* * The beginning of this chapter has some spoilers from Gossip Girl episode 2.25 (season 2) * *
Chapter One
Three words, eight letters, eight syllables. He had finally said it. Chuck Bass, the womanizer with a heart so fragile who had drank his way into adulthood had finally said those three precious words to Blair.
* * *
Blair stood surprised as he handed her the second gift he was holding. Although she was smiling on the inside, knowing now that he had gone to Europe because of her, her insecurities of how he felt resurfaced once more.
"What are you doing here then?" she asked almost harshly.
His smile disappeared followed by a genuine seriousness that she had become accustomed to.
"You were right," he began quietly. "I was a coward running away again. But everywhere I went, you caught up with me. So I had to come back."
She looked deep into his eyes for a moment before looking down at the presents she held in her hands.
"I want to believe you," she started to say and looked up to see a hopeful look on his face. "But you've hurt me too many times."
"You can believe me this time," he said softly, the hurt in his eyes mirroring her own.
She stared into his eyes once more before letting out a sigh.
"That's it?" she asked, holding back the tears she knew were about to appear.
His face relaxed and his expression grew softer, giving Blair an ounce of hope as to what he might say. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, he finally smiled.
"I love you too," he stated.
Blair let out a shaky breath she had been holding and burst into a happy smile. Tossing her arms around his neck, she pulled him towards her and crushed her lips onto his. The kiss wasn't greedy, sloppy or short like she had experienced with Nate and Lord Marcus. It had the right amount of passion, softness and love behind it that made her toes curl and the hairs on her skin stand straight. It was perfect.
"Like, can you say it again?" she asked, pulling away slightly to look into his eyes.
He gave her a genuine, happy smile before they both chuckled and leaned in to kiss once more.
"I'm serious, say it again," she said with another laugh as he tightened his arms around her small frame.
"I love you, I love you," he mumbled between kisses. "That's three. Four: I love you."
They continued kissing in the middle of the sidewalk, oblivious to the stares of the people passing them by.
* * *
Blair had felt a giant weight lifted off of her heart the moment those words escaped his lips. It was as if all of the lies, betrayal and pain they had caused one another were now nothing more than a fleeting memory.
Blair Waldorf had spent the better part of her adolescence chasing after her then boyfriend Nate Archibald. To Blair, Nate was what every boy should be: good-looking and well-mannered with a respectable family name. With a version of her personal fairytale concocted in her mind, she tried desperately hard to hold onto him. It didn't matter how many times he had hurt her, she would always ignore his faults because she loved him, or so she thought.
Things changed when her best friend Serena returned from a six month exile to reveal that she and Nate had slept together before her disappearance. Desperate to hold onto her fairytale, she forgave Nate almost immediately. But things were far from okay and Blair finally found the courage to do what she should have done long ago. On the eve of Victrola's opening, a burlesque club Chuck had bought, two very important things had happened. First, she had broken up with Nate and second, instead of going to Serena for comfort, she had gone to Chuck.
Although he had offered to listen to her problems, something Chuck Bass never did, she had simply wanted to find an escape. Shedding her clothes with nothing but her satin negligee left, Blair stepped onto the stage and had given the crowd a seductive dance. Thinking back on that night, Blair realized that she had never felt freer or more wanted up until that point in her life. The way Chuck's dark eyes followed her every move like a hawk should have made her run for the exit, but she rather enjoyed the attention he was giving her.
That's when everything changed. As Chuck drove Blair home in his limo, she had leaned over to kiss him. Even today, she's not sure why she did what she did, but a part of her ached for someone to hold her that night, even if it was her ex-boyfriend's best friend. In a voice so soft and so unlike the Chuck she knew, he had asked her if she was sure. Not giving her mind a moment to think twice, Blair had leaned in and kissed him again. Losing her virginity to Chuck in the back of his limo, although not very classy, had ultimately been the best decision Blair had ever made.
Their affair continued for a bit until her cotillion. Blair had known by then that he had developed real feelings for her and was afraid because she had begun returning them. But everything went wrong that night in what remains a blur to Blair. She and Chuck had argued, he had ruined her cotillion and she had ended the night by sleeping with Nate. Although she had every right to be angry at Chuck, a part of her never forgave herself for sleeping with Nate that night. She had especially regretted it when Nate had later told her that Chuck had seen them going into the room together.
Nate had eventually uncovered the affair and had severed all ties with both of them. Having no where else to go when even her minions at school denied her, she went to Chuck only to have him turn away from her too. If Blair were being honest, the pain she felt when Nate walked away from her didn't compare to the emptiness she had felt when Chuck did.
After Serena's problems eventually brought the four friends back together, she and Chuck had begun being civil to one another once more. Then came Bart and Lily's wedding. Chuck had given a speech about true love and had gazed at Blair the entire time, stirring up the same butterflies and emotions in her as before.
Giving their relationship a second try, they spent an entire week surrounded by happy bliss. Chuck even invited her to Tuscany with him, but ended up bailing on her at the last minute, leaving her to go there humiliated and alone. The time she wasn't crying over him she had spent analyzing why he had left her. She often thought it was payback for hurting him months ago by getting back together with Nate. But as more time passed, her sadness faded away and was replaced by a solid hatred.
When she eventually returned to New York, she had brought back with her a consolation prize named Lord Marcus. He was boring and dull but caused just the right amount of jealousy from Chuck to make her feel a little satisfied. Even though she was still angry at him, she asked Chuck at the White Party what would become the first of many times to tell her those three precious words. She vowed to forgive him and take him back, but he never did. Even after the sham with Marcus ended when it was revealed that he had been sleeping with his step-mother on the side, the back and forth between Chuck and Blair continued. Both asked the other to say those words, but neither ever could. No amount of seduction or foreplay from either side proved to be successful.
But everything changed around Christmas when Bart Bass died. Chuck had holed himself up in his hotel suite with nothing but alcohol and prostitutes to take up his time, refusing help or consolation from anyone, including Blair. The funeral went terribly as Chuck picked a fight with Dan and Serena before berating Lily. His step-mother had tried to make him see that he still had people who cared for him, but he had replied that he had no family left. The moment he had uttered those words, Blair's heart had broken for him.
At the reception, he had gotten into another altercation with Lily before storming out of the penthouse suite. Blair had chased him down the street, stopping him before he had sped away in his limousine. In a desperate attempt to stop him from walking away, she finally said those three words. She had watched as his face softened at the words, but seconds later he tore his hand away from hers and left. Crushed by his denial of her feelings, she had vowed to never forgive him for humiliating and hurting her so much. But when Dorota revealed that Chuck was waiting in her bedroom that night as she celebrated her mother and Cyrus' wedding, she couldn't help but go to him. Her guard had been up and her demeanor was icy cold when she walked into her bedroom, seeing him sitting on the edge of her bed. But when he turned to her with tears streaming down his cheeks, looking utterly broken, she instantly forgave him for everything and took him into her arms. She caressed him and held him and let him cry, gently soothing away his pain before they fell asleep in her bed. But when she awoke hours later, she realized that she was alone in the darkness of her room and a note from Chuck asking her not to look for him as the only evidence that he had even been there.
The month that he had disappeared, Blair underwent a mixture of feelings from anger, to loathing, to love but above all worry. Her heart yearned for him despite the anger she felt. When his uncle Jack finally brought him back, Chuck was a complete mess. He drank and smoked constantly without a care while his eyes remained red and baggy from his many sleepless nights. She tried desperately to help him heal, but something had broken inside of him that Blair feared would never be fixed. Bart had been Chuck's only parent since his mother had died giving birth to him. As a single parent, Bart was nothing short of terrible while he had been alive. He had refused to get to know his only son and had preferred spending time with countless women and business associates; because of this, Chuck had grown to resent his father. But despite their many differences, Bart had been the only parent Chuck had ever known and losing him broke him into pieces. After Blair had managed to talk him down from the ledge of Victrola's roof, she felt as if she were finally getting through to him. But his downward spiral continued and she refused to sit back and watch him destroy himself any further.
They spent the next few weeks apart, neither so much as glancing at the other. When Blair lost Yale, she began her own personal downward spiral which included alcohol and Carter Baizen. Chuck started showing interest and care for her once more and Blair drunkenly decided to sleep with him, hoping everything would magically heal itself just like that first night in Victrola. But unlike then, Chuck pulled away from her, stating that the new 'party' Blair wasn't his Blair. His actions simply confused her more and she had walked away.
What followed during the next few weeks was Blair rekindling her relationship with Nate. But as much as she tried to move on with Nate and put the past behind her, Chuck refused to leave her mind and his name refused to leave her heart. She'd notice the hurt look on Chuck's face every time he'd see them together and as much as she wanted to run into his arms, she refused to do so unless he said those three precious words. But as the days slowly passed, Blair realized once and for all that Nate's Blair was the prim and proper one who cared more about her image in high class society and what others thought about her than anything else. She knew that she had changed over the past year, that Chuck had changed her and she refused to apologize for who she was. After that realization, she also found Nate to be almost as boring as Lord Marcus had been. There was no spark or passion between them like there had been and still was between her and Chuck. Making up her mind, she eventually broke things off with Nate during prom and tried rekindling her romance with Chuck after graduation.
But as luck went, Blair always had the worst as Gossip Girl revealed that Blair had slept with Jack on New Year's Eve. Blair expressed her love for Chuck repeatedly, but the revelation proved to be too much and Chuck walked away, breaking her heart once more. Blair hated him for not forgiving her and hated herself for what she had done, but all she could do was stand back and watch him walk out of her life yet again.
As Serena readied to travel for the summer and the two best friends bid farewell, Blair prepared herself for a lonely summer. But one week passed and suddenly there he was, standing next to his limousine, waiting for her. After months of pain, torture and betrayal, he finally uttered those three precious words to her and nothing else mattered. From that moment on, they had been practically inseparable. They made love several times a week, never growing tired of each other's presence or closeness.
Everything they had been through and all that they had experienced led to the present where Blair laid in Chuck's bed next to his sleeping form. They were facing each other in the dark room while his arm was draped lazily over her frame. She had never pegged him as the cuddling type but he had assured her that she was the only girl he had ever cuddled with, his words making Blair love him even more. Gazing at his peaceful face, she raised her free hand to his cheek and gently caressed his skin. He instinctively moved closer, causing her smile to widen in the dark. As she lifted her gaze from his lips to his closed eyes, she suddenly remembered how broken he had been when she comforted him the night of Bart's funeral. Then she remembered how lost and empty he had been for months after Bart's death. Glancing at the hand she had placed on his cheek, she realized that it had begun to shake.
Pulling her hand away, she stared at his quiet face once more. She loved him so much it hurt and the reality that he had almost killed himself several times only a few short months ago, whether through alcohol, drugs or jumping off the roof at Victrola hit her hard. Closing the distance between them, she snuggled as close as she could to his frame and he immediately wrapped his arms around her. Breathing in his scent and listening to the gentle sound of his heartbeat, she closed her eyes and let the bad memories fade away. They were together, they were in love and he was alive and safe in her arms. Everything would be okay.