by her arm as she rolled her eyes.
"Why don't you make one then?" Suggested Ryuji as he opened a can of soda "If the stuff is getting too dumb for you do your own."
"Okay then!" Ann snapped, slamming her palm on the table "Guys only, you get a billion yen but..." she started, letting the thought dance around her head, "...You have to suck your own dick." She finished, satisfied with the way Ryuji instantly spat out his drink.
"DUDE!?" Was all the blonde could respond with, wiping the dark fizz from his chin.
"What, like one suck and done?" Asked Joker, always ready to push further into uncharted territory.
"No, full on suck yourself off. You have to come in your own mouth for it to count." The model clarified, smug in the face of Ryuji's evident revulsion to the prospect.
"No freaking way man, not even for a million billion yen am I doing that." Ryuji refused, sinking back into his chair.
"Oh come on Ryuji, hows anyone supposed to suck it if you wont do it yourself?" Joker chuckled "Right, Ann?" he added on, taking great pleasure in the way the smile was instantly wiped from Ann's face and replaced with an angry blush in one fell swoop.
"I'm not listening~!" Morgana sang out, covering his ears with his paws.
"I doubt any of us are sufficiently well endowed," Goro began, trying to cut off the line of questioning before he found out things he didn't want to know. This was already Too Much Information about his new comrades "Or flexible so I think we can just move on with the Pala-"
"What if it's your own clone? Because that's technically yourself and you don't have the positioning problem." Futuba suggested, typing furiously on her laptop.
"Or if it's you from an alternate dimension?" Haru added in.
"Ooh! Ooh! It's you from an alternate dimension who also made the same deal with alternate phantom thieves so you have to Sixty-Nine yourself! So you both get the money." Futaba continued as Makato groaned behind her, face buried in her hands.
"Can we please just go to the palace now?" The Student Council President begged.
The bright lights of the cognitive casino dazzled the phantom thieves, the noises pulling them in every direction as Crow, Joker, Panther and Queen made their way through the early floors, smacking shadows out of the way as they tried to accumulate enough tokens to get to the next level. "So... this is how Sae truly views the world... I wonder what she thinks of me." Crow mused as he walked the halls, Joker and Queen sharing a brief look between each other.
"Who knows, none of us got specialised areas when we were working on someone we were connected to. It might be because it's so recent." Joker suggested, shrugging his shoulders and moving on to the nearest gambling table to see whatever the latest rigged game was before Queen pulled him aside for a whispered conversation.
"You know my sister found out about us dating, right?" She whispered in a panicked tone.
"...So?" Joker asked back, not really following along, causing Queen to grab him by the head and forcibly twist it into looking in a certain direction. One of the casino guests was looking very familiar, a confident grin, a mess of black hair and a pair of glasses decorating his face, only difference was that he was in a scruffy high school uniform, in a stylish sort of way. "Crap... okay, I'll face myself. You stick with Crow, right?"
"Right." Queen confirmed as Joker dashed off to deal with his uniformed doppelganger, grabbing him firmly by the collar and pulling him into a room marked "PRIVATE"
"Oof!" Sae's duplicate of Joker grunted out as he was roughly shoved into what turned out to be a pile of purple velvet pillows in a storage closet. "Well hello..." the cognitive duplicate purred, laying on the pillows as he adjusted his glasses "If you wanted to be alone with me, you only had to ask~"
It took a while to realise what was going on but eventually Joker realised why his duplicate was acting that way. It was Sae's impression of a young man dating her younger sister, even though she'd never heard of them having sex (Joker thought he'd be sensible enough to keep any fun times far away from the ice-cold prosecutor) that was how the Big Sister thought about anyone in a relationship with her Little Sister. A complete pervert who only thought about sex, even when getting shoved in a closet. ESPECIALLY when getting shoved in a closet. "Shut up." the real Joker said, shoving his gloved hand over his duplicate's mouth and pinning him down to the pillows.
"Mmph?" Was the muffled reply, eyebrows raising behind the glasses in surprise as Joker looked the cognitive clone up and down, an idea slowly forming in his mind.
"Keep quiet," he began, pulling off his other glove with his teeth "And you might just make me one billion yen richer. Now open wide." He offered before pulling away the smothering hand, balling up the now spare glove into a ball.
"Richer-HMPPH!" The duplicate let out before Joker shoved his spare glove right into his mirror image's mouth, grinning wickedly all the while his free hand trailed down to find the waistband of his target's trousers, the duplicate's eyes going wide as he started to realise what was going on.
"Time to see what our dear prosecutor really thinks of me." Joker teased, flipping up the un-tucked shirt to reveal the toned abs of his duplicate "So far so good~" he purred before flipping away the button on his clone's trousers with a well executed flick of the wrist. "My my, what has Sae been thinking about me?" He whispered, seeing the size of the now unrestricted bulge in his duplicate's underwear "At least she got that part right. Maybe she was looking closer than I thought last time she saw me." he chuckled, fingers hooking into the elastic waistband.
The cognitive copy was no longer looking down at what Joker was doing, instead throwing his head backwards onto the pillows as he bit down hard on the discarded glove, letting his whole body relax as Joker got to work stripping his mirror image, gasping through the leather gag as he felt Joker's hand rub against his length.
"I know what I like," Joker teased, grasping the now free length in his gloved hand, letting the cool leather wrap tightly around the cock "Now let's see just what I've been putting Queen through, shall we?" He asked as though the duplicate had any choice in the matter, enjoying the delightful hiss he made as gently put his teeth against him, a winning smile brought to a smooth edge up and down, roughly teasing before he decided to go in for the kill.
Licking his lips, Joker braced himself to take the plunge and take self-loving to the next level, his mouth opening wide to get the head in and gently lowering himself along the length, letting his tongue rub along the bottom of the shaft, held in place by his gloved hand slowly stroking up and down the duplicate dick. It was a strange sensation in a strange situation but it wasn't an unpleasant one, feeling his mouth be stuffed like this and trying not to bite down on reflex, just trying to pleasure his copy until he started to feel the cognitive clone start to shudder and shudder hard.
The duplicate let out a low whine behind the balled glove as the sensations got the better of him, his whole body tensing up before he shot his load straight down Joker's gullet, forcing even the normally limitless Phantom Thief to pull away, gagging from the sudden feeling that his mouth was full of liquid salt. "Ah! Ah... ah..." Joker heaved, falling back on his own ass as he swallowed the copy's load "Okay..." he panted, still feeling out of breath. You just... you just stay there and keep quiet and maybe, maybe... I bring a friend for both of us to enjoy. Or a billion yen..." the Thief said, retrieving his glove and wiping the spit off on his jacket before turning to leave, still adjusting his costume.
"You're welcome..." The Cognitive Joker gasped to the ceiling, half-naked and spread out on the purple cushions.
"So how's it going over here?" Joker asked, rubbing his mouth clean with the back of of his hand "Anyone got a soda?"
"Here," Panther called, chucking him a can over as she oversaw Skull haul a big bag of what looked like poker chips "You know we don't have to actually drag them around, the card's good enough."
"Well you'll never know when the rules in here will change, Sae's shadow seems to be able to move the goalposts with ease." Crow said, defending Skull's actions.
"You told him to do it." Joker deduced immediately.
"Possibly."
"See, you're fitting in already, Crow!" Morgana said with a smile, patting the white-clad member of the Phantom Thieves on the back of his leg in approval while Joker sidled over to Panther.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" He whispered into his ear.
"What is it Joker?" She responded, shaking her head at the struggling Skull
"Does it could for the billion if it's a cognitive version of you made by someone else?" The effect was instantaneous. Panther's Jaw dropped as she turned to face Joker. "Just asking."
"Uhh... did you just? No way, not even you would... you totally did didn't you?" She stammered, trying to process what just happened. "Why!?" She hissed, as Joker shrugged his shoulders "How does Queen put up with you?"
"Its because I'd never ask her to do anything I wouldn't." He said with a confident smile.