Feckless

Nautilus was deep. No, not in terms of being a great talking partner. In the fact that the last century passed without the submerged dreadnought even considering the shallows. He wasn't seen in a positive light-last time he showed his visage, a goliath diving suit of rusted brass, the only thing that stopped the villagers' riot was the fact their torches fizzled out in the water.

From that point onwards, Nautilus contented himself with keeping fish company. Oh. And the occasional, obnoxious chat with Fizz.

The fish-warrior-thing circled around him. Taunts bubbled up from his lithe patterns.

"Listen, Naut my pal," Fizz blooped. "That mistress in the boat-she's cute, for a landwalker."

Nautilus felt inclined to agree, even if doing so revealed his focus for the past several days. Ahri. Enchantress. Hailing from the Ionia, perhaps? Or from the jungles of Kumungu? No matter. She was stunning. Every morning for the past several weeks the wisp sailed out in her small rowing boat, manned by one of her several charmed (enslaved) men. Under the hot sun she would stretch herself out, fanning over the edge of the rowboat... to where Nautlus could watch her from the murkiness.

Not one for lagging, Fizz knocked Nautilus's helm with his trident. "Listen, pal! She's charmed more n' half the village. Under her command, they're overfishing the Bilgewater pescano in the area. No pescano, no ecosystem."

Meaning she had to leave. Nautilus hunched over an inch. A cloud of dirt was knocked loose in the action.

"Hey, hey, listen. I see you eyeing the enchantress. So... convince Ahri to slow down. I'll even give you a day to do it."

Nautilus failed to move from his spot. "How?" His voice boomed. It scared away several nearby pescano, their yellow quills shaking fiercely.

"Go from here," Fizz bubbled, pointing at their feet. "To here." He pointed at the much nicer, brighter shallow patch. "A short walk to woo a madame fox."

Despite how much Nautilus despised how Fizz goaded him, he appreciated the offer. So much so, in fact, the spurt of appreciation roused him enough to nod.

"I will go."

Fizz silently swam victory-laps as Nautilus trudged through the seaweed. His giant anchor that kept him under made lines in the sand-crawlerfish went flipping out of their burrows, disoriented or, at worst, crushed under his brass shoes.

As the hunk of metal suspected, Ahri reacted immediately. She dipped behind the boat's edge for cover, then slowly peeked out.

"My, my," she called. "A diver returning from his trip? I see no source of air. Might you be the phantasm my beloveds speak of..."

Nautilus squirmed in the sunlight. "I am." The tenor of his voice shook Ahri's boat, causing her rower some dismay.

"You must want to battle. I may not be able to charm such a being as you, but I can destroy you."

"No!" Nautilus pleaded. In a rare moment of wit, and motion, the dreadnought pointed to his chest. "You have charmed me."

Ahri took half a minute to think about this. If it wasn't for her visage shimmering above the water, he'd think their conversation dead.

"A man (of sorts) who I cannot charm, but loves me? 'Twould feel... nice to see through such a thing for once. Who can it hurt?" She laughed-nervously. "Come, let's join together for a talk. A talk, spirit."

A talk wasn't on the menu. Or it was-just Nautilus was freaking out, too panicked to realize the solution to the alarms blaring in his head: walk onto the shore, and meet her.

No, no, nope. Nautilus picked up his anchor. He would toss it onto her boat and climb in, like a hopeless romantic up to a princess and her tussles of long hair.

"What're" is the word Ahri managed to get out before the anchor smacked straight into her ship, breaking it in half.

Nautilus's hopes sank with Ahri. Even when the enchantress managed to surface, floundering in the water, his hopes still traveled lower.

"Sorry," he said.

"EUGHGAHG!" Ahri smacked the water in futility. "What is wrong with you-oh, spirits, I think I swallowed some fish shit, please, ah, EUGAGARRRG!"

The dreadnought watched on, defeated, as her 'beloved' slave carried her off to the shore.

"I'm leaving this village!" Ahri shrieked, tugging at her ruined hair. "Pescano isn't quite so tasty after you tasted... ah! AHHH!"

Fizz swam up to the tragic bachelor.

"Well, you had her for a moment," he said, patting Nautilus's shoulder.

"Hook, line, and sinked her."

Nautilus reached back and backhanded Fizz in the mouth.