On Letting Go

It had only been a momentary glance, yet it struck him harder than any physical blow he had ever received. It was a Saturday afternoon, likely the last pleasant one before the cold hit, and James Potter had made his way to the Three Broomsticks in order to enjoy a round of Butterbeers with his fellow Marauders. He had left early so that he could enjoy the nice weather, and therefore had arrived earlier than expected. He opened the door and smiled at the usual jingle that the bells above the jamb made, before his eyes caught a familiar head of red hair near a far wall in the room. Slowly, his smile faded as he took in the picture.

She was there with a Prefect in Ravenclaw who was a year younger than her; James had never bothered to learn his name, but he had certainly seen the fellow around. They were holding hands, and Lily was smiling so brightly. Her eyes twinkled with utter delight, and she seemed to be engrossed in something her date was saying. Yes, it was a date; that much was obvious.

Things could be worse. He was more than aware that things could be much worse, for it had only been a month ago when Lily had turned from disgusted with him to civil, and only a few weeks before when she had changed from civil to friendly. He figured it was the fact that they had to interact so often as Head Students, and perhaps because he had made such a momentous effort to become more gentlemanly. Whatever the reason, they were finally friends, and that was quite a feat in his eyes.

Lily caught his glance a few moments after he had entered the room, and a genial smile came to her face. This was a perfect example of the changes they had gone through. Not long ago, she would've scowled, or rolled her eyes, or avoided eye contact at any expense. But now he received flashing smiles and affable waves that made his stomach flip with adoration.

But then he was kissing her…Yes, not a moment after she had acknowledged James, the boy across from her leaned over the table and caught her in a kiss. Who knew whether the boy knew James was there and was trying to show off, or was actually fond of her, but it didn't really matter, did it? For Lily immediately forgot about James and closed her eyes, reaching up a hand to gently touch the boy's face.

Before they broke away, James heard the bells above the door ring once more, and the other three Marauders walked in. Their eyes focused immediately on the scene he was witnessing, and he felt Sirius touch his shoulder.

"Hey, mate…Let's go somewhere else."

He let himself be led out of the Three Broomsticks, trying to ignore the fact that Lily didn't seem to remember he was there anymore. He didn't listen as his friends tried to change the subject and cheer him up, nor did he pay attention to wherever they were leading him. He merely trudged along, caught up by the thoughts racing through his head.

So much of him wanted to storm back into the pub and pick a fight with whoever she was with. He wanted to blackmail this guy, publicly humiliate him, or spread some insane rumor around school to get Lily to hate him. He wanted to use his popularity to get the boy out of the picture so that he could swoop up and take his place. He couldn't force himself to, though, nor did he turn around in hopes of catching their figures in the window. He and Lily were friends, now, and he told himself constantly that he could settle for that. It was a vast leap from the hatred she once held for him, afterall. Furthermore, he knew that if he pushed the limits of their friendship and tried to force her into a relationship, all ties would be cut. He couldn't handle it if Lily didn't care about him anymore; that would mean an end to those smiles and an end to their meaningful conversation and would only revert them into their past state of being. Things would slide back into meaningless indifference, and that would be worse than anything.

She knew how he felt. He hoped she knew that his feelings for her would never go away, and that if she ever felt something, she could come back to him. And if she was happy with someone else, who was he to interfere? He wanted her to be happy, and although he wanted her to be happy with him, he would have to settle if that could never be. Despite this thought, he couldn't help but feel a numbness that he had seldom felt before. The image of her kissing another person had been heartbreaking, and he was thankful that she didn't get a chance to see the look of unreserved regret he knew his features held.

This was how it was going to be. This was going to be his new stasis. When it came down to it, somehow he knew that she would break his heart in the end, but no matter how hard he fought, it was something he could not change or control. He had to walk away while there was still hope of amiability between the two of them; he had to learn to erase the love he knew and let her go, once and for all.

I hope you enjoyed it, everyone! This was a story in response to The Heartbreak Challenge, where I had to write a story that ended in heartbreak and integrate this quote: "I've got to walk away while there's still hope. Learn to erase the love I know and let you go" from My Last Goodbye by Trading Yesterday. Thanks for reading, and drop me a review to let me know what you think.

Until next time,

Christine