This is my first published fanfiction. I have been wanting to publish this for a while. Please review and let me know what improvements I can make. I will be posting more chapters soon. Disclaimer: I sadly do not own NCIS-LA.
Stressed. There was so much on her plate at the moment. With planning the wedding and her ever growing caseload, she never seemed to get a break. Deeks tried to help and he did some, but he couldn't help take the pressure off of her. He was just so happy about everything and it made everything harder. Earlier she had asked which flowers he preferred when she couldn't decide and with a huge smile that melted her heart, he said that either one would be perfect. That feeling she got from his smile quickly disappeared as she became annoyed with him. Why couldn't he just help her choose?
Everything had to be perfect. They had been through so much together. This wedding was one thing Kensi wasn't going to let anyone screw up, especially herself. There was one thing stressing her out more than the wedding planning or all the paperwork from their recent cases though. It was this fear that kept creeping up on her. As the wedding date approached she got more anxious that her nightmares would come true. Sometimes it even made her sick to her stomach. She told herself it was irrational, but she still woke up terrified looking for him every night. She would feel his arms around her and instantly realize it was just a dream. Deeks wouldn't leave her. He loved her as much as she loved him. He had waited for her to be ready and, he hadn't left her side when she was in a coma. He was hers and she was his. Even though she knew this, she still had dreams of walking down the aisle and seeing him not standing there waiting for her. She knew he wouldn't abandon her, not willingly anyway. But if he-if he..., she couldn't bring herself to think the words. If he did, there was that three letter word again, and never come back to her she would fall apart. It had been so hard to let him in because the closer he was to her, the harder it would be for her not to have him near. Now she knew she couldn't live without him. She was strong, she was tuff, but that was the one thing that she knew she wouldn't be able to take. She knew he would die for her. He had said that he would many times before. She loved to know that he loved her that much, but she would rather be shot then have him take a bullet for her. Kensi laid in their bed for hours in his arms staring at the ceiling. All the while, willing herself to sleep and forget. When she closed her eyes though, it was like he was suddenly ripped away from her.
She snuggled closer to him. His level breathing calmed her as his scent engulfed her.
"I love you" she whispered to her sleeping fiancé, "more than you even know." As if in response to her words he hugged her closer to him, and then she slept. For the first time in a few weeks, she actually slept, even if it was only for a little while.
He had noticed a difference in her behavior recently. She'd been snappy with everyone. It seemed like all of her emotions were on high alert. Now that he thought about it, it had been at least a month since he'd seen her relaxed and happy. She still laughed at his jokes, but her smile seemed to be hiding something. He knew he was the only one, besides Hetty, who noticed that there was something wrong. He knew her so well it was like she was a part of him. He knew something was bothering her, but he didn't know what it was. He wished she would talk to him. It had always been difficult for her to talk to him but, she'd gotten better. She did purpose to him the last time after all. Then a terrible theory popped into his head. He tried to shake it off, but couldn't. Was she having doubts? Was she scared and starting to push him away? She knew he would never leave her, but he also knew that deep down she always feared that, just like the other men in her life, he would disappear. He promised that he wouldn't ever leave her. Could she be regretting the proposal? Was it in the heat of the moment? Was it that she didn't want to lose him like Sam lost Michelle? A ring would make it official. A ring would tell the world they belonged to each other. Was having doubts the reason why she was so stressed?
She hadn't been sleeping well lately. Was he doing this to her? Last night she had woken him up. She had been tossing and turning in his arms when he gently shook her awake. When she woke up he pretended to be asleep. The only time he had questioned her about her nightmares she had shut him down. She even slept farther away from him that night.
She woke with a start after he shook her. She reached out and pulled his arm tighter around her. Then she had turned and buried her face in his chest. Then she had cried. It startled him when he felt her tears dampen his t-shirt. She hadn't cried like this in so long. It seemed as if she had no control of her emotions.
That night he had been holding her in his arms, hoping she wasn't having doubts when he heard her whisper, "I love you, more than you even know." He knew she thought he was asleep so all he did was pull her closer to him. "No," he told himself "Having doubts, wasn't it." Something was definitely bothering Kensi Blye and he was determined to find out what.