This is my first fan fiction. Please feel free to give me advice. Feedback is always welcome. Also I would like to mention that in this aot scenario mikasa's age is more 16 going on 17, height 5'5 and Levi's age is 25 and 5'7 height .
I couldn't sleep; it was late. I had training and classes to go to tomorrow starting at 5 a.m. I know I should be asleep, but I couldn't stop the pain and grief radiating through my whole body as each word Eren had said earlier in the day played back in my head.
Nothing good ever come through eavesdropping. Whoever had said that couldn't be more right. Because now as I lay in my small, stifling room, mocked by the ticking of a clock counting down to a day I didn't want to face, I wished desperately I could go back.
Ugh! I hate this; I groan to myself as I flip onto my back, starting at the wood ceiling in the dark. A warm breeze blows in my window rustling my curtains, permitting the full moon's shining light to lie on my half naked body. The cool breeze is a welcome relief from the day's smothering heat. It relaxes me. I start to replay the events of the day in my mind.
It was late evening before the sun had begun to set. You could still feel the humidity that hung in the air. Nothing was unusual about the day; it was like any other before. Another scorcher, the sun beating down on all us scouts as we trained and prepared for upcoming missions. Everything was going well. I had been on my way to the dining hall, tired and daydreaming of the warm dinner I was soon to enjoy when all of a sudden I heard a shrill female voice calling my name. It was Hanji Zoe. She was nearly sprinting towards me. Anyone could see the excitement radiating off her. That woman was a certified loon!
"Mikasa! Mikasa!" she called as she neared me. I stood impatiently waiting for her; my stomach growled in annoyance that she was keeping me from the food I had spent all afternoon dreaming about. Today was steak and potatoes, my favorite. I could almost taste it as the smell from the dining area carried on through the breeze.
She reached me out of breath and winded. She began to explain that she had discovered something amazing about our newest captured Titans. A five meter tall female Titan and a male Titan also the same height that she has decided to name Sonny and Bean. She wouldn't tell me what she had found out; apparently it was top secret. My eyes rolled at that. She only asked if I could please run to commander Erwin to tell him that she needed to see him right away. Irritated, I tried to brush off her request.
She was relentless, though. She looked at me with her brown eyes all buggy behind her square framed glasses and pleaded with me again.
"Mikasa?! I am a very busy woman, and I need the commander to see me right away. It is important."
How is it my responsibility though? I pondered. I was getting tired of arguing a losing battle so finally, with a huff of annoyance, I agreed so she would leave me, steak and potatoes wait for me, I implored, casting a longing glance at my previous destination.
I began my journey to the commander's office in the complete opposite direction from where I was heading in the first place, begrudgingly, I might add.
I was on my way to relay the message I had been requested to by the exhausting Hanji. The last of the sun's rays beat down on me, making me grumble and complain about this unbearable heat for what seemed the hundredth fucking time that day. That is when I found myself passing Eren and Armin's cabin. I could hear their familiar voices talking and their laughter as I walked passed their window. Looking back I would never have stopped if not for hearing Armin tease Eren about his recent rescue from trouble by me a couple of days past during a dry run to test our combat skills. That is what stopped me in my tracks, tempting me to hear more.
I snuck closer to hear their conversation. Ducked down now under their window like some freak in the bushes because I just needed to hear Eren's response, I leaned in and listened closely. I heard Eren sigh in frustration, "I had it! She didn't need to save me. I don't know why she always thinks she has to. I am not a child!"
I shake my head at this. I know he is not a child. I just can't bear the thought of him getting hurt or worse...
"I know why" Armin chimed in. "It's because she likes you," he says teasingly.
I flinch at his words. Is it that obvious? Something inside me urges me to leave but my curiosity to hear Eren's reply gets the best of me.
"Armin, it's not like that," Eren replies, seriousness in his voice. Dread builds in my chest as my body waits to hear more of what he has to say. But in truth did I even want to hear this, though? And in hindsight, I should have left but just as they say, but I had never under stood till then"curiosity killed the cat."
"She is like my sister," Eren continued. "I could never think of her that way. It would be too weird." I could hear Eren's voice as continued with his reasons, but his words were fading, muffled out by a dull ache radiating In my chest. My head started spinning, as tears stung my eyes hearing him say the words I had always dreaded. That he though of me as a sister, even though we were not related.
I need to get away from here. I should have never heard this. I hurried away, trying my best to make as little noise as I possibly can as I maneuver myself through a maze of bushes. My chest felt constricted , and like I can't breathe.
I had loved Eren for so long. I always have, ever since the day he rescued me from the three men who murdered my family when I was ten. I had naively hoped he would love me in return. God! I was so stupid. Of course, he would think of me as a sister. We had lived together ever since that horrid day. his family taking me in as their own. We had been raised up together as brother and sister. How could I have hoped for anything else? How can I be around him now that I know? Can I act as if I never heard him? To make things worse if Armin, our childhood friend could so easily see my feelings for Eren, who else had noticed? Apparently I had not hidden my feelings as well as I had thought. I kept walking, my emotions consuming, mind blanketed in a thick fog of questions of what the future would be like now. Can I push my feeling away? Can I move on and forget this? How will I move past this pain?
This overwhelming sense of hollowness in my chest starts to build. I wonder on like this, question after question clouding my head making me forget my original task altogether. I keep walking, yearning to put so much distance between myself and the world. I scan my surroundings, my eyes falling upon an inviting dark grouping of trees, a forest on the far side of the campus by the barracks. Its quiet solitude beckons me. I accept its invitation. What seems like an eternity later I finally arrive at my destination.
The darkness of the night began to fall all over the trees and all around me. The night's stars slowly appeared, twinkling in the sky one by one. I make my way to a fallen birch tree. My legs are weak and weary, and they give out, and I give in to the tears I had fought to hold back. I let the pain and emotion take hold of my body. I cried. Tears flowed endlessly down my face. Alone and vulnerable, I sit under the night's vast sky surrounded by a tall army of trees shielding me from the outside world. A patch of soft grass lay beneath me.
I run my fingers through the grass, gripping the green blades in my shaking hands. I let out a frustrated cry. I knelt over and beat the ground. I'm so stupid! So stupid! Why would it be any different? I berate myself.
I was so caught up with my poor me pity party that I had failed to notice or check my surroundings to see if anyone was there before I decided to make such a scene. The presence of someone watching from the dark of the trees comes to me too late. I don't realize I am not alone until I felt callused warm hand touch my shoulder, shocking me. Embarrassed, I closed my eyes tight. How can this get worse? How I wished I could disappear.
I slowly turned to see who it is who had witnessed this embarrassing cry fest. And to my surprise, it was Captain Levi. He is staring at me. Eyes cold, full of what I assume is confusion and distaste, to have found his best student alone and crying like a blubbering baby, in the woods of all places.
"Why are you crying, Ackerman?" concern and annoyance heavily lined his words.
This is just what I needed; I think to myself sarcastically. To have Captain Levi of all people to find me this way, a sniveling mess.
"Sir, I am sorry. It's nothing." I said as I wiped my eyes and nose, trying to compose myself. How embarrassing! I inwardly beat myself for not checking my surroundings before breaking down like that. I need to get out of here. I'll just stand up and smile, joking this away. Maybe I'll just blame it on stress...
"I will get back to my duties, sir," I said as I brushed his hand away from my shoulder and straightened up to stand, brushing the dirt and grass from my knees. Taking a deep breath, I turned to leave when his deep voice stopped me in my tracks.
"I asked you a question, Ackerman. Answer me."
Leave me alone! I silently plead. "Sir, it is nothing. Just stress, Captain," I lie.
"If it was nothing I wouldn't find you here crying like a pitiful baby. Now tell me. That is an order!"
What the fuck did he just say? I turned my eyes, narrowed at him with hatred pulsing through my body. How dare he talk to me that way? He was my superior, yes. But to demand that I answer a question I clearly wanted to avoid. Could he even do that?
"Sir..." I began trying to control the anger in my voice, but he cut me off.
"It's the Yeager boy, isn't it?"
His reply shocked me. How did he know? The answer is clear, though; everyone must know. I had succeeded in hiding nothing. I let my shoulders fall a little then. My gaze fell on the ground, hiding my swelling tears. "Sir..." I began again but my words failed me.
He moved closer, reaching for me. I didn't even try to move, eyes locked on the ground. I soon felt his hand on my shoulder again. I could feel his presence so close. I almost wanted to throw myself in his arms. I wanted some comfort so bad; I wanted to cry. I was feeling so hurt. But was I hurt enough to want comfort from this man in front of me? A man I hardly knew, my superior officer, Levi a man of such talent, authority, and power. Would he even care, I questioned myself. Would he ever try to console me?
"You are a fool!"
I jerked my head up, shocked. What did he say? I stared at him, confused as if I hadn't heard him right. His eyes cold and hard, he smirked.
"Why do you waste your time on love?" Levi asked me. "You are so young. You have so much promise. Do not waste it on Yeager. If you do,that will leave you being nothing but a stupid girl."
STUPID GIRL! That motherfucker! He had no right to talk to me like that. He knew nothing!
With my fists clenched to my side, I shrugged out of his grasp. With anger, I had never felt before I pulled my arm back and swung my fist at him before I had could think better of my actions. I will show him, was all I could think.
He was fast though and next thing I knew I felt him behind me. His arm was around my throat applying enough pressure not to choke me but to keep me in my place. His mouth was at my ear. He growled in his harsh voice, "Do not do that again! Do you understand me?"
I could feel his warm breath on my neck; it sent shivers down my body.
"I can teach you things, Mikasa," he continues. "I can take your pain away. You don't need love, you unruly brat,you need discipline."
I tensed as I felt his other arm wrap around my waist, pulling my body closer to him. His body felt so warm and firm, pressing against mine. What is he doing?
Confused, I wanted to fight him, but something inside me was curious as to what he meant. Could he take my pain away? How? What did he mean, discipline? His breath was at my ear, and I felt a sudden warmth spread through my stomach as he nipped my ear with his teeth. I tried then to pull free. But he was stronger, overpowering me and holding me closer. His breath was hot as he began to breathe soft kisses down my neck. Slow, torturous kisses. He lets his wet tongue glide down upon my salty skin. He then released a heavy sigh and a groan. I let my eyes close, and I shuddered as I felt him harden against me, his body a mass of lean muscle. I can smell him. He filled my senses. It feels wrong, forbidden even. But something inside me that I never knew was there had sparked. His kisses made me squirm. It tickled when he nibbled my neck. The warmth spreading through my body begins to lower down to my sex.
I had never been held this way. I had never been kissed there. My breath shallow. My heart was racing inside my chest. I felt like I was on fire. His arm around my neck slacked as he began to trail his fingertips down across my collar bone. He then continued to let them dip lower to caress my sensitive breasts. I watched him, dazed. I didn't know if I was ready for this.
It is when his hand begins to disappear into my shirt that I realize without a doubt; I am not ready. "No!" I said in a shaky voice I could not at the time recognize as my own. This was wrong. My eyes shot wide open as the realization hit. This had to stop.
"Let me go!" I pleaded
I began wiggling free from his grasp. My breathing was heavy. I straightened up and squared my shoulders to face him.
"Sir, why are you doing this?" I asked.
Shrugging and acting as if nothing has just happened, he grinned, shifting to leave. He gave me one last look, certain darkness in his eyes.He replied nonchalantly.
"Because I can."
And with that, he left me alone with all my turmoil, my pain, my questions. I was confused, wanting more and hating him at the same time. I gathered what little strength I had left and made my way through the now pitch black woods. I felt grateful to the full moon's light guiding my way back to a pebbled path that would lead me toward my cabin. The same pebbled path would lead me back to the warm, safe reprieve that was my room. As I drew nearer to my cabin, I was relieved that no one stopped me along my way to talk or to inquire about why I hadn't been at dinner.
Out of that whole miserable day, at least, there was that one bit of relief. I now lay here, in my soft bed, restlessly tossing and turning, thinking about Eren and my unrequited feelings toward him. Thinking about Levi and the things he made me feel and what he said. I recall the things he had done. Appalled and curious at the same time, my body craving more. I want to find out what he meant.
I reach up and touch my neck, wanting to feel his hot kisses there again. I begin to wonder what his lips would feel like on mine.
Shaking my head, I Wait! No, don't think of that, ugh! What is happening to me? Not even six hours ago, I was torn up about Eren, and now here I am thinking about what my Captain's lips would feel like on my own? God! I am so confused.
I turn and bury my head in my pillow, exhausted. I try one last time to push these thoughts out my head and sleep.
Just breathe in and out, clear my mind, keep breathing, Mikasa. You can do this; I coax myself. And after what seems like an eternity, sleep finally finds me and covers me in her sweet embrace where I am at peace at least for a few hours.