AN: I should be working on something else (an ongoing story, that essay I have to do if I want to go to college next year, etc.), but I'm writing this instead because I'm on a plane heading for Texas and my uterus is being an enormous bitch. Don't have your period on an airplane, children, it's absolutely horrible. Anyway, this is for my friend Sasha, who has helped me improve my writing in many areas. And by 'many' I mean 'one', but it was one that sorely needed improving. This is for you, dude.
Title: Dealing With the Monthlies
Summary: Kaiba and Yuugi aren't dating. Really. They're not. Yuugi's only over there so often because Kaiba wants to Duel. They only slept together a couple times. Okay, maybe a lot more than, that but they aren't a couple! Too bad Anzu isn't buying it. (In which Yuugi suffers and Anzu forces Kaiba to be a better not-boyfriend)
Genre: Humor/Romance (for a… given definition of those words)
Characters: Kaiba Seto, Mutou Yuugi, Mazaki Anzu, Kaiba Mokuba Thief King Bakura
Pairings: Rivalshipping (Kaiba x Yuugi), implied Slateshipping (TKB x Anzu) (leave me alone I need this)
Warnings: Trans male character (Yuugi), not-straight people (everyone), a complete and total loser (Kaiba), and the Ultimate Mom Friend™ (Anzu)
To say that Kaiba Seto had not expected to awaken to his longtime rival Mutou Yuugi curled up on the bed and moaning in pain would be like saying that Mokuba had "kind of guessed" that his elder brother was interested in men. Seto's coming-out party had been less of a party than a morning greeting. If Seto remembered correctly, it had gone something like this:
"Mokuba, I'm gay."
"Yeah, no shit, bro. Pass the syrup."
Not that Seto had thought that Mokuba would reject him, but still.
So yes, Kaiba Seto was surprised to see his rival (and NOT boyfriend, so shut up, Jounouchi) curled up on the bed and moaning in pain. There was no visible wound, so Kaiba did what anyone who was connected to Yuugi did when something happened – he called Anzu.
"Kaiba, it's four in the morning," Anzu complained. "This better be important."
"Is Yuugi dying?" Kaiba asked, ignoring her entirely. "He's clutching his stomach and moaning a lot. I tried to ask him about it, but he just said 'get a knife and end it', which I felt probably wasn't the best solution." Anzu was silent for a moment.
"Kaiba Seto, you are a twenty-seven year old genius billionaire," the dancer said flatly. "Is this really something you need my help with?" Seto didn't replied, and Anzu sighed. "He's on his period, you nerd," she grumbled. "Just– be a good boyfriend and get him what he needs."
"Not his boyfriend," Kaiba objected.
"Yes you are, shut up," Anzu snapped. Kaiba heard something in the background that sounded like laughter. "You shut up too, Bakura, you're just as useless when I'm on the rag." The laughter stopped abruptly, disintegrating into grumbles. Kaiba wondered for what was not the first and would most certainly not be the last time why on earth Anzu had volunteered to let the Ancient Egyptian stay with her. He'd heard something about arm wrestling and well-earned respect, but it still didn't make much sense to him.
"What exactly does he need?" Kaiba asked. "Tampons, right?"
"Ugh, no," he could almost hear Anzu wrinkling her nose. "Yuugi hates those things, and for a good reason. He needs pads. Go into the bathroom; I'm sure he's got a stash in there somewhere."
"Which bathroom?"
"Which one does he usually use?"
"The one attached to my bedroom."
"Then try that one." Kaiba found the package of pads fairly quickly, wondering how he'd never noticed it before.
"Got it. Anything else?"
"Probably some sort of painkiller," Anzu mused. "Got any ibuprofen?"
"Of course I do," Seto snapped. "Have you met the idiots I have to deal with on a daily basis?"
"No, but I have met you," Anzu shot back. "I imagine you have to take several aspirin a day just to tolerate yourself." Kaiba scowled, but didn't get the chance to form a retort. "Also, get some chocolate. Chocolate makes everything better. It doesn't have to be fancy rich person chocolate; just about anything will do."
"Chocolate, pads, and painkillers," Kaiba recited. "Is that everything?"
"Just about," Anzu confirmed. "Also, whatever you do, do not challenge him to a Duel today. Last time he Dueled you during his period, he came home crying because he thought he'd hurt your feelings. And then he hugged Bakura. I had to threaten him with a violent and painful death to make sure he didn't try to push Yuugi away. Do you know how hard it is to threaten someone with a violent and painful death if with nothing but eye contact? It's not easy, I'll tell you that." Now Kaiba was wondering why Bakura agreed to stay with her. It didn't sound particularly safe.
"Any other suggestions and or death threats?" Kaiba asked. He was only being semi-sarcastic.
"He might wanna make out a little," Anzu teased, snickering. "Possibly a lot. Give him lots of smooches."
"For the eightieth time, Mazaki, we aren't dating!" Kaiba snapped his cell phone shut before she had a chance to argue, and turned to face Yuugi, who was giggling.
"Kaiba, we're pretty much dating," he said, grinning. "You know you loooooove me. Anzu's right; I want smooches. Also, can you carry me to the bathroom?"
"I don't think periods take away your ability to walk," Kaiba grumbled as he picked up his rival. "And we aren't dating."
"Are too."
"Are not."
"Are too."
"Are not."
"Are t–" Yuugi was cut off as Kaiba pressed their lips together.
"No, we're not. Shut up." He carefully set Yuugi down outside the bathroom. "I'm going to have Isono bring some chocolate. Go… take care of that." Yuugi laughed.
"You can just say 'don't bleed all over my expensive marble bathroom floor'," he said, amused. Kaiba snorted, snatching up his phone.
"Don't bleed all over my expensive marble floor," he repeated. "If possible, don't bleed on anything."
"Wish that was possible," he heard Yuugi mumble. And then– "Thanks, Seto."
"Whatever," he replied immediately, with no hesitation or waver in his voice. He wasn't blushing. They weren't dating. Yuugi was only here because Kaiba wanted to beat him. And sometimes that led to sex, but they weren't dating. Really. They were just… rivals with benefits. Is that even a thing? Kaiba wondered. Well, it is now. And sure, sometimes Kaiba started thinking about Yuugi and couldn't stop, and sometimes they went out to dinner before or after Dueling, and sometimes Yuugi could persuade him to eat lunch with his friends (usually Anzu and the Egyptian Bakura, the latter of whom was fun to argue with, but it wasn't a double date), and maybe sometimes he wanted Yuugi to sit on his lap and kiss him while he worked, but that didn't mean–
Kaiba dropped his phone. He sprinted down the hall, flinging open the door to his younger brother's room.
"Mokuba!" he hissed as loudly as he dared. "I think I'm dating Yuugi!" Mokuba looked at him and sighed, wondering why he was cursed with such a dumb brother.
"Yes, Seto. Yes you are."
AN: I am… surprisingly proud of this, actually. It was fun. XD Not as much Yuugi as I would've liked, but hey. Also, fun fact – this is the closest TKB has come to actually showing up in one of my fanfics so far. Even though he's pretty much my favorite character. I almost never write him. What the hell, me? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the story, and please tell me what you thought! Thanks~ Kitty out.