not mine, no profit garnered. Title and opening quote from Juliet Howard's Ghazal: what love takes. Thanks to A for beta help!
As I wake from the dream, your tears fall from my eyes and I ask myself:
J why do you complicate love? Why can't you just take it?
"To review," Audrey said. "To sum up, your current boyfriend has been your boyfriend since you were 15. This is exciting, I didn't know people like you existed."
"Thanks," Joey said. "He's been my boyfriend off and on and off and then on again. We were doing this stupid science experiment which he completely messed up and let our boat drift away and we both had to wade through the creek -"
"You waded through a creek? I can not believe I have a roommate who just naturally strings those words together," Audrey said, smiling.
"Anyway, he kissed me at the end of night and at first I was disgusted and repulsed, but then I gave it a second thought, you know? I reconsidered," Joey said. "So then we were dating but I got a scholarship to study in Paris for six months, so we talked about being long-distance. But after two months, I couldn't take it, I was definitely overthinking it, so I dumped him in a letter. In my defense, calling from France didn't seem like a great idea."
"Your first break up," Audrey said, very seriously. Joey was a little worried about how enthralled Audrey was in her love life.
"When I got back from Paris, he was already dating Andie. But then she cheated on him so -"
"Free to get back together with you," Audrey said.
"No, I was already dating Dawson, the guy I thought I was in love with back when Pacey first kissed me. But I wasn't. Which was glaringly obvious as soon as we started dating. But I was convinced we were meant for each other, and it took me a while to, uh, disengage," Joey said.
"Was Lacey dating someone else?"
"Pacey, why would a boy be named Lacey?"
"Why would a boy be named Pacey?" Audrey waved her hand. "Okay, so you broke up with Bronson and now you could get with Pacey which I assume you did. Wait, when in here did you have sex?"
"We haven't reached the part where I had sex. Like I said, *Dawson* and I broke up badly and it took forever and he and Pacey were best friends so they were kind of like bonding about how I broke their hearts." Joey said. "We were all friends despite the fact that both of them were mad at me, but I didn't think I'd get back together with Pacey."
"And you still hadn't had sex? Weren't you 16 or something? Oh my God, are you still a virgin?"
"No," Joey said, squirming a little. "I'm not, but not everyone jumps into bed at 15."
"So when did you get back together with Pacey?"
"February," Joey said, back to smiling. "I painted a mural for high school, it was vandalized, Pacey beat up the guy who did it. Then everyone in town was trying to get our principal fired for actually suspending the guy -"
"Pacey or the mural vandal? I am so in love with this story," Audrey said.
"The mural vandal," Joey said. "Anyway, we got back together then. We've had, like, two big arguments that were maybe break ups but we made up incidents since then, but basically we've been together since then."
"So when did you two finally do it?" Audrey sat on her bed with her legs crossed.
"Um, in April," Joey said. She was pretty sure she was blushing.
Audrey looked at her and looked at her and then looked at her again. "Why does that make you blush?"
"It was his birthday," Joey said.
"You gave him your virginity for his birthday? Was he a virgin, too?"
"No," Joey said.
"He did it with that cheating ho Allie, didn't he?" Audrey was nearly bouncing in her seat.
"Yes, he and Andie had sex but he'd had sex before that, too," Joey said. "It was only my first time."
"That's the way to go, though. If you're both having your first time at the same time, the sex is always really bad," Audrey said.
"Are you speaking from experience? Now that I've told you the whole story of my romantic life, I think I deserve some of yours."
"Yes, I am," Audrey said. "It was a mistake, but I was 15 and I thought I loved him. And then after we broke up and started having sex with other people, it was like, what in hell was I thinking? If I wanted the experience to be good, I should have found someone who knew a little bit about what they were doing. Did you have an orgasm the first time?"
"You're very forward," Joey said. But then she remembered she was trying to be bold, and spread her wings. She said, "Yes, actually."
"I didn't come the first 6 times I had sex," Audrey said. "I did not have Tracy to make it good."
"Pacey," Joey said. "When he comes here, it's Pacey. And please don't mention I told you all of this."
"Pacey Pacey Pacey," Audrey said. "Got it. When is he coming here?" Audrey turned her head left and right, like Pacey was at the door.
"He's going to Wesleyan," Joey said proudly. "It's incredibly competitive, like Worthington. Although Worthington is a notch above it in the usual college listings, it's still really tough to get in," Joey said.
"You kinda sound like his mother now," Audrey said.
"You've never met Pacey's mother, clearly," Joey said. "I am proud of him. He worked really hard to get the grades he needed to get in there. When we were sophomores, we were doing that science extra credit because Pacey got a 32."
"I've gotten a 32," Audrey said. "Out of 100. But my parents have boatloads of money."
"That's great," Joey said weakly.
"You're totally judging me now, aren't you? Sorry I got in on money and you got in on merit," Audrey said standing up. "I'm not a hard worker like you and Pacey Pacey Pacey."
"I'm not judging," Joey said. She sighed. "I am judging, but I shouldn't."
"No, you shouldn't." Audrey sat back down, smiling. "How far away is Wesleyan? It's in a whole other state, right?"
"This isn't California, a whole other state is only 2 hours away. And he has a car, so he can drive up here whenever," Joey said.
"But he won't because you two are very serious studying people who study, right?"
"You know we did have some pretty fun times in high school, it wasn't all studying," Joey said.
"I know, one time you painted a mural," Audrey said.
"Right now we're planning for him to drive here every 2 weeks, so not this weekend but next weekend. And we have email and phone calls," Joey said.
"But you dumped him last time you guys had a long distance relationship, what if that happens again? He should have applied to Worthington," Audrey said. "Did he? Did he not get in?"
"He didn't apply to Worthington, we intentionally applied to different schools," Joey said. "Also, we'll be fine. I'm not 15 and we've been dating for a lot longer than two months."
"But, like, how are you going to go 2 weeks without sex?"
"Audrey," Joey said. "I'll be fine."
"You brought a lot of vibrators and you made sex tapes, I get it," Audrey said.
"Oh my God, neither of those things are true," Joey said.
"Phone sex," Audrey said, nodding. "Okay, just not when I'm in the room, okay? Or go to the bathroom and do it in the tub, I'll put on my headphones so I can't hear you. Unless you're really good at phone sex, in which case? I would like some tips. Though I'm planning to mostly have in person sex."
"Good plan," Joey said. She was definitely not thinking about the "practice" phone sex she and Pacey had had all summer because, according to Pacey, "preparation and practice is incredibly important."
"Wow, you blush a lot," Audrey said. "Can I listen in on tonight's phone sex? Just to see if you're any good?"
"No, you can't, and he's not calling me until tomorrow morning. You know, give us time to acclimate with our new school," Joey said.
"You're not really acclimating," Audrey said. "You just spent five hours telling me about your boyfriend."
"It wasn't five hours and you asked," Joey said, laughing. "Do you want to see a picture?"
"Yes," Audrey said and was quickly sitting right next to Joey on Joey's bed. "Let me see Pacey Pacey Pacey. Do you have obscene polaroids?"
"No," Joey said quickly.
"Oh my God, you do, that is awesome. I want to see the obscene pictures, I want to see little Pacey. Is it not little? Wait, you wouldn't even know, how many penises have you even seen?"
"Just because I didn't have sex before Pacey doesn't mean I didn't, you know, fool around. In Paris, and with Dawson. So I've seen four penises, so I can judge but I will not be answering the little, not little question or showing any hypothetical naked pictures." Joey reached into her bag and pulled out some of the pictures she and Dawson had taken over the summer. "Here, that's Pacey. He's in his bathing suit which is the most skin you will get to see."
"Until I walk in next weekend and you two are fucking on your bed," Audrey said. She squinted at the picture. "Okay, he's surprisingly cute. Nice legs." Audrey squinted at the picture again. "Also, I can tell from this picture he is not little, so good for you, Joey. Good for you. I'm going to warn you now, when you two break up, you will be disappointed by the average guy."
"We're not going to break up," Joey said, taking the picture back.
Audrey looked through the other pictures and then suddenly dived for Joey's bag. "I want the naked ones," Audrey said.
"Hypothetical, there aren't any," Joey said, grabbing at her bag. Audrey was fast, though. She was back sitting on her bed, rooting through the bag.
Audrey said, "A HA," and Joey covered her face with her hands. "Wow," Audrey said. "Is there only these two? I am definitely making sure to walk in on you two fucking."
"Please don't," Joey said. "Put the pictures back, please, Audrey."
"Of course," Audrey said. "I looked, I'm done. Though those are some great pictures. Does he have some of you?"
"Only two," Joey said. "I hope his roommate is less obnoxious than mine."
"It's boys, Joey, he probably has them pinned to his door," Audrey said.
"Not Pacey," Joey said.
"Okay, I accept you believe that," Audrey said. "Don't worry, I'm sure he's a complete gentleman."
"He is," Joey said.
!
"I think the worst part of graduating college is going to be having to live with someone else, someone not you," Audrey said. "Four years with you as my roommate, how will I adapt?"
"You'll be fine," Joey said. "I will miss you so much." She hugged Audrey tight.
"I'm going to miss all your studying and drama and I am really going to miss getting to see Pacey walking around in his underwear. I feel really disappointed with myself that I never managed to walk in on you two when you were having sex," Audrey said.
Joey rolled her eyes and went back to packing. "Well, there was that time when we'd broken up and you walked in on me having sex with Charlie."
"And that other guy and that other guy, you were kind of slut during your dark sad times after the break up. Before the make up," Audrey said.
"I had sex with four guys over the course of six months. Okay, that is kind of slutty. Pacey racked up a lot more notches on his bedpost than I did," Joey said.
"At least now you can marry the guy knowing he isn't the only person you ever had sex with," Audrey said.
"We're not engaged, Audrey," Joey said. But she was smiling as she put more clothes in her bag. She was pretty sure they would be soon.
"Not yet," Audrey said. "But if I'm not at least a bridesmaid at the wedding to make up for all of it, I will be so pissed."
"All of what? And of course you'll be bridesmaid, if we get married, I mean."
"You guys have basically been dating since you were 15 with a few interruptions, you're getting married. And by all of it, I mean I held your hand when you were sad over the breakup, I held your hair when you were puking from drinking too much, and I still never walked in on you having sex with his manly hot self," Audrey said.
Joey shook her head, laughing again. "Yeah, that last one is a real tragedy."
"It is to me, bunny," Audrey said. "It is to me."